Childfree by Choice #2

[PinkMariner]

. The more I look into it, the more I find that many situations are like this, the woman runs herself ragged doing nearly everything.

In the early days of our relationship, my now-husbands lack of assistance when we babysat for family is something that helped nail the door shut to my womb. I was already pretty sure of my feelings on being child-free, but this cemented it.
A few times we had little ones overnight and I would wind up absolutely exhausted having run around like a head whilst nothing about his day or night changed.

 

[Zenchick101]

In the early days of our relationship, my now-husbands lack of assistance when we babysat for family is something that helped nail the door shut to my womb. I was already pretty sure of my feelings on being child-free, but this cemented it.
A few times we had little ones overnight and I would wind up absolutely exhausted having run around like a head whilst nothing about his day or night changed.

exactly, and I find that many mums live like this.

 

[mcfeez]

I can't help but wonder how many kids were born just because women have been made to feel that that they NEED to have a child for so long? Like they never actually wanted a child, it was just randomly pushed on them as 'the done thing' for their whole lives

Oh a lot for definite, sadly. I know a lot of people who like the ceremony of it all - announcing your pregnancy, the events, having the baby; those are the things they talk about excitedly when the topic of having babies comes up. Its the "next big step" isn't it? But then you also have to dedicate a lot of your time to actually raising it which has a lot less "excitement"!

 

[Traveler001]

What is your funniest/most wtf thing that's been said to you because your childfree? I just remembered this one from years ago when adding batteries to my shopping list, especially because I'm doing in December which will become relevant!

I was at work and someone said something about being an idiot because they'd been upstairs and forgotten the stuff they went up for and was going to have to all the way back up 4 flights of stairs. I commiserated saying I had been shopping the night before and forgotten batteries and would have to go out in the cold at lunch time to get them. The way she looked at me...she just glared for what felt like ages and then suddenly went off like a Firework about what a nasty, selfish brat I am ruining children's Christmases.

From what I could gather from her maniacal rantings was that people without children should not buy batteries too often and not at all in December because children would need them for their toys...

 

[mcfeez]

What is your funniest/most wtf thing that's been said to you because your childfree? I just remembered this one from years ago when adding batteries to my shopping list, especially because I'm doing in December which will become relevant!

I was at work and someone said something about being an idiot because they'd been upstairs and forgotten the stuff they went up for and was going to have to all the way back up 4 flights of stairs. I commiserated saying I had been shopping the night before and forgotten batteries and would have to go out in the cold at lunch time to get them. The way she looked at me...she just glared for what felt like ages and then suddenly went off like a Firework about what a nasty, selfish brat I am ruining children's Christmases.

From what I could gather from her maniacal rantings was that people without children should not buy batteries too often and not at all in December because children would need them for their toys...

Its probably not the stupidest but the first that springs to mind.

"Why did you bother getting married?" - to my husband and I.

 

[Traveler001]

Its probably not the stupidest but the first that springs to mind.

"Why did you bother getting married?" - to my husband and I.

I've heard that happens to CF people a lot! As if marriage is just about having children

 

[judgejohndeed]

What is your funniest/most wtf thing that's been said to you because your childfree?

A grumpy client once said to me 'I used to wear all that make up and heels too before I had kids.' Not really sure at all why having a child would mean I couldn't wear heels to work - my colleagues who are mothers wear heels - but there you go.

 

[Anne1448]

Frankly my own loser dad has several kids, and is shocked me and my older sister aren't really too keen on the idea of having kids. Truth is, his friends don't see him as the (basically) deadbeat he is, because a) he always spins a narrative that makes him look good, always doing damage control when we'd lose it and let it slip how much we despise him. b) he's ALWAYS found a way to pawn off any childcare to someone else while he goes off and does works(or not) on his laptop or fucks off for work or fun somewhere, and he's there for some meals and the occasional movie. But this is all behind closed doors of course. The more I look into it, the more I find that many situations are like this, the woman runs herself ragged doing nearly everything.

This is the story of many households. Then they wonder why women are almost always the first one to ask for a divorce.

When you have to be the doctor, cook, nanny, maid and therapist there is so much you can take before slowly hating your partner.

I am lucky to be bisexual so when men pull their bullshit I'm out. But I really empathise with straight women who are consistently taught that they should bend over backwards for men who couldn't care less about them.

 

[Traveler001]

A grumpy client once said to me 'I used to wear all that make up and heels too before I had kids.' Not really sure at all why having a child would mean I couldn't wear heels to work - my colleagues who are mothers wear heels - but there you go.

There's a subset of mothers who say you can't do anything once you have a child eg 'I haven't showered in three days I HAVE A CHILD'. On mumsnet one woman posted that she is a stay at home mum and doesn't go to the loo until her husband gets home from work...

 

[Shaunaftw]

In the early days of our relationship, my now-husbands lack of assistance when we babysat for family is something that helped nail the door shut to my womb. I was already pretty sure of my feelings on being child-free, but this cemented it.
A few times we had little ones overnight and I would wind up absolutely exhausted having run around like a head whilst nothing about his day or night changed.

My boyfriend is another reason I don't want children, he doesn't have the patience or effort for one. I'm in the position where neither of us have ever wanted children. But he didn't want a dog and he puts about 1% of the effort I do in to my pup so sometimes situations inderectly highlights things in other people you might not have seen before. It's fine with me though, my dog, I can train him how I want! I think it's a would be a bit different raising children .
But don't get me wrong, I know quite a few absolutely brilliant fathers out there and they deserve just as much credit as women for raising children sometimes alone. Unfortunately my own isn't one of them but I'm fortunate enough to have an amazing mother who raised four of us alone.

 

[hiya_hun]

Its probably not the stupidest but the first that springs to mind.

"Why did you bother getting married?" - to my husband and I.

My Dad has said he doesn’t see the point in people getting married if they don’t want kids!

Also that having kids is a ‘woman’s thing’ and he wouldn’t have been fussed if he’d never ended up having children. (Said to my Sister and I on Fathers Day when we took him out!)

 

[Zenchick101]

What is your funniest/most wtf thing that's been said to you because your childfree? I just remembered this one from years ago when adding batteries to my shopping list, especially because I'm doing in December which will become relevant!

I was at work and someone said something about being an idiot because they'd been upstairs and forgotten the stuff they went up for and was going to have to all the way back up 4 flights of stairs. I commiserated saying I had been shopping the night before and forgotten batteries and would have to go out in the cold at lunch time to get them. The way she looked at me...she just glared for what felt like ages and then suddenly went off like a Firework about what a nasty, selfish brat I am ruining children's Christmases.

From what I could gather from her maniacal rantings was that people without children should not buy batteries too often and not at all in December because children would need them for their toys...

This is the story of many households. Then they wonder why women are almost always the first one to ask for a divorce.

When you have to be the doctor, cook, nanny, maid and therapist there is so much you can take before slowly hating your partner.

I am lucky to be bisexual so when men pull their bullshit I'm out. But I really empathise with straight women who are consistently taught that they should bend over backwards for men who couldn't care less about them.

i'm praying to be a late stage bisexual,the state of most men these days smh

 

[mrsbucket]

What is your funniest/most wtf thing that's been said to you because your childfree?

I've not had anything too strange, however I remember someone once saying 'But wouldn't you love to have a miniature version of *husband's name* in your life?'

Firstly, absolutely not I love my husband but I don't want or need a smaller, needier, more ungrateful version of him walking around my house demanding all my attention.

Secondly, why is a miniature version of him meant to sway it for me? Not sure if I should be offended.

 

[Kim Mild]

I've not had anything too strange, however I remember someone once saying 'But wouldn't you love to have a miniature version of *husband's name* in your life?'

Firstly, absolutely not I love my husband but I don't want or need a smaller, needier, more ungrateful version of him walking around my house demanding all my attention.

Secondly, why is a miniature version of him meant to sway it for me? Not sure if I should be offended.

I have kids and a miniature version of my husband sounds terrible.

A miniature version of me sounds crap too.

 

[GirlOnTheTrain]

I have kids and a miniature version of my husband sounds terrible.

A miniature version of me sounds crap too.

Miniature versions of anyone sound like a plot for a horror film to me!

 

[ElectricDreams]

I've just had a christmas card from a friend who I haven't seen for a few years. She's got 2 kids and it became impossible to pin her down to a day we could meet because of all the kids hobbies and clubs. She's asking to meet up in the New Year... Trying to rearrange that should be fun! The kids are now two years older with even more hobbies and clubs to try and negotiate around and I know for a fact that whatever we do, the kids will also be there. I'll probably have to go to her house and I'll end up playing Barbies rather than catching up with my friend her kids are lovely but I would rather catch up without little ears listening!

 

[1001 others]

People always look at me oddly when I tell them I don't have children by choice.

I have had the, "Why did you bother to get married?" question more than once, along with "Don't you like children? YOU were one once!"

People are very quick to judge!

 

[Chandler Bing]

People always look at me oddly when I tell them I don't have children by choice.

I have had the, "Why did you bother to get married?" question more than once, along with "Don't you like children? YOU were one once!"

People are very quick to judge!

I get this too and I always say I hated kids when I was a kid so why would I like them now!

 

[katyazamo]

One of those weird days where I feel anxious I'm missing out by not wanting kids. I've never wanted kids, don't get me wrong. But I'm seeing aquaintances, who I know are in rocky relationships, suddenly ending up pregnant and everything's now fine and dandy. Same with people I thought were happy without kids, they're getting pregnant now too. It feels like I'm seeing more people hit 30 and be like tit, better have kids now. It feels strange, like they're going through the motions with it.

I know it's all in my head, like I say I know I don't want them. Someone mentioned earlier on the thread about who you'd give your inheritance to which is an interesting point as I don't really have anyone (small family, one older sibling) - maybe I'll just need to spend it all

 

[Falkor]

I get this too and I always say I hated kids when I was a kid so why would I like them now!

That's generally my response too. Along with I'd rather regret not having one than regret having one.