I don’t think hypergamy is bad at all, I think the way chidera projects it is wrong. There’s nothing wrong with marrying up / wanting someone to provide for you. Just how women take on most the emotional and household labour whilst seemingly tends to be a single parent household, it’s fine to be compensated with a partner who can provide in other ways so you don’t need to if that’s what one wants, it works out. It’s never ever balanced when it comes to women and I’m tired of the narrative of hearing people shout equality when there will never be equality for all ...I have to say, this idea of only dating rich men offends me hugely. It is the antithesis of feminism. It sends a message that instead of trying to fight against gender equality, trying to pull down the patriarchy and gain women their deserved equal pay and opportunities, just fall in line and find a well paid man to pay for your body and mind.
Do these girls (because that’s what they are) even understand how much women have fought to have the opportunity to go beyond finding a rich husband and have choice, and make money for themselves? Do they recognise how easy it is for men to take advantage of them with such a power imbalance in a relationship? Do they even realise how much they can be fucked over when their rich husband leaves them in the lurch? Even if she were to meet a great, rich guy who was totally devoted to her, does she understand the pressures and sacrifices that can come with that? Well-paid careers and successful businesses involve a lot more than just a 9-5pm. They take dedication, they can take everything from a person, and it can be extremely lonely for their partners. Does she realise that?
Honestly, it’s so friggin shallow and naive. All she wants is a lovely cushty life without effort, but it doesn’t work like that. I don’t think she even understands how wealth works, or how most well paid men behave.
I will say now that my partner is extremely well paid; probably the income level Chidera is looking for. Hilariously, I met him when we were both penniless students! He asked to buy me a drink but had no money left so I bought them - imagine Chidera’s reaction to that!Anyway, he has never taken me on a date to a boujie poser bar, he doesn’t drive a flashy car or wear an expensive watch, he just looks like a totally normal guy. She would probably assume he earns a 10th of what he does by looking at him, because she’s assuming that all well paid men (and women, I guess) live like celebrities or Instagram influencers. The only indication you would get of our finances (I haven’t done too shabbily either, although Covid killed my business
) is our house, and even then, it’s not like we live in a mansion, because that’s just not who we are.
I also think it’s actually hilarious she rejected that guy for wanting to go to the pub... does she even realise that many wealthy men will be on the lookout for women who only want their money, so will “test” them by taking them on lowkey, non-glam dates to see if they’re interested in the man and not the bank account?! I genuinely know a man with a LOT of family wealth who did this - hid his inherited wealth from his potential girlfriends because he wanted love and not an opportunist. Not all rich men want a transactional relationship.
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I have to say, this idea of only dating rich men offends me hugely. It is the antithesis of feminism. It sends a message that instead of trying to fight against gender equality, trying to pull down the patriarchy and gain women their deserved equal pay and opportunities, just fall in line and find a well paid man to pay for your body and mind.
Do these girls (because that’s what they are) even understand how much women have fought to have the opportunity to go beyond finding a rich husband and have choice, and make money for themselves? Do they recognise how easy it is for men to take advantage of them with such a power imbalance in a relationship? Do they even realise how much they can be fucked over when their rich husband leaves them in the lurch? Even if she were to meet a great, rich guy who was totally devoted to her, does she understand the pressures and sacrifices that can come with that? Well-paid careers and successful businesses involve a lot more than just a 9-5pm. They take dedication, they can take everything from a person, and it can be extremely lonely for their partners. Does she realise that?
Honestly, it’s so friggin shallow and naive. All she wants is a lovely cushty life without effort, but it doesn’t work like that. I don’t think she even understands how wealth works, or how most well paid men behave.
I will say now that my partner is extremely well paid; probably the income level Chidera is looking for. Hilariously, I met him when we were both penniless students! He asked to buy me a drink but had no money left so I bought them - imagine Chidera’s reaction to that!
And even this has all been done before, e.g. the wannabe WAGS hanging around at Brisingamen's in the 90s, and to say it's racist to be called a gold digger is also ridiculous when that is exactly what you are, no matter the colour of your skin, to only want to date rich men no matter who or what they are is gold digging! It's pathetic.
Same as you @Lanavalentine, my husband earns way more than me now but when we met I earned slightly more, but because we nurtured what we had within each other, we now lead a comfortable lifestyle (not rich but happy and don't struggle). Also, my Dad is a millionaire but he drives a white van and wears scruffy clothes and my mum cuts his hair. Money doesn't equal glamour.
Don’t you feel the same for men who only want women for their looks? Lol finances is a very important part in a relationship, there’s nothing wrong with marrying up. The way Chidera goes about it is silly. Who said it’s racist to be a gold digger? Never heard that lolAnd even this has all been done before, e.g. the wannabe WAGS hanging around at Brisingamen's in the 90s, and to say it's racist to be called a gold digger is also ridiculous when that is exactly what you are, no matter the colour of your skin, to only want to date rich men no matter who or what they are is gold digging! It's pathetic.
Same as you @Lanavalentine, my husband earns way more than me now but when we met I earned slightly more, but because we nurtured what we had within each other, we now lead a comfortable lifestyle (not rich but happy and don't struggle). Also, my Dad is a millionaire but he drives a white van and wears scruffy clothes and my mum cuts his hair. Money doesn't equal glamour.
I sensed that. I feel she skim read (busy woman with her own tit going on after all), could tell it was intense and her friend felt she was going through it so decided on a quick response and an agreement to chat later
Re the term Gold Digger being racist... I've seen it somewhere today, either here on on CE's rants, I can't remember now. I had never thought it as being a racist term before today because it can apply to any person of any race or gender. And in answer to your first question, yeah I do think marrying for looks or money is far more likely to end badly. I don't like this culture of being on the take from other people, it's really ugly. Give me a hug and a belly laugh over a diamond ring any day.
I did work experience for a man years ago who said to me that the first thing he though whenever he met a person is "What can they do for me?". I was 15 years old at the time and even then I thought, what a sorry and selfish way to exist.
The good thing is though @Lalisa_mb, we are allowed to have differing opinions on this and have adult discussions and no one is going to shut anyone down for it.
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Chidera is giving advice without lived experience so in your 20s it’s perfectly ok to date people for the hell of it and as money is so important to her, then it follows that she would value that in a relationship above everything. However, women like Caitlyn Moran have seen more relationships as they travel through life. Caitlyn said last year that she regrets that it’s the case, but the best advice for young straight women who want a relationship is to choose carefully.I have to say, this idea of only dating rich men offends me hugely. It is the antithesis of feminism. It sends a message that instead of trying to fight against gender equality, trying to pull down the patriarchy and gain women their deserved equal pay and opportunities, just fall in line and find a well paid man to pay for your body and mind.
Do these girls (because that’s what they are) even understand how much women have fought to have the opportunity to go beyond finding a rich husband and have choice, and make money for themselves? Do they recognise how easy it is for men to take advantage of them with such a power imbalance in a relationship? Do they even realise how much they can be fucked over when their rich husband leaves them in the lurch? Even if she were to meet a great, rich guy who was totally devoted to her, does she understand the pressures and sacrifices that can come with that? Well-paid careers and successful businesses involve a lot more than just a 9-5pm. They take dedication, they can take everything from a person, and it can be extremely lonely for their partners. Does she realise that?
Honestly, it’s so friggin shallow and naive. All she wants is a lovely cushty life without effort, but it doesn’t work like that. I don’t think she even understands how wealth works, or how most well paid men behave.
I will say now that my partner is extremely well paid; probably the income level Chidera is looking for. Hilariously, I met him when we were both penniless students! He asked to buy me a drink but had no money left so I bought them - imagine Chidera’s reaction to that!
I also think it’s actually hilarious she rejected that guy for wanting to go to the pub... does she even realise that many wealthy men will be on the lookout for women who only want their money, so will “test” them by taking them on lowkey, non-glam dates to see if they’re interested in the man and not the bank account?! I genuinely know a man with a LOT of family wealth who did this - hid his inherited wealth from his potential girlfriends because he wanted love and not an opportunist. Not all rich men want a transactional relationship.
‘Without exception, at the age of 45, the female peers I know flying high in their careers have partners who are scrupulous about equality in housework and childcare. Without exception, the ones who are struggling are the ones whose partners, for example, find laundry ‘too confusing’. All too often, women marry their glass ceiling. And then, eventually, divorce them.’
Florence can offer a different perspective as she is queer and so the usual rules associated with heterosexuality are different, but both women offer feminist advice without the life experience to know if it actually works out. This is why for all women older than Chidera, her advice is redundant, untested and mostly useless.
I've just finished reading More Than a Woman and loved it. My marriage is far from perfect, but having a husband who does (at least) half the house work, child rearing etc makes me the envy of my Coven of Hags.
We definitely are, not sure why you felt the need to emphasise at the end. You seem to come from a millionaire family anyways as you mentioned so I’d expect a detached response from you in regards to finances. Also that’s the reality of life, there’s no form of equality and never will be for all, can’t hate the player simply gotta play the game right and put yourself first, as men do all the time
Definitely, hence why compatibility is so important and the most vital part of being in a loving relationship, though that’s for those who seek a loving relationship as not everyone wants that
To me, putting yourself first means never having to depend on somebody else to support you financially, if that is possible. If you get into a relationship primarily for financial benefits, what happens when they decide they aren’t happy with the arrangement anymore?
This is why I don’t vibe with Chidera’s thoughts on this. Yeah okay one man leaves and you can find another man, but ultimately you are still dependant on the other person, and that’s not a powerful position.
Even in a relationship where it’s agreed somebody will provide financially and somebody will be the homemaker (which is still really different from what Chidera is suggesting) it seems dangerous unless you have a private support fund for yourself just in case.
This is why I don’t vibe with Chidera’s thoughts on this. Yeah okay one man leaves and you can find another man, but ultimately you are still dependant on the other person, and that’s not a powerful position.
Even in a relationship where it’s agreed somebody will provide financially and somebody will be the homemaker (which is still really different from what Chidera is suggesting) it seems dangerous unless you have a private support fund for yourself just in case.
UghhhHHHHHH WHY does the word Desi need to be in quotation marks as though it's somehow not a real thing or illegitimate in some way?!?! Honestly Chidera is so keen to minimise any identity that isn't her own, whether it's Desi culture, queer identities, or even mixed race Black people. How tf are people not seeing through her self serving bullshit attitude!
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It’d be interesting to just frankly ask these people doing academic gymnastics over the repressions who they’d rather give the money to:
Someone who’s been outed by a mate as being on 6 figures
Someone struggling / using a food bank
Because that’s the argument against individual reparations surely? It needs to be at a community level to ensure those the “furthest behind” (in “” cos I don’t mean that shittily) are given the biggest boost?
Someone who’s been outed by a mate as being on 6 figures
Someone struggling / using a food bank
Because that’s the argument against individual reparations surely? It needs to be at a community level to ensure those the “furthest behind” (in “” cos I don’t mean that shittily) are given the biggest boost?
Exactly! We know Florence bought a flat in London at 21. Even if SF is earning half of what Florence is, it’s a lot. No point debating her message of “men suck, find a rich one and rinse him”. SF isn’t relying on men for money, it’s just yet another contradiction in her messaging. I also can’t believe people aren’t seeing through this tit. She’s now telling people to cancel the pre order for Munroe’s book and send the amount to her PayPal instead. All the negative things she’s saying about Munroe sound a lot like defamation and she is actively causing a loss of income to a black woman. Again I just can’t believe people can’t see through this.
Wowww she’s literally using her influencer power of connecting with a large audience in the worst way possible ... literally the trump of Instagram w the way she’s been handling all of this
woah really? from sales of her work? is she from a rich family?
I was hinting at CE's attitude to anyone who disagrees with her, not a dig at you.
And yeah my Dad has money but you'd never know it and we didn't grow up with money, he just worked really hard (still does despite being in his 70s). That said, I know I am privileged in that if ever I do fall into any great financial hardship I could "ask daddy" but I'd rather pay my own way.
As much as I can see why Florence, aja, munroe would want to post their side of things and I’m glad they have, part of me thinks now if they don’t entertain the subject at all, will it put a bit of a stop to it but then I also think CE can argue about absolutely anything even if she has no one to argue with. I think she’s being very clever in that she is implying things about people or continuing to fuel the fire without actually saying anything. All she needs to do is share a message or post of someone else saying it.
Yeah Aja retweeted this which makes me think they will try to ignore it. But as you said Chidera could argue with a brick wall.
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I fully agree, I feel like they've all said their pieces and fully defended themselves. Leaving Chidera shouting into the void with no response is truly the best revenge. This woman lives for the dopamine hits she gets from stirring the pot, there's nothing that will infuriate her more than obscurity. And at that point she'll probably find a new enemy to pick on!
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