I agree with all of this! Only except Chidera contradicts herself: one second it’s “dump him” and “men ain’t tit” next second it’s only date men for money. I don’t think she encourages women to make their own money at all, she teaches them to only see relationships as transactional and that in itself can put women in dangerous situations.Um - lots of women are raising children, have a place to live and make their own money without a man. Lots of women have children and never marry their partner (what?!) And lots of women never even HAVE children (double what?!) And sometimes leaving a man is *that* simple - he’s abusive, he’s absent, he’s cheating on you, he’s not pulling his weight etc...Some women might need an outside voice to say “you deserve better, you should leave” because they lack the confidence and have been told they aren’t good enough or have been judged mercilessly by society - be they young women in their first serious relationship or married women - even married women with children need to leave a partner and can - shock horror! - make it without a man. Many many families can, and do (!) survive a breakup, especially if one of the partners is toxic. I truly believe most women are savvy enough to understand the difference between a mistake and needing to get out.
I agree with @elttat that the vast majority of women who follow either SF or FG are young women navigating their way through the modern minefield of trying to establish who you are and, more importantly, who you want to be. And even though I do not wholesale buy into either of their philosophies I do think it’s fantastic they are both - to varying degrees - encourage women to be strong, empowered, be their true selves, not take tit from anyone and make your own god damned money (or at least make some off of white women’s guilt) and don’t rely on a man/partner to hold you in their financial reins. Just my two cents of blathering on a Friday.
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Yup - absolutely! You are 100% correct. As I was writing it I thought “Am I being TOO generous to Chidera? Especially considering how truly awful she’s been acting over these months?” It’s definitely problematic and can encourage women to stay in toxic relationships for the financial stability. And YES again - she def focuses on making money via relationships in a transactional way - eg - ‘PayPal me money for my luxury goods while I dumpster fire another female influencer’s career by accusing her of stealing my ideas that I stole/borrowed/built on in the exact same way but somehow it’s fine when I do it.’ Or when she says things about if a man isn’t rich and buying her stuff and all that baloney- it’s not worth her time. She can take concepts out to a hyperbolic level that becomes dangerous and cruel. Her particular kind of “secure the bag” feminism is complex and nuanced and I can see how it takes the role of being forced to be financially dependent on the patriarchy to flipping it on its head and using it to make your own money. Is it my brand of feminism- not really. But I can see a path in there that could end up being empowering to some women?
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You literally articulated my thoughts way better than mine!!
Especially around some women needing to hear a voice that tells them they deserve better.
I'm not a Slummy fan in the slightest but I got the opinion that that poster's own experience was clouding their judgements.
I really do empathise and understand that kids, marriage etc. can make it hard to leave and forge your own path. But sometimes you just have to take that risk when you deserve better and I don't say that lightly at all...
I can see both sides here. Definitely for sure some women just need to be reminded that they don't have to put up with what they are putting up with, but on the other hand I agree that Chidera's messaging on the subject is very simplistic and I have seen in the past (I'm talking years ago when she was still writing her first book) she did give the same kind of simplistic advice to women in unhappy marriages even ones with children, although yes rare because like you say not Chidera's main demographic.
Imo the messaging is simplistic though because saying it like "just dump him" doesn't always make sense. it's not always so easy like the other poster mentioned but only because it can take some time! I don't think women should feel like they always have to stay longer to try and work things through just because they are married or share kids, but often times with married women who want to leave, the decision to leave and the date they actually make it known and make their moves can be far apart. Maybe you don't have a support network near you with anyone you can stay with, maybe you need to set aside some money for a little bit before you can actually leave with your kids, there can be a lot of planning involved.
Chidera needs to be advocating for financial independence to at least a certain extent in relationships. Telling women to make sure they have their own bank account and how to look out for signs of financial abuse and other kinds of abuse in relationships rather than just "if he's disrespectful then go" because it can be much more subtle than that. She could be doing so much more
I wasn't saying all women are dependent on men. I am not so it's not clouded my judgement, but I just meant that in a lot of cases it's just not that simple when your lives are entwined and (sometimes) kids are involved etc. I understand that maybe married women with kids are not her focus but everything depends on your circumstances.Um - lots of women are raising children, have a place to live and make their own money without a man. Lots of women have children and never marry their partner (what?!) And lots of women never even HAVE children (double what?!) And sometimes leaving a man is *that* simple - he’s abusive, he’s absent, he’s cheating on you, he’s not pulling his weight etc...Some women might need an outside voice to say “you deserve better, you should leave” because they lack the confidence and have been told they aren’t good enough or have been judged mercilessly by society - be they young women in their first serious relationship or married women - even married women with children need to leave a partner and can - shock horror! - make it without a man. Many many families can, and do (!) survive a breakup, especially if one of the partners is toxic. I truly believe most women are savvy enough to understand the difference between a mistake and needing to get out.
I agree with @elttat that the vast majority of women who follow either SF or FG are young women navigating their way through the modern minefield of trying to establish who you are and, more importantly, who you want to be. And even though I do not wholesale buy into either of their philosophies I do think it’s fantastic they are both - to varying degrees - encourage women to be strong, empowered, be their true selves, not take tit from anyone and make your own god damned money (or at least make some off of white women’s guilt
Using myself as an example, I bought a house with my partner when I was 24 and around the age of 26 I realised that we weren't right for each other. It took me 3 years to actually leave though because life is more complicated than just "dump him".
Do you know what, ignore me. I am being a dick... Lockdown is getting to me and I felt so trapped in so many ways this week, had a tit week, feeling bitter etc.
I know what she is saying, I do think it's simplistic but I get the attempt to empower (which is always a great message).
As you were
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I wasn't saying all women are dependent on men. I am not so it's not clouded my judgement, but I just meant that in a lot of cases it's just not that simple when your lives are entwined and (sometimes) kids are involved etc. I understand that maybe married women with kids are not her focus but everything depends on your circumstances.
Using myself as an example, I bought a house with my partner when I was 24 and around the age of 26 I realised that we weren't right for each other. It took me 3 years to actually leave though because life is more complicated than just "dump him".
Do you know what, ignore me. I am being a dick... Lockdown is getting to me and I felt so trapped in so many ways this week, had a tit week, feeling bitter etc.
I know what she is saying, I do think it's simplistic but I get the attempt to empower (which is always a great message).
As you were
I feel like someone should jump into to back you up just to say it really can be that complicated. Fka twigs just spoke about how gathering the strength to leave and detangle herself from Shia was a process that took (I think it was) months.
So whether there's kids or marriage or you share a house together or not, you have to consider things like "am I mentally/emotionally stable enough to be on my own," "do I have a support unit who can help me out," "am I financially independent enough to stand on my own," "is it safe for me to leave right now - do I have all the necessary resources/the right conditions," "can I afford to feed my kids," I've seen stuff on reddit where people talk about how leaving someone physically abusive can take meticulous planning (as well as support, strength, knowing they need to leave). It can be quite dangerous or hurtful to tell someone to just leave, when that's not necessarily what they need. Like, for example, imagine someone lives with their partner, who is abusive. The partner has isolated them from their friends. This person is maybe estranged from their family. And their partner pays the bulk of the rent because they have a higher paying job. If this person literally just leaves, where do they go? What do they do to support themselves. If they're pushed or shamed into leaving before they're ready, it makes not going back and not giving the person more chances so much harder.
And I work at a charity helpline and we're told not to just tell people to just leave abusive relationships because we don't know the intricacies of their circumstances and that can come off incredibly judgemental and simplistic
Sad to see Munroe’s left twitter due to the abuse she’s getting on there. Do you think this is linked to Chidera? She certainly played a big part in how much abuse Munroe was getting, but was she still going on about Munroe in stories? I’ve barely paid attention to the mess so am not sure what Chidera’s been doing. The situation has died down a lot, which I’m sure she’s not happy about
The SF stuff can’t have helped, and Twitters not great at the best of times.
I’ve dipped into the stories occasionally, it’s mostly promo for her youtube, screenshots of donations and messages of support, from what I’ve seen there hasn’t been stories with her own walls of text like before.
Yes, my apologies if I came across in the wrong way and that’s it is simple to just leave. I’ve worked in DV (domestic violence) for years and actually experienced what you have seen on Reddit. The biggest questions these women get after they get out is “why didn’t you just leave?” and that hurts a lot because these women feel judged, guilty and ashamed all over again. And also why I wrote the original post because I have seen women successfully leave and go on to have independent lives on their terms. Some women have “go bags” that they’ve had hidden for years, waiting for the moment they can leave and go safely to a shelter. And they must go to a shelter either because their abuser has isolated them so throughly that they no longer have a support system or they can not go to a friend/family *because* their abuser would go straight there and commit violence on their loved ones. Or many other reasons that a shelter is the best/only option. I’ve experienced Underground Railroad systems of getting women and children to safe houses. So yes, it’s not always easy/simple to just leave and it’s nuanced and complex and can end very, very badly if not handled carefully.
While it can be easy to realize that you should just leave - even if your life is very entwined with someone with kids, house - it can be more difficult to achieve the goal of doing that. But it can be done. And it’s the first step in the epiphany of empowerment. So what I do think is worthy of attention is the underlying thesis behind “just leave/dump him” which is the next level of loving and valuing yourself enough to never put up with that garbage again and make your own coin so that you are never dependent on anyone but yourself and most importantly- have control/make choices over your own life. Which are the basic tenants of feminism is - women having the ability/opportunity to have financial and social control over their own lives and bodies. Whew. Finally took it to the bridge there. Thank you for indulging me.
Exactly, a lot does go into it. I used to work with women going through domestic abuse and we were always trained about the fact that the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship, the time when the risk of death is at its absolute highest during the relationship, is the window of time immediately after the woman has left. DV specialist services like Solace will plan in great depth with a woman to make sure she's got a safety plan and an exit strategy that helps her remain as protected as possible. Very often, when safety planning, they will advise the woman to stay with her abusive partner because in many situations it's the least life-threatening course of action.
Chidera's story hasn't looked like "........." for a good few days. She's shared a few people's stories shouting out her YouTube video which mention the "plagiarism" and urge followers to read up on it, but has mostly just stuck to resharing quotes and praise of her work. At the same time, Florence has gone back to her usual posts of herself dancing in her flat. I wonder if this FINALLY means a cease and desist has been sent?
hopefully - I have avoided FG/Chidera for the last couple of weeks. Think i am bored of the drama now and i hope its finally ended. It was a toxic situation all round.
in Chidera's universe - anything goes.
Florence says ON THE VERY FIRST PAGE that she was inspired by Erin McKean for this quote
It’s been brought up + rebutted many a time lol. So ridiculous. This is why we research and make our own minds up before being swayed by loud noise + simply jumping on the bandwagon. Critical thought is cool.Just spied this on Aja’s stories a few mins ago.. more of Chidera’s minions harassing again 
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I’ve avoided this thread and their Instagrams for a little while. Sad to see the saga hasn’t ended yet.
Has Aja come off Insta? I can't find her?
Ignore, found her! x
Ignore, found her! x
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I just Dm'd FG and she replied the same thing "it's literally on the first page of the book".
The "Slumbots" are just showing their own ignorance and like @alice88a said, jumping on the bandwagon.
The "Slumbots" are just showing their own ignorance and like @alice88a said, jumping on the bandwagon.
Just seen SF encouraging this tit again today. I assume that without whipping people up into a froth, her donations etc are slowing down.
I do wonder what - if anything - was said that made her cool it for a couple of weeks but I think now her income is just linked to taking down Florence.
I do wonder what - if anything - was said that made her cool it for a couple of weeks but I think now her income is just linked to taking down Florence.
