Caroline Flack

[truffletrot]

One thing I found interesting in the podcast was Lou talking about Caroline seeing some mental heath nurses before her death but playing down everything and not being honest with them about her suicide attempts. Caroline really did ^not^ want to talk about it, get help etc. her attitude about it was very clandestine .

but I feel like it then made things worse? After her arrest she didn’t really speak up to say ‘it was my blood I was self harming” or explain how much she was struggling so it made her look cavalier about it

 

[NowIsGood]

One thing that annoyed me in that interview was when Lou said that if Caroline had a husband she wouldn't have taken her own life. Ridiculous when it was the men in her life who were causing Caroline so much pain. Are we really going to push this false narrative of a woman needing to be 'saved' by a man? Caroline needed to learn how to love herself

 

[Beverley Macker]

One thing that annoyed me in that interview was when Lou said that if Caroline had a husband she wouldn't have taken her own life. Ridiculous when it was the men in her life who were causing Caroline so much pain. Are we really going to push this false narrative of a woman needing to be 'saved' by a man? Caroline needed to learn how to love herself

I think she said if she had a husband to go home to though? I took it more as in someone one there for her to switch off with, I don’t think Caroline liked to be alone. At all.

 

[thegrumpos]

I feel very sorry for LT father as well. It seems like he was the one who ‘dealt with it’ in LT words as she was screaming and trying to comfort CF twin sister. He must’ve had to get her down, and perform CPR etc.
He’ll never get over that.
And then CF mum blames his daughter, I’d be utterly furious.

I had no idea it was LTs dad? I thought it was CFs dad? I assumed they rang her dad to get a key. Well where the duck were Mr and Mrs Flack then???

 

[thegrumpos]

The husband thing I would take that to mean that Caroline really wanted love. I think she might have had that aspect of rejection sensitivity- I’m sure her mum has talked before about the difficulties in her love life and how deep Caroline would fall. I’m guessing LT meant a lot of CFs upset came from her intense approach to love and relationships and having something stable and real might have helped?
although you’re right, implying a relationship is the solution to severe mental health problems is a bit flippant

 

[Ablemabel]

I sadly think that Caroline wasn't emotionally mature enough to cope with the consequences of her actions. And her path was fairly inevitable. Her Mum needs to STFU and stop blaming everyone else - if I thought for one second that one of my children was that close to the edge, I'd be glued to their sides screaming for professional help and not stopping until I had it.

I completely agree. CF seemed to have quite significant underlying issues and was quite child like. I've mentioned it before but her autobiography and account of relationships was very teenage. Any blip and she would completely collapse. End of a relationship would signal a complete breakdown. No one should be blamed for what happened. She was a 49 year old woman. It's tragic but there is absolutely nothing to be gained at this stage by pointing fingers.

 

[VeniVidiVicki]

If anyone is to blames for an adult being so emotionally fragile, it’s their upbringing. I don’t think her mum should blame herself - by her age, CF should have put any childhood demons to rest but it certainly isn’t anyone else’s fault.

Her mother‘s behaviour is really odd and IMO says something about the home CF grow up in

 

[Beverley Macker]

Her sister is fine though, they seem like a normal family tbf.
I think Caroline simply had an EUPD.

 

[Ablemabel]

I completely agree. CF seemed to have quite significant underlying issues and was quite child like. I've mentioned it before but her autobiography and account of relationships was very teenage. Any blip and she would completely collapse. End of a relationship would signal a complete breakdown. No one should be blamed for what happened. She was a 49 year old woman. It's tragic but there is absolutely nothing to be gained at this stage by pointing fingers.

Obviously she was not 49 - typo!

 

[Mrsturnerreturns]

I know from personal experience that when you have someone with a severe m/h issue, you are constantly living on a knife edge of not upsetting them. And that can impact on rational decisions. Feel sorry for absolutely everyone involved. I firmly believe that with CF’s total refusal to seek appropriate treatment, her death was inevitable.

 

[AlexTwist]

I think it's a shame that this is being played out on social media regardless of the circumstances.

Suicide isn't for public consumption.

I'm not sure making discussion of suicide a completely taboo subject is the way forward when discussing mental health.

 

[ahtisyourself]

Listened to the pod. I’m not familiar with Louise at all outside of hearing her speak but I’m not sure what more she could have done for Caroline, bar chain herself to her 24/7 and have no life of her own. She left for a few hrs on a Sunday to spend time with her own family that she hadn’t seen as she was constantly supervising Caroline, and said she felt safe leaving her in the day as it was only night time that tended to trigger Caroline. Her sister was also on her way over. I’m sure too, although she doesn’t exactly state it, that she was tired and fed up with it all and annoyed with Caroline for playing down her attempts and state of mind to the paramedics the night before, who then think she’s fine and don’t admit her. There isn’t a whole lot else she could have done, and fair play to her for not getting involved in any mud slinging towards Caroline’s mother when asked, and be like well where was she when her daughter had made several attempts, refused professional medical help and was left for her friends to deal with? Because I’m not sure I would have been able to hold my tongue.

 

[BugglyWuggly]

Listened to the pod. I’m not familiar with Louise at all outside of hearing her speak but I’m not sure what more she could have done for Caroline, bar chain herself to her 24/7 and have no life of her own. She left for a few hrs on a Sunday to spend time with her own family that she hadn’t seen as she was constantly supervising Caroline, and said she felt safe leaving her in the day as it was only night time that tended to trigger Caroline. Her sister was also on her way over. I’m sure too, although she doesn’t exactly state it, that she was tired and fed up with it all and annoyed with Caroline for playing down her attempts and state of mind to the paramedics the night before, who then think she’s fine and don’t admit her. There isn’t a whole lot else she could have done, and fair play to her for not getting involved in any mud slinging towards Caroline’s mother when asked, and be like well where was she when her daughter had made several attempts, refused professional medical help and was left for her friends to deal with? Because I’m not sure I would have been able to hold my tongue.

Very true. If everything she said on the pod is true then she was an incredible friend to her and went above and beyond for Caroline and has handled the backlash from Caroline's mother in an incredibly dignified way.

 

[Marshallmum1982]

There's nothing anyone could have done to prevent what happened to Caroline, once she had made that decision she would have found a way unless she got the professional help she obviously needed. I'm not a fan of Lou but she did everything a friend could have done and although i understand she's grieving, it's so unfair for her mum to blame her friends.

 

[tagliatelle]

I sadly think that Caroline wasn't emotionally mature enough to cope with the consequences of her actions. And her path was fairly inevitable. Her Mum needs to STFU and stop blaming everyone else - if I thought for one second that one of my children was that close to the edge, I'd be glued to their sides screaming for professional help and not stopping until I had it.

BIB: tbh, I think that Mum needs to understand that no one could have saved her. Even if she’d been there herself, it’s highly unlikely she would have been able to do anything differently. C was obviously so determined — waiting until she was alone, etc — her Mum would have had to have literally provided 24/7 watch alone. There’s a reason nursing staff work in shifts: no one can do that alone. Until she realises that, though, I’m afraid she won’t find peace and will continue to put “blame” at the feet of people who are alive.

 

[Ablemabel]

I listened to the pod on the weekend. Lou (side note I didn't recognise her at all. She looks like a different person) came across very well and clearly is still processing it. I was shocked she said that Caroline's mother hadn't even spoken to her. It wasn't Lou's fault at all. I hope her mother is having therapy.

 

[truffletrot]

BIB: tbh, I think that Mum needs to understand that no one could have saved her. Even if she’d been there herself, it’s highly unlikely she would have been able to do anything differently. C was obviously so determined — waiting until she was alone, etc — her Mum would have had to have literally provided 24/7 watch alone. There’s a reason nursing staff work in shifts: no one can do that alone. Until she realises that, though, I’m afraid she won’t find peace and will continue to put “blame” at the feet of people who are alive.

This..


also, in the documentary Caroline’s suicide attempts went back to her late teens/early twenties. She took pills and ended up in a&e after a few break ups and her sister said she was always sort of prepared for this to happen

I know Caroline was an adult and didn’t want to talk at all openly about her mental health, but it wasn’t just an “out of the blue” suicide so her mum can’t really blame her friends when she knew about the past attempts

 

[ahtisyourself]

I listened to the pod on the weekend. Lou (side note I didn't recognise her at all. She looks like a different person) came across very well and clearly is still processing it. I was shocked she said that Caroline's mother hadn't even spoken to her. It wasn't Lou's fault at all. I hope her mother is having therapy.

I can’t believe the mother didn’t even reach out to ask Louise how she is after finding Caroline the way she found her. That’s absolutely appalling. If memory serves, Louise wasn’t invited to the funeral either. Even if Louise was there doing the bare minimum, which by all accounts she wasn’t, she was worn out it seems - it’s still more than what Caroline’s own mother seems to have done, which is nothing at all?

 

[sam0206]

I can’t believe the mother didn’t even reach out to ask Louise how she is after finding Caroline the way she found her. That’s absolutely appalling. If memory serves, Louise wasn’t invited to the funeral either. Even if Louise was there doing the bare minimum, which by all accounts she wasn’t, she was worn out it seems - it’s still more than what Caroline’s own mother seems to have done, which is nothing at all?

Oh that's sad, I didn't really follow any of it at the time so didn't know it was Louise that found her. That would be traumatising for anyone, sad Caroline's mum was so hard on her

 

[tagliatelle]

This..


also, in the documentary Caroline’s suicide attempts went back to her late teens/early twenties. She took pills and ended up in a&e after a few break ups and her sister said she was always sort of prepared for this to happen

I know Caroline was an adult and didn’t want to talk at all openly about her mental health, but it wasn’t just an “out of the blue” suicide so her mum can’t really blame her friends when she knew about the past attempts

Her mum can’t blame her friends, regardless of who knew. If there’d been some giant conspiracy to cover up C’s poor mental health and her mum had been in the dark, I could understand feeling disappointment… however, no one is capable of, or responsible for, keeping another adult alive.

I don’t blame her mum, though — it’s an exceptionally difficult thing to make peace with.