im so sorry to hear thisI'm so sad reading about all of the heartbreak in this thread
About 2 weeks ago, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me as he "wants to be single again". In reality, I think this is stemming from fact that he doesn't want to grow up. We are at the age where our network of friends are getting married, having kids, settling down... and he seemingly doesn't want any of this. I'm really devastated (and lowkey angry) as we've spoken about marriage and kids over the past 4 years which he seemed open to.. but over the last couple of months.. BAM.. he's reverted into a selfish, childish piece of shit. We didn't live together (due to the housing crisis, we still live at home) but were making plans to rent a place together.
The real kicker in this story is the day after the breakup, I fainted whilst walking down the stairs, passed out due to a bang to the head & fucked up my ankle. I had to sit in the emergency room alone and scared, trying not to cry. I ended up telling the nurses that I wish I hadn't woke up after passing out, so I had to spend hours speaking to the mental health crisis team trying to convince them that I wasn't trying to attempt anything, I was just feeling depressed.
The past 2 weeks have been so rough, I haven't been able to eat anything and don't want to see or talk to anybody. It's a struggle to get out of bed in the morning, and the only thing I actually look forward to now is bedtime. I haven't tried to contact him at all though. As much as I want to reach out, begging and pleading.. I refuse to give in to that. He coldheartedly made a decision for both of us, putting himself on a pedestal and gaining all control. Me not contacting him, not doing what he expects my anxious, depressed ass to do (plead and beg) is the only way I can regain any sort of control back and god damn it.. I'm not giving in.
He really broke my heart
I’m so sorry.I'm so sad reading about all of the heartbreak in this thread
About 2 weeks ago, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me as he "wants to be single again". In reality, I think this is stemming from fact that he doesn't want to grow up. We are at the age where our network of friends are getting married, having kids, settling down... and he seemingly doesn't want any of this. I'm really devastated (and lowkey angry) as we've spoken about marriage and kids over the past 4 years which he seemed open to.. but over the last couple of months.. BAM.. he's reverted into a selfish, childish piece of shit. We didn't live together (due to the housing crisis, we still live at home) but were making plans to rent a place together.
The real kicker in this story is the day after the breakup, I fainted whilst walking down the stairs, passed out due to a bang to the head & fucked up my ankle. I had to sit in the emergency room alone and scared, trying not to cry. I ended up telling the nurses that I wish I hadn't woke up after passing out, so I had to spend hours speaking to the mental health crisis team trying to convince them that I wasn't trying to attempt anything, I was just feeling depressed.
The past 2 weeks have been so rough, I haven't been able to eat anything and don't want to see or talk to anybody. It's a struggle to get out of bed in the morning, and the only thing I actually look forward to now is bedtime. I haven't tried to contact him at all though. As much as I want to reach out, begging and pleading.. I refuse to give in to that. He coldheartedly made a decision for both of us, putting himself on a pedestal and gaining all control. Me not contacting him, not doing what he expects my anxious, depressed ass to do (plead and beg) is the only way I can regain any sort of control back and god damn it.. I'm not giving in.
He really broke my heart
You poor thing. This is a huge shock.So my husband was away at the weekend and before he left he used my laptop to print his boarding pass, he left himself logged into google and so I was able to see all his google photos, I feel sick, he must be on every dating site in the country, sharing loads of images and videos of himself, he screenshotted some that he received so ive seen those. Worst thing is he screenshotted a conversation with some girl he spent the night with when he was at a stag saying wish you were still in bed beside me, we will have to plan another night away.
We are married 5 years with a 5 year old, have been trying for years to have another baby and plan was to do IVF. I dont even know what i feel, i think i feel the worst for our daughter who is never going to have another sibling now, she loves her Daddy. I havent seen him yet as he is flying home today. He knows I know as he rang and he knew something was up straight away, he says nothing happened between them, honestly i dont believe him, he is disgusting. I told him if he wants to see our daughter he can collect her from childcare the tomorrow and drop her to school in the morning. He replied with a very incoherent message saying I'll bring her Friday, then another one saying I mean tmrw, he tried to ring on few times on saturday and i let him video call herself but then she brought the phone out to me and i ended the call and he didnt even get in touch all day yesterday.
his friend is coming out this evening to fix something at our house, he was at the stag last year, would it be weird if i asked him to tell me what happened? I feel like hes just gonna say I'm not getting involved and then I'll be embarrassed but am gonna be mortified anyway like how i am gonna tell people oh he doesnt live he anymore, i found out he was on swingers website etc
any advice, thanks
This is all great advice. Your husbands mate will only lie for him or fish to see what you already know. Even if the friend mentions it, the OP should say she doesn’t want to discuss it. I hope OP you have some friends or family to lean on xYou poor thing. This is a huge shock.
First things first - take screengrabs, save pics etc etc. Get the evidence. Save it somewhere safe.
Do not let on to his mate that you know what’s going on.
Contact a lawyer, get the ball rolling. Figure out where you are legally and financially. That he thinks you are unaware is currently your advantage.
You and your child deserve a million times better
I’m so sorry, I’m going through something similar more and more keeps coming out the woodwork. Don’t ask the mate, stay the bigger person if that makes sense. If you can do childcare without seeing him that will be best.So my husband was away at the weekend and before he left he used my laptop to print his boarding pass, he left himself logged into google and so I was able to see all his google photos, I feel sick, he must be on every dating site in the country, sharing loads of images and videos of himself, he screenshotted some that he received so ive seen those. Worst thing is he screenshotted a conversation with some girl he spent the night with when he was at a stag saying wish you were still in bed beside me, we will have to plan another night away.
We are married 5 years with a 5 year old, have been trying for years to have another baby and plan was to do IVF. I dont even know what i feel, i think i feel the worst for our daughter who is never going to have another sibling now, she loves her Daddy. I havent seen him yet as he is flying home today. He knows I know as he rang and he knew something was up straight away, he says nothing happened between them, honestly i dont believe him, he is disgusting. I told him if he wants to see our daughter he can collect her from childcare the tomorrow and drop her to school in the morning. He replied with a very incoherent message saying I'll bring her Friday, then another one saying I mean tmrw, he tried to ring on few times on saturday and i let him video call herself but then she brought the phone out to me and i ended the call and he didnt even get in touch all day yesterday.
his friend is coming out this evening to fix something at our house, he was at the stag last year, would it be weird if i asked him to tell me what happened? I feel like hes just gonna say I'm not getting involved and then I'll be embarrassed but am gonna be mortified anyway like how i am gonna tell people oh he doesnt live he anymore, i found out he was on swingers website etc
any advice, thanks
thanks so much, he told me that same friend thats coming this evening shagged a girl at that stag, he is also married so no point saying anything to himI’m so sorry, I’m going through something similar more and more keeps coming out the woodwork. Don’t ask the mate, stay the bigger person if that makes sense. If you can do childcare without seeing him that will be best.
Personally I can’t I have to see him almost daily and it’s hard.
you sound so strong, keep that strength. What I ask myself alot is do I want to know? Some things I do and some I have worked out are best unknown ie who knows etc. you will soon learn who you can trust anyway by there actions.
Telling people he doesn’t live here anymore is tough, I’ve only told a few I just laugh it off and change the conversation still. Let him pack his own stuff if you can that hurts them harder rather than we do it for them
Always here if you need to talk
I got legal advice but I didn’t need to ask this sorry as he had already left. He has to support me and the kids etc but because I’m still young I need to show willing to pay the bills as the kids get older etc. in a nutshell anyway.thanks so much, he told me that same friend thats coming this evening shagged a girl at that stag, he is also married so no point saying anything to him
I just can't believe he's done this, I don't even know where to start
He's coming out with the usual bullshit now, he's sorry he's just insecure, I am disgusted by him, I'm sure if I could see the full contents of the phone there would only be worse things, there's screenshots of hotel bookings there that I've never even heard of
I sound strong now because i havent had to tell anyone yet, when I even think about telling my family, my eyes tear up
It's just so sad, I never thought he would cheat on me, can't actually believe this is happening
Anyone gotten legal advice on this before? I'm sure he has a right to stay in the family home if he wants no?
thanks I don't want to see him at all, I'm just so sad for no more family days out, holidays, feel so sad for my daughter and myself to just have to live by ourselves, the place just seems so quiet.I got legal advice but I didn’t need to ask this sorry as he had already left. He has to support me and the kids etc but because I’m still young I need to show willing to pay the bills as the kids get older etc. in a nutshell anyway.
just tell one person andthey can always tell more my immediate friends and family know but no one else does, he actually changed all his profile pictures to him and the new woman so he kind of told everyone for me.
ido therapy once a week to help me get over it, Its useful but to help me cope with things but I’m a dickhead and we keep ending up in bed together, no idea why i can’t explain it because I hate him but it happens.
when he comes back try not to see him, the longer the better I think
It’s hard, he had the kids for his first day out on Saturday. I cried all day. I’m still only a few weeks in and the loneliness in the evenings is hard but it gets easier and less painful but still lonely if that makes sense. Take one day at a time, one day it won’t hurt and you can be friends and have family days out etc just your new versions. That’s what I try and think of, I don’t want my kids to not have family memories but it will take timethanks I don't want to see him at all, I'm just so sad for no more family days out, holidays, feel so sad for my daughter and myself to just have to live by ourselves, the place just seems so quiet.
Honestly I know it sounds harsh, but please try to not let him manipulate you like this, because that’s what it is, manipulation. He sounds like a huge man baby who needs to grow the hell up.I really struggle with setting boundaries, my husband is really depressed and it plays a big part in what has happened I think but def how I’m treating him. Yesterday he’s shouting at me he wants the marriage certificate so he can start the divorce. An hour and a half later he’s ringing me having a panic attack while driving so I stayed on the phone until he got back to where he’s staying. Managed to calm him down enough and be there for him. He got called out on a work emergency which which is 50mins from where he’s staying but 10mins from me so at 10pm he asks if he can stay over as he won’t finish until 1am. I go and leave a key out for him and at 1.30 hw comes and home and gets into bed, we talk about work and go to sleep. He left his charger and stuff here so I had to go and drop it off on his job today. It’s all so odd, like I know I should have said no but how do you say no to someone who hours earlier was having a panic attack? I just can’t seem to get anywhere with it. Have him the marriage certificate this morning and he cried at me… it’s so confusing
forgot to add that he was also talking about suicide again and how Are two kids are the only reason stopping him
that's incredibly tough, does he has parents or siblings or anyone else you could tell who could help carry the burden? My husband is the same, goes through periods but really relies on me making him feel good about himself to be able to function, this is what is was all about, he was looking for that elsewhere and maybe I'm wrong but a person's mental health being shouldn't be based on how another person feels about them, they should be able to regulate their own feelings themselves no?I really struggle with setting boundaries, my husband is really depressed and it plays a big part in what has happened I think but def how I’m treating him. Yesterday he’s shouting at me he wants the marriage certificate so he can start the divorce. An hour and a half later he’s ringing me having a panic attack while driving so I stayed on the phone until he got back to where he’s staying. Managed to calm him down enough and be there for him. He got called out on a work emergency which which is 50mins from where he’s staying but 10mins from me so at 10pm he asks if he can stay over as he won’t finish until 1am. I go and leave a key out for him and at 1.30 hw comes and home and gets into bed, we talk about work and go to sleep. He left his charger and stuff here so I had to go and drop it off on his job today. It’s all so odd, like I know I should have said no but how do you say no to someone who hours earlier was having a panic attack? I just can’t seem to get anywhere with it. Have him the marriage certificate this morning and he cried at me… it’s so confusing
forgot to add that he was also talking about suicide again and how Are two kids are the only reason stopping him
Thank you, sorry I didn’t reply I didn’t know what to say because I agreed with everything. That’s what’s so silly and I can’t understand because I 100% get and agree that but when he’s in front of me crying it disappears.Honestly I know it sounds harsh, but please try to not let him manipulate you like this, because that’s what it is, manipulation. He sounds like a huge man baby who needs to grow the hell up.
the thing is, he has treated you like dirt. He stuck with you because he wasn’t sure if another woman would take him. He is totally vile and he deserves 0 sympathy or help from you. Having anxiety/depression does not make you behave like the total arsehole he has and it is not an excuse!
he treated you like a door mat, something to wipe his shoes on on the way out. Please just don’t fall into his trap. I get that it must be hard for you, but please try to stop caring for his feelings, he doesn’t care about yours one bit.
you need to just ignore him and focus on yourself and your kids.
He’s cut all his family out I’m the only one he will talk too, he will respond to a text from my parents if they text but it’s only one word answers so I feel it’s just me.that's incredibly tough, does he has parents or siblings or anyone else you could tell who could help carry the burden? My husband is the same, goes through periods but really relies on me making him feel good about himself to be able to function, this is what is was all about, he was looking for that elsewhere and maybe I'm wrong but a person's mental health being shouldn't be based on how another person feels about them, they should be able to regulate their own feelings themselves no?
Maybe I’m harsh, but if he was in front of me crying, id laugh and call him pathetic. I’d tell him he’s a grown adult and he’s made his mess so he can deal with it himself. I wouldn’t have an ounce of sympathy for him after the way he’s been. I’d tell him I’m not his mum and he’s not a baby and that he needs to stop putting his issues on you!Thank you, sorry I didn’t reply I didn’t know what to say because I agreed with everything. That’s what’s so silly and I can’t understand because I 100% get and agree that but when he’s in front of me crying it disappears.
had a bad evening with him last night, he came to see the kids but was so upset. Within half an hour he was in bed having another panic attack. He kept texting me last night about different things later in the evening but I didn’t reply. I haven’t heard from him yet today and he normally rings the kids no later than 7.30am on weekdays. I can’t help but be worried.
He’s cut all his family out I’m the only one he will talk too, he will respond to a text from my parents if they text but it’s only one word answers so I feel it’s just me.
Your right they should, they are grown adults!!! How’s it going?
Haven't had to see him yet which helps, I don't even want to look at him, he says he has an appointment today to start getting help. He collected our daughter yesterday and brought her to school this morning, I dunno what i'm gonna say to her this evening when she is asking where he is, will prob just say he's at work, she's only 5 like how do i even begin to explain this to herThank you, sorry I didn’t reply I didn’t know what to say because I agreed with everything. That’s what’s so silly and I can’t understand because I 100% get and agree that but when he’s in front of me crying it disappears.
had a bad evening with him last night, he came to see the kids but was so upset. Within half an hour he was in bed having another panic attack. He kept texting me last night about different things later in the evening but I didn’t reply. I haven’t heard from him yet today and he normally rings the kids no later than 7.30am on weekdays. I can’t help but be worried.
He’s cut all his family out I’m the only one he will talk too, he will respond to a text from my parents if they text but it’s only one word answers so I feel it’s just me.
Your right they should, they are grown adults!!! How’s it going?
I say he’s at work still I’m waiting until he’s somehwere more permanent to say anything else, I got advice from our pre school and they said to keep it simple. Daddy’s at daddy house, this is our house now. That’s the advice they gave for my 3 year old but 5 she will be more knowing. This is where I love tattle as someone on here will have done it and have advice on itHaven't had to see him yet which helps, I don't even want to look at him, he says he has an appointment today to start getting help. He collected our daughter yesterday and brought her to school this morning, I dunno what i'm gonna say to her this evening when she is asking where he is, will prob just say he's at work, she's only 5 like how do i even begin to explain this to her
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