Do you know I’ve stayed so call I’ve not shouted or anything. Even last night when I confronted them I was polite to her asked questions. Didn’t raise my voice or anything etc and then last night he had the cheek to say what I did was unfair on her and she hasn’t done anything wrong…. Ummm has she not?? She knew you were married with 2 young kids one under 1 when all this started.
So you know her ?! Is she single at least? He can go and live with her meanwhile. They both did wrong and they need to assume. It's not on you.
I don’t know her just personally just her name and what she looked like so wasn’t hard to find her. Last night was the first time I actually met her, I said he can live with you now and she said no way and he said he can’t go there. I’m 30 I’ve been with him 11 years and she insulated I was a bleep?! It’s only ever been him she’s the one who he’s dating a married man.
I know this is so true but it’s so difficult still?! I just can’t see myself being happy again I just feel done@Rippedjeanmaybe is exactly right. All the leaving, coming back, I’m definitely done, now I’m not sure.. he’s keeping one foot on the boat until the other is safely on land. When he’s secured his position with the other woman, he will leave once and for all. I agree with the poster who said change the locks. He can go and stay with his new bit while you start sorting out separation proceedings. I’m really sorry this has happened to you. I remember reading the other thread you started, I knew I recognised your name from somewhere. He is a weapons grade head and the sooner he’s gone from the picture the better for you and your little ones.
I don’t know how you could see yourself being happy with him again either though? He’s treated you like dirt on his shoe. Using you to make sure he doesn’t end up single and alone. You’re literally his back up option, it’s awful. He sounds like a nasty person and I think it would do your self confidence a world of good to be rid of him.
Your totally right I think just scared of the unknown it’s making me panic
I think unfortunately, even if you want to stay with him, if this other woman wants him then he will be off. If not her, then another woman. Don’t give him the satisfaction of having all the power. You are stronger than you think and you will get through this.
I think it would make you feel better if you took the control of this situation away from him, that makes it ‘known’ because you are driving it. Tell yourself you are not a person who will put up with being lied to and disrespected in this way. Change the locks so he can’t get back in. Tell him you’re filing for a divorce on your terms. Don’t leave yourself hanging waiting to find out whether he’s going to leave you for her or not - make the choice for him by putting your foot down and everything from that point onwards is on your terms
I’ve been scared to do this because then he can say I ended it and it’s all my fault. It’s like he’s pushing me to do it, in one of our couple therapy sessions the therapist actually called him out on it and asked if that’s what he’s trying to do
But it's not your fault! He cheated on you and has lied to you repeatedly and messed you about. You SHOULD be the one to end it, the way he's treated you is unacceptable. Like someone else said, he's keeping you open as an option - only you can stop him from doing that by ending it. He's pushing you to do it because he's clearly too much of a coward to actually leave in case it doesn't work out with this other woman but do you really want him coming back to you as second best choice? You deserve so much better, nobody deserves to be treated like this and nobody should be with someone who is only there because their first choice didn't want them!
Dont worry what he says. Actions speak louder than words and his actions are appalling.
Exactly 5 months ago today, my fiancé of over 7 years, whom I have 2 children with, just didn’t come home one night. The last year of our relationship had got pretty tit (looking back now I see it but didn’t see it all at the time) if he wasn’t at work he was in the pub and whenever he was at home he was asleep. Id question his behaviour and he’d say he was stressed with work and needed the pub to unwind.. So the night in question I genuinely thought he was having some kind of work related stressful break down and my anxious brain had convinced myself he was suicidal. By the morning I had the police in my house and his family and more police out looking for him. He eventually made contact with his mum and came home - he couldn’t look me in the eyes and I just knew 
He’d cheated on me 
it took him another 24 hours to admit it, those 24 hours are a complete brain fuzz of just the 2 of us crying, talking, and me trying to get the truth, all the while still being worried about his mental well being. The week that followed is just an absolute blur, if it wasn’t for my 2 small children I don’t think I’d have been able to function. From crying to other mums at the school gate to lying on my kitchen floor just sobbing I really thought my life was over. The home we were in was his due to his job he had (we were living where his work was) and it only took him 4 days before he once again didn’t return home because he was with her. I then made him pack his bags and leave until I’d sorted me and the kids a new home (which took 2 months) it’s been a whirlwind, and some huge life changes. A quote I lived by is “your life can still be beautiful even if it was different to the one you were expecting” and it’s very true. My children are happy and they have been my absolute priority throughout all this, I’ve got up and been strong every single day for them 
I’ve had crap days (like when I moved out, he moved the new girl in a couple of days after). And even now he texts/calls when drunk (I’m slowly learning to ignore) I’d say I’m pretty much over him but I’m not sure I’ll ever be over the situation or over the hurt that he caused. Felt good to get this off my chest though I’m so sorry this happenedSo sad reading this thread, I genuinely wouldn’t wish heartbreak on anyone ever
. I’ve seen this a few times recently, it’s awful. A friend of a friend last month was frantically searching for her fiancé who hadn’t come home… I just knew it wouldn’t end well and sure enough, he had cheated… they had a wedding planned as well 
.
I'm really struggling and crying all the time when I'm on my own. Are you going to move somewhere where you definitely can't have them with you?I no longer wish to be in a relationship with my adhd inattentive partner. We are just under 2 years into our fixed 5 year mortgage and I have agreed he can keep the house and release my equity to me when he remortgages in his name as he would be unable to afford it in his name currently.
I've done this so my cats can remain in the house. I'm devastated about this but my cats will be happy and safe. I can also work from home now and then so they don't forget about me, has anyone got advice on how to cope with leaving my cats
I have heard of the phrase bird nesting where people with children rotate living in the house, would this be an option??
The Gingerbread website has a section on housing, maybe you could find some useful information there. I understand your thoughts that it might be best to stay put. It's really daunting when you have young children to consider. I hope things work out for you.
I’m sorry to hear you are going through this, it is the worst feeling in the world.
