Bizarre grandparent behaviour.

[Purrrrrrr]

Sorry people this post was longer and more than a little self-pitying but I am one of those people who see the truth of things only when I have typed them out and go back to read it later.


I can count on one hand and have three fingers left over at how many times my or my then husband's parents looked after my three children. My MIL said she had done "her time" and now it was her time to enjoy her life and looking after her grandchildren regularly wasn't part of it. She loved the children and they loved her but she didn't babysit or childmind. My own mum although would have babysat wasn't the type of person you let look after your children. We were always welcomed with open arms for visits anytime we wanted.

Myself on the other hand didn't want my children to feel like I did, trapped and because of it, my marriage broke down. That wasn't anyone else's fault but my then-husband who would not have an evening out and if we did would only trust his mum who as I said above would not babysit.. He said to me , plenty of time for going out when the kids leave school Can you imagine being under 22 with three children being told that when that newborn reached 16 we would go out when I wanted :/


So I babysat and childminded and now feel like I'm taken the piss out of, its expected even though they say you can say no, they know I don't like to say no very often and so keep asking me for extras on top of my childminding My daughter and her partner have split up but still, live in the same house.
I love their three children and we are very very close but I live in a tiny one-bed bungalow that looks like a bomb hit it every time they leave. I am disabled and have a very hard time keeping the place nice, my daughter is loving and caring but has a blind spot where I am concerned, she will take the day off work to deep clean her already sparkly clean home while I am looking after the kids in my dirty untidy hovel. (Ok it's not as bad as that but it is a mess ) I will take the kids back and see how lovely clean spacious home that she has spent most of the day cleaning and not working like she is supposed to be doing and I do feel resentful.

His parents have a huge home and healthy and there are two of them but I do the majority of the childminded and babysitting as they say it's too much for them. He thinks it's ok to ask me to do more when his parents have said no. no matter how many times my daughter tells him to stop asking me he still does it. They have separate lives so to each of them it's only them is asking me ( did that makes sense?) it seems like they only see what I do for them, not that I'm actually doing it for both separately. IE he will only see that I have the kids when he needs me too and doesn't seem to get I also have them when she needs me too.

I am resentful and needed to get this off my chest (sorry for this) because my home needs help and no one is there to help me just asking me for help
I have looked after the children since they were born (10 years now) I childmind, babysit and sleepovers. Once after mths and mths of asking ( I hate asking as much as I do saying no), he came and did something for me and then asked me to do yet more looking after the kids as its only fair I now do something for him WTAF? That's when I realised this was a huge pisstake and not only did I miss out on my young married life but now I had other people's kids to look after and to be honest it's expected now.

I want to say what about me. where is my help? I have lived here for just over 10 years and it's never been decorated properly and never been fully finished. I have to save up and pay people to help me.
I know its sounds like they are awful people and yet they are not they are unthinking when it comes to me as I have always been a very strong person and they cannot see that now I cannot do the things I used to do.

My Son lives in Scotland and has 4 children and we only see each other a couple of times a year. So I don't have that close bond that I do with my daughter's children. I have been and spent a week there twice when they needed help to look after the children, so my holiday from looking after kids was spent looking after kids. It was lovely though to spend some bonding time with them.


Sorry again for this post I know what I have to do and will do it. It's hard as love having the children, but have to accept that I cannot do it unless I get the help I need in my home. It's time for an equal relationship time to help each other.

 

[Notworthy]

Sorry people this post was longer and more than a little self-pitying but I am one of those people who see the truth of things only when I have typed them out and go back to read it later.


I can count on one hand and have three fingers left over at how many times my or my then husband's parents looked after my three children. My MIL said she had done "her time" and now it was her time to enjoy her life and looking after her grandchildren regularly wasn't part of it. She loved the children and they loved her but she didn't babysit or childmind. My own mum although would have babysat wasn't the type of person you let look after your children. We were always welcomed with open arms for visits anytime we wanted.

Myself on the other hand didn't want my children to feel like I did, trapped and because of it, my marriage broke down. That wasn't anyone else's fault but my then-husband who would not have an evening out and if we did would only trust his mum who as I said above would not babysit.. He said to me , plenty of time for going out when the kids leave school Can you imagine being under 22 with three children being told that when that newborn reached 16 we would go out when I wanted :/


So I babysat and childminded and now feel like I'm taken the piss out of, its expected even though they say you can say no, they know I don't like to say no very often and so keep asking me for extras on top of my childminding My daughter and her partner have split up but still, live in the same house.
I love their three children and we are very very close but I live in a tiny one-bed bungalow that looks like a bomb hit it every time they leave. I am disabled and have a very hard time keeping the place nice, my daughter is loving and caring but has a blind spot where I am concerned, she will take the day off work to deep clean her already sparkly clean home while I am looking after the kids in my dirty untidy hovel. (Ok it's not as bad as that but it is a mess ) I will take the kids back and see how lovely clean spacious home that she has spent most of the day cleaning and not working like she is supposed to be doing and I do feel resentful.

His parents have a huge home and healthy and there are two of them but I do the majority of the childminded and babysitting as they say it's too much for them. He thinks it's ok to ask me to do more when his parents have said no. no matter how many times my daughter tells him to stop asking me he still does it. They have separate lives so to each of them it's only them is asking me ( did that makes sense?) it seems like they only see what I do for them, not that I'm actually doing it for both separately. IE he will only see that I have the kids when he needs me too and doesn't seem to get I also have them when she needs me too.

I am resentful and needed to get this off my chest (sorry for this) because my home needs help and no one is there to help me just asking me for help
I have looked after the children since they were born (10 years now) I childmind, babysit and sleepovers. Once after mths and mths of asking ( I hate asking as much as I do saying no), he came and did something for me and then asked me to do yet more looking after the kids as its only fair I now do something for him WTAF? That's when I realised this was a huge pisstake and not only did I miss out on my young married life but now I had other people's kids to look after and to be honest it's expected now.

I want to say what about me. where is my help? I have lived here for just over 10 years and it's never been decorated properly and never been fully finished. I have to save up and pay people to help me.
I know its sounds like they are awful people and yet they are not they are unthinking when it comes to me as I have always been a very strong person and they cannot see that now I cannot do the things I used to do.

My Son lives in Scotland and has 4 children and we only see each other a couple of times a year. So I don't have that close bond that I do with my daughter's children. I have been and spent a week there twice when they needed help to look after the children, so my holiday from looking after kids was spent looking after kids. It was lovely though to spend some bonding time with them.


Sorry again for this post I know what I have to do and will do it. It's hard as love having the children, but have to accept that I cannot do it unless I get the help I need in my home. It's time for an equal relationship time to help each other.

I saw a solution a few years ago that may work for you. A set of grandparents did childminding vouchers for their children. You can do any number you want but it saves arguments when you have a couple of sets of grandchildren. So you could for example give them a variety of vouchers such as 2 overnight vouchers, 5 full day vouchers, 10 half day vouchers, some pick up from school vouchers etc whatever works for your situation.

I've just read your whole post, how about some 'free' vouchers and some quid pro quo vouchers ie I'll give you this babysitting time and you give me 2 hours help in the house.

 

[Rodneytrotter]

Sorry people this post was longer and more than a little self-pitying but I am one of those people who see the truth of things only when I have typed them out and go back to read it later.


I can count on one hand and have three fingers left over at how many times my or my then husband's parents looked after my three children. My MIL said she had done "her time" and now it was her time to enjoy her life and looking after her grandchildren regularly wasn't part of it. She loved the children and they loved her but she didn't babysit or childmind. My own mum although would have babysat wasn't the type of person you let look after your children. We were always welcomed with open arms for visits anytime we wanted.

Myself on the other hand didn't want my children to feel like I did, trapped and because of it, my marriage broke down. That wasn't anyone else's fault but my then-husband who would not have an evening out and if we did would only trust his mum who as I said above would not babysit.. He said to me , plenty of time for going out when the kids leave school Can you imagine being under 22 with three children being told that when that newborn reached 16 we would go out when I wanted :/


So I babysat and childminded and now feel like I'm taken the piss out of, its expected even though they say you can say no, they know I don't like to say no very often and so keep asking me for extras on top of my childminding My daughter and her partner have split up but still, live in the same house.
I love their three children and we are very very close but I live in a tiny one-bed bungalow that looks like a bomb hit it every time they leave. I am disabled and have a very hard time keeping the place nice, my daughter is loving and caring but has a blind spot where I am concerned, she will take the day off work to deep clean her already sparkly clean home while I am looking after the kids in my dirty untidy hovel. (Ok it's not as bad as that but it is a mess ) I will take the kids back and see how lovely clean spacious home that she has spent most of the day cleaning and not working like she is supposed to be doing and I do feel resentful.

His parents have a huge home and healthy and there are two of them but I do the majority of the childminded and babysitting as they say it's too much for them. He thinks it's ok to ask me to do more when his parents have said no. no matter how many times my daughter tells him to stop asking me he still does it. They have separate lives so to each of them it's only them is asking me ( did that makes sense?) it seems like they only see what I do for them, not that I'm actually doing it for both separately. IE he will only see that I have the kids when he needs me too and doesn't seem to get I also have them when she needs me too.

I am resentful and needed to get this off my chest (sorry for this) because my home needs help and no one is there to help me just asking me for help
I have looked after the children since they were born (10 years now) I childmind, babysit and sleepovers. Once after mths and mths of asking ( I hate asking as much as I do saying no), he came and did something for me and then asked me to do yet more looking after the kids as its only fair I now do something for him WTAF? That's when I realised this was a huge pisstake and not only did I miss out on my young married life but now I had other people's kids to look after and to be honest it's expected now.

I want to say what about me. where is my help? I have lived here for just over 10 years and it's never been decorated properly and never been fully finished. I have to save up and pay people to help me.
I know its sounds like they are awful people and yet they are not they are unthinking when it comes to me as I have always been a very strong person and they cannot see that now I cannot do the things I used to do.

My Son lives in Scotland and has 4 children and we only see each other a couple of times a year. So I don't have that close bond that I do with my daughter's children. I have been and spent a week there twice when they needed help to look after the children, so my holiday from looking after kids was spent looking after kids. It was lovely though to spend some bonding time with them.


Sorry again for this post I know what I have to do and will do it. It's hard as love having the children, but have to accept that I cannot do it unless I get the help I need in my home. It's time for an equal relationship time to help each other.

Not self pitying at all. You are feeling taken advantage of and from what you've said you feel like that for a perfectly good reason.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

I saw a solution a few years ago that may work for you. A set of grandparents did childminding vouchers for their children. You can do any number you want but it saves arguments when you have a couple of sets of grandchildren. So you could for example give them a variety of vouchers such as 2 overnight vouchers, 5 full day vouchers, 10 half day vouchers, some pick up from school vouchers etc whatever works for your situation.

Not self pitying at all. You are feeling taken advantage of and from what you've said you feel like that for a perfectly good reason.

Thank you. I know I need to do something, didn't realise how it was getting to me until I wrote it down.

 

[watermelon sugar]

I didn’t know my biological Dad growing up so therefore didn’t know my biological grandparents. My Mum fell out with my Granny when she was young (they’ve made up now) and I’ve only seen her about 4 times? So I’ve never grown up with grandparents so I really didn’t know what to expect from my Mum and my partners Mum when I had my son. My boyfriend is really close with his Nan, very protective, which is sweet. She’s getting very old and forgetful now and she fits the stereotypical Nan behaviour where she gets out the biscuit tin when you visit and fills you up with snacks. That’s the closest experience I’ve had to having my own grandparent

my Mum lives in a different town to me and works 5 days a week, usually always babysits either my brother or my sisters children of a weekend so don’t get to see her much. Everytime I do see her it takes my son a while to warm to her cos it’s been so long since he seen her last. But she’s pretty normal where she acts about him, buys him clothes and toys, asks for photos etc

now my MIL..she’s bizarre. Weren’t all that bothered when I was pregnant, didn’t seem at all phased she was getting a grandson. Soon as her was here, FaceTiming non stop, at 10pm at night? Once she rang at 12am and wanted my bf to hover the phone over the baby whilst he was asleep in his Moses basket!! One time she even asked us to wake him at 12am so she can see him. Bare in mind he was only a newborn so he wouldn’t see her back. She’s never bought him anything,apart From at Christmas got him a toy that was for age 4+ (he was 10 months old at Christmas) never offers to come and see him, never offers to babysit. Ive asked her to babysit and she’s either said no, cancelled or been late. We’ve always got to take him to her. Will sit on FT for 45 mins non stop saying ‘Nana nana nana nana nana nana nana’ then moans that we don’t take him to see her enough. Well get off FaceTime then? She gets annoyed if my Mum or any of my family has seen him and demands we take him round to see her. Makes it a competition with my Mum and was like ‘bet he says Grandma before he says Nan’ (my mum goes by Grandma) and once I told her my son was a bit shy round my mum and she said ‘oh you’re not shy round your favourite Nan are you’ meaning her. hole

 

[Kim Mild]

Sorry people this post was longer and more than a little self-pitying but I am one of those people who see the truth of things only when I have typed them out and go back to read it later.


I can count on one hand and have three fingers left over at how many times my or my then husband's parents looked after my three children. My MIL said she had done "her time" and now it was her time to enjoy her life and looking after her grandchildren regularly wasn't part of it. She loved the children and they loved her but she didn't babysit or childmind. My own mum although would have babysat wasn't the type of person you let look after your children. We were always welcomed with open arms for visits anytime we wanted.

Myself on the other hand didn't want my children to feel like I did, trapped and because of it, my marriage broke down. That wasn't anyone else's fault but my then-husband who would not have an evening out and if we did would only trust his mum who as I said above would not babysit.. He said to me , plenty of time for going out when the kids leave school Can you imagine being under 22 with three children being told that when that newborn reached 16 we would go out when I wanted :/


So I babysat and childminded and now feel like I'm taken the piss out of, its expected even though they say you can say no, they know I don't like to say no very often and so keep asking me for extras on top of my childminding My daughter and her partner have split up but still, live in the same house.
I love their three children and we are very very close but I live in a tiny one-bed bungalow that looks like a bomb hit it every time they leave. I am disabled and have a very hard time keeping the place nice, my daughter is loving and caring but has a blind spot where I am concerned, she will take the day off work to deep clean her already sparkly clean home while I am looking after the kids in my dirty untidy hovel. (Ok it's not as bad as that but it is a mess ) I will take the kids back and see how lovely clean spacious home that she has spent most of the day cleaning and not working like she is supposed to be doing and I do feel resentful.

His parents have a huge home and healthy and there are two of them but I do the majority of the childminded and babysitting as they say it's too much for them. He thinks it's ok to ask me to do more when his parents have said no. no matter how many times my daughter tells him to stop asking me he still does it. They have separate lives so to each of them it's only them is asking me ( did that makes sense?) it seems like they only see what I do for them, not that I'm actually doing it for both separately. IE he will only see that I have the kids when he needs me too and doesn't seem to get I also have them when she needs me too.

I am resentful and needed to get this off my chest (sorry for this) because my home needs help and no one is there to help me just asking me for help
I have looked after the children since they were born (10 years now) I childmind, babysit and sleepovers. Once after mths and mths of asking ( I hate asking as much as I do saying no), he came and did something for me and then asked me to do yet more looking after the kids as its only fair I now do something for him WTAF? That's when I realised this was a huge pisstake and not only did I miss out on my young married life but now I had other people's kids to look after and to be honest it's expected now.

I want to say what about me. where is my help? I have lived here for just over 10 years and it's never been decorated properly and never been fully finished. I have to save up and pay people to help me.
I know its sounds like they are awful people and yet they are not they are unthinking when it comes to me as I have always been a very strong person and they cannot see that now I cannot do the things I used to do.

My Son lives in Scotland and has 4 children and we only see each other a couple of times a year. So I don't have that close bond that I do with my daughter's children. I have been and spent a week there twice when they needed help to look after the children, so my holiday from looking after kids was spent looking after kids. It was lovely though to spend some bonding time with them.


Sorry again for this post I know what I have to do and will do it. It's hard as love having the children, but have to accept that I cannot do it unless I get the help I need in my home. It's time for an equal relationship time to help each other.

I think your son in law is taking the piss, the children aren't a bartering tool. I feel like your daughter has likely got used to the children being at your house. But then again , I'm sure they love visiting you and that your bond is very special. They will have special memories of their time spent with you in their childhood , and they won't notice the things that frustrate you about your home.

From what you've said in your post, did your mum and mil see the children/ take an interest in them in a family setting with you and their father? Was that their relationship with them , rather than babysitter/ staying over?

 

[Purrrrrrr]

I think your son in law is taking the piss, the children aren't a bartering tool. I feel like your daughter has likely got used to the children being at your house. But then again , I'm sure they love visiting you and that your bond is very special. They will have special memories of their time spent with you in their childhood , and they won't notice the things that frustrate you about your home.

From what you've said in your post, did your mum and mil see the children/ take an interest in them in a family setting with you and their father? Was that their relationship with them , rather than babysitter/ staying over?

I did mention that they (my kids)see a lot of their nan ( dads mum) and loads of love there for them. just no looking after them, at all. I accepted that and didn't have a problem with It, but the kids' dad would not let anyone else look after them. So that became a very lonely life.
My mum was a crap mum, abusive etc so although I did take them for visits the love wasn't there it was a duty visit really.

Me and my girls (daughter children) as I call them are exceptionally close and I thank God every day for them being in my life. I just wish I had a spare room so we could breathe here. Yes, they don't notice the mess as I do , it's all I see. They love being here and will create to come here rather than the other grandparents. ( they say they are not allowed to play messy games there and get told off/shouted, even if they make a mess by accident ) Yes, I also think their dad gets to me really. he doesn't seem to understand I am not his mum and what I am ok with my daughter doing isn't OK for him to do.

he interferes when you don't want him too and doesn't do anything when he should
Exsample.

if we go home and he asks how the weekend was and I say oh it was lovely but.. he will jump on the girls and say you must not do that to nanny. I've already dealt with it no need to say anything to them. (My daughter never overrides me. never tells them off when I have already done it.)
The other day I was in the garden talking to him and when we came in the girls had made a mess and got out things they shouldn't. He never said a word to them. took them home and when we got there he made them do some chores before TV. but left my home a tip

I don't get it and I don't get him and I need to have "the chat" with them both, actually with the girls as well. My daughter will understand, but I know I could have the same conversation with him every day and he still would not take it on board but say he understand.

duck me another sodding novel. Think I'm stressing because the garden will not be available soon so that's even less space

 

[Kim Mild]

I don't want people to think that the point of this post is complaining about them not babysitting my kids instead of me looking after them myself. It's that they are really involved with my husband (due to him working for the family business, and them being quite controlling ). It's about the fact that they seem to act like the kids don't exist now. I really feel like it's as if the novelty has worn off.

My kids haven't seen them for a month , and only spoke on the phone cos they phoned their dad , and they happened to be in the room . My 3 year old expects to go to theirs soon because they gave that idea when the were on the phone. They seem to make false promises to the kids . I have an issue with that.

I do understand that 2 little ones are hard work, but they could visit with my husband, or even make a phonecall or facetime so that's no excuse for no contact.

My thoughts as a childless person with nieces and nephews. As I find it quite interesting.

Three of them live very close to both sets of grandparents. Both sets see them regularly, at minimum weekly when they were younger, but are all approaching adulthood now, so is lessening.

Another two live close to my BILs parents, but 5 hour drive from my own. BIL parents see them regularly, again use to be weekly as after school childcare, but lessening now they are getting older. My parents see them appropriately 6-8 times a year for 2-3 days at a time.

My SILs children see her parents probably daily, but rarely see my PIL. They only live an hours apart, so it's not that far. SIL always seems to find an excuse why they can't visit. PIL don't 'ask' to visit, wait to be invited. They are really sad about it.

Oh it's not because they aren't asked. They don't make arrangements with us, they give us commands . They aren't shy in coming forward, especially fil.

I do feel like husband should ask , as they are his parents, if we were to ask. I'm sure they'd say no to me out of principle

 

[Purrrrrrr]

I don't want people to think that the point of this post is complaining about them not babysitting my kids instead of me looking after them myself. It's that they are really involved with my husband (due to him working for the family business, and them being quite controlling ). It's about the fact that they seem to act like the kids don't exist now. I really feel like it's as if the novelty has worn off.

My kids haven't seen them for a month , and only spoke on the phone cos they phoned their dad , and they happened to be in the room . My 3 year old expects to go to theirs soon because they gave that idea when the were on the phone. They seem to make false promises to the kids . I have an issue with that.

I do understand that 2 little ones are hard work, but they could visit with my husband, or even make a phonecall or facetime so that's no excuse for no contact.


Oh it's not because they aren't asked. They don't make arrangements with us, they give us commands . They aren't shy in coming forward, especially fil.

I do feel like husband should ask , as they are his parents, if we were to ask. I'm sure they'd say no to me out of principle

I didn't think that at all it doesn't come across like that. Kids need stability and people letting them down isn't what a good parent or grandparent would do. Bet when they are older they will moan the kids never come to visit.

 

[Kim Mild]

It must be hard for grandparents to share their time between multiple grandchildren who are cousins ,I suppose it depends on every individual situation and who lives closest to each other.

 

[Kim Mild]

It seems the kids have monthly visits to their grandparents. Be interesting to see if they are invited next month cos the littlest hit his grandad in the face with a toy and it left a mark. He wasn't happy cos they were going out at the weekend ( he is really vain)

 

[Bexybest]

My sons paternal grandparents (my in laws) are a nightmare. They gush everything they see our son and constantly tell him how much they love him and will shower him with gifts. He looks at them awkwardly now when they go over the top

But they have no idea what actually goes on in his life. For example they will 'reward' him for eating his tea, which I say no to because I expect a 7 year old to eat their tea without having to be rewarded. They have no idea that he can read proper books and still are amazed that he can read a menu himself.

The reason they don't know this stuff is because we are expected to visit them, never the other way round. They live 40 miles away so it's a trek just to sit in their lounge with not a lot to do - we go once a fortnight but sometimes even that is too much. God forbid they would jump I'm the car and come to our house or meet us halfway at a restaurant!!

 

[Web30]

I grew up with a set of grandparents over the road so saw them all the time, my nana i didnt meet till i was about 9, didnt even know my dad had a mum as she was never talked about!

My daugther sees my parents and my mother in law every week as they help out with childcare which we are super grateful for!

 

[Milehammer]

My in laws are my 2 youngest children's only living grandparents ,and they are the only grandchildren. They live in the next town , and are semi - retired from the family business where my husband works , yet since March they have seen the kids only 10 times. Am I the only one who finds that strange?

They don't contact the kids via phone / facetime or anything either.

I fell out with my in laws, because I stood my ground about something, and they blew it out of proportion, but I decided prior to this that it wasn't worth going against my wishes to appease them because they never saw the kids anyway ( the selfish part of me thought they weren't beneficial to me as they never provided childcare) .

When I was a child I remember seeing both sets of grandparents frequently, at least weekly.

What sort of grandparents contact do people think is normal?

I don't think my MIL has seen my son 10 times in 2 and a half years and she only lives round the corner she doesn't show any interest.
My mum sees him every week though.

 

[Happy Lady]

As a 65 year old, soon to become a Grandma for the first time, I find some of the comments on here quite sad. I think it's great for families who see each other frequently and happily, as I did with my own grandparents, and the relationship that my own children had with their grand parents couldn't have been better.

For those on here who say their kids don't see as much of their grand parents as you'd wish. Please do remember that we've just gone through the pandemic and relationships simply weren't as they would have been in normal circumstances. Bearing this in mind, visits work both ways. So if you want them to visit you, then don't think twice and simply invite them over - it could be what they're waiting for.

It's not the number of times your children see their grand parents, but the quality of the time they have together, their happiness and the things they do together. The times when memories are made.

I hope this makes sense and helps someone.

 

[dorydaryl]

I don't have kids or grandchildren but both my grandmothers died when I was 4 and it really affected me. I'm 51 and grieve for them to this day. My maternal grandma (nanna) lived very close so I would see her several times a week. My paternal grandma (granny) was much older and a relatively frail old lady but my mum made sure I saw her at least weekly. How I miss them both. My paternal grandfather died before I was born and maternal grandad lived until I was 18. I loved him very much but he was never the same after losing his wife to breast cancer (aged 57). We had regular contact with him, which increased as he grew older. He was close to both my parents. As an only child, what I would have given to have more time with them, growing up. But I guess every family is different. My grandparents, as far as I know, were decent, non-toxic people and I know my maternal nanna absolutely doted on her grandkids (my cousins and I). Things may have been different in the modern age.

I know that during the pandemic, many of my friends and acquaintances have missed contact with their grandchildren very much. One of my closest friends lives with her daughter, son-in-law and grandson and he adores his gran.

 

[Kim Mild]

I don't think my MIL has seen my son 10 times in 2 and a half years and she only lives round the corner she doesn't show any interest.
My mum sees him every week though.

It seems like grandparents tend to see their daughters children more often than their sons , in general..

 

[FreePrinny2018]

Maternal grandparents we had nothing to do with growing up, paternal maybe twice a year. My niece and nephews see my mum every school holiday and stay round but my dad they probably see once a year if that.

 

[Facehugger]

I'm not a grandparent yet, but when I do get any grandchildren I won't be seeing them. They'll be born in the USA and I haven't got the funds for flying to and from. So I have had to accept I won't have any ''normal'' relationship with any grandchildren at all.

 

[KeN87]

As kids I saw both maternal grandparents weekly for Sunday tea (didn’t babysit for us but I don’t think my mum would have asked as she assumed it would be a no) and paternal grandma saw us weekly and came on any family holiday we had before she passed away when I was 10. My dads siblings lived really far away but she travelled to different countries to visit, inc Australia to ensure a bond, and I think it meant we had a closer bond with her as her only nearby family. Only surviving grandparent is my maternal grandmother who is in a home with dementia. I still visit when I can, and though she hasn’t got a clue who I am it’s still lovely im actually able to see her. She was also good with the kids as babies but she got ill before they were old enough to understand so we just tell stories about her now.

my parents see the kids once a month at the moment as they have a lot on, and probably see my sisters kids a bit more as she lives closer. Hasn’t had them overnight but I haven’t ever wanted to do anything overnight, and mum has helped with school/nursery pickups in the past but I stopped that as she was so stressed and only thing I could take off her plate.

Their paternal grandfather used to send cards hit and miss but would miss out kids etc and only time he ever really speaks to their dad it would be about himself. There’s a whole lot of other things I would write but I don’t want to think about him anymore, and I would probably put my foot down about him being in their lives but don’t need to as he’s not interested in being a part of it anyway.

Their paternal grandmother and her husband do the cards and birthday/Christmas presents thing and probably sees them once every 6-8 weeks. We have to alternate if we go to her/her to us and say I don’t have the car and can’t get there she would just skip the visit and not come until I have made the journey. I do find it annoying that she takes photos to put on social media/advertises herself as a really hands-on grandparent, but the way I see it at least she does make some effort and it’s not just me (she doesn’t really have a relationship with their dad) trying to ensure there is a relationship, there is some effort both sides.

I don’t think kids miss out not having lots of people in their lives, the important thing is the people in their lives are people that make them feel loved.

sorry this turned into a massive essay, was a bit like therapy!