Bizarre grandparent behaviour.

[Kim Mild]

I'm not a grandparent yet, but when I do get any grandchildren I won't be seeing them. They'll be born in the USA and I haven't got the funds for flying to and from. So I have had to accept I won't have any ''normal'' relationship with any grandchildren at all.

Would you keep in touch often using technology?

An old colleague of mine had grandchildren who lived in the USA, she said she found it so costly to visit regularly, and also very tiring- not a holiday by any means. Their other grandchildren lived elsewhere in the UK so they were long distance grandparents to both

 

[Facehugger]

Would you keep in touch often using technology?

An old colleague of mine had grandchildren who lived in the USA, she said she found it so costly to visit regularly, and also very tiring- not a holiday by any means. Their other grandchildren lived elsewhere in the UK so they were long distance grandparents to both

Oh absolutely, of course, I'd be WhatsApp video calling, I'd insist Nanny in the UK wasn't forgotten even if I couldn't go. My friends daughter is in Oz, they've only been over twice but they're always online to them and the kids are teenagers now.

 

[Kim Mild]

So since I made this thread 2 months ago my children have seen their grandparents once. No phone or video calls either. They've gone almost 7 weeks so far. I got a text after my 3 year old was off nursery ill saying they could go over if they were better , but they younger one had caught it too. So they never made any more arrangements since then . So my kids didn't see their grandparents at all during November.

I was talking to a lady in the shops today who's grandchildren live in Australia and she speaks to them everyday.

The situation makes me quite sad.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

So since I made this thread 2 months ago my children have seen their grandparents once. No phone or video calls either. They've gone almost 7 weeks so far. I got a text after my 3 year old was off nursery ill saying they could go over if they were better , but they younger one had caught it too. So they never made any more arrangements since then . So my kids didn't see their grandparents at all during November.

I was talking to a lady in the shops today who's grandchildren live in Australia and she speaks to them everyday.

The situation makes me quite sad.

it is very sad and they will be the ones who lose out the most the children will find other confidants etc I had an Auntie who was mine

I was talking to the other grandparents of my daughter's children the other day and we both have felt at times that we have been taken advantage of ( Im really really not saying you do this, this is purely about our situation ) but one good thing, we all have amazing relationships with the three children. and neither they nor I would change that.

 

[Kim Mild]

it is very sad and they will be the ones who lose out the most the children will find other confidants etc I had an Auntie who was mine

I was talking to the other grandparents of my daughter's children the other day and we both have felt at times that we have been taken advantage of ( Im really really not saying you do this, this is purely about our situation ) but one good thing, we all have amazing relationships with the three children. and neither they nor I would change that.

I know it's them missing out.

We don't really have any other family. I think my oldest must be their substitute grandparent cos they spoil them

 

[BattleAxing]

Every family is different. One families normal is one person's bizarre.

As a kid I would remember going to my paternal grandparents every Sunday afternoon. Where as my maternal grandparents are pretty aloof, clearly favoured one particular grandchild (who was an only child) as opposed to handling several of us (me + close in age siblings) at once. I remember my parents always making plans with them to be told the old chestnut that they were "ill" - they were the types that feigned bad backs with walking sticks until they eventually got the real deal. Both sets of grandparents lived within walking distance.

My partners parents are the aloof type. They make it clear they "are done raising children" and don't seem very interested nor loving or close towards any of their grandchildren. Rarely see my child despite living round the corner, I am pretty sure about twice this year only and fly by visits at that. I don't take my child to their own home as due to their own admission too, its not very child friendly there. Where as my ex partner whom I also share children with have a very close knit family, whose parents can't get enough of my children and will see them every opportunity given and often even go away on holiday with them. I used to think they were quite over bearing but since seeing how nonchalant my partners parents are towards their grandchildren. I now appreciate it. My own parents live quite far and work full time so we aim for once or twice a month and special occasions.

It's a case of courses for horses, no two families are the same. And very often things like this cannot be forced.

 

[sunnystorm88]

My son turned 8 at the end of October, he sees my parents a lot and we talk most days.
He sees my ex’s parents when he has his one over night visit every fortnight.
He said his grandad (ex’s dad) was going to get him a mobile phone! Really not impressed his 8 he does not need a mobile phone.
I get the impression they want to do this so he can communicate with him when his not there.
I’m sorry but they showed there true colours when they stood by there abuser son, no way am I letting my son have communication with them than needed.

 

[Anasnake]

My in laws retired to another country when my son , their only grandchild was two, they then complained that we didn’t spend every holiday visiting them

 

[DuckDuck]

I'm also interested to hear from people who are grandparents themselves.

I’m a grandmother, a young one , I’m mid 40’s , I ADORE my grandson, he’s 5 in March , I literally would have him living here tomorrow if I could , I pick him up on a Friday when I’m not working and we go down the pub , we both have something to eat , ‘ Glam-ma “ will open a bottle , but will only have 1 , his dad ( my son ) will join us after work he has a couple , then we go home , he stays here every weekend, but that’s only because they’ve split up so my son is back home , can’t afford private rental
I get all his favourite sweets in ,
I love that time we have together, before his dad takes over weekend duties k pub will be frowned upon by some , but some of my best memories are sitting down the pub with my grandad and uncles having a bottle of cola and a packet of crisps on a Saturday . I loved watching everyone . He has a burger with fries , sweet corn and a fruit shoot . The same every week
I pop down the school at picking up time when I have time to and we walk to the bus stop. His face lit up yesterday when I said are we going down the pub Friday !
I plan on taking him Disneyland Paris when things are more settled with travel .

 

[Purrrrrrr]

My son turned 8 at the end of October, he sees my parents a lot and we talk most days.
He sees my ex’s parents when he has his one over night visit every fortnight.
He said his grandad (ex’s dad) was going to get him a mobile phone! Really not impressed his 8 he does not need a mobile phone.
I get the impression they want to do this so he can communicate with him when his not there.
I’m sorry but they showed there true colours when they stood by there abuser son, no way am I letting my son have communication with them than needed.

I'm not defending them but how does your son feel about them? To keep my children's relationship going with grandparents they loved dearly I had to eat shite a few times.

 

[Littleelf]

Me and my sister used to see both sets of grandparents at least one a week, probably even more than that as they used to pick us up from school as well as see us on weekends.

My parents don't see my children much, my dad lives abroad and isn't involved in our lives. My mum lives about 45 mins away , and she categorically will not come to our house. We have to go to hers no exceptions, which we don't like to do much because the travel is too much to do all he time and her house is a show home where the children are literally not allowed to do anything at all. My stepdad is massively controlling and has no qualms at shouting at the children if they do something in his house that he doesn't like, (and I'm talking things like drinking in the living room, touching the patio door or making too much noise) which i find unacceptable and my daughter is scared to death of him. My mum is very much a "show nan". As in she buys very expensive presents, takes selfies and posts it everywhere when she sees them but in reality has hardly any relationship with them at all. She has never been alone with them.

In laws live alot closer and used to have my daughter once a week before she started school but now see her once every other weekend when we take her down. I know they would love more and they miss her but they aren't prepared to come to ours to see her they expect us to go to theirs every weekend and frankly we do other things on the weekends

Before I had children I assumed that my kids would automatically have a similar grandparent experience that I did, and they would be very involved just like mine were. But the fact is that they just aren't, and that's OK. I was so dissapointed with my mum for many years with the lack of relationship she has with my daughter but I don't let it bother me now. She's lost out on her grandchildren I think she will regret it one day.

 

[sunnystorm88]

I'm not defending them but how does your son feel about them? To keep my children's relationship going with grandparents they loved dearly I had to eat shite a few times.

@Purrrrrrr that’s okay I used to think they were nice people but saw there true colours when they told me to say I hit my head on a cupboard after there son head butted me in front of my then 3 year old. From what my son says they on many occasions have gone away on the times my son has been there and they also tend to go out for the day. They let there own son sleep in a cabin and share a bed with my son, so to me it just shows how much they care.

 

[Brunetteem]

My fil sees my children once a week om average, but he's quite old and will just sit and watch. My kids also resent him as he favours another grandchild BIG TIME. And everyone knows it


My mum lives about 3 hours away and we haven't seen her much due to pandemic, and then she had some health problems, but when life is usual, she'd come up regularly or we'd go down. When she lived near, she did help a lot with childcare. She treats them the same and as equally as possible, and phones and texts them too. My step dad tries hard too.


My dad isn't interested in kids, not to say he's unloving, when he does see them (once a year ish) he gives sweets and tries to find things for them to do, but its very much out of sight, out of mind. My step mum has never had kids, but also tries hard with them.

My maternal grandparents were amazing and I want to be like them when it's our turn for grandkids

 

[Kim Mild]

My fil sees my children once a week om average, but he's quite old and will just sit and watch. My kids also resent him as he favours another grandchild BIG TIME. And everyone knows it


My mum lives about 3 hours away and we haven't seen her much due to pandemic, and then she had some health problems, but when life is usual, she'd come up regularly or we'd go down. When she lived near, she did help a lot with childcare. She treats them the same and as equally as possible, and phones and texts them too. My step dad tries hard too.


My dad isn't interested in kids, not to say he's unloving, when he does see them (once a year ish) he gives sweets and tries to find things for them to do, but its very much out of sight, out of mind. My step mum has never had kids, but also tries hard with them.

My maternal grandparents were amazing and I want to be like them when it's our turn for grandkids

Is the cousin your fil favours his daughter's child?

I wonder if my in laws are also the out of sight, out of mind sort too. Pity they couldn't be a bit more like that with their sons .

 

[Kim Mild]

So my kids went to their grandparents for the first time in 7 weeks. Grandad had to pop out for a routine nurses appointment and grandma went to meet her friend in the evening . I don't know why they didn't choose another day, there were other days this week that were more convenient for me too.

 

[MeMyselfnI]

Only 10 times since March seems a lot! We are grandparents, well rather my husband is and I’m the step nanny/granny. One of his sons lives practically round the corner but we see the grandsons very rarely, they have never been to our house (they are nearly 2 and 3 years old). They obviously invite us for birthday dos etc but there’s not a regular visit. I find it odd because we always visited my dad’s parents every Saturday when I was growing up; my maternal nan actually moved quite close to us so that was handy.

Maybe they just hate our house.

Do you invite them to visit? Offer to take the kids for a bit ?

 

[Kim Mild]

Do you invite them to visit? Offer to take the kids for a bit ?

Husband has taken the kids over a few times. They used to sometimes call in to ours , but then the dog gets too hyper with visitors.

I asked husband if they ever ask him , or if he ever asks them to see the kids but apparently he doesn't know.

 

[Emmas83]

My parents see my kids at least twice a week husbands parents are a nightmare and making me dread Xmas they live in mainland Europe and have only met my kids once (they 2 year old twins) but are back this Xmas and expect us to just arrange plans around them. I refuse to not go to my parents on Xmas day because they help us so much with childcare and my kids actually love going to their house. My in laws are very offended we’ve said no to Xmas eve / day with them though.
Everyone is different but some in laws are really not normal!!

 

[1001 others]

A good friend and her family live a day's drive away from her husband's side of the family, so only tend to catch up on long weekends or Christmas (and it's always them having to travel to see the in-laws - the in-laws hardly ever travel to see them).

I feel so sad for my friend's daughters whenever she tells me about their trips to see the grandparents ... they're cordial, but don't sound very welcoming, and the kids don't even get so much as a hug (aged 8 and 5). In fact, the girls are scared of the grandies ... they're not allowed to sit on certain couches, they're not allowed to eat without having newspaper under their chairs ... it sounds very formal and cold.

Oddly, by contrast, my friend's brother-in-law lives one town across so they see his parents all the time and his daughters (11 and 14) are treated like absolute Queens. The daughter-in-law also gets greeted warmly. Last year, the grandies gave them money for their savings accounts which is all very nice, but young kids don't really know what that means - it would've been nice if they'd given them a gift - just something little - too. By contrast, the older grand daughters were given jewellery and stationery to open up in front of the smaller kids ... I can't imagine how awful the littlies would've felt.

My friend thinks her in-laws see their kids differently as they were conceived through IVF - which, if correct, would just be so odd. Odd and sad.

 

[Mardymermaid]

My parents are brilliant grandparents even though they weren’t very good parents they don’t live close though so see the kids about 8 times a year.
The paternal grandparents whilst they are good grandparents there was often a lot of favouritism with sil kids and there still is sometimes and I don’t really like them as they put me through a lot . I’m civil for the kids sake but I no longer stay silent if the kids are being treated unfairly to their cousins.