'I spent my youth being abused and watching my mum slowly die'
'I am the way I am around males because frankly I don't trust them'
Now, I'm not sure if Paul is insinuating that he was abused by a male in his youth here or if the two aren't connected and he's just trying to be manipulative. The way he worded it is very odd; 'I don't trust them'.
I think we all can have levels of sympathy for abuse victims but it'll never be an excuse to then continue the cycle.
Also, the use of male and not men. Odd. Man surely flows better in that sentence does it not? Maybe I'm looking too deep into this but I have a distaste for calling people female or male. It narrows them down to their biology rather than who they are and I only find people who do this, do it in a degrading way. I think Paul believes himself to be better or higher than other men and uses this language in order to put down other men. I think his attitude towards certain things confirms this (his dislike of drinking for example).
So it brings us back to why he doesn't trust men, why? I think the 'abuse' was perhaps bullying (which can be abuse, I'm not disagreeing). Paul is quite effeminate. He's skinny, not tall, and doesn't really have stereotypical masculine traits. I know people have thought he could be gay but I think he's simply just effeminate and that is completely okay.
But being effeminate will also steer you away from befriending men and you'll usually befriend women as you'll find them more relatable. Only - I think he's always had the same or a similar personality with wanting to be too 'nice' and it has come off creepy. So he was excluded from men and women. I think we all know at least one man who is like this; he think he's nice. He wants to be very close very fast. He wants to know everything about you and be there for you. And he probably wants the friendship to go further. In a word this is lovebombing. It is too much and too scary.
Now turn him down? And I imagine, like most, can become very threatening (emotionally in Paul's case). He wants his own way and he wants some control over his victim.
He wants to appeal to women as being 'not like other men' when he is in fact... like other men but a certain type. And sometimes, in my experience, can be the worst type. If Paul had his way, his victim would have no contact with any man. Their father, brothers, friends etc., he'd convince them they're bad that men are bad and he is the only good one. The only one who understands.
It's scary.
So, his past probably has had some affect on him, but it's no excuse. Paul, we have all had shit. None of us have had it easy. We've been abused, sexually and physically. We've seen parents die, friend pass etc., But we move on and help ourselves. We go to therapy and talk to people. We help ourselves. If your past is so bad then it is up to you to help yourself not continue to use it as an excuse.
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