Looking at these posts, all I can see is defensiveness - and fear.Just saving the screenshots here because I’m sure we’ll want to refer back to it at some point
Fear of what, though? Difference from the norm? A child who is not a mirror-reflection of his parents? A deep-down conviction that a child who is differently abled is somehow ‘lesser’? A fear that you will never understand or reach him, or vice versa?
This is the time for humility, Ashley. You are receiving, by all accounts, thousands of comments re: Alf’s development, his agility or the lack thereof, and what I personally perceive as autistic traits (based on my own neurodivergence and observation of other neurodiverse children). Yes - Some of these people will be self-righteous, judgmental and even spiteful. Some of them will positively enjoy sticking the boot in and telling you where they perceive you to be wrong; they will relish worrying you, and feel that their way is the only way to see, act, think.
But not all.
We on these threads certainly give you a hard time. And, given quite a lot of your behaviours, I’m afraid that you’ve quite often asked for it. But on the whole, commenters here are not malicious - rather, they/we are frustrated. You have a lovely, beautiful little boy who has clear issues that you yourself have clearly and inadvertently chronicled. The frustration is borne out of your apparent intransigence and insistence that your instinct trumps decades of collective experience, be it from parents or professionals.
We’re not trolling you about Alf.
Little Alf has delayed milestones. Of course, children develop at their own rate. I was speaking full sentences at 9-10 months, reading by fifteen months or so. My intellectual development was so accelerated that my complete lack of social awareness (cues, behaviours, emulation and so on) went completely unnoticed. As I grew older, in a house that was full of misery, my mother’s and mine, with a father who trained me to obedience like a dog, these differences grew more pronounced. As I’ve bored on before, my life has been hellishly lonely and chaotic because I didn’t have any support. A high IQ is no substitute for being in the world and a part of it.
It doesn’t have to be like this for Alf. But it will be, once he reaches school age, without the proper support and education. I know that you don’t want to see him struggle and fail to succeed, or for him to be bullied, or bewildered by how difficult he finds navigating the world. Isolation is a terrible, terrifying feeling for a child. And it doesn’t mean that he is ‘wrong’ in some way, or made wrongly, imperfectly; that his differences are negative, that the way he views life is any less shining and extraordinary than the next person’s. That his awe and wonder, his joy and discoveries will be diminished in any way. He has a boundless capacity for discovery, and will bring great joy when he shares it. In 2024, the world is finally learning to appreciate differences, and instill good values in children from an early age. Thousands upon thousands of children who historically would’ve gone undiagnosed are now living happy, healthy, supported lives and have all the potential in the world. Alf may yet be a scientist, or a musician, or an explorer; but he just needs to *get* there. There’s nothing wrong with support, being supported, supporting others - to nurture his intellectual and physical needs. The act of supporting unleashes our full capacity for empathy, compassion and understanding. Please allow your instinct to be guided by your knowledge - for after all, humans are two complementary halves: feeling and thinking, emoting and understanding.
There is no shame in this, Ashley, none at all. Don’t let Alf struggle alone. Let him be proud of you for helping him.
A Happy New Year to everyone.
