ASD Toddlers

[peachhes]

Apologies for the mega long read !!
My son is just turned 3 and starting nursery in a few weeks. Most of his life so far has been lockdowns so has been pretty sheltered sadly. I’m just after some support and advice hopefully as Im worried there’s something wrong with him.

Doesn’t talk
Rarely understands instructions
Sometimes doesn’t respond to his name
Doesn’t clap or wave
Doesn’t really play with toys/games and prefers to do things alone
Flaps his arms a lot, likes to spin round
Occasionally lines up cars etc (not very often at all)
He hand leads when he wants something

But then I flip it in my head and think there’s loads of ‘signs’ that don’t apply to him, he’s super loving, fine around other people/kids, has no eye contact issues, if he wants a drink he’ll bring me his cup etc. I read online (silly I know) and my only concern is some articles say literally everything and anything is an autism ‘red flag’ (hate that phrase) sign.

 

[Peaches_xox]

I would say if you have any concerns at all, to get him assessed. Have you spoken with health visitor?

Its really hard to know with everything that’s happened over the last few years if it’s something or nothing! You might see him change loads after he goes to nursery!

One thing I will say is that when you read online just because he displays some of the ‘symptoms’ it doesn’t mean he has it, the same way that just because he doesn’t do all of them it doesn’t mean he doesn’t either. Speaking to your HV if you haven’t already will help loads and also nursery will highlight any concerns to you too if they see them!

My son has just turned 6, he barley ticks any of the boxes that you read online. He hit all typical milestones at the typical age, walking talking, he’s loving he’s kind he makes eye contact but there is SOMETHING bothering me and school see it too so I’m looking into a private assessment as the nhs wait time is very long x

 

[peachhes]

Naturally you post on mumsnet and just get told it’s your own fault so that’s always nice…. Told that I’m blaming lockdown and its my fault he hasn’t had intervention before now even though anyone I contacted completely ignored me for months!

 

[Melian]

Has he had his ears tested recently?

 

[peachhes]

Has he had his ears tested recently?

Nope. There was a phase he went through about a year ago of picking at his ears, I did call the GP and they refused to see him but I stood my ground…. She checked his ears quickly in the car park () and said they were fine.
He can definitely hear because he mostly responds to his name but I’m not sure if there could be something else ear related maybe

 

[LittleMy]

If you’re concerned, definitely speak to your GP or Health Visitor who can then put in a referral for an ASD assessment. Waiting lists are usually long unfortunately (can only imagine they have increased due to Covid but it probably varies depending on where you are too). But it’s always good to get them on the list if you’re worried sooner rather than later. 3 years is around the age when it would usually be picked up by caregivers as neurotypical children are learning to socialise with peers around that age. Nursery staff will definitely pick up on anything too, and it can help to bring your child on so much.

I have two sons with autism diagnoses and they are like chalk and cheese. With my eldest it was very obvious from around 15 months. He displayed all the textbook signs of development delay and autism. He wasn’t officially diagnosed until he was 3 and a half and is almost 7 now. He attends a mainstream school with additional supports in place. My youngest on the other hand did not display the same signs. He was developing typically and we had no concerns until he was about 2.5. HV referred him on and the assessment was done under Covid restrictions/lockdown and via telephone and video appointments. He received his diagnosis last year just before he turned 4.

Go with your gut. You’re his parent and you know him better than anyone. Best of luck to both of you.

 

[peachhes]

If you’re concerned, definitely speak to your GP or Health Visitor who can then put in a referral for an ASD assessment. Waiting lists are usually long unfortunately (can only imagine they have increased due to Covid but it probably varies depending on where you are too). But it’s always good to get them on the list if you’re worried sooner rather than later. 3 years is around the age when it would usually be picked up by caregivers as neurotypical children are learning to socialise with peers around that age. Nursery staff will definitely pick up on anything too, and it can help to bring your child on so much.

I have two sons with autism diagnoses and they are like chalk and cheese. With my eldest it was very obvious from around 15 months. He displayed all the textbook signs of development delay and autism. He wasn’t officially diagnosed until he was 3 and a half and is almost 7 now. He attends a mainstream school with additional supports in place. My youngest on the other hand did not display the same signs. He was developing typically and we had no concerns until he was about 2.5. HV referred him on and the assessment was done under Covid restrictions/lockdown and via telephone and video appointments. He received his diagnosis last year just before he turned 4.

Go with your gut. You’re his parent and you know him better than anyone. Best of luck to both of you.

This is comforting. I stupidly went to mumsnet first and just got absolutely annihilated over it, saying it’s my own fault and I’ve missed a huge window of intervention and it’s shocking he’s not had help before now and so on….
We’ve only really considered him being autistic in the past maybe 6 months - the biggest thing for us is his speech. The nursery he’s going to are aware of his speech delay/our concerns so hopefully it all works out. Thank you so much xx

 

[ker87]

Your son sounds exactly the same as mine (2.5years). Had our first Ped appointment last week and he has been referred for autism assessment. My main aim is that If he needs help it’s in place (hopefully) in time for school. It’s definitely your choice on which route you go down. Xx

 

[LittleMy]

This is comforting. I stupidly went to mumsnet first and just got absolutely annihilated over it, saying it’s my own fault and I’ve missed a huge window of intervention and it’s shocking he’s not had help before now and so on….
We’ve only really considered him being autistic in the past maybe 6 months - the biggest thing for us is his speech. The nursery he’s going to are aware of his speech delay/our concerns so hopefully it all works out. Thank you so much xx

Those mumsnetters are idiots. It is most definitely not your fault! Especially when they’re so young, it can be hard to differentiate between typical toddler behaviours and autism sometimes. I used to make excuses for my older son not speaking until it was made clear that he needed support from speech and language therapy. He used to just cry and scream constantly and we would have no idea what he wanted or needed because he wouldn’t even point - it was so difficult having to find alternative ways to communicate at first. Speech and language therapy plus being in the nursery environment around other kids really made such a difference. He didnt speak first words until he was 2.5 and now there’s no shutting him up sometimes.

It could just be that your little one needs a bit of support with his speech and that he’ll catch up once he’s in the nursery. Just know that you’re not alone and there is no harm in seeking out help. It’s good that the nursery are aware and I hope that it all goes well.

 

[peachhes]

Those mumsnetters are idiots. It is most definitely not your fault! Especially when they’re so young, it can be hard to differentiate between typical toddler behaviours and autism sometimes. I used to make excuses for my older son not speaking until it was made clear that he needed support from speech and language therapy. He used to just cry and scream constantly and we would have no idea what he wanted or needed because he wouldn’t even point - it was so difficult having to find alternative ways to communicate at first. Speech and language therapy plus being in the nursery environment around other kids really made such a difference. He didnt speak first words until he was 2.5 and now there’s no shutting him up sometimes.

It could just be that your little one needs a bit of support with his speech and that he’ll catch up once he’s in the nursery. Just know that you’re not alone and there is no harm in seeking out help. It’s good that the nursery are aware and I hope that it all goes well.

I quote - “3 is way too old to be blaming lockdown on this. You’ve missed a big window of intervention that should have been dealt with already”

I don’t really count just turning 3 after having literally zero child interaction as being too old
Thank you for your kinder comments! X

 

[watermelon sugar]

I have no advice but I just wanted to let you know that it is absolutely not your fault. Just because he is 3 and not necessarily born during the pandemic and lockdowns didn’t mean he didn’t grow up through it and that can affect any child. My niece is 4 and she could speak before the pandemic hit and the whole thing, not being in school etc has made her pick up mannerisms and lose all confidence so the school have picked it up and took it my brother and SIL. any child any age would be affected by the last few years so don’t blame yourself!

i agree with the others though that nursery might be what he needs! Being around other children really helps bring them along. But if you’re really concerned speak to your HV, when I’ve had doubts over my 2 yo my HV has been great x

 

[peachhes]

I have no advice but I just wanted to let you know that it is absolutely not your fault. Just because he is 3 and not necessarily born during the pandemic and lockdowns didn’t mean he didn’t grow up through it and that can affect any child. My niece is 4 and she could speak before the pandemic hit and the whole thing, not being in school etc has made her pick up mannerisms and lose all confidence so the school have picked it up and took it my brother and SIL. any child any age would be affected by the last few years so don’t blame yourself!

i agree with the others though that nursery might be what he needs! Being around other children really helps bring them along. But if you’re really concerned speak to your HV, when I’ve had doubts over my 2 yo my HV has been great x

He had barely turned 1 when lockdown came and he couldn’t even walk! Since then he’s not been to any groups/sessions etc, we have no family or friends with children either. He definitely needs nursery - my cousin has a child a few months younger than my boy (they live the other end of the country) and she’s been with a childminder since she was about 6 months old and she chats away.
I have just text the HV for a callback tomorrow and voiced some concerns. We always agreed (partner and I) that if his speech hadn’t come on after a month or so in a nursery environment we’d push more for an intervention x

 

[LittleMy]

I honestly despair. Many parents actually struggle to be taken seriously with concerns like these when their children are under 3, because so much depends on their ability to socialise and children don’t typically start playing until they’re around 3/4 years old, so they’re talking a lot of shite. Shocking that they said that to you. Lockdown could definitely be a factor in your son’s case. x

I quote - “3 is way too old to be blaming lockdown on this. You’ve missed a big window of intervention that should have been dealt with already”

I don’t really count just turning 3 after having literally zero child interaction as being too old
Thank you for your kinder comments! X

 

[peachhes]

I honestly despair. Many parents actually struggle to be taken seriously with concerns like these when their children are under 3, because so much depends on their ability to socialise and children don’t typically start playing until they’re around 3/4 years old, so they’re talking a lot of shite. Shocking that they said that to you. Lockdown could definitely be a factor in your son’s case. x

I never once said I ‘blamed’ lockdown, I just thought it could be a factor mainly with the lack of mixing with other kiddies. I immediately deleted my mumsnet account as I can’t be arsed for Judgey Julies like that it was the sly shaming disguised as help which p*ssed me off the most!

He’s only just turned 3 as well so it’s not like he’s nearing 4 or anything and school age.

 

[LittleMy]

I never once said I ‘blamed’ lockdown, I just thought it could be a factor mainly with the lack of mixing with other kiddies. I immediately deleted my mumsnet account as I can’t be arsed for Judgey Julies like that it was the sly shaming disguised as help which p*ssed me off the most!

He’s only just turned 3 as well so it’s not like he’s nearing 4 or anything and school age.

I’ve noticed they’re good at that. Simply giving birth apparently qualifies you in everything and anything to do with them over on that site. Bunch of roasters.

He has plenty of time to develop and I’m sure he will thrive at nursery, especially with good parents supporting him.

 

[Peaches_xox]

This is comforting. I stupidly went to mumsnet first and just got absolutely annihilated over it, saying it’s my own fault and I’ve missed a huge window of intervention and it’s shocking he’s not had help before now and so on….
We’ve only really considered him being autistic in the past maybe 6 months - the biggest thing for us is his speech. The nursery he’s going to are aware of his speech delay/our concerns so hopefully it all works out. Thank you so much xx

You haven’t missed a huge window of intervention at all! Like I said my son has just turned 6, when he started school (during lockdowns) there was concern but it was news to us as nothing they said we saw at home, we couldn’t work out if it was due to the lockdowns or it was something so we gave it time. Some things have improved but he has some real barriers with his learning - mostly writing. Even though he has no diagnosis he’s still on the schools SEN register and gets additional support when required and we’re looking into an assessment now. Those people on mums net are twats

 

[watermelon sugar]

Lockdown has a lot to answer to for a lot of children I think. Lockdown has knocked me sideways with confidence etc so imagine how hard it must be for toddlers and young children!

I think you’ve made a good start going to your HV and him starting nursery, you’ll begin to notice a big difference there I think. My little boy has only just done 2 weeks of nursery and I can already notice little things from him that are different so hopefully nursery is what he needed

also in regards to autism etc, I think it’s hard for Mums to look at the symptoms and not compare. With the lining cars up, my son does it all the time and I do think ‘that’s on the autism list’ and it does make you overthink

 

[Peaches_xox]

I’m telling you every single kid who plays with cars lines them up!! It’s a traffic jam init

 

[peachhes]

I’m telling you every single kid who plays with cars lines them up!! It’s a traffic jam init

I know! My little boy does line things up but not to the point where I’ve thought it’s strange, he rarely does it at home tbh, I think I line things up more than he does

anyway I contacted my GP as my HV completely ignored me (again) and they’ve processed the referral so I feel a tiny weight lifted from me!

 

[MrsJones83]

Nope. There was a phase he went through about a year ago of picking at his ears, I did call the GP and they refused to see him but I stood my ground…. She checked his ears quickly in the car park () and said they were fine.
He can definitely hear because he mostly responds to his name but I’m not sure if there could be something else ear related maybe

My 3 year olds speech is a bit delayed so our HV offered to refer him for a hearing test, we obviously said yes please, we had an appointment pretty quickly, so it’s something your HV can do, even if it’s just to rule it out.

And also going back to the lockdowns, I believe they absolutely did have an impact. Our kids didn’t see family or friends, they couldn’t see other children in parks or playgroups, they didn’t see “speech” because everyone outside of the house wore masks, they just didn’t have the opportunities. It’s not our “fault” it’s just the way things were, and so I do give my three year old some leeway.