ASD Toddlers

[maytoseptember]

Hi @peachhes

I have been in your shoes and I remember it well. All the soul-seaching about autistic traits. Worrying when you realise that your child has a bunch of traits, but also thinking "well he doesn't have these other traits so maybe I'm worrying for nothing!" and just feeling so conflicted about it all. It's such a scary time. And I can tell you know, I delayed getting advice for such a long time: (1) because I was scared and (2) because people used to reassure me by saying "ah don't you worry, he'll wake up one day and he'll be talking in complete sentences!" I wanted to believe that so I kept waiting and waiting...

Ignore that bollocks you hear about "early intervention" and how important it is. I hate the term "early intervention". To be frank, if you child is autistic they are autistic, and no intervention is going to mould the autism out of them.

Also, don't be afraid of autism. If anything, I recommend that you check out some accounts on social media that are about real families living real lives and not all that dry, doom-and-gloom articles full of medical language that only concentrate on the deficits of autism. My advice is do try to get into the system and get your child seen by a paediatrician. These things take a long time so there's no point waiting. Also, ignore any rubbish you hear about "labels" and worrying that your child will have a "label" forced upon them. It's so offensive.

My son is autistic. He was diagnosed just after he turned 5 but I had been pretty sure he was autistic for a good 9-12 months prior to that. He doesn't stop talking. He is incredibly clever. He has a brilliant sense of humour. He tells me he loves me every day. He really does make me so proud. Yes, he struggles socially and with anxiety, I'm not going to pretend that life is perfect, but that's true for any family.

The hardest thing about raising an autistic child is other people He is brilliant and I wouldn't change him, but I would change the world FOR him, if that makes sense.

 

[peachhes]

Apologies for the mega long read !!
My son is just turned 3 and starting nursery in a few weeks. Most of his life so far has been lockdowns so has been pretty sheltered sadly. I’m just after some support and advice hopefully as Im worried there’s something wrong with him.

Doesn’t talk
Rarely understands instructions
Sometimes doesn’t respond to his name
Doesn’t clap or wave
Doesn’t really play with toys/games and prefers to do things alone
Flaps his arms a lot, likes to spin round
Occasionally lines up cars etc (not very often at all)
He hand leads when he wants something

But then I flip it in my head and think there’s loads of ‘signs’ that don’t apply to him, he’s super loving, fine around other people/kids, has no eye contact issues, if he wants a drink he’ll bring me his cup etc. I read online (silly I know) and my only concern is some articles say literally everything and anything is an autism ‘red flag’ (hate that phrase) sign.

 

[Peaches_xox]

I’m telling you every single kid who plays with cars lines them up!! It’s a traffic jam init

 

[peachhes]

If you’re concerned, definitely speak to your GP or Health Visitor who can then put in a referral for an ASD assessment. Waiting lists are usually long unfortunately (can only imagine they have increased due to Covid but it probably varies depending on where you are too). But it’s always good to get them on the list if you’re worried sooner rather than later. 3 years is around the age when it would usually be picked up by caregivers as neurotypical children are learning to socialise with peers around that age. Nursery staff will definitely pick up on anything too, and it can help to bring your child on so much.

I have two sons with autism diagnoses and they are like chalk and cheese. With my eldest it was very obvious from around 15 months. He displayed all the textbook signs of development delay and autism. He wasn’t officially diagnosed until he was 3 and a half and is almost 7 now. He attends a mainstream school with additional supports in place. My youngest on the other hand did not display the same signs. He was developing typically and we had no concerns until he was about 2.5. HV referred him on and the assessment was done under Covid restrictions/lockdown and via telephone and video appointments. He received his diagnosis last year just before he turned 4.

Go with your gut. You’re his parent and you know him better than anyone. Best of luck to both of you.

This is comforting. I stupidly went to mumsnet first and just got absolutely annihilated over it, saying it’s my own fault and I’ve missed a huge window of intervention and it’s shocking he’s not had help before now and so on….
We’ve only really considered him being autistic in the past maybe 6 months - the biggest thing for us is his speech. The nursery he’s going to are aware of his speech delay/our concerns so hopefully it all works out. Thank you so much xx

 

[Milehammer]

The HV picked up some signs in my son at his 2 year health check (flapping, not socialising, repeating things people say) and passed it on to his nursery. Nursery have been monitoring ever since but think he's improving and there's not much to worry about it. I do think lockdown played a massive part as these kids just haven't learnt how to interact with others.

Had multiple meltdown crying sessions already this week over him starting nursery in 2 weeks I’m just so worried he’ll crumble…. He doesn’t talk, doesn’t play with things how you should do, doesn’t always understand things.. I’m just mega concerned they won’t know how to deal with him he’s not naughty or boisterous he just doesn’t listen

I promise you he'll be fine, they just adapt. My son started nursery in September and they've been so good with him. His key worker made a targeted plan to help him and she encourages him to sit with other children and models how he should be playing and interacting and he's improved so much! I don't think he would have improved anywhere near as much if he were still at home with me every day.

 

[LittleMy]

This is comforting. I stupidly went to mumsnet first and just got absolutely annihilated over it, saying it’s my own fault and I’ve missed a huge window of intervention and it’s shocking he’s not had help before now and so on….
We’ve only really considered him being autistic in the past maybe 6 months - the biggest thing for us is his speech. The nursery he’s going to are aware of his speech delay/our concerns so hopefully it all works out. Thank you so much xx

Those mumsnetters are idiots. It is most definitely not your fault! Especially when they’re so young, it can be hard to differentiate between typical toddler behaviours and autism sometimes. I used to make excuses for my older son not speaking until it was made clear that he needed support from speech and language therapy. He used to just cry and scream constantly and we would have no idea what he wanted or needed because he wouldn’t even point - it was so difficult having to find alternative ways to communicate at first. Speech and language therapy plus being in the nursery environment around other kids really made such a difference. He didnt speak first words until he was 2.5 and now there’s no shutting him up sometimes.

It could just be that your little one needs a bit of support with his speech and that he’ll catch up once he’s in the nursery. Just know that you’re not alone and there is no harm in seeking out help. It’s good that the nursery are aware and I hope that it all goes well.

 

[MrsJones83]

Nope. There was a phase he went through about a year ago of picking at his ears, I did call the GP and they refused to see him but I stood my ground…. She checked his ears quickly in the car park () and said they were fine.
He can definitely hear because he mostly responds to his name but I’m not sure if there could be something else ear related maybe

My 3 year olds speech is a bit delayed so our HV offered to refer him for a hearing test, we obviously said yes please, we had an appointment pretty quickly, so it’s something your HV can do, even if it’s just to rule it out.

And also going back to the lockdowns, I believe they absolutely did have an impact. Our kids didn’t see family or friends, they couldn’t see other children in parks or playgroups, they didn’t see “speech” because everyone outside of the house wore masks, they just didn’t have the opportunities. It’s not our “fault” it’s just the way things were, and so I do give my three year old some leeway.

 

[peachhes]

He had his first settling in session this morning and although he whinged a bit (he was shattered as well) he was fine, the nursery were so lovely and said they have a few kids that don’t talk his age. He still puts toys in his mouth out of habit so they are going to get him his own toy to chew on if he wants whilst he’s there. Definitely put my mind at ease!!

 

[peachhes]

Naturally you post on mumsnet and just get told it’s your own fault so that’s always nice…. Told that I’m blaming lockdown and its my fault he hasn’t had intervention before now even though anyone I contacted completely ignored me for months!

 

[peachhes]

I have no advice but I just wanted to let you know that it is absolutely not your fault. Just because he is 3 and not necessarily born during the pandemic and lockdowns didn’t mean he didn’t grow up through it and that can affect any child. My niece is 4 and she could speak before the pandemic hit and the whole thing, not being in school etc has made her pick up mannerisms and lose all confidence so the school have picked it up and took it my brother and SIL. any child any age would be affected by the last few years so don’t blame yourself!

i agree with the others though that nursery might be what he needs! Being around other children really helps bring them along. But if you’re really concerned speak to your HV, when I’ve had doubts over my 2 yo my HV has been great x

He had barely turned 1 when lockdown came and he couldn’t even walk! Since then he’s not been to any groups/sessions etc, we have no family or friends with children either. He definitely needs nursery - my cousin has a child a few months younger than my boy (they live the other end of the country) and she’s been with a childminder since she was about 6 months old and she chats away.
I have just text the HV for a callback tomorrow and voiced some concerns. We always agreed (partner and I) that if his speech hadn’t come on after a month or so in a nursery environment we’d push more for an intervention x

 

[peachhes]

Those mumsnetters are idiots. It is most definitely not your fault! Especially when they’re so young, it can be hard to differentiate between typical toddler behaviours and autism sometimes. I used to make excuses for my older son not speaking until it was made clear that he needed support from speech and language therapy. He used to just cry and scream constantly and we would have no idea what he wanted or needed because he wouldn’t even point - it was so difficult having to find alternative ways to communicate at first. Speech and language therapy plus being in the nursery environment around other kids really made such a difference. He didnt speak first words until he was 2.5 and now there’s no shutting him up sometimes.

It could just be that your little one needs a bit of support with his speech and that he’ll catch up once he’s in the nursery. Just know that you’re not alone and there is no harm in seeking out help. It’s good that the nursery are aware and I hope that it all goes well.

I quote - “3 is way too old to be blaming lockdown on this. You’ve missed a big window of intervention that should have been dealt with already”

I don’t really count just turning 3 after having literally zero child interaction as being too old
Thank you for your kinder comments! X

 

[Meg78]

Does anyone have any experience with hyperlexia? It lies on the autism spectrum but you can be hyperlexic without being autistic.
It's the ability to read without being taught.
My 3 year old can read. And seems to have followed an hyperlexic route to learning. We've done all the letters, numbers up to 1,000, the solar system, shapes and are now firmly entrenched in flags.
He's definitely hyperlexic I would say, and was showing some autistic "traits" that have fallen away as he's got older, but he doesn't really interact with other children, still plays alongside etc.
Just wondering if there are any other hyperlexic mamas out there

Yes my toddler is hyperlexic, numbers and letters she always excelled, started nursery just after her second birthday and was reading over her teachers shoulders as they typed updates on the tablet, utterly freaked them out! She can identify letters (upper and lower case) and numbers out of sequence, subitise 1-10 etc but we did notice that with words she doesn’t understand phonics and blends, she’s using a photographic memory to memorise the patterns.

She’s ASD and ADHD, PDA subtype specifically, also a Gestalt language processor.

As an aside, if you have even a suspicion that your child may be on the spectrum please consider pursuing assessment and also applying for or asking the nursery to apply for an EHCP, both are incredibly hard to get ahold of for children who present in a more neurotypical manner, especially once they master masking, and the older they are the more dismissed they become. It’s an absolute travesty to see how many children are being left behind and needs ignored as they go through the education system and getting ahold of diagnosis and care plan prior to starting school has much higher success rates.

 

[Peaches_xox]

I would say if you have any concerns at all, to get him assessed. Have you spoken with health visitor?

Its really hard to know with everything that’s happened over the last few years if it’s something or nothing! You might see him change loads after he goes to nursery!

One thing I will say is that when you read online just because he displays some of the ‘symptoms’ it doesn’t mean he has it, the same way that just because he doesn’t do all of them it doesn’t mean he doesn’t either. Speaking to your HV if you haven’t already will help loads and also nursery will highlight any concerns to you too if they see them!

My son has just turned 6, he barley ticks any of the boxes that you read online. He hit all typical milestones at the typical age, walking talking, he’s loving he’s kind he makes eye contact but there is SOMETHING bothering me and school see it too so I’m looking into a private assessment as the nhs wait time is very long x

 

[maytoseptember]

Does anyone have any experience with hyperlexia? It lies on the autism spectrum but you can be hyperlexic without being autistic.
It's the ability to read without being taught.
My 3 year old can read. And seems to have followed an hyperlexic route to learning. We've done all the letters, numbers up to 1,000, the solar system, shapes and are now firmly entrenched in flags.
He's definitely hyperlexic I would say, and was showing some autistic "traits" that have fallen away as he's got older, but he doesn't really interact with other children, still plays alongside etc.
Just wondering if there are any other hyperlexic mamas out there

You’ve described a classic hyperlexic profile there. I don’t know why so many hyperlexic kids go for space and flags as special interests but they do!

My son is hyperlexic too. He started reading at 3 but I’ll never know when he really started reading because he was speech delayed. It was only when he could talk that I understood he could read.

I also clung to the possibility of “hyperlexia type 3” (early reading child with some autistic traits but not autistic) but I soon realised that my son was undeniably autistic and I had been - understandably - clinging to the hope that he wasn’t. I don’t mind admitting that, I think all parents have to go on a journey of acceptance.

That’s a long winded way of saying don’t write off autism just because you don’t see any huge glaring traits. My son can give eye contact when he forced himself to, and never lined up toys, didn’t flap his arms etc. He’s still autistic.

 

[watermelon sugar]

Lockdown has a lot to answer to for a lot of children I think. Lockdown has knocked me sideways with confidence etc so imagine how hard it must be for toddlers and young children!

I think you’ve made a good start going to your HV and him starting nursery, you’ll begin to notice a big difference there I think. My little boy has only just done 2 weeks of nursery and I can already notice little things from him that are different so hopefully nursery is what he needed

also in regards to autism etc, I think it’s hard for Mums to look at the symptoms and not compare. With the lining cars up, my son does it all the time and I do think ‘that’s on the autism list’ and it does make you overthink

 

[lookwhatthecatdraggedin1]

Hi everyone. Hope you all had a lovely Xmas and new year. I posted earlier in December about my son and how he may be autistic.
This came around after his new nursery told me he was very distracted and I soon realised that he never follows any instruction or responds to his name. Que me feeling like an awful mother for not realising and also having a newborn. I am in tears most days thinking about my elder sons future and what it will be like. (I’m sure newborn hormones do not add well to the mix)
The HV came to weigh little one and I expressed my concerns, so his 2 year check is on the 12th of this month. I am absolutely bricking it but I know what the outcome will be. I spoke to my sons nursery and they didn’t agree or disagree with my concerns about autistic traits but said they will catch up with me soon about a salt referral.
Not sure what I am asking here but I just need to know if it gets easier? The fact he doesn’t respond to his name absolutely kills me and I wonder if he’ll ever communicate. He does say the odd word but not always in context.
From next week he is going to nursery two full days a week; so I am hoping this may improve things a little more. Sorry for long post xx

Your a amazing mum My little boy is 3, before he started nursery he didn’t respond to his name, he didn’t communicate atall and he had 0 understanding. He now, 98% of the time, responds to his name and he has found his own way to communicate as he doesn’t speak yet Nursery really does help them and hopefully you’ll see a big improvement over time. The health visitor will really help you too and will get the ball rolling if she has the concerns

 

[peachhes]

I’m telling you every single kid who plays with cars lines them up!! It’s a traffic jam init

I know! My little boy does line things up but not to the point where I’ve thought it’s strange, he rarely does it at home tbh, I think I line things up more than he does

anyway I contacted my GP as my HV completely ignored me (again) and they’ve processed the referral so I feel a tiny weight lifted from me!

 

[LittleMy]

Does anyone ever look at friends toddlers who are ‘developing typically’ and get sad/jealous at what life could have been like for themselves if their child didn’t have ASD?
I feel so bad when I do this but I can’t stop and want to stop, I know it doesn’t change anything and I know ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ but it doesn’t stop me getting sad.
We’re not long into the journey of getting a diagnosis so hoping I’m just going through the motions and these feelings will be temporary, would help if I had other friends who had ASD children.

Both my sons are autistic. They’re 5 & 7 (soon to be 6 & 8) now and I definitely got those feelings when they were first on the pathway to diagnosis as toddlers when it was all so new and scary. Our eldest was diagnosed at 3 but we suspected from around 15 months, and then going through it all again with his brother was very soul destroying at times. I still have the odd pangs of jealousy now and again, usually when we’re going through the motions or having a particularly difficult period, but it’s becoming less so as they grow older. It’s ok to feel that way, you’re grieving a child and journey that you thought you’d have and that’s very normal, it will get easier with time and the more you learn about ASD. It doesn’t mean you love your child any less x

 

[lookwhatthecatdraggedin1]

I think the fact that she is trying to talk/making sounds is a very positive thing. Two is still very young. My son was the same at that age, lots of babbling but no discernible words/language and with time, and support from a good speech and language therapist, he came on leaps and bounds. He’ll be 8 this month and is very chatty now (unless he’s engrossed in a video game ). I’m sure your wee girl will be chatting your ear off soon enough.

How old was your little one when the words came? My little one is 3 and a half and at the minute all he says is Dad, Birthday (random one ) and Peppa. He doesn’t shut up though his mouth is non stop but just not proper words yet

 

[Dollenganger]

Oh really exactly same age gap as mine, can I please ask what they’re like together now?

Well they are 21 and 19 now but the jealous phase wore off quickly and wasn’t an issue after a few months.