Argument with boyfriend- advice needed please

[newtoyou]

This is getting a bit a high school.
Is it really necessary to make fun of her and her situation

 

[Bleurghgram]

I feel like there should be a warning under the create a thread button that @BettyCrockerr is going to come along and be an absolute savage

To OP, I’m not gonna lie I would have a massive knee jerk strop if I was in your shoes. And then I’d pull myself together and figure out a compromise, it seems like he’s already suggested a couple. If you don’t want to go ahead with the weekend because you think his head will be in work then don’t, but you do need to decide whether you’re happy with where you are on his list of priorities.

 

[JellyDonut]

I forgot! Sorry!

the weekend was honestly amazing and we had a brilliant time, even booked another trip away together for after Xmas. I also met his family for the first time

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Cost of fuel? for someone who was so progressed in their career that they were considering going to Switzerland for a work conference? For you yes,a single parent etc but for him? C'mon, hes having you on.
Sorry I think you are still wasting your time and he knows you will put up with it. I don t know any woman who would sit there and watch F1 after being blown off for a date. They would all just leave and do something better instead.He sounds really ignorant.

Threads like this come up on tattle a lot. Usually a woman complaining about a boyfriend or partner - then it becomes obvious that the aforementioned guy is completely taking the piss but when this fact is pointed out the original poster will come back with umpteen ridiculous excuses for him. Some people can’t see the wood for the trees unfortunately.

 

[Clickbait]

If he can cancel the trip for your birthday could you not go to Switzerland instead? You could fly out on the Thursday and come back on the Monday and leave him to his conference. He’d already be there so wouldn’t be stressing and you get to have a break together.

 

[rainbowlemon]

And he said that I’m being selfish and childish making it all about me and that I’m in my 30’s and I shouldn’t be so fussed about a birthday. Also that he is the one who booked the air b’n’b and would be doing the driving and that he has planned what restaurants, etc we would be going to so I have no right to be annoyed with him, and that in actual fact he should be annoyed with me because I’ve not done anything at all to prepare for this trip (but I’ve always made it clear I was really excited to go and that I’ve been really looking forward to it and have always shown appreciation for him arranging things when he has told me he’s booked a restaurant or an activity).

We took a trip to the coast earlier in the year and he bought his laptop with him and was doing bits of work during the evening (despite him promising me he wouldn’t).

He’s making me out to feel like I’m crazy and unreasonable and I don’t know what to think. I know his job is important to him and I know what it entails (we work at the same company but different departments). But equally I don’t think it’s outrageous of me to expect my boyfriend to actually make the most of the time off we have together, especially when it’s my birthday.

You're not crazy and you're not being unreasonable. The one thing that stood out for me was the invalidation of your feelings. You're allowed to feel disappointed without being told how you should feel. You have a right to express feeling annoyed at him without it being turned around to why he should be annoyed at you instead.

The previous examples just show that work is more important for him at this moment.

 

[JellyDonut]

A lot of our relationship was during COVID/lockdown times so I don’t feel like it has progressed the same way a normal relationship would. He has asked to meet my children and I’m hesitant about it because of stuff going on with sorting my house/mortgage out with my ex (their dad) and also I just want to do it right. I grew up with various men around all the time because my mum had a new boyfriend every other week and I just want to make sure that anyone I introduce into their lives is going to be a stable and constant part in it. Also I know for a fact he’s not seeing anyone else - I’ve been to his flat a lot and it’s very obvious only a guy lives there, and I’ve met all of his family and friends and because of work I know where he is all the time. We talk for hours every day. I am 100% certain without a doubt he’s not seeing anyone else at all. Things are progressing it’s just not following a typical path but that’s ok with me.

anyway, he decided not to go on the work trip. I did tell him with genuine sincerity that if he really felt it was important for him to go then he should because I don’t want to hold him back from anything because the whole point in being in a relationship with someone is that they encourage you to grow and bring out the best in you - and if by him not going to this conference meant I was holding him back then I don’t want that. But he’s decided to not go and is happy we are spending the time together, so it seems to have worked out.

 

[Bunnyintheheadlights]

Maybe I'm totally out of line here but with the F1 argument too it sounds like he's ready to split, but by making you break it off so you look like the bad guy....have you got a close girl friend who would go away with you to celebrate? If not have a crazy weekend with your little ones and don't invite him. .... Obviously I have had my fair share of crap partners

 

[Milehammer]

If he wants to go then let him go. Otherwise you'll just spend the Monday feeling guilty, it'll take the shine off it all.
Tbh I'm with him on the birthday thing, birthdays aren't really that big of a deal when you're an adult.
I know I would feel the same as you do but I'd swallow it down and get on with it. If his work is an issue with you then maybe you need to rethink if this is the right relationship for you, it's not really fair to try and change him.

 

[Podcat]

This is getting a bit a high school.
Is it really necessary to make fun of her and her situation

Agree. Seems like people really enjoy coming on threads like these to be shitty to strangers asking for advice under the guise of "just telling it like it is".

OP, you don't owe anyone here an update on your weekend or your relationship. I'm currently watching friends who are 2 years post-breakup, with kids involved, and it's still not easy to navigate. I hope it goes well for you.

 

[Sheabutter]

I think you both are right in your own ways. The most salient thing to me is this isn’t the first incident and it probably won’t be the last. It sounds like this company doesn’t afford him a good work life balance.

 

[Scorpihoe]

Wow this thread got cruel, real quick.

OP, I hope you have a lovely birthday weekend. In my opinion, the fact that he binned off his work thing and decided your birthday was more important shows there is real potential here. That said, I do think you should accept petrol money from him, after all you are the one driving to him. My bf and I used to do this - he did the 6 hour total journey to see me and paid for all transport, I paid for our food for the weekend. Sometimes he paid for transport and food, sometimes I did the journey to him. It’s all and take

I understand you don’t want to bring him to your home which you share with your ex. Have you considered a fun day out for you all? Maybe to the zoo, the park etc. He can meet them in a relaxed setting, without the pressure or feeling that it’s your ex’s house.

best of luck x

 

[Barbie2020]

I understand why you are upset if you have been excited about the trip. Is there anyway you can change it to a different date? Even if it’s after your birthday it would be something to look forward to.

If this is a good opportunity for his career then I can see his point too. If it was me and I was in this situation and I knew it would boost my husbands career I would tell him to go and try and rebook the trip for another time. I know that’s easier said than done if things are booked and non refundable though.

Sorry you’re upset but sometimes there is a bigger picture in life. He’d also maybe resent you if he ended up not going to the work thing and could cause problems in your relationship further down the line.

Is he a good boyfriend and does he treat you well normally?

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Can someone tell me if I am being unreasonable here.

It’s my birthday in 2 weeks, and since August my boyfriend and I have had a long weekend city break away booked (Thursday-Monday). We’ve made plans as to what we’re doing on each of the days and I was really excited for it. (It might be worth mentioning my boyfriend and I don’t live together and don’t get to see each other on a regular basis). We have been together for 2 years.

Yesterday my boyfriend told me that his manager has asked him to attend a conference in Switzerland which would overlap with our weekend away. He would have to leave on the Sunday as it starts on the Monday. He said he was considering going but hadn’t fully made up his mind and wanted to talk to me about it. His reasons for wanting to go are that it would be good for him to be mixing with the senior people in the business and would be good exposure for him and he would learn things at the conference, etc. Which I do understand. But I explained very clearly I was unhappy with the fact it would overlap on our weekend away and that it was my birthday and I felt a bit hurt he was even considering it, especially as we don’t get a huge amount of time together as it is. And he said that I’m being selfish and childish making it all about me and that I’m in my 30’s and I shouldn’t be so fussed about a birthday. Also that he is the one who booked the air b’n’b and would be doing the driving and that he has planned what restaurants, etc we would be going to so I have no right to be annoyed with him, and that in actual fact he should be annoyed with me because I’ve not done anything at all to prepare for this trip (but I’ve always made it clear I was really excited to go and that I’ve been really looking forward to it and have always shown appreciation for him arranging things when he has told me he’s booked a restaurant or an activity).

He said he could maybe fly out first thing on Monday morning as opposed to flying on Sunday, but even then I just know the fact he’s going to this conference will overshadow the entire weekend away. He will definitely be doing a lot of prep work for it because that’s just what’s he’s like. When we went abroad in the summer together we were in a lovely restaurant with gorgeous surroundings and he was sat there oblivious responding to work emails on his phone and complaining about work related matters. We took a trip to the coast earlier in the year and he bought his laptop with him and was doing bits of work during the evening (despite him promising me he wouldn’t).

He’s making me out to feel like I’m crazy and unreasonable and I don’t know what to think. I know his job is important to him and I know what it entails (we work at the same company but different departments). But equally I don’t think it’s outrageous of me to expect my boyfriend to actually make the most of the time off we have together, especially when it’s my birthday.

How often do you see each other?? Is it every few days? Or once a week? Longer?

ETA: just read all the other replies.

This guy isn’t really your boyfriend. Sorry but he’s not. You hardly see each other which in itself seems bogus, then when you do see him he’s making ridiculous excuses not to go out and do things with you and now he’s ditched you & your birthday plans for work. This isn’t a relationship. He’s just a guy you see - presumably for sex? - once in a while. At best, he’s a fuck buddy. But he’s not an actual boyfriend.

 

[cherryshade123]

@BettyCrockerr don't know what's so funny babe but you do you I guess

 

[JellyDonut]

I can assure you all I don’t have another account and post other relationship stories. This is my first time posting under this category - usually I stick to reading and commenting on a few instagrammers threads.

We split the cost of food/drinks fairly equally. Generally if I go to his place he’ll pay for all of the food over the weekend. If we go out for food or out somewhere we normally split it.

Maybe I will start accepting the petrol money, it just seemed wrong of me to take it but it would help me. I’ll think about it.

thank you to those who have tried to be helpful

 

[Kim Mild]

Maybe ask admin to close the thread then yeah?

No ,not yet . We are all waiting to hear how the weekend away goes. We are invested.

 

[hereforthememe]

These sort of threads end up stressing me out for the OP as I just want to tell them to walk away if you come onto a forum like this with a small argument (imo this is a minor argument) then I don't think the relationship will last long term anyways.

This is the hill I choose to die on

 

[goldrings111]

I am on your side here. It sounds like you’re not his priority and that work is, which is fine. However I would agree to leave it and see if he goes to the effort the rearrange and make it even more special.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

If it’s important for his job, then I can understand why he would want to go and I personally wouldn’t have an issue with it, if it was my partner. You’d still be getting a few days together, so it really wouldn’t bother me.

in terms of him doing a lot of work, responding to emails etc outside of work, that wouldn’t and doesn’t bother me either. My partner works so hard in his career and I’m so proud of him for it. I don’t mind if he’s always answering emails and staying up late doing work things, because I’m so proud that he wants to do well in life and I’m happy for him because he loves his job and he gets a lot of job satisfaction.

the only thing that I would say is, I don’t really like your boyfriends reaction to your reaction. I’m not saying he can’t have an opinion or be upset, but if he did phrase things in the way you’ve said he did, then I wouldn’t be happy at that. It all sounds like a messy relationship to me.