Argument with boyfriend- advice needed please

[JellyDonut]

- He’s never been to your home
* this is my decision because it's still jointly owned by my ex

- You always drive 90 minutes to his which based on what you’ve posted seems to be an issue for you because of the price of petrol
* he has offered to give me money towards the cost of this but I refuse to accept it

- He’s never met your children
* he has asked to meet them but I am reluctant to introduce him to them until stuff with my ex (the house) has been sorted - should be in Jan

- you don’t see eachother regularly
* we work around when my ex has the kids

- he would rather sit in and watch cars driving round a track than take you out on the rare occasion he does see you (I notice you didn’t answer the question someone asked regarding if you slept with him that night, the answer to that question would have been very telling)
* no we didn't sleep together that night

- he’s made you feel shit regarding your birthday weekend because he’s thrown back in your face that HE has organised everything etc
* yes agreed

- now he’s trying to wriggle out of said birthday weekend because he’s all of a sudden got a work conference he just had to attend
* he is no longer thinking of going and is happy to still be sticking to our original plans for the weekend


I don't feel there is anything more to discuss until the weekend itself - but thanks for your input

 

[FoxyBingo]

If this situation is genuine, it seems unfair to take the Micky out of this girls situation - strong opinions and solid advice yes - taking the piss no. Having said that, I feel like the OP has gone way too far in explaining herself - OP - it's like you're trying to convince yourself it's normal when you know deep down it isn't. Using the ex as an excuse...Break away from it - you will feel better for it in the long run!

 

[judgejohndeed]

Sorry to be that guy but yeah I think you're being unreasonable. His career is obviously important to him and it's not a special birthday. He clearly did take into account your thoughts because he asked you beforehand rather than just saying 'hey, sorry but I can't do this weekend anymore, let's reschedule' (which is, frankly, what my fiance or I would do if it was important for work).
However, there does seem to be a clash of values here if you need someone who puts you before their career at all times to meet your needs and he wants to prioritise his career. No judgement on either of those stances but they are competing values if you can't find a middle ground. So I would be rethinking the relationship and if it can work longterm if he can't/isn't willing to provide you with what you need.

 

[JellyDonut]

He has offered to give me petrol money but I don't want to take it. The house should be sorted by January and then he can come to mine - but this thread wasn't about that. Anyway, thanks for your comments. I'll update how the weekend away goes if anyone is interested

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I think OPs main problem is that shes just a shag, this man isn't in a relationship with her. I bet you anything that when he wouldn't go out and wanted to watch F1 instead he still had time for a shag later on? You say He’s making me out to feel like I’m crazy and unreasonable and I don’t know what to think. That sounds like gaslighting to me.
I think you are being used OP. If you stopped shagging him and say needed some real support with something I bet you wouldn't see him for dust. Never mind the weekend away. He is not a partner.

Thank fuck someone else can see what’s going on here and agrees with my point raised earlier!!!!!!

the OP claims they have been a couple for 2 years. This is NOT the behaviour of a guy who’s been in an exclusive, committed, genuine relationship for 2 years. It’s just not. Let’s cut the shit here - he’s a casual fuck buddy. He’s probably slinging it around elsewhere with a host of other women.
The OP says she has children from a previous relationship- but if that was the case and she was in a real relationship of 2 years with this guy, he would be a part of the family by now - spending real time with her and her kids, being a step parent or at least a figure in the kids lives etc not just occasionally meeting up every once in a while for a quick shag when it suits and then dumping her on her birthday so he can go sow his seeds abroad on a “work trip”

 

[Raininvain]

So its you doing all the running then?.If he was that bothered about seeing you, then he would give you money for petrol if that was the issue. It sound like you are making excuses for him. I still think you are wasting your time with him.

 

[Alexaj]

I'm in my 30s and I still like to enjoy my birthday and celebrate it! I find it a bit sad if people no longer get excited about their birthday Having said that, he's already offered to fly out first thing Monday morning - I would take him up on that, it's very fair.

 

[Kim Mild]

No, we have. It’s just when we do see each other it’s several days at a time because of the distance.

Your only 90 minutes from eachother right? It’s not like your living in different time zones

I totally get only seeing your boyfriend during the time your children are with their father. Often dating a parent follows that pattern even if their is no distance involved.

 

[newtoyou]

Don' t piss the OP off too much, or we'll never know how the weekend turned out! But seriously OP, I hope you have a nice weekend.

Yes it’ll be like the birthday party thread where they disappeared for ages and we made our own endings to it

Really though OP I hope you have a nice birthday too. I can personally promise not to ask whether you had sex or who paid for the petrol

 

[Sir John Elton]

Can we have an update ? Quite invested in this at the time and it brought some interesting comments

 

[Wanttoseethescreenshots]

I really intrigued to see what’s happened with this situation since this was originally posted!

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Let’s re-cap

you’ve been “in a relationship” for 2 years but

- He’s never been to your home
- You always drive 90 minutes to his which based on what you’ve posted seems to be an issue for you because of the price of petrol
- He’s never met your children
- you don’t see eachother regularly
- he would rather sit in and watch cars driving round a track than take you out on the rare occasion he does see you (I notice you didn’t answer the question someone asked regarding if you slept with him that night, the answer to that question would have been very telling)
- he’s made you feel shit regarding your birthday weekend because he’s thrown back in your face that HE has organised everything etc
- now he’s trying to wriggle out of said birthday weekend because he’s all of a sudden got a work conference he just had to attend

 

[Rockin' Robin]

Don' t piss the OP off too much, or we'll never know how the weekend turned out! But seriously OP, I hope you have a nice weekend.

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

My boyfriend does all the travelling to mine so I balance that out in other ways... I swear some people don't know what a healthy relationship is and it makes me sad

I think thats fine if it balances out in other ways. Everyones relationship is different however....

OP always goes to his.
Travels there and partner refuses to go out as must watch F1 live. What the hell? Is he a child?

If the OP was fully happy with all of this the thread would never have been made. We're outsiders and can only go on the information provided and Im not in the dump him category but from what Ive read I wouldnt be overly happy.

In the beginning of a relationship of any Ive ever had you cannot wait to see each other. In this instance when you cant see each other loads because of other valid commitments youd put your emails away in a restaurant and record the F1. Its just rude and to me red flags/concerning.

 

[Lulu Goss]

Thank you. I think it’s because someone left a sarky comment in response to it and either they deleted it or mods deleted it - not sure

That old saying of “if you don’t have anything nice to say…” !

 

[Sheabutter]

I believe Switzerland is supposed to have nice Christmas markets. Conferences will also arrange activities for partners of attendees. You could have a great time.

 

[JellyDonut]

I have 2 young children from a previous relationship so it’s not always easy to go away together for a weekend etc without a lot of planning in advance.

It’s not entirely the fact that the weekend would have to be cut short due to the conference. It’s more the fact that he would without a doubt be spending time preparing for it and doing work in advance of it and taking calls, etc about it. I know it would annoy me and he would get annoyed with me for being annoyed. And it would result in a big argument

Honestly it’s just making me want to cancel the whole thing. I can literally picture him being all twitchy dying to watch a PowerPoint presentation, etc, to prepare for this conference whilst we’re out for dinner or something.

 

[hereforthememe]

Let’s re-cap

you’ve been “in a relationship” for 2 years but

- He’s never been to your home
- You always drive 90 minutes to his which based on what you’ve posted seems to be an issue for you because of the price of petrol
- He’s never met your children
- you don’t see eachother regularly
- he would rather sit in and watch cars driving round a track than take you out on the rare occasion he does see you (I notice you didn’t answer the question someone asked regarding if you slept with him that night, the answer to that question would have been very telling)
- he’s made you feel shit regarding your birthday weekend because he’s thrown back in your face that HE has organised everything etc
- now he’s trying to wriggle out of said birthday weekend because he’s all of a sudden got a work conference he just had to attend

I love you

 

[hereforthememe]

For me, too many times people come on here with the most ridiculous stories that I just don't believe it maybe that makes me harsh but really, swear it is just the same person on different accounts

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I love you

Well, honestly….!