Anyone else planning on asking for divorce as soon lockdown is over?

[Meringue22]

Gaming seems to he such a huge issue!! I had no idea other people were dealing with this obsession too

 

[Greygardener]

I dont have any advice just wanted to say I'm sorry you're stuck in that situation and I hope you find happiness when this is all over.

 

[Lolly505]

I'm not married and never have been but I'm going to weigh in with a child's perspective here. My parents divorced when I was around 5 or 6 and my first reaction when they told us was just 'okay, I get it ' I never understood that stereotype of the kid thinking it's their fault - because even at that age, it felt really clear to me that my parents didn't really like each other.

Now I can't speak for every child but chances are, if there's animosity in your relationship with each other, your kids will feel it. The 'happy home' facade only really works if you're actually happy. While there will be an adjustment period, I imagine most kids would rather have to split time between two houses where things are comfortable (or at least have the option to) rather than be stuck in one environment where they're not.

 

[Sallycinnamon_]

I don't know why I'm writing this I'm just fed up. Been with my partner 8 years. No proposal or kids.

For some reason, he's increasingly become 'aggressive' and I write it like that because in no way (I think, anyway) he means it on an aggressive part. Mostly is just him trying to mess about. Which I know sounds ridiculous I'm complaining about this when there is so much domestic violence happening, but please bear with me.

So he started this thing of just slapping me round the face for no reason. Sometimes it's hard (not full on slap) sometimes it's just a touch of the face. He also comes up behind me too aggressively and sometimes I don't like it if I'm in the middle of doing something like sorting the dishwasher out or something. And he would be groping me and slapping my bum, but not in a nice way in a real hard aggressive way that I simply just don't like. No matter how much I tell him I don't like it, or it hurts he carries on. It literally feels sometimes like he's going to pull my boob off. It makes me feel uncomfortable when I can't get out of his grip. The slapping we started off as a joke thing but now it just seems constant. So far he's done it 3 times and it's 11am.

We argued real bad about this a few weeks ago. I asked him if there's any reason he has all this pent up aggression. He said he didn't realise how he was being and thinks lockdown has got to him a bit. Fast forward to now it's just the same. I'm fed up with it. I am a bit of a wimp too and have a low pain threshold so sometimes it just hurts. It has got worse since lockdown began. Maybe he's bored, frustrated I don't know.

I feel ridiculous sometimes complaining about this, he's not a bad person or aggressive natured. I just can't fathom why he's started being over the top, but my problem is he just won't stop it. I don't think he intentionally wants to hurt me. When we argued I said I was feeling a little neglected as most the contact we has was him'messing' about grabbing me and doing whatever, and I was missing the lovey hugs from behind,the unexpected little hugs and kisses. Doesn't seem to have taken what I said on board and respected that.

 

[Bellaboo83]

This just brought back an awful memory!

Me and my husband have been together now for 14 years, married for 6. We brought our first house together in summer 2018 . I was working at a solicitors at the time dealing with property and there were so many purchases that fell through that I naturally felt quite anxious about my purchase. My husband didn't say anything until the day it completed. They let me finish work early to pick up the keys, and I met him at the new house. As I put the key in the door he blurted out that he thinks he has made a huge mistake buying this house with me as he doesn't love me anymore, that I was always worried about something and that I was not the person he married. That he had held it in since I was pregnant hoping it would get better. It was soooo awful. Our parents turned up shortly afterward to have a snoop and you could cut the atmosphere with a knife, but he said not to say anything.

After about a week of constant back and forth arguments about how this all came about, I noticed his phone was going off all the time and he said he was talking to his friends. I found out he was meeting two women for lunch every single day at work and going to cafes, parks, pubs etc but he never told me as he said he knew I would just be jealous. One day during these arguments he had skived off work and went to a country park with one of these women and didn't get home till midnight. Then he admitted that he wanted an open relationship as I was very prude and conservative (I totally am but I've been that way for the whole 14 years I've not changed) and he wanted to try new experiences with different types of women, and to be able to chat other women up without feeling guilty. When I said that the thought of it sickened me he said he could maybe do it, or visit paid women, and not tell me so that I wouldn't be upset about it!

We separated for a month but stayed in the house as we had literally just brought it and was moving in. We are now back together as I cannot face the prospect of not living with my little boy 24/7 as my husband said he would definitely fight for 50/50 contact at a minimum. I feel like a fool for staying and my friends and family make it clear I am one (and I lost my best friend in the process). So well done for all of these women who have the courage to start again!! I don't.

I couldn't not respond when I read this, I hope you are okay. Does he have lots of money to go through the family courts to fight you for so much custody? Even if he had the money, I'm sure it would be highly unusual for them to grant him 50 / 50 or more custody, a young child needs their mum and if you were already offering what you and your child could cope with I don't think he would get far. Try to speak to a solicitor (you can get free initial advice), give them all the details and actually ascertain where you would stand in regards to his threats, so you're not staying with the man needlessly. Don't forget to tell them how he is blackmailing you to stay in this manner.

I've just (last week) come out of a 10 year toxic on /off relationship, there were issues with his porn addiction, his sport addiction (he spent 7 days a week out playing it, and he said it would always come above me), he messaged other women, including one after we found out I was pregnant with my youngest and he wanted to meet her for coffee to discuss his woes. He actually finished our relationship last week saying he was ready for a new chapter without me. Even though it was the shittyest of relationships I still feel broken, I've had to take time off work, and spent a lot of the last week in tears (. BUT I do know it's going to, eventually, be for the best.

I hope you can find some strength to find your happiness when you are ready

 

[Meringue22]

I have been with my husband for nearly 4 years, we split a while ago but got back together. We have children together and I am pretty much a single parent to them, I am left to do everything around the house while he spends hours and hours every single day gaming and this lockdown has left me feeling lonelier than ever. He verbally abuses me on a daily basis and I am so desperate to leave him.

This is one reason I couldn’t stand it any longer....the gaming!!!! Absolutely obsessed I swear to god

 

[Lurker4751]

Honestly,

I can't stand the man anymore. Our relationship has completely broken down.

We haven't had sex since August.
And before then it was apirl last year.

He just isn't interested and I've tried for months with him to build it back up.

But he just isn't bothered. And tbh I'm not either now.

I just want out.

Sorry for the rant.

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. If it is any consolation I could have written that post myself as I'm in the same situation. Just turned 30 and terrified to start my life again, and terrified I may never have kids. Please feel free to message if you want to talk to someone in the same situation xx

 

[Yawnyoureboring]

I was with my ex for ten years from ages 16 married since 19 and two young children. We was not happy for at least half of it, but we stayed together for the children. He wasn't a bad husband it's just there was nothing there between us anymore, just friends. Tragically December of last year I lost my mother to suicide, she was only 47 so as you can imagine it made life feel all the more shorter to me. Once my head had cleared a bit I knew I had to make a change so started with my unhappy marriage. We separated in February and although I have days where I feel very lonely, exasperated by this lockdown of course, all in all I feel proud of my self. It was such a scary thought at first but the freedom and prospects are endless and I can't wait for my future now xx

 

[PineappleQueen19]

I don't know why I'm writing this I'm just fed up. Been with my partner 8 years. No proposal or kids.

For some reason, he's increasingly become 'aggressive' and I write it like that because in no way (I think, anyway) he means it on an aggressive part. Mostly is just him trying to mess about. Which I know sounds ridiculous I'm complaining about this when there is so much domestic violence happening, but please bear with me.

So he started this thing of just slapping me round the face for no reason. Sometimes it's hard (not full on slap) sometimes it's just a touch of the face. He also comes up behind me too aggressively and sometimes I don't like it if I'm in the middle of doing something like sorting the dishwasher out or something. And he would be groping me and slapping my bum, but not in a nice way in a real hard aggressive way that I simply just don't like. No matter how much I tell him I don't like it, or it hurts he carries on. It literally feels sometimes like he's going to pull my boob off. It makes me feel uncomfortable when I can't get out of his grip. The slapping we started off as a joke thing but now it just seems constant. So far he's done it 3 times and it's 11am.

We argued real bad about this a few weeks ago. I asked him if there's any reason he has all this pent up aggression. He said he didn't realise how he was being and thinks lockdown has got to him a bit. Fast forward to now it's just the same. I'm fed up with it. I am a bit of a wimp too and have a low pain threshold so sometimes it just hurts. It has got worse since lockdown began. Maybe he's bored, frustrated I don't know.

I feel ridiculous sometimes complaining about this, he's not a bad person or aggressive natured. I just can't fathom why he's started being over the top, but my problem is he just won't stop it. I don't think he intentionally wants to hurt me. When we argued I said I was feeling a little neglected as most the contact we has was him'messing' about grabbing me and doing whatever, and I was missing the lovey hugs from behind,the unexpected little hugs and kisses. Doesn't seem to have taken what I said on board and respected that.

Please don’t play down what is happening. Your boundaries are being violated in horrendous ways and it sounds like it’s escalating. I am concerned for you. Is there somewhere safe you can go?

 

[Raininvain]

Well if you ask him then he will lie and either say it been there years or someone slipped it in his bag for a laugh.I'd just tell him to leave now and that was it to be honest, He obviously has 2 homes doesn't he? He can go to her house to live. Sorry your going through this.A lot of Men are just cunts.X

 

[bexgreen1983]

Could have written this post myself... I just dont know what to do. I have been with my husband for 15 years in august and I just feel like were two friends living together now. We haven't had sex in around 18 months and I know this as it was when we conceived our 2nd daughter... he makes 0 effort with me.

I dont even feel like he wants to be with me anymore and the arguing between us is just crazy...

The whole thing bloody terrifies me

 

[GiftedNotFree]

This thread is a testament to how strong, brave and vibrant women are! My friend recently broke up wth her partner of 6 years at aged 30 because she knew that it she ended up marrying him she would be miserable even though on paper it was a good match. I was (and still am) in awe of her.

 

[Annie101]

I am at work and thought i will do somethings nice for him, i had a box of different pastries delivered to our house an hour ago from a nice bakery. they phoned me and said he chased them away and threw the box away. I am so embarrassed, we life in a fancy house and area, and i am emotionally so tired of the bullying and constant fear. Everyone in office went home, and i am sitting here to scared to go home. I struggle to understand that someone/anyone can be so hard, so angry. It is bottled up inside me, and my only sharing is on here. What the fuck am i doing.

 

[Dollydiamond85]

Sorry for jumping on this thread, I can't open my own.

I've just found an anniversary card at the bottom of my boyfriend's work bag (was looking for hand gel and come across gifts, etc so made me look further). Before lockdown he worked away mon-fri and every other weekend. This card said they'd met 2 years ago. It's our sons birthday in a week.

I really don't know what to do, I hate confrontations, we're in lockdown, it's my sons birthday hes so close to his dad too. But then I don't think I can stay with someones who's going to cheat on me.

I'm looking for some advice please, I've tried talking to friends but feel like they're excusing it. I really don't know what to do.

 

[BoredHousewifeSince2007]

I’m not sure I should post this but here goes.... my husband has had a history of being aggressive and sometimes pushing me into things, punching me in the back of the head when walking past me, grabbing my face but tonight was really scary. We were arguing and admittedly, when he held his fist to me, I taunted him and said ‘go on punch me?’ so he grabbed my head and banged it into the hallway wall and then kicked me in the private parts when he walked away while I was on the floor. Now, I thought I was a strong woman and have always held my own but I’m confused? I don’t know if this constitutes ‘violence’ if I taunted him? I feel a bit of a drama queen now..... can someone give me clarity? My mind is so confused!

 

[LittleBird]

All sounds very familiar, I own a house with my boyfriend 150 miles away from my home town. He's always gamed but since he has been furloughed he has played it constantly. In the last 3 weeks, I can count the times he has come to bed before midnight as he usually stays up until 3 or 4 and then sleeps on the sofa til 7 so he doesn't wake me up. He came to bed last night but was up at 7am playing his xbox.

I am wfh full time in a demanding job and want to sort out the DIY on the house whilst we have the time but feel like I'm fighting a losing battle now. He also complains that his friends can party, drink and smoke but he isnt allowed because he has to compromise whilst I'm working and refers to furlough as his "holiday or retirement".

I've actually had enough of it and have used lockdown to save some cash and as soon as he is back at work I'm going to spring into action and get out. Like most of you, I'm 29 and terrified of starting again after 4 years but I'm also aware that life is too short. It's times like this I wish I lived closer to home because leaving will mean leaving my job eventually and the house I have worked so hard on as I want to be close to my family and friends.

 

[Sallycinnamon_]

I ended up losing my shit a bit with him yesterday morning, and stayed away from him till the evening. I told him I didn't need him or this house etc, that I have places to go if needed if he refuses to listen to me. I think it upset him so I'm hoping it's made him realise. He still claims he's only ever been messing about and has never meant to intentionally hurt me. I will be careful but I will give him this one last chance. Thank you so much to everyone for your kind words and advice

 

[Comfortablyconfused]

I left my husband three years ago, aged 31, after being together for ten years in total, and living unhappily with him for the last two years of the marriage. I can’t imagine what it would have been like if I had stayed with him in the current situation, I really sympathise with all of you that are stuck but please don’t stay just because you think you won’t find someone else! I have now met someone who is amazing, we are locked down together and there’s no one in the world I’d rather be with.

 

[PineappleQueen19]

Thank you everyone. It's over. I feel like a weights been lifted of my shoulders (I've had my suspicions for a while, now I know I was right all along) x

Brava. That conversation took guts and you did it.

Long road ahead but you’re doing what’s best for you and your child.

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. If it is any consolation I could have written that post myself as I'm in the same situation. Just turned 30 and terrified to start my life again, and terrified I may never have kids. Please feel free to message if you want to talk to someone in the same situation xx

Everyone’s journey is different but I got divorced at 31. Was single for a year before meeting my boyfriend. Now 35 living with my lovey boyfriend with our 1 year old son. My life has just got better and better