Anyone else planning on asking for divorce as soon lockdown is over?

[Suzesnooze]

I have lived with my boyfriend for 3 years, my dad died in January and he had the cheek to argue with me when I said I thought he should wear a suit rather than a jumper. Can’t forgive him, there is now no affection or anything at all between us.
I have asked him to let me buy him out as I work from home, my widowed mum is round the corner etc but now he is saying he wont let me he wants to sell..what can I do?!

That seems petty to want you to sell rather than you buy him out? If you have it valued and you give him half then he's not losing out is he?

 

[Suzesnooze]

I absolutely do not want to give in to him, he keeps saying he has to agree to me buying him out but I have to agree to sell also so I might end up stuck here forever haha!
i also forgot he did sign the transfer of equity form but is now saying I forged his signature and its fraud and as I’m a mortgage advisor it could cost me my job...which I absolutely did not do!!

It sounds like he's trying to create obstacles and delay you leaving him.

 

[Slec1]

This sounds like a lot . I’ll be honest - it sounds like he isn’t acting like a partner and instead acting like someone you have to parent (to a point). The fact that you’re WORKING and he’s playing yet distracting you by making loads of noise should not descend into an argument imo. It’s basic level of respect to listen to a partner and understand where they’re coming from (in this instance, keeping a roof over the games console!!! ). As for the abuse etc - I don’t think you should tolerate this. It sounds like out and out emotional abuse. If it was me; I would question seriously whether the gaming etc is something I was willing to deal with long term and then go from there about deciding whether the relationship is worth working for . In my experience, online gaming only gets worse over time unless they make a concerted effort to manage time spent doing it.

Thank you for replying You're so right in that he isn't acting like a partner and instead more like someone I have to parent. I feel like what you're saying is exactly what I need to hear. I do think I need to sit him down and have a serious chat, and also think about my own life and what I want etc. It is frightening to hear that in your experience (and others) that gaming only gets worse so I definitely need to get my head out my ar** and do something about this. Thanks again for your response

 

[TJ90]

Thank you everyone. It's over. I feel like a weights been lifted of my shoulders (I've had my suspicions for a while, now I know I was right all along) x

Wishing you all the best for the future X

 

[LittleMy]

At the risk of sounding like a traitor to my gender, any man who is still a gamer after being married and reaching 30 years old is either a manchild or probably just a slob (or a combination of both).

My husband is both. It seems I have a type, and that’s it.

 

[Deedee88]

Just sell it to get rid of him and then get another place yourself. x He sounds an oaf, what man would wear a jumper at a funeral?...


Honestly I'd go to the Drs and get some medication to calm me down and get some space from him, either you go or ask him to go.You are going to end up in a right state at this rate. You dont want your health to suffer or to get in trouble with the Police. Its not worth it. Can you get some support from your family or a friend?

To your father in laws at that?! He now denies ever doing this also which tells you everything..

 

[toffeejelly]

How are you feeling about things now? Hope you're okay!

 

[Uhhhhhmazing]

@Sally Cinnamon Please can you let us all
Know how you are

I hope she’s ok

 

[Bonnie Bisou]

I can only think he is storing it on his phone cause wherever he uses it, it cant be accessed through the internet? Is it actually porn or just naked women?

 

[Deedee88]

It boggles my mind that women put up with this shit. How is that a partner?! It’s more like the worst possible flat mate you had at uni ! It’s good to know you’ve realised your worth and have called it quits. Good luck with the house — he sounds immature enough to make the process as laborious as possible.

Thank you, I’m so glad its not just me going mad! X

 

[Deedee88]

I have lived with my boyfriend for 3 years, my dad died in January and he had the cheek to argue with me when I said I thought he should wear a suit rather than a jumper. Can’t forgive him, there is now no affection or anything at all between us.
I have asked him to let me buy him out as I work from home, my widowed mum is round the corner etc but now he is saying he wont let me he wants to sell..what can I do?!

 

[Begborrowsteal]

I need to let off steam. Last year after me being Sherlock Holmes I found out my husband had been texting / calling another female , he did work for this women and her then husband, apparently they used to talk about life , I had been distant due to depression etc and he could talk to her he says there was no physical attraction on his behalf I won’t get personal to her but I would find astounded if there was, she definitely had a thing for him. He promised he would cut contact a month later he was still talking to her I lost the plot slashed all his tyres, but then we started to build our marriage back up , again I’ve not been myself lately I’m missing my family and I’m lonely I live 200 miles from my children and parents, last night I saw this women was selling a car so something rang bells as it looked like one mu husband sold last year.. he buys and sells cars as a sideline so I messaged her on a fake Facebook asking about then asked her why she was selling and you will never believe it she said she had just brought this certain car and you’ve guessed it my husband has just sold the exact same car I confronted him he admitted they bumped into each other a while ago again and sort of kept in. Touch I hit the roof and told her who I was but she wouldn’t reply! His twisted things to be my fault I honestly don’t know what to do it’s killing me and I self harmed through stress last night

Oh, love I wish I knew what to say, I found hundreds of messages my partner had been sending too. Its brutal. Can you seek out some support for depression & the self harm?

 

[Slec1]

This honestly reminds me so much of my ex. He was the exact same. He worked offshore so whilst he was at home he would sit in the house all day glued to the PS4. He did nothing the whole day, no cleaning, no tidying, even left his lunch plates etc. beside him at the sofa. I would dread pulling up into the drive and opening the front door as I just knew the mess that awaited me. It caused so many arguments, which he would call me the same names as your partner calls you. He would sit up until 2am at least and then finally come to bed. I used to sit upstairs in my own house as he’d be hogging the TV the entire time. We’d never have sex as the PS4 was more important, and if I was to ever make an effort or wear something nice to the bedroom to try and entice him, he’d say he was in the middle of the game etc. Embarrassing really. Anyway to cut a long story short, we ended up splitting up as I decided I deserved more than that. Unfortunately he won’t change.

You have to ask yourself do you really want to be with someone who feels that the PS4 is more important than his partner.

Thank you for replying It's interesting like everyone else's responses that he is your ex. You definitely done the right thing in getting rid of him. he sounds like he was a right lazy bast**d although it does sound similar to my situation. I'm so glad you left him as he sounds like he did not deserve you one bit. I will definitely have to take a step back and definitely think hard about this. I know I deserve better. Thanks again for your advice

 

[Raininvain]

I have just asked my mum and dad if me and the children can stay with them for a few days to make some arrangements. I don’t work or own our house (he changed the deeds so he owned it all a couple of years ago) so have no money (no bank account). He reminded me tonight when I asked him to leave that this was ‘his house’ and not mine.

Are you married? if so I believe you are entitled to some of the value of the property. I'd ring womens aid tomorrow and ask for advice as a starting point.x

 

[L7890]

I can only think he is storing it on his phone cause wherever he uses it, it cant be accessed through the internet? Is it actually porn or just naked women?

Hey so it’s tik toks of other girls saved, porn videos and random girls just as selfies. The porn whatever I can deal with it’s the personal level of having random girls tik toks and photos on his camera roll. Not sure if I am being silly or not :/

 

[Raininvain]

I don't know why I'm writing this I'm just fed up. Been with my partner 8 years. No proposal or kids.

For some reason, he's increasingly become 'aggressive' and I write it like that because in no way (I think, anyway) he means it on an aggressive part. Mostly is just him trying to mess about. Which I know sounds ridiculous I'm complaining about this when there is so much domestic violence happening, but please bear with me.

So he started this thing of just slapping me round the face for no reason. Sometimes it's hard (not full on slap) sometimes it's just a touch of the face. He also comes up behind me too aggressively and sometimes I don't like it if I'm in the middle of doing something like sorting the dishwasher out or something. And he would be groping me and slapping my bum, but not in a nice way in a real hard aggressive way that I simply just don't like. No matter how much I tell him I don't like it, or it hurts he carries on. It literally feels sometimes like he's going to pull my boob off. It makes me feel uncomfortable when I can't get out of his grip. The slapping we started off as a joke thing but now it just seems constant. So far he's done it 3 times and it's 11am.

We argued real bad about this a few weeks ago. I asked him if there's any reason he has all this pent up aggression. He said he didn't realise how he was being and thinks lockdown has got to him a bit. Fast forward to now it's just the same. I'm fed up with it. I am a bit of a wimp too and have a low pain threshold so sometimes it just hurts. It has got worse since lockdown began. Maybe he's bored, frustrated I don't know.

I feel ridiculous sometimes complaining about this, he's not a bad person or aggressive natured. I just can't fathom why he's started being over the top, but my problem is he just won't stop it. I don't think he intentionally wants to hurt me. When we argued I said I was feeling a little neglected as most the contact we has was him'messing' about grabbing me and doing whatever, and I was missing the lovey hugs from behind,the unexpected little hugs and kisses. Doesn't seem to have taken what I said on board and respected that.

I'm sorry you are going through this you need to leave him. If it was me I'd be out pof the door now. Can you ring you parents and go there? if you don't want to then ring womens aid for some support and help. You shouldn't have to put up with this.

 

[Dizzy]

Wow. Same as me....we split a few months ago. Best decision ever and made by me

Yes same for me. Together for 17 years, 2 kids, hardest time of my life but ultimately the best decision. I'm glad you're happy

How are you all doing? Feel free to PM me if you'd like a chat. I SO feel all you peeps in unhappy relationships.

 

[Noname12345]

Sorry to hear that honey. Please feel free to message me, I don't know how to private message

Click on the nickname and there is a "start conversation" button".

I don't know how to do it either

Please see above

 

[Lurker4751]

If anyone would also like to message then feel free. Also going through a break up, albeit not married. 29 so I feel the same in the sense that I won't meet someone else or potentially won't get the chance to have kids.

Sorry to hear that honey. Please feel free to message me, I don't know how to private message

 

[toffeejelly]

I don't know how to do it either