Annoying things your work colleagues do all the time? #5

[Ensay]

Line Manager - their last day going on leave. I will wait in vain for the email wishing me Happy Christmas. I don’t expect a card, or a present, but just a few words wishing me a good Christmas. Just little human touches. Quite disgraceful really. Staff survey coming up in January. Sharpens pen…

I haven't had a Happy Christmas email, nor do I expect one. Years ago our manager would get us all a small gift each and the company would also give us a present as well. These days we get neither.

I actually don't expect a present, but it's weird they used to do it and then stopped. Like you say, an email wouldn't go amiss but I think because we've had a saccharine sweet (and completely meaningless) email from the CEO who doesn't know us from Adam, our direct managers think they don't need to bother.

 

[House of Tea]

I haven't had a Happy Christmas email, nor do I expect one. Years ago our manager would get us all a small gift each and the company would also give us a present as well. These days we get neither.

I actually don't expect a present, but it's weird they used to do it and then stopped. Like you say, an email wouldn't go amiss but I think because we've had a saccharine sweet (and completely meaningless) email from the CEO who doesn't know us from Adam, our direct managers think they don't need to bother.

Sign of the times. My organisation is seen as a good employer, and is in many respects, but there is definitely a pulling away of good manners and all the soft stuff which makes the place run in a human way. Since Covid it is worse. Like people don’t have to bother with a good morning, or a thank you for a job well done.

 

[Popcornshovel]

I could do with some advice really.
I started a new job last week. I’m fairly familiar with the role but I need a little training on processes in this particular workplace, obviously.
I’m supposed to be taking over the tasks I’m doing from someone who is absolutely rushed off their feet. And I’ll only be doing it for so many hours a week to free up some of their time.
The person concerned is finding every excuse under the sun not to train me.
Plus they are saying that they will remain on the job until I’m up to speed to take over - which isn’t gonna happen without the training!
I’ve asked for a meeting with the manager to properly outline my role. The manager has not even touched base with me since my first day.
The colleague is to be there and a couple of other managers also. This alone worried me as I don’t want to marked as a troublemaker.
I’m really trying to tread a fine line between not upsetting any colleagues and trying to establish what I’m actually doing.
I feel like there’s a load of trouble ahead and I already feel like jacking it in.
How do I get the other person to properly job share without making it a huge issue?

I've had a similar situation to this and the only way through is to keep asking questions. Even though you'll feel like you're being a pain in the bum for the manager/colleague, keep asking stuff (ideally in an email). Like at the start of the day you could ask the colleague for what tasks you can take off them and ask for instructions. On the manager, ask for check in calls to ask if you're doing stuff correctly. Sounds like they are being lazy in managing you.
If you're in a probation period, it's better to be seen as the proactive, if slightly annoying, newbie than (later on) them accuse you of not trying hard enough to learn the job.

 

[Jasminexx02]

I hate having to feel like I have to contribute to small talk on teams throughout the day. I’ve had two early miscarriages since November and I told my manager after the first one and got signed off for a week but the week I came back just happened to be when my colleague was returning from maternity leave. I know this is entirely my own problem but I’m really struggling with all the baby talk and just want to avoid the chat but my manager tags me if I don’t respond and actively involves me in conversations which I just don’t want to be part of at the moment. I’m working because I have no choice but I hate feeling like I have to chat all day long when I just want to keep myself to myself and get through my work

 

[storynerd]

I hate having to feel like I have to contribute to small talk on teams throughout the day. I’ve had two early miscarriages since November and I told my manager after the first one and got signed off for a week but the week I came back just happened to be when my colleague was returning from maternity leave. I know this is entirely my own problem but I’m really struggling with all the baby talk and just want to avoid the chat but my manager tags me if I don’t respond and actively involves me in conversations which I just don’t want to be part of at the moment. I’m working because I have no choice but I hate feeling like I have to chat all day long when I just want to keep myself to myself and get through my work

Can you privately ask your manager to not tag you? If it's small talk they might be trying to involve you when they know you're having a hard time and don't want you to be excluded (but obviously going about it the wrong way for you)

 

[cowtastrophe]

Can you privately ask your manager to not tag you? If it's small talk they might be trying to involve you when they know you're having a hard time and don't want you to be excluded (but obviously going about it the wrong way for you)

Very much this. It’s likely to be misguided good intentions but I’d have a quiet word and just say that you really appreciate them including you but you could do with a bit of time to deal with things in your own way and if they could let you participate without actively tagging you, that would be great.

Big hugs to you.

 

[Jasminexx02]

Can you privately ask your manager to not tag you? If it's small talk they might be trying to involve you when they know you're having a hard time and don't want you to be excluded (but obviously going about it the wrong way for you)

I did ask her in the beginning and she mostly left me alone but after the first week it's like I'm expected to have just returned back to normal. I feel really guilty because I know I can't just hide away forever and my manager isn't aware that it's happened a second time but it's really difficult and just seriously unfortunate timing with my colleague having just had a baby and I feel bad for even being upset by her messages because I'm happy for her and she has every right to talk about her baby

 

[Popcornshovel]

I did ask her in the beginning and she mostly left me alone but after the first week it's like I'm expected to have just returned back to normal. I feel really guilty because I know I can't just hide away forever and my manager isn't aware that it's happened a second time but it's really difficult and just seriously unfortunate timing with my colleague having just had a baby and I feel bad for even being upset by her messages because I'm happy for her and she has every right to talk about her baby

Ah, managers who expect you to be 'normal' a week after something like that are the worst. It's like they pay lip service to being caring but aren't actually doing the work of caring about the employee and giving them time.

 

[mee43]

I've had a similar situation to this and the only way through is to keep asking questions. Even though you'll feel like you're being a pain in the bum for the manager/colleague, keep asking stuff (ideally in an email). Like at the start of the day you could ask the colleague for what tasks you can take off them and ask for instructions. On the manager, ask for check in calls to ask if you're doing stuff correctly. Sounds like they are being lazy in managing you.
If you're in a probation period, it's better to be seen as the proactive, if slightly annoying, newbie than (later on) them accuse you of not trying hard enough to learn the job.

Thank you that’s good advice. It’s so very difficult that it’s making me quite miserable.
The colleague is selling it like they don’t want to dump too much on me; difficult to explain but I don’t quite trust them.

 

[Baconbutties]

Line Manager - their last day going on leave. I will wait in vain for the email wishing me Happy Christmas. I don’t expect a card, or a present, but just a few words wishing me a good Christmas. Just little human touches. Quite disgraceful really. Staff survey coming up in January. Sharpens pen…

Same here. Not a single thing. She is a narcissist though and I don't expect anything less.

 

[Ensay]

Just been told in a group chat that I don't need to attend a two hour meeting later this morning, which is great news as it will allow me to focus on some other stuff.

But a goody two shoes in the same chat is starting to say things like: "Hmm but they might discuss X so I think I might still go, perhaps you want to as well Ensay?"

It's taking a lot of energy not to reply with: "You're being given two hours back, just bloody take it and stop finding reasons for you and me to attend!" She's either got nothing better to do or she's trying to impress. If you want to do that, fine, but leave me out of it.

 

[Norfolking Good]

I’d respond back and say yes I think you should go just in case and you can report back to me if anything needs actioning no point in us both going
I did that once and they never tried it again

 

[AlwaysSummer]

Just been told in a group chat that I don't need to attend a two hour meeting later this morning, which is great news as it will allow me to focus on some other stuff.

But a goody two shoes in the same chat is starting to say things like: "Hmm but they might discuss X so I think I might still go, perhaps you want to as well Ensay?"

It's taking a lot of energy not to reply with: "You're being given two hours back, just bloody take it and stop finding reasons for you and me to attend!" She's either got nothing better to do or she's trying to impress. If you want to do that, fine, but leave me out of it.

I won’t bother responding. It’s pointless. She’s not your boss to be deciding what you should and shouldn’t do with your work time.

 

[Ensay]

I won’t bother responding. It’s pointless. She’s not your boss to be deciding what you should and shouldn’t do with your work time.

Yeah agreed. I'd already said I wouldn't attend right at the start of the conversation when I was told I wasn't needed, so I just declined the invite and left it at that.

 

[Baconbutties]

I have a terrible boss. They are so old school They sap every bit of energy out of you and push you until you can do no more and they seem to be able to talk and kick off whenever they want and nobody holds them to account because they are tit scared of them. God forbid you disagree with them then they proper lose their tit. Narcissist to the highest degree.

 

[ChastityDingle]

Thank you that’s good advice. It’s so very difficult that it’s making me quite miserable.
The colleague is selling it like they don’t want to dump too much on me; difficult to explain but I don’t quite trust them.

I know the type.

This is a different scenario altogether but I worked with someone very devious whose favourite stunt was to dump stuff she disliked doing, onto newbies under the guise of development for them. And she got great kudos from management for it. Ugh.

 

[Curly]

A previous work place I was in the management team. Same grade as another member of staff 2 above me and then the Head. Last day before Christmas, we were all in the office when Head called the other 3 into her office without me. Very obvious given a gift and words of praise. I walked out without saying bye.
When I got married I got no card or acknowledgment apart from a message regarding work whilst on my honeymoon.
When I handed in my notice they begged me to rethink and after I left constantly messaged asking questions on different processes and procedures

 

[ChastityDingle]

A previous work place I was in the management team. Same grade as another member of staff 2 above me and then the Head. Last day before Christmas, we were all in the office when Head called the other 3 into her office without me. Very obvious given a gift and words of praise. I walked out without saying bye.
When I got married I got no card or acknowledgment apart from a message regarding work whilst on my honeymoon.
When I handed in my notice they begged me to rethink and after I left constantly messaged asking questions on different processes and procedures

There was murder (well not actual murder but uproar) one year in an office I worked in, when the manager openly gave very decent gift vouchers to roughly half of the staff, at Christmas. And nothing whatsoever to the rest of us. It was an awful thing to do but he saw nothing wrong with it.

i also worked in a department where every other team was brought out to lunch at Christmas by their (very well paid) head of team - I presume they could claim it back. Our one 'invited' us out but we had to pay. She could at least have bought a bottle of wine or something after 'inviting' us. But, no.

 

[TbilisiFriedChicken]

I'm on annual leave and my manager won't stop contacting me about things which she should either know or be able to figure out without me. I'm really annoyed because I've been under so much stress at work and home, I just want one day of being able to relax and not think about work but I can't even have that.

 

[Ensay]

I'm on annual leave and my manager won't stop contacting me about things which she should either know or be able to figure out without me. I'm really annoyed because I've been under so much stress at work and home, I just want one day of being able to relax and not think about work but I can't even have that.

That's not on. Sorry but if I was contacted about work when I was on annual leave I'd just ignore the calls or messages. It's unacceptable to interrupt your down time.