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Dot_Cotton
Chatty Member
Only just seen this thread and I actually can’t believe what I am reading. I know it’s not as easy just telling him fuck off and that’s that but this has been going on for about a year. He has told you he doesn’t love you and is openly meeting another woman and you’re bothered about him blocking you on Facebook??? The man is clearly a bullying, manipulative cunt and you need to fight back or it is literally going to destroy you. You can’t let your kids see you accepting this carry on. Fuck what he tells other people, get legal advice tomorrow. Send an email to a solicitors now so you feel like you have made a step forward. Chuck his stuff out or you just go and book yourself into a hotel. Get away from him! I’m so fuming over this.
leviosa
Well-known member
He still wants to hug me, call me affection names, kiss me goodbye. He still wants sex. And yes I'm stupid but I still do at the moment. For me, I can't switch off like he's somehow been able to do. He's got the best of both worlds!
NoseyNiamh
VIP Member
Ah here.... I think you are taking the piss.
Folks I think you have all wasted your time on this thread.
This is a couple that thrive of drama in their lives, both as bad as each other. The kids are probably fed up listening to them at this stage.
Leave them be!
theghosttown
VIP Member
I would say trust your instincts.
Having said that there can be innocent explanations for how he is with his phone. I have no message previews, I always have my phone facing down for example. A lot of people could see that as dodgy but to me I don’t want to have previews of messages as I like to chose when to read them and also I get worried about spilling things on my screen. Also, it’s my husbands birthday at the moment so if he uses my phone I’m slightly more nervous and hover around in case I get anything through about deliveries for gifts.
In relation to that message I don’t think it’s the context that worries me as such it’s the fact he has deleted the message. Why would he need to delete his messages if they are completely innocent. Perhaps he could be worried that him messaging a female could upset you but you have said that he openly has female friendships so that doesn’t add up.
I trust my husband implicitly and I never go through his phone but it has crossed my mind before, but I think that’s down to my insecurities rather than lack of trust.
It’s a tough one but it’s not fair for him to rant and rave at you. You have every right to get answers and you deserve for him to offer a proper explanation. I’m sorry that you are going through this. It’s a fucking shitty feeling. X
Having said that there can be innocent explanations for how he is with his phone. I have no message previews, I always have my phone facing down for example. A lot of people could see that as dodgy but to me I don’t want to have previews of messages as I like to chose when to read them and also I get worried about spilling things on my screen. Also, it’s my husbands birthday at the moment so if he uses my phone I’m slightly more nervous and hover around in case I get anything through about deliveries for gifts.
In relation to that message I don’t think it’s the context that worries me as such it’s the fact he has deleted the message. Why would he need to delete his messages if they are completely innocent. Perhaps he could be worried that him messaging a female could upset you but you have said that he openly has female friendships so that doesn’t add up.
I trust my husband implicitly and I never go through his phone but it has crossed my mind before, but I think that’s down to my insecurities rather than lack of trust.
It’s a tough one but it’s not fair for him to rant and rave at you. You have every right to get answers and you deserve for him to offer a proper explanation. I’m sorry that you are going through this. It’s a fucking shitty feeling. X
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leviosa
Well-known member
Nothing new happened. He just says he's not in love with me anymore. Nothing has ever hurt like this.I'm so sorry to hear this. Has something else happened or did it just eat away into the relationship?
Mr Daydream
Active member
Why are you worried about upsetting your kids by throwing him out? YOU are the mother and YOU tell them what’s happening whether they like it or not. Sorry I just don’t believe in pandering to children, especially when this is going to have a serious effect on your mental well-being. Please do something today, not next week not next month, TODAY!!
Strawberry-pot
Chatty Member
I’m really sorry but I think you know the answer deep down. Pm me if you need a chat xx
BettyCrockerr
VIP Member
Stop trying to contact him, stop begging him to unblock you on Facebook. Stop it. I’d actually disable your social media accounts for now.
do you have access to money? Make sure you have. Transfer money out from any joint account you have to one of your own accounts if you have one, or just go to the bank and take cash out for now. Because the next thing he’s going to do is to stop your access to money. It’s another way of controlling you.
I know this is incredibly hard but please understand that you are a victim of abuse. This man is dangerous and you need to keep yourself safe.
go back to the police. Get help.
do you have access to money? Make sure you have. Transfer money out from any joint account you have to one of your own accounts if you have one, or just go to the bank and take cash out for now. Because the next thing he’s going to do is to stop your access to money. It’s another way of controlling you.
I know this is incredibly hard but please understand that you are a victim of abuse. This man is dangerous and you need to keep yourself safe.
go back to the police. Get help.
mollypocket
Member
So basically he is meeting another women and is not ruling out anything happening between them, but wants to kiss and sleep with you as he's keeping his options open just incase it doesn't work out the way he hopes with this other women, I wouldn't give him the time of day, he wouldn't be living in my house? How could you sleep with him after this or stay with him, the trust will be gone completely as he's clearly not happy, sorry if that's harsh but he's taking the piss.
Greencatfysh
VIP Member
That’s madness. He can skip off into a new happy relationship (which 90% of the time will backfire and he’ll end up alone, which is good for you 
) but in the meantime - KICK HIS ASS OUT! as others have said legally he doesn’t have a leg to stand on. I’d get a lawyer immediately. Even if he doesn’t want to divorce, or you don’t, he can’t literally have his cake and eat it too. And rub your face in seeing this other woman. What the hell!!!!
Different scenario but reminds me of my ex bf. After 5 years he said he wanted to end it. After the initial shock I accepted it and we made practical plans. He was surprised when I said I was going to my parents with a bag and he could deal with all the admin of ending our rental early, other fees and stuff. I was like - ummm you’re the one who wants out. You can now live in our tiny flat alone surrounded by memories whilst paying double the rent
) but in the meantime - KICK HIS ASS OUT! as others have said legally he doesn’t have a leg to stand on. I’d get a lawyer immediately. Even if he doesn’t want to divorce, or you don’t, he can’t literally have his cake and eat it too. And rub your face in seeing this other woman. What the hell!!!!Different scenario but reminds me of my ex bf. After 5 years he said he wanted to end it. After the initial shock I accepted it and we made practical plans. He was surprised when I said I was going to my parents with a bag and he could deal with all the admin of ending our rental early, other fees and stuff. I was like - ummm you’re the one who wants out. You can now live in our tiny flat alone surrounded by memories whilst paying double the rent
TheWitchIsBack
VIP Member
I’m sorry you’re going through this and that you’ve found this shit on his phone.
Your post struck a chord with me as I found a very similar text on my partners phone. He swore blind it was absolutely nothing and after a lot of digging it transpired he’d had a secret relationship with a woman from his work for a full year.
I was regularly checking his phone because I did suspect something like this and had for a while so I’d say in this situation your instinct is your best guide. Don’t let him gaslight you, you’re right to be angry and if it doesn’t make sense to you then it doesn’t make sense and no amount of ranting and raving from him will change that. I hope you get answers soon x
Your post struck a chord with me as I found a very similar text on my partners phone. He swore blind it was absolutely nothing and after a lot of digging it transpired he’d had a secret relationship with a woman from his work for a full year.
I was regularly checking his phone because I did suspect something like this and had for a while so I’d say in this situation your instinct is your best guide. Don’t let him gaslight you, you’re right to be angry and if it doesn’t make sense to you then it doesn’t make sense and no amount of ranting and raving from him will change that. I hope you get answers soon x
saltandvinegarcrisps
Chatty Member
Wow, you need to let his ass go and meet this new woman tomorrow , get the locksmith round and change all the locks. Kick him out and file for divorce on the grounds of adultery.
If he earns twice what you do and has been financial contributing more to shared funds then you should be entitled to some sort of spousal maintenance.
Take him to the cleaners, empty shared accounts - altho maybe not possible if he needs to approve release of funds.
absolutely disgusting he's basically been gaslighting you for a year while keeping his options open and lining up his next shag while keeping you sweet
If he earns twice what you do and has been financial contributing more to shared funds then you should be entitled to some sort of spousal maintenance.
Take him to the cleaners, empty shared accounts - altho maybe not possible if he needs to approve release of funds.
absolutely disgusting he's basically been gaslighting you for a year while keeping his options open and lining up his next shag while keeping you sweet
Raininvain
VIP Member
I'd just get the locks changed or just put the chain on and leave a bag of his stuff on the step. Let him go to his girlfriends or his parents etc. Revolting creature he is. Just grow a pair and get rid of him, your self esteem is going to be in the gutter if you just let him sleep with you when he wants.
Jelly Bean
VIP Member
I think it is useful for other people in Leviosa's position to read here.
Even if Leviosa is a troll (which I 100% don't think btw) the good advice and kind wishes still stand. So whether she is or not is largely irrelevant imo. If just one person reads here and finds it helpful and recognises themselves then it has been important.
Even if Leviosa is a troll (which I 100% don't think btw) the good advice and kind wishes still stand. So whether she is or not is largely irrelevant imo. If just one person reads here and finds it helpful and recognises themselves then it has been important.
F the dust.
VIP Member
Agreed I'm 41 been with my husband 26 years, 4 kids one who had a tumour( fine now) one with autism. We have little money and still we are so close. He would literally do anything for me and I'm not but he tells me I'm beautiful. I know this might be cringe but good faithful men do exist. Plus my parents have been married 50 years...my dad's a good man too.
BettyCrocker
VIP Member
seriously, taking any kind of sage wisdom from a fictional show like SATC?!!!!!
Some men cheat. Some women cheat. And some don’t.
NoseyNiamh
VIP Member
I would have solved the Da Vinci Code quicker than this