Just bow out. Post in the group chat that you can’t get the time off work and have already got holiday commitments with your own partner/family and you can’t manage to do everything. That’s all you need to say - you don’t have to justify it or engage in this back and forth chat with the bride. You won’t be the only one who feels this way!!!
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If she was really a good friend, she wouldn’t be giving you a hard time. I’m MOH in December…the bride is the “last” in our friendship group to get married and has enthusiastically supported the rest of us on hens/bridesmaid at weddings etc. I feel rotten she isn’t getting the “away” henny she would have liked due to the rest of us…money, pregnancies etc. But she’s not bothered. Says all that matters is we’re together at her wedding and everyone enjoys the day…that’s a true friend.
It's gone down like a lead balloon so far
Oh no! Really?!It's gone down like a lead balloon so far
How did she react? Sorry, not being nosy, just genuinely interested.
On a side note - is she very financially secure?
No! she's just bought a new flat and doesn't even have furniture or flooring!!!!! this is what makes me laugh
her childhood friends, one of them is a nurse in Dubai tax free rent all paid, the other 2 are married and I think their monthly salary is totally their own as in their husbands take care of all rent/mortgage/bills and every penny of theirs is for clothes/makeup/holidays/going out so unless she's trying to keep up with them 
Not to toot my own horn but I have a very good job, but that £1000 I just feel could go to so much better use and we could go somewhere else for a few hundred and have just as good of a time without stunting for the gram!
This is what she said "Thanks for posting it in the chat ***** but I have to be honest. I’m really annoyed you waited so long to come back to everyone...Yeah but that’s not good enough ****, The group has been active for so long"
The WhatsApp chat has indeed been going since Feb but flights were only booked start of May, and potential accommodation options were only circulated from 30th June onwards so I personally don't feel her argument that I should have spoken up months ago holds much weight
.They are still hellbent on getting this villa
they haven't said "we can look at cheaper hotels", "let's look at going for 3 days instead of 5" or "let's reduce the number of clubs we go to and just go to a local bar on X night where there's no entry fee"
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Honestly, you need to stand your ground here. If she can't understand that asking everyone to cough up that amount of money on a Hen party is unreasonable and stressful then she is not a great friend.No! she's just bought a new flat and doesn't even have furniture or flooring!!!!! this is what makes me laugh
This is what she said "Thanks for posting it in the chat ***** but I have to be honest. I’m really annoyed you waited so long to come back to everyone...Yeah but that’s not good enough ****, The group has been active for so long"
The WhatsApp chat has indeed been going since Feb but flights were only booked start of May, and potential accommodation options were only circulated from 30th June onwards.
Has anyone else in the group chat responded?
Say your piece, apologies and leave it at that. You don’t need to get into the ins and outs of ‘you’ve had months..’. The price has changed things and that’s that.
Yeah ones just said she knew it would be £1000 minimum from the start, we'll have lunch at the villa to save money and not much else.
Completely agree. You aren’t prepared to go, your reasons are valid, and that’s the end of it. You don’t have to justify it. Plus, you’ve also got to think of the money/time you’ll spend on the actual wedding day itself because attending a wedding isn’t a cheap day/night out either!!!
And THIS is exactly why I loathe this entire hen/stag holiday circus that has evolved over the last 15 years or so.
Reply saying it's out of your budget, happy to be part of a 'home' hen do, then leave the chat. Have you booked your flight or anything? Ibiza isn't cheap when you're out there... like 25 euro for a bottle of water at any of the big clubs.
Na I've not booked my flight thank god
I'm more shocked my friend doesn't see issue with the price lolWhole situation is ridiculous with hen and stags. It puts people under so much pressure for money and the cost of this is far beyond what i would ever expect anyone to contribute!! As previous posters have said - i would reply to say unfortunately you cannot afford it but ofc would be there for the home hen - have an amazing time etc and leave the chat
I don't think you are being unreasonable at all!
It is a lot of money to be spending going away for a hen do and as others have suggested, she could have a home based hen do for those that can't make it.
Everyone has different financial status but with costs rising right now and the way everything is, I honestly think it is unreasonable of the bride to be expecting any of you to pay out that much!
A few years ago, I went to Marbella for a hen do. In total, I think it cost me about £1200 as we were all expected to put in £400 each into a pot for activities. I was fuming, but I was already there and felt I couldn't have said no. There was one girl, the bride's cousin who was dead set on coming, but a week before we left she dropped out as she couldn't afford it. The bride was a little upset, but didn't drop her as MOH.
When it came to the wedding, it cost myself and my husband about £3k for flights, hotels, outfits (Indian wedding with lots of events) and we were still paying that back a year later as we had to get a small loan for it.
Even though we are in much better jobs and can spend a bit more on luxuries, I wouldn't do that again!
'No' is a complete sentence. You shouldn't have to explain yourself further to her or to her friends that you don't know. x
It is a lot of money to be spending going away for a hen do and as others have suggested, she could have a home based hen do for those that can't make it.
Everyone has different financial status but with costs rising right now and the way everything is, I honestly think it is unreasonable of the bride to be expecting any of you to pay out that much!
A few years ago, I went to Marbella for a hen do. In total, I think it cost me about £1200 as we were all expected to put in £400 each into a pot for activities. I was fuming, but I was already there and felt I couldn't have said no. There was one girl, the bride's cousin who was dead set on coming, but a week before we left she dropped out as she couldn't afford it. The bride was a little upset, but didn't drop her as MOH.
When it came to the wedding, it cost myself and my husband about £3k for flights, hotels, outfits (Indian wedding with lots of events) and we were still paying that back a year later as we had to get a small loan for it.
Even though we are in much better jobs and can spend a bit more on luxuries, I wouldn't do that again!
'No' is a complete sentence. You shouldn't have to explain yourself further to her or to her friends that you don't know. x
this will be an Indian wedding too, she wanted me to be a "bridesmaid" so I naively assumed she'd be paying for the dresses but I found out last week everyone will buy their own
and the weddings at the other end of the UK so will be petrol/train tickets to consider as well as a 4/5 night stay in a hotel.4 or 5 nights in a hotel for the wedding?! What?! Why? Go up the day before and leave the day after - 2 nights maximum no?this will be an Indian wedding too, she wanted me to be a "bridesmaid" so I naively assumed she'd be paying for the dresses but I found out last week everyone will buy their own
Indian weddings are a few days event
and it's nowhere near my home so can't go home in between timesI honestly think Indian weddings cost way more in terms of outfits than western weddings! Especially for people involved in the wedding!this will be an Indian wedding too, she wanted me to be a "bridesmaid" so I naively assumed she'd be paying for the dresses but I found out last week everyone will buy their own
You'll be expected to buy the sari, maybe a lehenga for the mendhi, jewellery for all events, a dress for the civil ceremony, another lehenga or dress for the wedding reception, plus all the events are held over numerous nights and that's a lot of money on hotels!
Edit to add - I forgot about the expense of you having to get a sari blouse made to fit for the Indian ceremony!
For the love of God. Who could even be bothered!!!!Indian weddings are a few days event
All in all, you are looking at minimum of £2k just on her hen, outfits, petrol and hotels......sorry, I know she's your friend, but she is being unreasonable!
I would never have expected my bridesmaids to pay out for their outfits!
I would never have expected my bridesmaids to pay out for their outfits!