Am I being unreasonable?

[Clarity456]

Ok here's the situation.

One of my oldest friends is getting married in May 23. She has decided she wants to go to Ibiza for her hen do in October, she has for some reason decided to go for 5 nights (more on this later), the minimum costs are looking minimum £1000 per person for 5 days to do all the stuff she wants to do (more like £1300). There's a group of 3 childhood friends of the bride, the bride, me who doesn't know anyone but the bride and another girl who doesn't know anyone but the bride.

Is it just me or is £1000 way too much to ask someone to spend for a hen do? I'm not familiar with Ibiza pricing and whilst I fully expected (and was happy) to spend £300-£500, I think of all the other stuff I could do with £1000 and wanna cry at the thought of throwing all that money down the drain, particularly as it's spending almost a week with randomers who I may not even get on with.

I feel this could have been done so much cheaper if, instead of going Saturday - Thursday, staying in this huge luxury villa, and the expectation being we go out every night, we went Sat - Tuesday, got hotel rooms and had 1 big night and 1 big day at ocean Beach or somewhere.

its also so annoying I'm having to take 4 whole days of annual leave to spend with people I don't know from Adam.

I broached this subject with my friend and her response wasn't really positive or understanding!

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Omg no, thats way too much! I'd be mortified expecting people to pay that much. I felt bad with my hens spending £200 - even if someone can easily afford it, thats a huge expectation. Thats not a hen do - thats a full on holiday.

 

[candyland_]

There’s always going to be people you don’t know at hen dos but £1000 is way too much. I’m guessing that won’t be the final cost either.. Add in spending money, money for whatever else they organise etc.

I’ve declined similar invitations with a simple ‘I can’t make it..’ and just tell them to have an amazing time.

You won’t be the only one who isn’t keen.

 

[Gossipgirl79]

Ok here's the situation.

One of my oldest friends is getting married in May 23. She has decided she wants to go to Ibiza for her hen do in October, she has for some reason decided to go for 5 nights (more on this later), the minimum costs are looking minimum £1000 per person for 5 days to do all the stuff she wants to do (more like £1300). There's a group of 3 childhood friends of the bride, the bride, me who doesn't know anyone but the bride and another girl who doesn't know anyone but the bride.

Is it just me or is £1000 way too much to ask someone to spend for a hen do? I'm not familiar with Ibiza pricing and whilst I fully expected (and was happy) to spend £300-£500, I think of all the other stuff I could do with £1000 and wanna cry at the thought of throwing all that money down the drain, particularly as it's spending almost a week with randomers who I may not even get on with.

I feel this could have been done so much cheaper if, instead of going Saturday - Thursday, staying in this huge luxury villa, and the expectation being we go out every night, we went Sat - Tuesday, got hotel rooms and had 1 big night and 1 big day at ocean Beach or somewhere.

its also so annoying I'm having to take 4 whole days of annual leave to spend with people I don't know from Adam.

I broached this subject with my friend and her response wasn't really positive or understanding!

Not unreasonable at all. That’s a lot of money for a hen do. I spend my twenties giving time and money to over the top hen do’s like that so when it was mine, I just did a home hen. Didn’t want to ask people to give up their time and money, but that’s just me.
Trying to say no more is something I’m working on too, without needing to give a justification. You’re perfectly within your right to say something like “That sounds amazing, and I hope you have a great time. It’s just not financially viable for me at the moment. Happy to celebrate at a home hen too.”

 

[CoffeeMamma]

We’re in the biggest financial crisis in our history and your friend thinks that’s okay?! What? Nooooo you’re not unreasonable but she might be! Plus what if there’s still all these delays and you wind up out there for a fortnight, who foots the bill?
Anyway, “no” is a complete sentence in itself but if you feel the need to give a reason I agree with the above about financial viability. Also add you’re excited to attend any events closer to home (showers/home hens).

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Ok here's the situation.

One of my oldest friends is getting married in May 23. She has decided she wants to go to Ibiza for her hen do in October, she has for some reason decided to go for 5 nights (more on this later), the minimum costs are looking minimum £1000 per person for 5 days to do all the stuff she wants to do (more like £1300). There's a group of 3 childhood friends of the bride, the bride, me who doesn't know anyone but the bride and another girl who doesn't know anyone but the bride.

Is it just me or is £1000 way too much to ask someone to spend for a hen do? I'm not familiar with Ibiza pricing and whilst I fully expected (and was happy) to spend £300-£500, I think of all the other stuff I could do with £1000 and wanna cry at the thought of throwing all that money down the drain, particularly as it's spending almost a week with randomers who I may not even get on with.

I feel this could have been done so much cheaper if, instead of going Saturday - Thursday, staying in this huge luxury villa, and the expectation being we go out every night, we went Sat - Tuesday, got hotel rooms and had 1 big night and 1 big day at ocean Beach or somewhere.

its also so annoying I'm having to take 4 whole days of annual leave to spend with people I don't know from Adam.

I broached this subject with my friend and her response wasn't really positive or understanding!

You are not being unreasonable at all. It’s completely ridiculous. I hate this entire hen/stag holiday nonsense - unless the bride is going to pay for everyone to go on this holiday she can shove it!!!

 

[saltandvinegarcrisps]

It's all relative I suppose, 1k is a lot for some and not for others. If you don't want to spend that sort of money and it would impact you negatively financially / you have other plans for your money then definitely do not go.

 

[Em_]

Ok here's the situation.

One of my oldest friends is getting married in May 23. She has decided she wants to go to Ibiza for her hen do in October, she has for some reason decided to go for 5 nights (more on this later), the minimum costs are looking minimum £1000 per person for 5 days to do all the stuff she wants to do (more like £1300). There's a group of 3 childhood friends of the bride, the bride, me who doesn't know anyone but the bride and another girl who doesn't know anyone but the bride.

Is it just me or is £1000 way too much to ask someone to spend for a hen do? I'm not familiar with Ibiza pricing and whilst I fully expected (and was happy) to spend £300-£500, I think of all the other stuff I could do with £1000 and wanna cry at the thought of throwing all that money down the drain, particularly as it's spending almost a week with randomers who I may not even get on with.

I feel this could have been done so much cheaper if, instead of going Saturday - Thursday, staying in this huge luxury villa, and the expectation being we go out every night, we went Sat - Tuesday, got hotel rooms and had 1 big night and 1 big day at ocean Beach or somewhere.

its also so annoying I'm having to take 4 whole days of annual leave to spend with people I don't know from Adam.

I broached this subject with my friend and her response wasn't really positive or understanding!

I don't think she should expect you or others to spend that much money, especially currently, with the cost of living crisis. Is there a reason why she won't change it to 3/4 days? Is she having a UK hen do?
I think a few of the hens may not be able to afford it or want to go for that long, but will just go along with it. I don't think you are being unreasonable, personally I'd say the bride to be is being unreasonable.

 

[Swisspea]

Ok here's the situation.

One of my oldest friends is getting married in May 23. She has decided she wants to go to Ibiza for her hen do in October, she has for some reason decided to go for 5 nights (more on this later), the minimum costs are looking minimum £1000 per person for 5 days to do all the stuff she wants to do (more like £1300). There's a group of 3 childhood friends of the bride, the bride, me who doesn't know anyone but the bride and another girl who doesn't know anyone but the bride.

Is it just me or is £1000 way too much to ask someone to spend for a hen do? I'm not familiar with Ibiza pricing and whilst I fully expected (and was happy) to spend £300-£500, I think of all the other stuff I could do with £1000 and wanna cry at the thought of throwing all that money down the drain, particularly as it's spending almost a week with randomers who I may not even get on with.

I feel this could have been done so much cheaper if, instead of going Saturday - Thursday, staying in this huge luxury villa, and the expectation being we go out every night, we went Sat - Tuesday, got hotel rooms and had 1 big night and 1 big day at ocean Beach or somewhere.

its also so annoying I'm having to take 4 whole days of annual leave to spend with people I don't know from Adam.

I broached this subject with my friend and her response wasn't really positive or understanding!

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. Only you know your financial and personal situation and you shouldnt feel or be pressurised into going into difficulties with money or holiday requirements. Given that you have tried to raise it verbally with your friend and had no luck could you try and write a card/email. Something along the lines of totally valuing her friendship and wanting to help celebrate her marriage but being sadly constrained in budget and holiday allowances. Maybe give her the amount of cash you could spend and the time that you have available? Ending with a commitment that you really do want to do all within your means to celebrate with her but if it can’t be done within your means then you will sadly have to sit out the hen do. Good luck - I am sure that if she is a very good friend that she will realise that she is being unreasonable in her demands of you.

 

[Ingognito.Queen]

It's completely unreasonable and to be quite honest it's selfish to expect that of people. Most people wouldn't spend that on their summer holiday!

I don't understand your concern with you only knowing the bride or other people only knowing the bride and not others - that's the norm at most hens.

I would make your feelings known now - October won't be long coming!

 

[Be More Pacific]

You are not being unreasonable at all. It’s completely ridiculous. I hate this entire hen/stag holiday nonsense - unless the bride is going to pay for everyone to go on this holiday she can shove it!!!

Completely agree. Social media has a lot to answer for! Because that's all it will be - showing off for the 'gram. Look at me being a bleep in Ibiza. Woohoo

Bride Tribe? How about duck OFF?!

 

[Clarity456]

I don't understand your concern with you only knowing the bride or other people only knowing the bride and not others - that's the norm at most hens.

my concerns about not knowing people are that basically if I was only spending £250 for 2 nights in Liverpool then I think that's more reasonable money to ask people to spend, but I think £1000 (what I would spend on a 10 day summer holiday with close friends or family) is extortionate to ask people to spend 5 days with unknowns , was more my point, I know it's par for the course to not know everyone at hen do's.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

my concerns about not knowing people are that basically if I was only spending £250 for 2 nights in Liverpool then I think that's more reasonable money to ask people to spend, but I think £1000 (what I would spend on a 10 day summer holiday with close friends or family) is extortionate to ask people to spend 5 days with unknowns , was more my point

Christ I wouldn’t even be spending £250 on a bloody hen do!!!

 

[youdontevenknowme]

Won’t Ibiza be dead in October? I thought the closing parties were in September? Also 5 days is way too long. You’ll be sick of the sight of these people and fed up of drinking after 3 days without a doubt. It might not be too warm there in October either. Would not be my first choice if I was the bride!

 

[Ingognito.Queen]

my concerns about not knowing people are that basically if I was only spending £250 for 2 nights in Liverpool then I think that's more reasonable money to ask people to spend, but I think £1000 (what I would spend on a 10 day summer holiday with close friends or family) is extortionate to ask people to spend 5 days with unknowns , was more my point, I know it's par for the course to not know everyone at hen do's.

Ok - I understand what you mean.
Is it possible to ask the others how they feel? You can't be the only one who thinks spending that amount of money on a hen is unreasonable?

 

[Clarity456]

Won’t Ibiza be dead in October? I thought the closing parties were in September? Also 5 days is way too long. You’ll be sick of the sight of these people and fed up of drinking after 3 days without a doubt. It might not be too warm there in October either. Would not be my first choice if I was the bride!

no there's closing parties on while we're there exactly my thoughts, most hen parties are 3 days not 5 nights 6 days

 

[candyland_]

One of my friends had an Ibiza/festival themed hen party in the UK a couple of years ago.. Summer is coming up so it could be worth suggesting they do this for the ones who can’t go abroad.

 

[Clarity456]

Ok - I understand what you mean.
Is it possible to ask the others how they feel? You can't be the only one who thinks spending that amount of money on a hen is unreasonable?

I approached my friend to tell her that as she's the one I know, so rather than deal with it, she told me to post it in the group chat, one of the random has replied saying yeah it is gonna be £1000 minimum I'm happy with that and my friend has now replied to me directly basically ripping me a new one, as the group chat has been "going since February" even though accommodation/prices have only been spoken about since the 30th June.

 

[Phoenix Lazarus]

4 whole days of annual leave to spend with people I don't know from Adam.

I can barely Adam-and-Eve that.

 

[Clarity456]

I can barely Adam-and-Eve that.

me neither bravo