Alfies Irrelevant Deyes of Arrested Development

[cuzisayso]

The development will be when he gets fat. It’s going to happen I can sense it.

Everyone around him is getting buff
I remember him going to joe’s house
And I think it was Casper or actually joe himself (it’s been a while sry lol) that showed their protein shakes and then lifted up his shirt and showed a “defined” tummy and alfie was all like “wow” and “how’d you do that?” And then A week later he bought all this protein stuff and he was showing it off in his kitchen

Then Tyler Oakley became ripped and he posted a picture on Instagram and Alfie asked about it and Tyler answered that “he actually stuck with it” I remember laughing at his answer because the way he said it, to me, seemed in a kind of “unlike you Alfie” type of way

Then mark
Let’s be real, remember how mark looked even a year ago... now he buffed up so much

The funny thing is, with all these guys
It just happened, like mark just started appearing in Zoe’s videos and you could just tell he had been working out
No pretentious gym videos or anything
Just out of nowhere started to look so good
Working on himself in silence !!
He got so many compliments that in one of his vlogs he thanked his fans for “noticing” and said he had worked really hard on himself and watched what he ate and he had been working out a lot to feel better.

And here we have Alfie.... aaaaallll the talk... aaaalllll the equipment.. and the savage home gym..... and nothing
He is boasting and boasting about how much he eats, and his personal trainer and he even made his personal trainer an outfit where he slapped “pointlessblog” on an adidas jacket...... it’s embarrassing..
He has been working out since what? January? We are now 9 months further along... 9 months!!!!! And his body doesn’t show anything
So what mark and all them others managed to do over a summer or a 3 month period
Here he is with all his stuff, and vlogging his “gym journey” and nothing.
It’s laughable

 

[StephenTJackson]

I’m not surprised by Alfie though, he’s never had any dedication to anything, so he was never going to actually get a good workout routine. I do wonder about his PT, whether he is just coming for an easy payday instead of actually encouraging Alfie to get a good diet and workout routine that will actually see progress. He is so jealous of Tyler and Mark, they got buff. its embarrassing that previously twig like Mark is now buffer than Alfie.

 

[thenomad]

Alfie, the word is "chapters". Sections of a book are called "chapters".

This goes to show you how much Alfie actually reads. He probably thought he was so clever saying sections, which threw me off initially when I first heard it. I was like... does he mean chapters?! Btw, love your username.

On a side note, I cannot wait till Alfie gets fat. He's still young but considering how lazy he is and how little effort he puts into anything in his life, that whole bulked up look he's been wanting to achieve is not going to happen. I think the saying goes for working out and to achieve a more toned body is that 80% comes from what you eat and 20% is from working out. Obviously genetics plays a role too and I think Alfie takes more after his dad (and Poppy takes after Amanda) but he's not going to be slim forever and he still eats way too much crappy food hence the lack of results. I know in his vlog he went on about how "tiny" he was when he saw his wax figure at Madam Tussauds but he's not bigger because of muscle mass. Don't kid yourself, Alfie.

 

[jammy]

They actually played hide n seek at his 25th birthday party.

 

They actually played hide n seek at his 25th birthday party.

Did they also make an adult den to play in?

Did Zoe throw an amazing spread and bake a cake?

 

[StephenTJackson]

They are so embarrassing. The go karting was a good activity, I’d certainly enjoy it. But like Poppy was completely tragic about the whole go karting. But then obviously they had a ridiculously massive cake and loads of packets of snacks and sushi from the supermarket. The car though. I was so expecting to hear that they had wasted £20k on the Caterham. He won’t use it very well for the week he has it, definitely won’t take it on a nice long drive just for the sake of driving it. Zoe never drives her Figaro. And they already have four cars, but I still wouldn’t have been surprised if the car was bought, thankfully it wasn’t.

 

[GossWhore]

• He seems to "forget" starting these vlogs a lot these days ---tbh I think this is his new routine -- chatty storytime vlog into actual vlog -- looking for a new audience perhaps?

• So he bangs on about his surprise "I was in the office on a Sunday, got home at 8.15pm, watching some TV with Zoe and the door bell rang. Zoe started laughing saying 'Alfie go get the door' and when I opened it, it was my friend Zac who had an early birthday present for me -- he rented a caterham car"
• He had driven one with TopGear, but not again because you have to be 25 to drive them
• Btw caterham hires range from £199 for 1 day, or £299 for 2 days

• He then switched to vlog --- him and Zoe in the car the next day.
• He actually looked like a prat -- in the caterham with those fake glasses

• Zoe started complaining he's driving too fast "Nooo gorgeous, I feel sick" -- WHAT A WILD 25!!
• They went home early as Zoe got travel sick?!

• For his birthday lunch -- they went to Lewes at the same damn bakery they always go to: Flint Owl Bakery
• Alfie: "I hate surprises, I hate attention of me" ---really???

• They all went Go-Karting for Alfies 25 --- guess who moaned and didn't want to do it: Poppy of course
• Alfie was given the pink cover-up and Jim said "you look like a giant penis" which they obviously found hilarious
• Below is Alfie -- Zoe better save this as he will never wear a gif outfit or have sex more than once a year

• I find it hilarious, that this couple of 4 years can not do a special birthday without every single friend/employee being present -- do they only have sex when everyone is available for a viewing party?!

• Zoe and Alfie get home and the house has been decorated for a 5 years party, I mean 25 year old (Zoe the author of Cordially Invited however did not do it)
• Alfie in regards to the decorations "its a bit excessive"
• Zoe: "If it's a Zoe party, it's excessive" -- sorry princess, IS IT YOUR BIRTHDAY?

• Zoe added to the excessiveness with a massive cake

• Is Holly the new dancing monkey (not Mark)? Alfie commanding Holly to eat a giant piece of cake for his amusement.

• Alfie: "Everyone take their shoes off, we are playing HIDE AND SEEK" -- yes GROWN ASS ADULTS PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK
• Alfie: "I think everyone else is hiding in pairs" -- lol, not him and Zoe

 

[boredjess]

LOL... so folks, we don't need a Cornydeco book to know how to fill a room with balloons, buy chips and order a cake (she also ordered a cake for Joe birthday)

• Zoe and Alfie get home and the house has been decorated for a 5 years party, I mean 25 year old (Zoe the author of Cordially Invited however did not do it)
• Alfie in regards to the decorations "its a bit excessive"
• Zoe: "If it's a Zoe party, it's excessive" -- sorry princess, IS IT YOUR BIRTHDAY?

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• Zoe added to the excessiveness with a massive cake

 

[jammy]

"I was in the office on a Sunday, got home at 8.15pm"

In the office on a Sunday.... so he can watch porn.

 

"Nooo gorgeous, I feel sick"

Every time she says gorgeous I feel sick.

It's embarrassing making such a big deal out of your birthday's as an adult, but they have to as they have precious little in their life.

 

[StephenTJackson]

"It's embarrassing making such a big deal out of your birthday's as an adult, but they have to as they have precious little in their life.

I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with a big party or whatever for your birthday as an adult. I’ve been to plenty of parties for people way older than Zoe and Alfie. But the difference is that there is a more mature atmosphere, it’s normally a nice meal and drinks or garden party BBQ type thing as opposed to massive cake, crap from M&S and hide and seek.

 

I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with a big party or whatever for your birthday as an adult. I’ve been to plenty of parties for people way older than Zoe and Alfie. But the difference is that there is a more mature atmosphere, it’s normally a nice meal and drinks or garden party BBQ type thing as opposed to massive cake, crap from M&S and hide and seek.

I know what you mean, I had a BBQ for mine this year but it was less a party and just an excuse for people do get together. I didn't go bouncing all over the place declaring it's my birthday, printing t shirts for the occasion and expect a wedding cake.

I'm not really in to birthdays, but if you go onto a site like mumsnet it's full of adults saying how special the day is for them and the high expectations that their husband and children must treat them like. Different strokes.

 

[jammy]

I also thought they had hired a clown.... but it was just Poppy

 

[thenomad]

They actually played hide n seek at his 25th birthday party.

I wonder what childhood game they will play for Alfie's birthday next year.

Thank you for the recap @GossWhore. I find it hilarious that Zoe is coming out with a hosting (aka ideas stolen from Pinterest) book next month and yet for Alfie's birthday everything was store bought and the decorations were done by other people. What a talented hostess!

 

[It's me]

I wonder what childhood game they will play for Alfie's birthday next year.

Thank you for the recap @GossWhore. I find it hilarious that Zoe is coming out with a hosting (aka ideas stolen from Pinterest) book next month and yet for Alfie's birthday everything was store bought and the decorations were done by other people. What a talented hostess!

I bet pass the parcel...with left over tat that didn't sell in Zoella's Christmas collection or her new releases for Christmas!

Oh no just given her and him an idea haven't I!

 

[nemidiso]

I couldn't stand Zoes "it's a Zoe party - it's excessive"
who does she think she is? and why on earth does she think that's a good thing?

 

[Yel]

If she really did care about this book and had a passion for the project she would use Alfie's vlog to showcase it. But we know her hosting isn't anything more than ordering stuff and opening packages.

In a fair world, this contrived book filled will Pinterest stolen ideas will bomb.

All of the Gleam lot just expect their lazy rip off stuff to sell out instantly and get away with plagiarism. The tide might be turning - Alfie still can't sell his terrible new merch and Niomi is being pulled up on her cheap unnatural petrochemical loaded products.

 

[Licherally]

Vlog was such a waste of time, trying to be a pound shop Casey neistat. He goes into town everyday for important or exciting meetings but the only thing he's done in months is some merch. Anyone can make merch themselves online, easily and quickly. What actually is all these meetings? Is it his code word for having lunch?

 

[miam000]

His vlogs are insufferable and even more so since he stopped filming Zoe. I actually watched half of yesterday’s video... just to remind myself to never do that again and I think I lost a few brain cells. He seriously googled if eating carrots makes you see in the dark. He also kneeled and made Nala try jump over his back to see if she’d be able to. Mind you these are just some of the many things he does and says that you can’t help but think what an absolute idiot he is. How anyone can watch him for real is beyond me. Don’t even get me started on Sean, the minute I saw that obnoxious excuse for a man I turned off the video.

 

[boredjess]

Isn't this vlog another sponsored video? I didn't watch it but the description had this "ad'' thing

so some of these meetings might be for all the sponsored stuff

seems all his recent vlogs are sponsored stuff, obviously A knows he's getting poor views, so now he's just maximising doing paid stuff