Could someone Clip it into the 30 most cringe inducing clips?
Alfies Irrelevant Deyes of Arrested Development
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I’m putting myself through it, it’s awful.
Honestly I've decided to as well.
Can already sense another controversy since they're trying to justify a student sleeping with a student..
I couldn’t believe that they weren’t just outraged about the student sleeping with a teacher. I was also weirded out by the fact they seemed more grossed out by a foot fetish than potential incest.
I’m wondering if some of the secrets submitted might be fake.
Me either! Alfie saying you'd be considered 'cool' (or something similar) if you were a boy at school sleeping with a teacher was just WEIRD like how do they not see how wrong that is? I definitely think some if not most are fake. The grandparents one I've seen on Twitter a while ago
Not all heroes wear capes.
Encouraging someone in a position of power abusing it and statutory rape is probably him at his most smartest n sic!
Ummm the secret was "I slept with a teacher quite a lot"
They just acted so nonchalant
Oh yeah thats what I meant lol typo
Losing loads subs on the relaunched channel now! 
Kinda backfired.
Kinda backfired.Drinking game:
Everything time they open mouth air laugh, drink
Every time Alfie says ‘lidddle’, drink
Every time Zoe puts someone down, drink
Should be sufficiently drunk after 50 mins. You’re welcome
Because obviously alllllll of Alfie’s subs are over 18 ??
Wtf is Zoe introducing herself, 3.28 in and I’m already annoyed
Everything time they open mouth air laugh, drink
Every time Alfie says ‘lidddle’, drink
Every time Zoe puts someone down, drink
Should be sufficiently drunk after 50 mins. You’re welcome
Because obviously alllllll of Alfie’s subs are over 18 ??
Wtf is Zoe introducing herself, 3.28 in and I’m already annoyed
The upside to a podcast is you don't have to see his ugly mug and gummy smile or watch him pretend he's gotten so ripped from 'working out'. Unfortunately, you'll probably hear a bunch of yeoh's, send it, sick, and savage sprinkled throughout each recording. To those who are sitting through an hour and listening to his bs, you guys are heroes and I'm sorry if you feel your IQ slipping listening to his ramblings. I would rather crawl through a field of broken glass then listen to Alfie talk about sex (omg not the S word!) or whatever other topics he has lined up and thinking he's so knowledgable and wise. He comes across so insufferable in his vlogs, I'm sure that'll transition in his podcasts as well.
I wonder how long he will do the podcast for until he loses interest... in 5,4,3,2,1....
Overview
The four of them give lame secrets about themselves.
Alfie is so ******** he couldn’t stick the confessions on the correct way up.
Confession one was someone admitting to incest which they found hilarious ( probably shouldn’t even put that one in)
Next up, someone slept with their teacher a lot. Because teachers are young it’s not that bad as the age difference isn’t that bad so again, not that arsed. And if it’s true love.... ?? I cant listen any further genuinely, someone else will have to continue ha
Actually think Alfie might lose followers because of this. He thinks this will ‘adult’ up his channel. When in reality the adults cringe and the youngsters won’t find it cool.
The four of them give lame secrets about themselves.
Alfie is so ******** he couldn’t stick the confessions on the correct way up.
Confession one was someone admitting to incest which they found hilarious ( probably shouldn’t even put that one in)
Next up, someone slept with their teacher a lot. Because teachers are young it’s not that bad as the age difference isn’t that bad so again, not that arsed. And if it’s true love.... ?? I cant listen any further genuinely, someone else will have to continue ha
Actually think Alfie might lose followers because of this. He thinks this will ‘adult’ up his channel. When in reality the adults cringe and the youngsters won’t find it cool.
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Haven't watched this...
How the hell can they say sleeping with a teacher isn't that bad when it's a person in position of authority and responsibility therefore wrong.
Alfie was the one who adored all media attention for his stand he took on the Ingham Allegations.
Am sorry but are they right in the bloody head. Bet Chris Ingham and the ifam are thrilled with this chestnut!
How the hell can they say sleeping with a teacher isn't that bad when it's a person in position of authority and responsibility therefore wrong.
Alfie was the one who adored all media attention for his stand he took on the Ingham Allegations.
Am sorry but are they right in the bloody head. Bet Chris Ingham and the ifam are thrilled with this chestnut!
Videos been up 2 hours and he's already lost over 1100 subs because of it
Good...
My previous post explains why!
Buckle up guys, here’s my essay on the shitshow that is ‘The Secrets Out’.
Alfie, Zoe, Mark and Steve are on, they all introduce themeselves as if we don’t already know who they are. They then give naff secrets about themselves, nothing overly interesting though.
Alfie has stuck the secrets on to branded prompt cards to look professional, but has done some of them upside down - too lazy to fix it though. So everything looks unprofessional suddenly. ??
A says that these are people’s secrets, so they need to be respectful of them. You can tell where this respect is going to go before they even start guaranteed.
Secret 1) Sucked a relatives toe, them started having sex with the on a regular basis. Obviously they were totally grossed out by the idea of sucking on toes, and clearly showed no respect to that fact that some people have a foot fetish,but barely seemed to bat an eyelid at the fact that there was an incestuous relationship going on here. They need to sort out their priorities, or are Alfie and Poppy secretly getting it on. ??
Secret 2) somebody slept with their teacher. Again didn’t seem to recognise the severity and illegality of such actions, seemed to almost think it was cool and and achievement for the student to have had sex with a teacher. Then started talking about attractive teachers at their own schools.
Secret 3) for 21 years a grandad didn’t know the name of his wife, nobody ever told him, he’d never read it on a card or whatever. Sounded like a load of bullshit did the secret to me. Didn’t make any sense.
Secret 4) two friends on holiday in shared hotel room, one woke up to find other girl using a vibrator, made eye contact, now no longer friends. They seem to think it’s not a big deal, should’ve laughed it off, particularly Zoe who says they should just make up and get over it. As if she wouldn’t be mortified to be caught using a vibrator, not that she ever would probably.
Secret 5) at an auntie’s big wedding, 350 guests, accidentally loses her virginity to her second cousin (didn’t know he was her second cousin). Clearly not close with distant family. Just in case you don’t know a second cousin is somebody who shares the same great-grandparent, so not really that closely related to each other. So not as bad as shagging a brother something like that, but still likely awkward. They just seem to think it’s all a bit awkward, leads to some discussion about legality of marrying cousins, but they clearly don’t know what a second cousin is. Alfie is up to date on knowing marrying a cousin is legal in the U.K. I found it odd as Alfie is normally uninformed about everything, so I do wonder why he knows about marrrying cousins being legal. ??
Secret 6) somebody dropped their dog, didn’t admit it, now has a limp. They were pretty sensible about this, saying they should’ve taken the dog to the vet, didn’t need to admit they dropped it or anything. I thought it was a shame that this was filmed months ago, it will be too late to listen to that advice now.
Secret 7) boyfriend cheated, was going to Paris with new partner, girl amended booking to twin beds rather than double. Honestly, pretty tame quickly moved on. Zoe seemed impressed with it.
Secret 8) at house party, lass has sex with one guy. Then an hour later has sex with his friend, and is still friends with them. Well, for me that says it all, it doesn’t matter. Alfie goes off tangent thinking they must be under 18 because otherwise they would’ve gone clubbing rather than a house party. Seems odd to me. House parties still happen for over 18s, even the mad ones.
Zoe pretends to know what house parties are like and acts as if she has been to them. ?? bullshit
Zoe also tells a story of how her friend was kissed by a guy, who just before that had given another guy a blowjob. They thought this was some big deal, but the sex with two guys wasn’t. SCANDAL! BISEXUALITY EXISTS! It’s really a tamer story but because it involves bisexuality it must be a bigger deal to them all. It’s just so odd. But they’ve never exactly been very woke people, so what can you expect.
Secret 9) drunk couple, girl wakes up in boyfriends bed, pisses the bed. Doesn’t tell BF. Alfie says it sounds like Mark - the digs at Mark really start to ramp up now. I didn’t believe the secret, because surely the BF would smell the piss etc. All seemed a bit bullshit.
Zoe says she didn’t like staying at friends houses as a kid, we know she still doesn’t. Probs because she didn’t get Cordilly Invited and get a welcome basket of her favourite breakfast cereal and matching pyjamas. And when she did stay over she wet the bed and blamed it on a younger brother of the girl she stayed with. Zoe also digs at Mark, saying she thinks Mark would wet the bed more than he does because he consumes a sensible amount of liquid in a day unlike the permanentl dehydrated Zoe who can go all day without peeing.
Alfie leads into a story of being too lazy to come in from the garden when Nala was out for a wee, so he pissed in the garden rather than the toilet, was more worried about their SAS security team seeing it on the “mad”CCTV.
Honestly, the amount of piss stories we got at this point was too much even for me.
Secret 10) person killed a pigeon to see if they liked it, felt guilty, buried it on Brighton beach. Tried to forgive it because they felt guilty, when really it is a pretty weird thing to have intentionally planned to do. Steve mentioned accidentally killing a pigeon with a B.B. gun when younger, but wasn’t so intentional. There seemed a bit reluctant to be fully judgemental about this.
Secret 11) person secretly drinks their wee. Zoe straight in on Mark joking that she thinks he probably drinks his wee too. Zoe and Alfie really judgemental and uninformed about what is a sexual fetish for some people, and for some a supposed health activity. There is no medical evidence to suggest health benefits to drinking urine, in significant quantities longer term it can put major strain on the kidneys, but in irregular amounts for sexual play etc. Won’t be to harmful. Urine in itself is sterile unless the person has a urine infection so isn’t technically “bad”, but it is bodily waste is bad for you.
Mark mentions the fetish and beauty regime side of piss, Zoe obviously jokes about Mark enjoying it. Cum face masks also mentioned, Mark seems like he has probably tried it - or just had a guy come on his face during sex. Zoe repulsed by the whole idea of a cum facial, so Alfie deffo doesn’t ever get to cum on her face. Not that I ever want to even imagine that happening. Zoe and Alfie clearly have boring sex the once a year they do. Mark is a bit more kinky and into eying different things I think, but holds back on this because Zalfie will clearly judge him for it. They are so vanilla when I comes to sex and have no imagination or interest in anything beyond missionary position sort of see.
secret 12) plucks pubes and smells them. Zoe is immediately judgemental and finds the whole activity gross. Alfie shows how stupid he is by saying the pubic hair can also be armpit hair or chest hair. Mark says he doesn’t have a really hairy arse.
Secret 13) girl let’s her dog lick her out. This is beastiality and is illegal, they seem sympathetic to the dog, but should be so much more judgemental towards the person getting licked out by their dog. They judge a piss fetish or plucking pubes and smelling it, but incest and beastiality they barely seem to bat an eyelid at. WHAT THE duck IS WRONG WITH THEM? Actually, let’s not start on that question, we will be here for too long.
Secret 14) Hey Alfie, Zoe. Did you submit this one yourself? Girl is cheating on boyfriend of 10years, says she’s in love with two guys.
Zoe magically becomes the relationship guru and says they are missing communication - pot, kettle, black. But doesn’t condemn the cheating. Steve (oh yeah, he’s sort of just there, you forget about him because he is just a filler person) says about them being scared to break up after 10 years, don’t know any better. *cough* Zalfie *cough*
Seem to think that the man is not going to be fuming about her cheating on him and talking is going to magically make everything all okay. DELUDED!
To roundup, what a bleeping tit show! Won’t be putting myself through another 50minutes of that shite! Pretty sure so many of those secrets are absolute bullshit. They are childish, judgemental about sexual fetishes and so immature about sex, but weirdly okay about incest and a teacher/student relationship. Mark is just a verbal punchbag for Zoe and Alfie to bash. Steve is just there and doesn’t really contribute anything. It’s an embarrassment. I WANT MY FIFTY MINUTES BACK!
Alfie, Zoe, Mark and Steve are on, they all introduce themeselves as if we don’t already know who they are. They then give naff secrets about themselves, nothing overly interesting though.
Alfie has stuck the secrets on to branded prompt cards to look professional, but has done some of them upside down - too lazy to fix it though. So everything looks unprofessional suddenly. ??
A says that these are people’s secrets, so they need to be respectful of them. You can tell where this respect is going to go before they even start guaranteed.
Secret 1) Sucked a relatives toe, them started having sex with the on a regular basis. Obviously they were totally grossed out by the idea of sucking on toes, and clearly showed no respect to that fact that some people have a foot fetish,but barely seemed to bat an eyelid at the fact that there was an incestuous relationship going on here. They need to sort out their priorities, or are Alfie and Poppy secretly getting it on. ??
Secret 2) somebody slept with their teacher. Again didn’t seem to recognise the severity and illegality of such actions, seemed to almost think it was cool and and achievement for the student to have had sex with a teacher. Then started talking about attractive teachers at their own schools.
Secret 3) for 21 years a grandad didn’t know the name of his wife, nobody ever told him, he’d never read it on a card or whatever. Sounded like a load of bullshit did the secret to me. Didn’t make any sense.
Secret 4) two friends on holiday in shared hotel room, one woke up to find other girl using a vibrator, made eye contact, now no longer friends. They seem to think it’s not a big deal, should’ve laughed it off, particularly Zoe who says they should just make up and get over it. As if she wouldn’t be mortified to be caught using a vibrator, not that she ever would probably.
Secret 5) at an auntie’s big wedding, 350 guests, accidentally loses her virginity to her second cousin (didn’t know he was her second cousin). Clearly not close with distant family. Just in case you don’t know a second cousin is somebody who shares the same great-grandparent, so not really that closely related to each other. So not as bad as shagging a brother something like that, but still likely awkward. They just seem to think it’s all a bit awkward, leads to some discussion about legality of marrying cousins, but they clearly don’t know what a second cousin is. Alfie is up to date on knowing marrying a cousin is legal in the U.K. I found it odd as Alfie is normally uninformed about everything, so I do wonder why he knows about marrrying cousins being legal. ??
Secret 6) somebody dropped their dog, didn’t admit it, now has a limp. They were pretty sensible about this, saying they should’ve taken the dog to the vet, didn’t need to admit they dropped it or anything. I thought it was a shame that this was filmed months ago, it will be too late to listen to that advice now.
Secret 7) boyfriend cheated, was going to Paris with new partner, girl amended booking to twin beds rather than double. Honestly, pretty tame quickly moved on. Zoe seemed impressed with it.
Secret 8) at house party, lass has sex with one guy. Then an hour later has sex with his friend, and is still friends with them. Well, for me that says it all, it doesn’t matter. Alfie goes off tangent thinking they must be under 18 because otherwise they would’ve gone clubbing rather than a house party. Seems odd to me. House parties still happen for over 18s, even the mad ones.
Zoe pretends to know what house parties are like and acts as if she has been to them. ?? bullshit
Zoe also tells a story of how her friend was kissed by a guy, who just before that had given another guy a blowjob. They thought this was some big deal, but the sex with two guys wasn’t. SCANDAL! BISEXUALITY EXISTS! It’s really a tamer story but because it involves bisexuality it must be a bigger deal to them all. It’s just so odd. But they’ve never exactly been very woke people, so what can you expect.
Secret 9) drunk couple, girl wakes up in boyfriends bed, pisses the bed. Doesn’t tell BF. Alfie says it sounds like Mark - the digs at Mark really start to ramp up now. I didn’t believe the secret, because surely the BF would smell the piss etc. All seemed a bit bullshit.
Zoe says she didn’t like staying at friends houses as a kid, we know she still doesn’t. Probs because she didn’t get Cordilly Invited and get a welcome basket of her favourite breakfast cereal and matching pyjamas. And when she did stay over she wet the bed and blamed it on a younger brother of the girl she stayed with. Zoe also digs at Mark, saying she thinks Mark would wet the bed more than he does because he consumes a sensible amount of liquid in a day unlike the permanentl dehydrated Zoe who can go all day without peeing.
Alfie leads into a story of being too lazy to come in from the garden when Nala was out for a wee, so he pissed in the garden rather than the toilet, was more worried about their SAS security team seeing it on the “mad”CCTV.
Honestly, the amount of piss stories we got at this point was too much even for me.
Secret 10) person killed a pigeon to see if they liked it, felt guilty, buried it on Brighton beach. Tried to forgive it because they felt guilty, when really it is a pretty weird thing to have intentionally planned to do. Steve mentioned accidentally killing a pigeon with a B.B. gun when younger, but wasn’t so intentional. There seemed a bit reluctant to be fully judgemental about this.
Secret 11) person secretly drinks their wee. Zoe straight in on Mark joking that she thinks he probably drinks his wee too. Zoe and Alfie really judgemental and uninformed about what is a sexual fetish for some people, and for some a supposed health activity. There is no medical evidence to suggest health benefits to drinking urine, in significant quantities longer term it can put major strain on the kidneys, but in irregular amounts for sexual play etc. Won’t be to harmful. Urine in itself is sterile unless the person has a urine infection so isn’t technically “bad”, but it is bodily waste is bad for you.
Mark mentions the fetish and beauty regime side of piss, Zoe obviously jokes about Mark enjoying it. Cum face masks also mentioned, Mark seems like he has probably tried it - or just had a guy come on his face during sex. Zoe repulsed by the whole idea of a cum facial, so Alfie deffo doesn’t ever get to cum on her face. Not that I ever want to even imagine that happening. Zoe and Alfie clearly have boring sex the once a year they do. Mark is a bit more kinky and into eying different things I think, but holds back on this because Zalfie will clearly judge him for it. They are so vanilla when I comes to sex and have no imagination or interest in anything beyond missionary position sort of see.
secret 12) plucks pubes and smells them. Zoe is immediately judgemental and finds the whole activity gross. Alfie shows how stupid he is by saying the pubic hair can also be armpit hair or chest hair. Mark says he doesn’t have a really hairy arse.
Secret 13) girl let’s her dog lick her out. This is beastiality and is illegal, they seem sympathetic to the dog, but should be so much more judgemental towards the person getting licked out by their dog. They judge a piss fetish or plucking pubes and smelling it, but incest and beastiality they barely seem to bat an eyelid at. WHAT THE duck IS WRONG WITH THEM? Actually, let’s not start on that question, we will be here for too long.
Secret 14) Hey Alfie, Zoe. Did you submit this one yourself? Girl is cheating on boyfriend of 10years, says she’s in love with two guys.
Zoe magically becomes the relationship guru and says they are missing communication - pot, kettle, black. But doesn’t condemn the cheating. Steve (oh yeah, he’s sort of just there, you forget about him because he is just a filler person) says about them being scared to break up after 10 years, don’t know any better. *cough* Zalfie *cough*
Seem to think that the man is not going to be fuming about her cheating on him and talking is going to magically make everything all okay. DELUDED!
To roundup, what a bleeping tit show! Won’t be putting myself through another 50minutes of that shite! Pretty sure so many of those secrets are absolute bullshit. They are childish, judgemental about sexual fetishes and so immature about sex, but weirdly okay about incest and a teacher/student relationship. Mark is just a verbal punchbag for Zoe and Alfie to bash. Steve is just there and doesn’t really contribute anything. It’s an embarrassment. I WANT MY FIFTY MINUTES BACK!
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