Alfies Irrelevant Deyes of Arrested Development

[GossWhore]

• "Reality of Vlogmas, finding somewhere with good internet" -- I get Zalfie do this for their "jobs" but it's not that deep, Mark edited in the car and is really chilled -- Alfie is running crazy trynna upload
• Alfie states "We were just saying by Zoes age my parents had Poppy....let's all put our hands in -- BABY'S NEXT YEAR" --- such a dickhead
• Alfiel "everyone insults me" ---- come to Tattle.Life we will insult you for deyes lol (this must be because in Zoes vlog a "fan" said he was an arsehole, he pretended not to care but hes seriously butt-hurt lol)
• Mark reads "You are kinda like Rapunzel instead of letting your hair down, you let everyone down" -- No lies detected
• Mark also read "Maybe if you ate all that makeup you will be pretty inside" -- should have said it to Zoe lol

• Back in the car -- Alfie decided to play "catch" with a bottle -- chucking it at Poppy -- lovely bro there
• Alfie jokes "finally Mark has gone home" -- you know secretly he's crying for his lover lol
• Alfie comments than him and Zoe need to try not to film the same stuff and Zoe adds "we have different editing and filming styles" -- nono, there are both mediocre
• He ordered something which is a "90s throwback" -- probably a ps1, Tamagotchi --- something frivolous and dumb

He's going to be under 4 millions within the next 2 weeks

Just in time for Christmas!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS lol

 

[jammy]

I don't want to watch the vlog. Can someone just put in all the stupid things he said so that we could all have a laugh

• The audio is missing in a couple of clips. Shame it not for the entire duration.
• Talks like a child or a teenage skater boy as per usual.
• Him and Sean spits water at his mum for a prank., nice.
• Had packed 3 baseball caps for holiday.
• Smug about random people saying hey to him in street, pointing out one was a 35 year old man. The guy probably thought he was talking to him, not the camera.
• Buys an energy crystal. Needs to stick it up his lazy arse.
• Buys a chocolate ice cream while walking to a restaurant for dinner.

 

[jammy]

 

[StephenTJackson]

They aren’t even doing anything in Dubai! ??

Alfie says they got a free upgrade for the room - the whole trip is an #ad, they got paid for it, everything is free!

Zoe only interested in the room service menu though, straight away into the room Zoe has eyes on it. They ordered, Alfie got two meals as always, Zoe got steak and chips - no I’m only joking, obviously she ordered pizza and mash potato (that’s a fuck tonne of carbs).

Alfie says they aren’t doing any of the usual skydiving, jet skiing, sand dune driving stuff every other YouTuber #ad video features, they are just there for food and to relax. So they are doing sod all in Dubai basically, just like at home. Obviously couldn’t expect Zoe to actually do something on holiday beyond eating pizza.

Alfie says he doesn’t want to film much, just wants to enjoy the holiday, conveniently forgetting to mention he has to film because that is presumably the terms of the #ad, but “forgot” his drone but has other cameras. Half-arsing it as usual.

Half arsed editing as usual, doing a room tour, Zoe is getting changed at one point so covers camera with hand, but doesn’t edit that bit out.

His vile Gucci sliders gave him blisters while at the beach - serves him right.

At dinner, Zoe laughs when Alfie says the phrase “blows off”, obviously she’s never blown Alfie off if she thinks that phrase in a non-sexual context is funny. Such a mature 28year old boss lady.

And of course what would a dinner be without a pack of cards to play card games as opposed to talking to each other. What an absolute joke. I’ve never played card games when out for dinner. Utterly tragic.

 

[GossWhore]

- "It's a good day to have a good day" -- Alfiestole is back with his great wisdom
- "I try and get to the airport as late as possibly normally" -- wtf? normal people get to an airport early nah his privilege ass self knowing he can just book another
- "Going on a family holiday to Lisbon with mum, dad, Poppy and Sean. Zoes been mad busy and decided to chill out and look after the dogs" ---hmmmmm, don't they use their family holiday to chill out?
- He is so stupid, nearly left his carryon on the airport
- He shot for a magazine but won't say which -- why mention it
- Alfie also did not bring any Euros, so is using his parents money
- Alfie said in 2019 he will make a space in Brighton when you can basically have tapas food court where you can try different foods ---lol, like how he did with his podcasts
- He spent most of the vlog following his Dad and Sean around, basically doing nothing

 

[sitesorestrictive]

Wait wait wait...

There was a made up bullshit secret "someone" submitted saying they were with their partner for 6 years but has no plans of marriage or kids and wants to get out. Alfie submitting his own secrets already?

 

[StephenTJackson]

Why is no one acknowledging the fact that he basically admitted they will be trying for a baby next year?

Because nobody actually believes him.

 

[thenomad]

It literally says everything about a person that they are willing to advertise and visit Dubai as a way to make money. Especially when they are rich enough to visit any country they wished. They just go wherever the money is. Nothing to do with the country. They won't scratch the surface.

First of all, thank you for your informative post on Dubai. I've had friends who have also visited and unless you have a lot of money and are influential, the experience is always less than stellar. However, reading about all the wrongful detentions and the not surprising regressive stances on human rights issues--it definitely puts things into perspective. It would give anyone with a clue and a brain some pause about traveling there voluntarily.

I'm not surprised that Zalfie went to Dubai. They live in a bubble and have no idea or care to be informed on what is happening in the world. Unlike most of us (I'm guessing most of you guys also fall in the millennial age group), we don't have the luxury to turn a blind eye on what's happening politically and economically in the world because it affects us or our loved ones directly. We don't have money to wave our problems away momentarily. You see how much they consume and waste from clothing, toys that have a lifespan of days hours, seasonal decor, and down to all of their food deliveries. Alfie getting that backlash on his £1 video proves this as well. And you know most of this trip will be spent within the confines of the hotel with the occasional event planned out for them thanks for their sponsor. This isn't a holiday for the two to spend quality time, regroup, and reconnect. If anything it's for their instagram (and Alfie's teeth). How sad is that?

 

[StephenTJackson]

I’m honestly sick of the “been in meetings all day guyz”, been “super busy, super productive, working on some sick secret project”. It’s been two years, he’s released some shit merch, and half arsed a not-Podcast, and failed to get his company off the ground.

He really hasn’t spent the last two years doing his future self a favour, more like sponge of Zoella’s views and coast through life doing naff all.

Joe Sugg can do a few vlogs while spending most of the day training for Strictly, Alfie should be able to do a vlog while having meetings. He is just lazy, as we all know. I’m glad it’s Joe doing well on Strictly rather than any other BritCrew member, because he can actually work hard and put the effort it.

 

[FamHam]

He's such a little bitch to Zoe, constantly pulling the engagement trick. For her own self respct he should have ditched him after that taxi ride to the jewellery store in nyc where he led her on.

 

[boredjess]

POV-NAI-ESS... FOC-NAL-ESS .... Fol-nai- For-nal.... Pol-nai-ess
If I didn't know who he was and I saw that tshirt in a store, i'll be like ... is that a wrong spelling, or is that French (no, I'm not laughing at French)
or like a you know foreign tshirt printed wrongly
(we've all seen those wrong spelling stuff)

 

[Alightened]

 

[iLoveMeSomeCanoles]

Alfie, the word is "chapters". Sections of a book are called "chapters".

 

[winter_]

How ironic that the last 'secret' is about a long term couple in a relationship who aren't happy anymore and they're discussing how hard it must be to get out of that because they've been together for long, suggesting therapy to make things work. Are we sure Alfie/Zoe didn't send this in?

 

[nemidiso]

Am I the only one who doesn't get why this should be a podcast? It's just a video. An exact kind of "funny" video he did with his friends thousands of times except they are sitting in front of mics

 

[StephenTJackson]

Just posted on zoellas thread, it's Emirates but it could be for just a stop over in Dubai and straight on elsewhere.

Stopover in Dubai enroute to Australia for Zoe to be in I’m A Celeb! ???

 

[KawaiiAF]

Long time lurker here.
Just saw the comments about the Dubai post. It's funny that there are so many comments saying that he's gonna propose to Zoe.

He will never propose from his heart. he may do it to save their channels and career, or to at least stretch it out more. Like roman atwood did when he finally married brit after their channel hit the major skids and his clutch attempt at twitch fortnite gaming livestreams failed lol

alfie will never, ever get a better opportunity to propose than that NY trip.

I also love how he mocked her on the low down about her expectations for that trip several times! He was shamelessly gleeful about her disappointment, the fact she is still with him shows what a mug she is.

I'd have left him years ago. heck, I've left much better men for smaller reasons!! But if it's not right, it's not right & it never will be. Never commit to a stagnant relationship, get out. Start fresh. Better to be single than dragging out a stinking composting rel'ship like theirs.

Life is too short. They can barely disguise how miserable they make each other, and how little in common they have. The last I watched her vlogs he was out n out in hate mode for her, and she was in full on annoyed mode with him, & it went on forever, so Ig not much has changed.

I had to pack in alfie when he casually threw into conversation that he had to hire a therapist to discuss why he is reluctant to unpack his holiday luggage. He's an embarrassing little troll.

 

[GossWhore]

I'm gonna catch up with Alfie today (I needed a break from his bs. But I'm good now)

And lol at this

 

[Youtubegossip]

Genuinely thinks he’s the next Steve Jobs or something doesn’t he.

Also ‘when you don’t care about your followers you make better content’
This is the the guywho proclaims to be a daily bloggers/says he blogs 3-4 times a week yet posts around once a week on average. Not an inspiring bone in his body

 

[boredjess]

He's so dumb, he thought that tree is only 2 years old. How did he graduate from 'O'/'A' level
Actually, what's Alf's education level?