I think it might be advisable for you to have something in the house.By the sound sounds of it quitting in one go could have hugely detrimental affects. Why don’t you sit down and write yourself a little plan - allow yourself to have say, 2 glasses over a longer period of time or why don’t you try and get your hands on some alcohol free wine. You can alternate your glasses c
-
Jessica Taylor Exposed - Her company WhatsApp group spoke about posting poo to a CSA survivor and threatened employees with taking their entire assets if they whistleblew. The not-a-medical-doctor refused to give any evidence for any of her claims and has an extensive history of falsely reporting vulnerable women that speak up to the police for stalking and harassment. Listen now!
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Good advice and I will try it out when I get my hands on a bottle
Have been talking to some people about buying wine, even though it is currently illegal to do so. But I really don't have much choice because I haven't had a drink since NYE night, and now the cupboard is bare, so to speak. Also getting quite cranky with people, including my parents and sister - arguments and falling outs, and all because I can't get my hands on a drink.
Hopefully I should be able to get some wine in the next day or so. Don't care about the cost either. After that I'll be able to focus
Thanks
Had to cut off my alcoholic friend. Not totally but I'm not going to hang out with her, still here if she ever wants to talk and get help.
All she wants to do is drink. I actually don't drink bc I have mental health issues and alcohol just turns me into a manic mess and I always end up in a bad situation. She knows that yet it's all about the drink - and drugs!
I don't do any of that anymore, I'm too old for it. I used to be such a party animal when I was younger but I'm wanting to settle down now and take care of myself physically and mentally. Her talks about drugs and drink is draining tbh there's way more interesting topics to talk about.
We were the BEST of friends, unbelievably close, to the point we actually slept together and our friendship wasn't weird or anything. But now.. we're just on a totally different chapter of our lives and it's sad but it is what it is.
I feel bad but as others have said her family need to deal with this. I just feel like a bad friend.
All she wants to do is drink. I actually don't drink bc I have mental health issues and alcohol just turns me into a manic mess and I always end up in a bad situation. She knows that yet it's all about the drink - and drugs!
I don't do any of that anymore, I'm too old for it. I used to be such a party animal when I was younger but I'm wanting to settle down now and take care of myself physically and mentally. Her talks about drugs and drink is draining tbh there's way more interesting topics to talk about.
We were the BEST of friends, unbelievably close, to the point we actually slept together and our friendship wasn't weird or anything. But now.. we're just on a totally different chapter of our lives and it's sad but it is what it is.
I feel bad but as others have said her family need to deal with this. I just feel like a bad friend.
You’re not a bad friend. If someone doesn’t want to help themselves then no one can help them. I’ve been on both sides. The person with the problem and the friend of the person with the problem. It’s so frustrating to see someone go downhill and just not care. Even worse when they try and pull you into it as well. It sounds like she’s got nothing else going on in her life. Does she work? If not, what does she do with her time? I know someone who doesn’t work as they’re in a position not to, but they’re incredibly bored and do a lot of drugs to fill the time.
I absolutely agree with all @CosmicCreepers said. You are in no way a bad friend. At the end of the day she has chosen herself and her addictions, and you have tried to stay with her through that, but now it’s time to choose yourself, and that doesn’t make you selfish or a bad person.
And even though you were very close in the past, it’s normal for friendships to grow apart anyway over time. It sounds like you have very different priorities, so it’s natural that a friendship wouldn’t survive that, and be the same as it had been.
Much of your posts resonate with me. I have an alcoholic sibling too. She has categorically ruined her own life and parts of several family members too.
Contrary to your post, when she was drinking she was skinny. She didn't eat properly, her periods completely stopped as she did that much damage. When she went to rehab she piled weight on as she was eating properly. Since she has been in recovery, and I use the term losely as I question whether she is sober for long periods of time, she has put about 3 stone on.
I know what you mean about knowing the signs. For me, its her general persona and if she is a bit more lively and talkative then I'm fairly sure she is in drink.
I find seeing her quite triggering for my anxiety. So selfishly, I avoid seeing her which has been easier in lockdown anyway. I found if I did see her face to face I would be scanning her appearance, the way she was presenting and how she was acting, and then questioning whether she had been drinking. So I avoid seeing her.
There was a time I would have said that I didn't want to know anything about her, but when I speak to my mum lately I always ask how she is. I'm not there with messaging her directly though. Apparently she stays on track but there is a part of me that will never believe it.
I think you have to do what helps you. For me cutting her out of my life was best, she was affecting me mentally and I needed to selfishly make a break from her.
I totally understand your feelings, I hope you are feeling alright xxx
Thank you so much for your reply!
It is frustrating and actually really sad, she does have so much potential to actually go far in life she just doesn't seem to want to. She does work but is off right now because of covid. She's been off most of the time since March which is when her drink and drug use started spiralling way more than before. And even before it was pretty bad. She's definitely bored but she could fill her time with much more productive things like me and my other friends she just doesn't want to. Guess I can't expect her to if that's not what she wants. It's just really sad to me that she's turned out like this.
She's also having relationship issues she broke it off with the love of her life a couple of years ago and recently they've been speaking again. Of course this girl doesn't want the same relationship filled with drink and drugs they had back then but it's still not enough for her to stop. Really depressing actually.
Thank you!
Where I do want to help and support I can't do that for someone who won't help them self. It's been a tough call for me but I have so much in my own life, work, uni and my hobbies and friends that I don't have the energy to put in anymore if I'm honest.
We're definitely on completely different paths now. If she ever shapes up we could go back to that, but I'm not getting my hopes up.
Thinking of anyone today struggling or will struggle now lockdown has been announced again 
Reading this thread makes me mad sometimes I think because it brings up old emotions of how I felt throughout my mums battle and hearing people talk about them drinking makes me have flashbacks of when I was in that time
Being on tattle makes you realise how everyone is going through something in their own way. Everyone has a story and they aren’t always pleasant. My dad was an alcoholic and it took him quite quickly. He started drinking heavily when I was 10 and he passed away two weeks before I turned 14. His funeral was two days after my birthday. At the time I was numb from it and I’m ashamed to say I had disowned him at this point. But, I look back and realise I was only a child and had tried and pleaded so many times for him to stop but nothing ever sank in. He went to rehab a few times but, never any joy. I remember thinking, how could he do this to us, he always said my brother and I were his world so how could he hurt us so much. For years I bottled it up and never said anything about what happened, most people didn’t even know my dad had passed. When I would tell friends in conversation they would cry and I would feel nothing. It wasn’t until I got a bit older at 17 when I had almost an epiphany. I was on a pilgrimage in Lourdes helping the elderly with college (I’m not very religious by the way but, I’ve always been raised a catholic). One night we had a nighttime mass outside and lit some candles and was encouraged to share experiences we had. People started opening their hearts about family members they had lost and how they missed them. I didn’t say anything as it’s not my thing. But, quietly I took myself off, lit a candle and said, I forgive you dad. It felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. From then onwards, I realised that being an alcoholic is not a life choice and I believe it is a mental illness. Most people who have it have no control just like depression. Telling them to stop or cheer up will not work. It is so much more intricate than that. If I could give my younger self some wisdom, I would say to let the person know that you love them and you’ll always be there for them and remember the person they once were. Gently encourage them to get some help but, don’t push them as this usually backfires. But, most of all, don’t blame yourself or anyone else. It is never the answer and causes so much hurt. My auntie who is a horrible person blamed me and called me a murderer when my dad passed away. She said I should have done more as I was his baby girl. It’s always stuck with me. It’s 12 years today since my dad passed away and I can now openly talk about him with my family and friends in a positive light. Remembering all the cherished memories we were lucky to make. Even now I’m finding things out about him that I never knew and sharing anecdotes with my mum.
Sending my love to everyone dealing with this themselves or with someone they love
Sending my love to everyone dealing with this themselves or with someone they love
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. That must have been incredibly difficult at that time in your life. Your aunt is horrendous. Imagine blaming a child like that, she’s disgusting. I’m glad you’ve managed to find peace with the situationBeing on tattle makes you realise how everyone is going through something in their own way. Everyone has a story and they aren’t always pleasant. My dad was an alcoholic and it took him quite quickly. He started drinking heavily when I was 10 and he passed away two weeks before I turned 14. His funeral was two days after my birthday. At the time I was numb from it and I’m ashamed to say I had disowned him at this point. But, I look back and realise I was only a child and had tried and pleaded so many times for him to stop but nothing ever sank in. He went to rehab a few times but, never any joy. I remember thinking, how could he do this to us, he always said my brother and I were his world so how could he hurt us so much. For years I bottled it up and never said anything about what happened, most people didn’t even know my dad had passed. When I would tell friends in conversation they would cry and I would feel nothing. It wasn’t until I got a bit older at 17 when I had almost an epiphany. I was on a pilgrimage in Lourdes helping the elderly with college (I’m not very religious by the way but, I’ve always been raised a catholic). One night we had a nighttime mass outside and lit some candles and was encouraged to share experiences we had. People started opening their hearts about family members they had lost and how they missed them. I didn’t say anything as it’s not my thing. But, quietly I took myself off, lit a candle and said, I forgive you dad. It felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. From then onwards, I realised that being an alcoholic is not a life choice and I believe it is a mental illness. Most people who have it have no control just like depression. Telling them to stop or cheer up will not work. It is so much more intricate than that. If I could give my younger self some wisdom, I would say to let the person know that you love them and you’ll always be there for them and remember the person they once were. Gently encourage them to get some help but, don’t push them as this usually backfires. But, most of all, don’t blame yourself or anyone else. It is never the answer and causes so much hurt. My auntie who is a horrible person blamed me and called me a murderer when my dad passed away. She said I should have done more as I was his baby girl. It’s always stuck with me. It’s 12 years today since my dad passed away and I can now openly talk about him with my family and friends in a positive light. Remembering all the cherished memories we were lucky to make. Even now I’m finding things out about him that I never knew and sharing anecdotes with my mum.
Sending my love to everyone dealing with this themselves or with someone they love
This really is amazing to read. Definition of a strong womanBeing on tattle makes you realise how everyone is going through something in their own way. Everyone has a story and they aren’t always pleasant. My dad was an alcoholic and it took him quite quickly. He started drinking heavily when I was 10 and he passed away two weeks before I turned 14. His funeral was two days after my birthday. At the time I was numb from it and I’m ashamed to say I had disowned him at this point. But, I look back and realise I was only a child and had tried and pleaded so many times for him to stop but nothing ever sank in. He went to rehab a few times but, never any joy. I remember thinking, how could he do this to us, he always said my brother and I were his world so how could he hurt us so much. For years I bottled it up and never said anything about what happened, most people didn’t even know my dad had passed. When I would tell friends in conversation they would cry and I would feel nothing. It wasn’t until I got a bit older at 17 when I had almost an epiphany. I was on a pilgrimage in Lourdes helping the elderly with college (I’m not very religious by the way but, I’ve always been raised a catholic). One night we had a nighttime mass outside and lit some candles and was encouraged to share experiences we had. People started opening their hearts about family members they had lost and how they missed them. I didn’t say anything as it’s not my thing. But, quietly I took myself off, lit a candle and said, I forgive you dad. It felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. From then onwards, I realised that being an alcoholic is not a life choice and I believe it is a mental illness. Most people who have it have no control just like depression. Telling them to stop or cheer up will not work. It is so much more intricate than that. If I could give my younger self some wisdom, I would say to let the person know that you love them and you’ll always be there for them and remember the person they once were. Gently encourage them to get some help but, don’t push them as this usually backfires. But, most of all, don’t blame yourself or anyone else. It is never the answer and causes so much hurt. My auntie who is a horrible person blamed me and called me a murderer when my dad passed away. She said I should have done more as I was his baby girl. It’s always stuck with me. It’s 12 years today since my dad passed away and I can now openly talk about him with my family and friends in a positive light. Remembering all the cherished memories we were lucky to make. Even now I’m finding things out about him that I never knew and sharing anecdotes with my mum.
Sending my love to everyone dealing with this themselves or with someone they love
duck this was like reading my own story. I am sobbing. There are no other words I can sayBeing on tattle makes you realise how everyone is going through something in their own way. Everyone has a story and they aren’t always pleasant. My dad was an alcoholic and it took him quite quickly. He started drinking heavily when I was 10 and he passed away two weeks before I turned 14. His funeral was two days after my birthday. At the time I was numb from it and I’m ashamed to say I had disowned him at this point. But, I look back and realise I was only a child and had tried and pleaded so many times for him to stop but nothing ever sank in. He went to rehab a few times but, never any joy. I remember thinking, how could he do this to us, he always said my brother and I were his world so how could he hurt us so much. For years I bottled it up and never said anything about what happened, most people didn’t even know my dad had passed. When I would tell friends in conversation they would cry and I would feel nothing. It wasn’t until I got a bit older at 17 when I had almost an epiphany. I was on a pilgrimage in Lourdes helping the elderly with college (I’m not very religious by the way but, I’ve always been raised a catholic). One night we had a nighttime mass outside and lit some candles and was encouraged to share experiences we had. People started opening their hearts about family members they had lost and how they missed them. I didn’t say anything as it’s not my thing. But, quietly I took myself off, lit a candle and said, I forgive you dad. It felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. From then onwards, I realised that being an alcoholic is not a life choice and I believe it is a mental illness. Most people who have it have no control just like depression. Telling them to stop or cheer up will not work. It is so much more intricate than that. If I could give my younger self some wisdom, I would say to let the person know that you love them and you’ll always be there for them and remember the person they once were. Gently encourage them to get some help but, don’t push them as this usually backfires. But, most of all, don’t blame yourself or anyone else. It is never the answer and causes so much hurt. My auntie who is a horrible person blamed me and called me a murderer when my dad passed away. She said I should have done more as I was his baby girl. It’s always stuck with me. It’s 12 years today since my dad passed away and I can now openly talk about him with my family and friends in a positive light. Remembering all the cherished memories we were lucky to make. Even now I’m finding things out about him that I never knew and sharing anecdotes with my mum.
Sending my love to everyone dealing with this themselves or with someone they love
duck this was like reading my own story. I am sobbing. There are no other words I can say
hope you are doing well now.Does anyone ever have nightmares about bad experiences they’ve been through or like premonitions of falling again? I don’t understand why but I’ve suddenly been having frequent dreams about going into hospital with alcohol poisoning? It’s so strange as I never got to a point where I needed to seek medical advice for drinking, but it’s creeping me out now.
It’s a tricky one. Whilst I wouldn’t say I am an alcoholic, I do drink far to much when I do. I don’t have an off switch. It’s something that I think quite a lot about and I have also noticed that since trying to do dry jan my dreams have become intertwined with dreams of drinking. I think I am so aware of what I am doing it is spilling into my dreams.
I have constant reoccurring dreams about being in a plane crash but that is because it is something I really fear. Could it be a premonition, who knows but like you I also am aware that it happens a little too frequently for my liking. I am very much a believer that gut instincts and premonitions are very real. I think only you can know deep down in your gut what feels real.
I think you know deep down if you are drinking too much. When you are conscious it's easy to persuade yourself that you don't have a problem. When you are asleep your subconscious takes over and hence the dreams occur bringing your worries to the fore.
I drank too much for years, off to a late start thankfully.
I worked in an industry in the 80s and 90s where drinking was rife. It was part of the job. The trouble was that even when I stopped working I carried on boozing. I knew I drank over the Government guidelines, but hey who doesn't? I thought I drank like a typical fun woman of my age and lifestyle.
It was only when I went on a couple of holidays with women who I thought would be "like me" that I realised that I had gone well past the point of no return. They were all politely amazed and said I must have hollow legs with the amount I could take on board without getting tipsy. Because I always did a lot of sport and remained fit looking and mainly drank at home, it wasn't obvious I was a drinker. It dawned on me that I was not typical and that I must do something about it.
I decided I must cut down and tried all kinds of carefully contrived strategies: drinking at the weekends only, drinking only when I went out, drinking a glass of water between every glass, trying low alcoholic wine, drinking only very expensive wine and even drinking alcohol I didn't like that much. None of it worked. I could always work out a way to drink. The thing is I like being drunk. I am completely incapable of drinking moderately. I had one last glorious swansong boozy episode with my friends, where I ended up falling over and not even remembering how I got home and then gave up. That was two years ago.
My overriding emotion now is relief that I am out of this cycle. I don't crave it and I don't mind people drinking around me. I'm glad I did this before the lockdown as I dread how much I would have put away at this time.
It can be done. Once you have your head focused on why you want to give up that is half the battle.
Some lucky souls can drink moderately and I doff my cap to them. I know I can't ever join their ranks.
Good luck everyone here.
Thank you for your reply. I too was able to keep it low-key for ages, because surprisingly I could force myself out of bed on time the next day and no one was any the wiser that I’d drank loads the night before. In a way it’s more dangerous as it will take people longer to notice something is wrong, by then it could be too late.
For me my breaking point was being spiked on a night out and I’m very surprised to this day something seriously bad didn’t happen to me that night. I was literally walking (well, stumbling) the streets with my friend who also had been drugged. Many people walked by and it wouldn’t have taken much for us to be dragged away or mugged. I realised that night alcohol was seriously damaging my life, albeit I was able to keep it hidden. I had plenty of distraction during the day at uni, but then by night I was alone with my thoughts and mental illnesses. I was overwhelming anxious all the time, and verging on needing to seek medical advice.
Although the night I was spiked was easily one of the most terrifying nights of my life, it made me wake up and realise, that alcohol is a temporary high with massive lows. It’s really not worth it anymore. I know being 20 and a uni student I’m expected to just binge drink and not get questioned, but I feel if I were to return to a nightclub and get back into that lifestyle, I would very easily fall deeper than I have ever before.
I too am jealous of people who can just have “one drink” and be done. I would need about 4 to even feel remotely anything.
I’ve never written this down before. On paper I have a serious alcohol problem but I just can’t stop as I need that final kick up the a.
My problem is that I don’t wake up with hangovers, don’t embarrass myself, manage to do my full time job fine and it doesn’t give me anxiety or other issues with my personality. Therefore, I confess that I still love it. I love the feeling of the first drink and how relaxed I feel as the night wears on. I completely accept I’m ruining my health and can’t carry on like this.
I follow several sober accounts on Instagram which are really interesting but they all talk about the dread of waking up the next day and using alcohol to mask insecurity whereas I just like it and wake up ok. Herein lies my problem.
I’m wondering if I should pay for a liver scan to scare me.
Any non-judgemental advice much appreciated.
My problem is that I don’t wake up with hangovers, don’t embarrass myself, manage to do my full time job fine and it doesn’t give me anxiety or other issues with my personality. Therefore, I confess that I still love it. I love the feeling of the first drink and how relaxed I feel as the night wears on. I completely accept I’m ruining my health and can’t carry on like this.
I follow several sober accounts on Instagram which are really interesting but they all talk about the dread of waking up the next day and using alcohol to mask insecurity whereas I just like it and wake up ok. Herein lies my problem.
I’m wondering if I should pay for a liver scan to scare me.
Any non-judgemental advice much appreciated.