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Jessica Taylor Exposed - Her company WhatsApp group spoke about posting poo to a CSA survivor and threatened employees with taking their entire assets if they whistleblew. The not-a-medical-doctor refused to give any evidence for any of her claims and has an extensive history of falsely reporting vulnerable women that speak up to the police for stalking and harassment. Listen now!
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Me too.
How are you Annie? Things are okay my end with my person. She is getting along with my mum and as far as I know, no more relapses. I'm doubtful, but I always will be. Always in the back of my mind that she is hiding it again, but my mum seems content for now which pleases me.
Its a roller coaster of emotions isn’t it. I am anticipating Christmas being a difficult one for her, I am determined she will not ruin mine though. Last Christmas she was in rehab so in a way it was nice, no fear that she would turn up and ruin it. I hope this year she can control herself.
Good to hear, i must be growing up (eventually), as i am treating the situation differently. I go to him and says to him you him that his drinking has nothing to do with me, and his issue to deal with. Whereas before i tried to fix things. I am no longer fixing people around me, i am taking care of myself. At first I thought it is a very selfish way of live, but the reality is that it is my survival model. It is making my life way easier.
I think that's probably the only thing that you can do. Keep strong though.
Does anyone have any thoughts about alcoholism being in the genes? My parents weren't alcoholics - my mother was virtually tee-total and my father drank maybe a bottle of wine a week. My brothers and sisters are all total alcoholics though - as in the two bottles of wine a night category. It affects my relationship with them as I don't like to get in touch with them after 7pm, as I know they will all be in their respective houses, drunk as lords.
As for myself - I try to drink only at certain times, christmas, on holiday, birthdays etc. I find though that when I do have a few drinks I can't stop and would polish off everything I could get my hands on. I'm guessing this would give me an alcohol dependency issue but I've never really checked. I don't need to drink and don't feel the need to drink - until I've had a couple and then I can't stop.
I’ve not read the thread for a while as I started to find it triggering (yikes!!) but had just caught up. Just wanted to say I hope everyone is doing ok within themselves and that their alcoholic people are ok too. It’s so hard. This year must be so difficult for so many — relapse statistics where I live are huge this year and I’m sure drug / alcoholic related deaths will be too.
Sending strength to you all!
Sending strength to you all!
I don’t drink at all any more. I know I have a very addictive personality, and I wouldn’t ever want that to become alcohol addiction. So I just don’t drink at all. To be honest I don’t love the taste of most alcohol anyway so it’s no loss. My husband doesn’t drink much either, and we’ve never been ones to go out drinking with friends so it’s not a difficult thing for me.
I had mentioned a few weeks ago that my uncle had died and I was worried it may trigger my mum’s drinking. Thankfully it doesn’t appear to have done so, although since we don’t live together I guess I don’t really know.
Does anyone have any thoughts about alcoholism being in the genes? My parents weren't alcoholics - my mother was virtually tee-total and my father drank maybe a bottle of wine a week. My brothers and sisters are all total alcoholics though - as in the two bottles of wine a night category. It affects my relationship with them as I don't like to get in touch with them after 7pm, as I know they will all be in their respective houses, drunk as lords.
As for myself - I try to drink only at certain times, christmas, on holiday, birthdays etc. I find though that when I do have a few drinks I can't stop and would polish off everything I could get my hands on. I'm guessing this would give me an alcohol dependency issue but I've never really checked. I don't need to drink and don't feel the need to drink - until I've had a couple and then I can't stop.
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I totally understand the drinking everything in front of me thing. I envy people who can have one or 2 drinks and be happy, I just can't do that so if I'm going out with friends for a birthday or something and working the next day I just don't drink at all!
As for myself - I try to drink only at certain times, christmas, on holiday, birthdays etc. I find though that when I do have a few drinks I can't stop and would polish off everything I could get my hands on. I'm guessing this would give me an alcohol dependency issue but I've never really checked. I don't need to drink and don't feel the need to drink - until I've had a couple and then I can't stop.
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I totally understand the drinking everything in front of me thing. I envy people who can have one or 2 drinks and be happy, I just can't do that so if I'm going out with friends for a birthday or something and working the next day I just don't drink at all!
My mother and step-father were big drinkers and there were lots of alcohol fuelled dramas in our house in my teens. My step-father had his driving license taken away on two occasions after drink driving. He would think nothing of driving home 25 miles from central London after imbibing shed loads of wine followed by several brandies. This was in the 70s.
As they aged they continued drinking and would always have a glass of wine by their sides. My mother became bitter and mauldlin when she reached her seventies. Later she added sedatives and pain control tablets to her arsenal. She would sleep until lunchtime and then drink until 6pm and take herself off to bed to eat chocolate. Whenever I called, except around lunchtime, her voice would be slurred.
This has put me right off the booze. I have seen first-hand the problems it causes - the fights, the falls, the accidents, the unkind words - though most people don't get that bad. I don't drink at all and my children, both in their 20s, hardly bother either.
It surprises me, though, even now, the pressure to drink. Some people are so weird. I have even been told that drinking so much water is bad for me! Here in the UK is the commonly-held view that a good evening always involves booze, that if you don't drink you are missing out. It's as if we have been brain washed.
I feel for any of you who are stuck with drink dependent relatives as they become self-involved and selfish. Make sure you look after yourselves. It is a poisoned chalice trying to help a drunk.
As they aged they continued drinking and would always have a glass of wine by their sides. My mother became bitter and mauldlin when she reached her seventies. Later she added sedatives and pain control tablets to her arsenal. She would sleep until lunchtime and then drink until 6pm and take herself off to bed to eat chocolate. Whenever I called, except around lunchtime, her voice would be slurred.
This has put me right off the booze. I have seen first-hand the problems it causes - the fights, the falls, the accidents, the unkind words - though most people don't get that bad. I don't drink at all and my children, both in their 20s, hardly bother either.
It surprises me, though, even now, the pressure to drink. Some people are so weird. I have even been told that drinking so much water is bad for me! Here in the UK is the commonly-held view that a good evening always involves booze, that if you don't drink you are missing out. It's as if we have been brain washed.
I feel for any of you who are stuck with drink dependent relatives as they become self-involved and selfish. Make sure you look after yourselves. It is a poisoned chalice trying to help a drunk.
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I do believe that genetics and alcoholism being hereditary plays a part. I come from a family of alcoholics. My mum passed away in her 40’s due to alcoholism and so did her brother (my uncle). Their dad (my grandad) was an alcoholic too and they were brought up in a house of chaos, drama and alcohol fuelled violence. I do think that the genes make you more susceptible to being dependant and addicted to certain things, whether it’s alcohol, drugs, shopping etc.
Seeing the damage alcohol has done to my family makes me wary of it but I do still drink a couple of glasses of wine or g & t’s at the weekend. In my twenties I went through a period of drinking heavily and I felt myself starting to crave alcohol daily. At that point I stopped drinking as I’ve seen the damage it does. I’m very sensible now and would never let my children see me drunk (only happens once or twice a year tbf on a girls night out) and one of the reasons I found my husband attractive is that he doesn’t drink. My siblings are very all or nothing, once they have a drink they won’t stop until they pass out and there’s normally a family argument or some kind of drama involved. We all blame our genes when this happens in a jokey way but truthfully I do feel they play a big part.
Hey all. I don’t know if it’s in the genes but it seems familial. My husbands mum is a big drinker. He is a functioning drinker. He drinks approx half a litre of rum a night. He’s a decent guy hard working, kind, thoughtful. When he has had a few he doesn’t get drunk in a way that i would if I’d had a few. He may slur his speech but the worse thing is he gets mean, he will stew on things and just be mean. But it’s mean in an insidious way.....not sure if I’m describing it well. He sleeps so restlessly and therefore is tired every day. when we are out walking he has to stop moving if he can feel his bowels move as he can’t be sure he won’t soil himself. He recognises there is a problem but will recognise it and then say “but I do a lot of good things” like these good things cancel out the damage his drinking does to him. He is 43 now and scared of dying early, his dad died at 62 of a heart attack. I find it very very hard to understand, I don’t drink at home, I just go out once a month with friends and we have a lovely social time, get a bit merry and enjoy eachitherss company. He won’t drink in front of others and gets anxious if we stay out too late. I think the anxiety is really alcohol withdrawal. I’ve read all the comments about al anon so i will be looking into this for my own sanity. If you’ve read this far thank you. Its hard as I don’t have anyone to be completely honest to about this as he would be so upset and embarrassed if I shared
Sending you lots of love. My mum is a functioning alcoholic. She’s now retired but she held down a very highly thought of job, she volunteered for lots of charities etc. To the outside world she was a model citizen. At night, she drank and drank. My dad said she would scream and shout at him, call him all sorts of names, lie etc during those times. She’d pass out on the living room floor regularly. But none of that showed to the outside as she appeared to be totally normal in her work life.
But she had a big problem. She also didn’t drink in front of others at family events etc, most likely As she knew she couldn’t control it.
There are lots of ways alcoholism presents, and it sounds as if your husband is similar to my mum. If alcohol is a problem, it’s a problem, no matter how much and when they drink. Do look in to al anon and they can maybe guide you forward to help get him some help. He may be upset and embarrassed, but if you are currently living with someone who is mean, and whose health is in question, because of drinking, that’s just something he will have to take in order to help make both your lives better
Thank you, there are so many comments twhirring around my head but I keep coming back to just “thank you” as it means a lot to know others understand too x
It sounds like he’s beginning to recognise the issue, would he accept you sitting him down and really telling him how strongly you are concerned and worried about him? And that’s it’s time to seek help? Easier said than done I know and I know the drinker has to be ready to stop and seek help. Good luck with it, you’re not on your own.
Really hard to talk to him and I guess anyone who has an addiction. If he’s not in the mood to talk about it and I try to address it he’ll tell me I’m having a go at him. The times he raises it with me, as he does worry, I am so tentative that he accuses me of not being supportive to help him stop. When he’s not under the influence he has told me in the past to just poor his rum away. The reality is I would not dare do that. I never really understood the term “under the influence” before but I now understand how a drug gets its tentacles into you and hugely influences your behaviour. He says he has spoken to a GP, I believe this but don’t believe he will have told them the full truth. He has told me the GP has told him it’s dangerous to just stop so he cut down for one or two nights and then the consumption just went back to normal. If he dies young because of this I will never forgive him. That may sound harsh but I’m so cross with him. Sorry for the outpouring here x
I found it amazing when I found this thread. I’ve never had the courage to go to al anon, but having this thread and knowing others “get it” just makes me feel so much less alone. I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you. I can distance from my mum. You can’t from your husband.
Maybe you could say to him you’d like to talk about it at X day/time and it will give you both time to think about what you’d like to say, so you both can come prepared so to speak. It’s not easy confronting someone. And it’s hard to get the “right” words. But hopefully once he knows how much this is impacting you, it may help him realise he needs to change things.
The thing I have struggled with most is that really no matter what I’ve said or done, if my mum hasn’t been ready to stop, to seek help properly (she’s been in AA for years but she’s even lied there) then I may as well not bother speaking. It has to come from them, and that is so so hard to accept.
That’s what has always upset me so much when I think about it, me and my siblings were removed from my mum’s care because her drinking resulted in us being neglected. And I could never understand why she valued alcohol over us. As I’ve got older I do understand the pull of addiction buts it’s difficult to accept coming second to alcohol and the person drinking not being ready to stop even for their family.
You’re in a difficult position, pour away we understand x
For those of you whose loved ones have gotten help, what made them finally decide to? I posted before about my husband having a problem. He is definitely a binge drinker and cannot stop once he has started. I get accused of being a nag when I try and talk to him about it. It’s like we are going around in circles with it all. It is so frustrating. His depression is getting worse and he thinks the alcohol is the only thing that makes him feel good. He is so stubborn and will not do anything like exercise or therapy. I feel like all I can do is wait for something to change but it is driving me mad. I hate it.
Sending you lots of love.
Honestly, I don’t know what finally made the decision for her. I know she was going to AA regularly, but still drinking. She attempted suicide, linked to her depression as well, my dad left her, we told her if she didn’t seek help we would be leaving her life too (and taking our kids). She has accidents resulting in a&e visits, us finding her passed out when on family holiday. And none of those things was enough to really make her change.
It was something inside her, and I don’t think it was linked to any big thing that we could see, or anything that you’d think would cause her to really try. She’s been in and out of recovery for decades. Probably always will be, but I don’t know what it is that triggers that moment of really taking AA seriously and trying to stop again.
I saw this on BBC News today. Thought some of you may be interested. I am always keen to read anything from the perspective of an alcoholic to try and gain more insight in to the WHY
www.bbc.co.uk
Alcoholism in the time of coronavirus
Three people share their stories of dealing with alcoholism during and after lockdown.
www.bbc.co.uk