Alcoholism

[Definitelyme]

I don’t drink at all. At uni I went through a phase where I couldn’t just have one drink, I got blitzed -not every night, maybe once or twice a term, but enough for me to see it wasn’t healthy for me. Plus I don’t actually like most alcohol anyway. I know I’m not the best mum in the world, but I also know I will NEVER put my kids through having an alcoholic parent.

Luckily my husband doesn’t drink either. He was never a huge drinker and gave it up a few years ago (his own choice). I do worry though that the fact we never drink or have alcohol in the house will mean as our kids grow up they don’t know how to moderate it and will go buck daft when they start drinking.

 

[37BBL]

I don’t drink at all. At uni I went through a phase where I couldn’t just have one drink, I got blitzed -not every night, maybe once or twice a term, but enough for me to see it wasn’t healthy for me. Plus I don’t actually like most alcohol anyway. I know I’m not the best mum in the world, but I also know I will NEVER put my kids through having an alcoholic parent.

Luckily my husband doesn’t drink either. He was never a huge drinker and gave it up a few years ago (his own choice). I do worry though that the fact we never drink or have alcohol in the house will mean as our kids grow up they don’t know how to moderate it and will go buck daft when they start drinking.

My husband doesn't drink either. No big reason for him, he just doesn't like the taste or enjoy it.
We have the odd bottle of wine in, but just personal choice I only have a glass (very rarely) when they're in bed. And I never have one if I am on my own, say my husband was working away or something.
Agree though, I'll never put my kids through having a parent with alcohol addiction.

 

[Annie101]

3 weeks ago I had meeting just out of town, and did not go to the office. I got home earlier than usual and walked into my husbands study to greet him. I saw shock on his face and knew something was wrong. Then i saw bottle of whiskey on his desk. He finished a whole bottle of whiskey while he was working after being sober and going to AA. This time i changed my behavior, i didnt argue, i didnt cry or beg. I asked him to leave nicely. he tried changing my mind but i felt this inner strength i never felt before. During this time he came home to see me, he begged and i asked for a bullet point list of where he see's himself in the future and what changes he will make with due dates.

After two weeks i allowed him to move into the cottage and not the main house. He comes over for dinner every night, and emotionally I am feeling numb. He is however going to more AA meeting and meeting his sponsor more often. In my heart I know i am not giving up on him, but i do not have to surround myself with the addiction.

Lots of love, courage and strength to you all. xx

 

[Curly Top]

3 weeks ago I had meeting just out of town, and did not go to the office. I got home earlier than usual and walked into my husbands study to greet him. I saw shock on his face and knew something was wrong. Then i saw bottle of whiskey on his desk. He finished a whole bottle of whiskey while he was working after being sober and going to AA. This time i changed my behavior, i didnt argue, i didnt cry or beg. I asked him to leave nicely. he tried changing my mind but i felt this inner strength i never felt before. During this time he came home to see me, he begged and i asked for a bullet point list of where he see's himself in the future and what changes he will make with due dates.

After two weeks i allowed him to move into the cottage and not the main house. He comes over for dinner every night, and emotionally I am feeling numb. He is however going to more AA meeting and meeting his sponsor more often. In my heart I know i am not giving up on him, but i do not have to surround myself with the addiction.

Lots of love, courage and strength to you all. xx

Well done to you. You must have been at the end of your tether. It is the best thing for both of you.
If he sees you mean business, he has to sort himself out. Tough love.

 

[Definitelyme]

3 weeks ago I had meeting just out of town, and did not go to the office. I got home earlier than usual and walked into my husbands study to greet him. I saw shock on his face and knew something was wrong. Then i saw bottle of whiskey on his desk. He finished a whole bottle of whiskey while he was working after being sober and going to AA. This time i changed my behavior, i didnt argue, i didnt cry or beg. I asked him to leave nicely. he tried changing my mind but i felt this inner strength i never felt before. During this time he came home to see me, he begged and i asked for a bullet point list of where he see's himself in the future and what changes he will make with due dates.

After two weeks i allowed him to move into the cottage and not the main house. He comes over for dinner every night, and emotionally I am feeling numb. He is however going to more AA meeting and meeting his sponsor more often. In my heart I know i am not giving up on him, but i do not have to surround myself with the addiction.

Lots of love, courage and strength to you all. xx

Oh my goodness I can only imagine how you felt seeing that. You are so strong to have handled it so calmly, your inner strength is incredible. I hope you don’t mind me saying that the difference in your messages now from when the thread started is incredible. You seem like a different person in how you handle his alcoholism, and it’s truly wonderful to see.

 

[Annie101]

Oh my goodness I can only imagine how you felt seeing that. You are so strong to have handled it so calmly, your inner strength is incredible. I hope you don’t mind me saying that the difference in your messages now from when the thread started is incredible. You seem like a different person in how you handle his alcoholism, and it’s truly wonderful to see.

Thank you, i noticed it too, i am sure all of you guys and some coaching helped

 

[37BBL]

Just thought I would bump the thread for anyone who needed to read some relatable views.

I've had a weird few days. Nothing has happened, as far as I know, just some anxiety and worrying that it is or might. I feel like this every now and again and its exhausting. My mind goes into overdrive thinking my person is drinking again, looking for signs when my parents speak to me that somethings going on and they aren't telling me. Checking whether my person is on WhatsApp when they should be doing a shift at work. As I say nothing has happened and I have no reason to feel anxious, sometimes these feelings just get me.

I hope you are all doing well xx

 

[Definitelyme]

Just thought I would bump the thread for anyone who needed to read some relatable views.

I've had a weird few days. Nothing has happened, as far as I know, just some anxiety and worrying that it is or might. I feel like this every now and again and its exhausting. My mind goes into overdrive thinking my person is drinking again, looking for signs when my parents speak to me that somethings going on and they aren't telling me. Checking whether my person is on WhatsApp when they should be doing a shift at work. As I say nothing has happened and I have no reason to feel anxious, sometimes these feelings just get me.

I hope you are all doing well xx

As you know I posted similar recently. I think it comes and goes for many of us, maybe some sort of form of PTSD (or maybe that’s over dramatic?) Either way, I hope your worries are unfounded and your mind is able to rest again in a day or two.

 

[37BBL]

As you know I posted similar recently. I think it comes and goes for many of us, maybe some sort of form of PTSD (or maybe that’s over dramatic?) Either way, I hope your worries are unfounded and your mind is able to rest again in a day or two.

Thank you I do wonder if it could be some form of PTSD, or something similar for those of us who have been affected by this.

I am feeling much better today. Actually spoke to my person and just asked the question how things are. Turns out they are 11.2 months sober and feeling positive. Their words were I'll never go back now and I know I can't say that but I won't deal with things with alcohol again.

I know we never know and cannot ever be sure, but I really hope its the case. Feeling a lot calmer now and ready to have a few days off work with my kids x

 

[Definitelyme]

Thank you I do wonder if it could be some form of PTSD, or something similar for those of us who have been affected by this.

I am feeling much better today. Actually spoke to my person and just asked the question how things are. Turns out they are 11.2 months sober and feeling positive. Their words were I'll never go back now and I know I can't say that but I won't deal with things with alcohol again.

I know we never know and cannot ever be sure, but I really hope its the case. Feeling a lot calmer now and ready to have a few days off work with my kids x

Enjoy your days off, and lovely news to hear that their sobriety is continuing, and that they see the good in it, long may it last for you all x

 

[babynice]

I broke up with my long term boyfriend because of his drinking. I always thought that he would stop drinking and be he his sober self and that we would end up together. I was with him for 4 years and alcohol was always an issue.

He would drink a couple of nights a week but could easily go without it. But sometimes he would drink and take it too far and just lose his mind. I have seen him become very nasty when he drank. Sometimes he became very destructive of the house and could get physically aggressive with me. He got arrested at least four times when he was drunk. His mother threw him out because he wrecked her house after drinking a bottle of whiskey. He smashed the windows of his car when was drunk. He drinks and drives. He turned up to work drunk on a few occasions.

He would say he would stop drinking and after a few weeks he’d say he can just have a few bottles of beer and it will be fine. Then it turns into him drinking stronger stuff after that.

Earlier this year he gave up drinking for over 2 months. When I found out he had drank again I couldn’t handle it and ended things. A few weeks ago he rang me when he was drunk fighting with me saying I didn’t care about him. I later found out he was driving around drunk that night and went to collect a family member from work. They said he was driving very dangerously.

I ran into him during the weekend at the pub and met him the next day to talk. He asked me to go back to him and told me he doesnt want to drink anymore. This makes no sense to me as he was at pub during the weekend and drinking the weekend before also. He is just telling me what I want to hear. When I said no he said I had no faith in him and that I was basically saying that he would be drinking all his life. He made me feel so bad and guilty. I don’t know will he ever stop drinking but I just can’t handle anymore of it.

 

[Definitelyme]

I broke up with my long term boyfriend because of his drinking. I always thought that he would stop drinking and be he his sober self and that we would end up together. I was with him for 4 years and alcohol was always an issue.

He would drink a couple of nights a week but could easily go without it. But sometimes he would drink and take it too far and just lose his mind. I have seen him become very nasty when he drank. Sometimes he became very destructive of the house and could get physically aggressive with me. He got arrested at least four times when he was drunk. His mother threw him out because he wrecked her house after drinking a bottle of whiskey. He smashed the windows of his car when was drunk. He drinks and drives. He turned up to work drunk on a few occasions.

He would say he would stop drinking and after a few weeks he’d say he can just have a few bottles of beer and it will be fine. Then it turns into him drinking stronger stuff after that.

Earlier this year he gave up drinking for over 2 months. When I found out he had drank again I couldn’t handle it and ended things. A few weeks ago he rang me when he was drunk fighting with me saying I didn’t care about him. I later found out he was driving around drunk that night and went to collect a family member from work. They said he was driving very dangerously.

I ran into him during the weekend at the pub and met him the next day to talk. He asked me to go back to him and told me he doesnt want to drink anymore. This makes no sense to me as he was at pub during the weekend and drinking the weekend before also. He is just telling me what I want to hear. When I said no he said I had no faith in him and that I was basically saying that he would be drinking all his life. He made me feel so bad and guilty. I don’t know will he ever stop drinking but I just can’t handle anymore of it.

Sadly many alcoholics make these promises and don’t follow through. It’s amazingly strong to be able to see that and to walk away from someone. Sounds to me like you’ve done the right thing.

 

[Rockin' Robin]

Recently a friend of my partner and I, was admitted to hospital. He has quite a few health problems, some of them caused by excessive use of alcohol and cigerettes. He spent 21 days in hospital, with a severe urine infection. He was released last Friday with a bag of medication, and very little else.
His mental state since his release, has given us cause for concern, his memory is poor. When he was in hospital, he was having dreadful halucinations, he hasn't quite recovered from the trauma of being in hospital. An aquaintence of my partner, said he may be suffering from alcohol withdrawal.
Apart from a referral to social services about the friend's living conditions, we have received no support for his condition. I must point out, that the friend probably dosen't want to give up alcohol. He is 62, and is probably too set in his ways to change his lifestyle But he has no understanding of how it is impacting on his friendship with my partner - they have known each other since childhood.
My partner usually does the friends shopping, this used to include the purchase of alcohol. Like I have said, the friend's mental capacity since leaving hospital has not improved much. It may sound like a stupid question, but would a quantity of alcohol improve his mental capacity at this stage? My partner and I really need some advice and support. He sounds like a hopeless case, but he is still a human being.

 

[monga]

Recently a friend of my partner and I, was admitted to hospital. He has quite a few health problems, some of them caused by excessive use of alcohol and cigerettes. He spent 21 days in hospital, with a severe urine infection. He was released last Friday with a bag of medication, and very little else.
His mental state since his release, has given us cause for concern, his memory is poor. When he was in hospital, he was having dreadful halucinations, he hasn't quite recovered from the trauma of being in hospital. An aquaintence of my partner, said he may be suffering from alcohol withdrawal.
Apart from a referral to social services about the friend's living conditions, we have received no support for his condition. I must point out, that the friend probably dosen't want to give up alcohol. He is 62, and is probably too set in his ways to change his lifestyle But he has no understanding of how it is impacting on his friendship with my partner - they have known each other since childhood.
My partner usually does the friends shopping, this used to include the purchase of alcohol. Like I have said, the friend's mental capacity since leaving hospital has not improved much. It may sound like a stupid question, but would a quantity of alcohol improve his mental capacity at this stage? My partner and I really need some advice and support. He sounds like a hopeless case, but he is still a human being.

Tbh it probably would , it's very dangerous to suddenly withdraw from anything ,especially alcohol .I'm surprised the hospital didn't offer him some form of medication (such as Librium ) to curb the hallucinations he would need to seek help from his doctor or an addiction service to manage his withdrawl in a more controlled way, but if he's not willing to give up alcohol it's unlikely he'll be offered medication or much else ,you're pretty much left to deal with it alone he's lucky to have your partner as a friend an alcoholic lives a lonely life but I'm sure it's a lot for your partner and yourself to deal with .

 

[37BBL]

Recently a friend of my partner and I, was admitted to hospital. He has quite a few health problems, some of them caused by excessive use of alcohol and cigerettes. He spent 21 days in hospital, with a severe urine infection. He was released last Friday with a bag of medication, and very little else.
His mental state since his release, has given us cause for concern, his memory is poor. When he was in hospital, he was having dreadful halucinations, he hasn't quite recovered from the trauma of being in hospital. An aquaintence of my partner, said he may be suffering from alcohol withdrawal.
Apart from a referral to social services about the friend's living conditions, we have received no support for his condition. I must point out, that the friend probably dosen't want to give up alcohol. He is 62, and is probably too set in his ways to change his lifestyle But he has no understanding of how it is impacting on his friendship with my partner - they have known each other since childhood.
My partner usually does the friends shopping, this used to include the purchase of alcohol. Like I have said, the friend's mental capacity since leaving hospital has not improved much. It may sound like a stupid question, but would a quantity of alcohol improve his mental capacity at this stage? My partner and I really need some advice and support. He sounds like a hopeless case, but he is still a human being.

My person was admitted to hospital several times and when released had very little help or medication. They consider it a medical detox and they seem to be sent on their way. Hallucinations are a common thing I believe, and are very scary when you are the one they are directing them at.
My understanding is that it is dangerous to completely withdraw with no medication, if they are someone who is so reliant on alcohol.
I admire your desire to support this person, they probably do not realise how lucky they are. You could try contacting AA or seeing if the person will allow you to accompany them to a GP phone call to see what support is available, at the very least they should offer some advice or signpost.

 

[Annie101]

Since I moved my husband out of our home he went to rehab for the first time. He lied his way though AA meeting whilst still drinking. Due to Covid no visits allowed and after the first 10 days, he was allowed one supervised 10 minute phone call per week. Rehab phoned me once a week with an update on his progress and advised that he is very open to recovery and sharing. His voice is totally different, there is a calmness i've never heard before. One thing that no one told me before (in my country), which I wish i knew about earlier, is that I could have him sectioned into rehab with the help of a social worker with my signature. I did not do this, he went into rehab willingly.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with the dr's at rehab and my husband discussing boundaries for his return home. I gave a statement on how his addiction affected my life and he worked through it in rehab. Monday he is "released". and I am picking him up at 10. I wanted to write on his forum about what is happening but I felt nervous about everything. Honestly i am scared for Monday, i worry that my expectation are to high or to low, or to have expectations at all. I am afraid of failure. And the biggest worry is relapse as I know we are in the last chance saloon, and that if this doesnt work, I would send him away permanently even though I have a lot of love for him. Lets hope for the best and thank you for listening. Reading your stories makes me feel less alone although I wish none of us have to live with this horrible addiction.

 

[37BBL]

Since I moved my husband out of our home he went to rehab for the first time. He lied his way though AA meeting whilst still drinking. Due to Covid no visits allowed and after the first 10 days, he was allowed one supervised 10 minute phone call per week. Rehab phoned me once a week with an update on his progress and advised that he is very open to recovery and sharing. His voice is totally different, there is a calmness i've never heard before. One thing that no one told me before (in my country), which I wish i knew about earlier, is that I could have him sectioned into rehab with the help of a social worker with my signature. I did not do this, he went into rehab willingly.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with the dr's at rehab and my husband discussing boundaries for his return home. I gave a statement on how his addiction affected my life and he worked through it in rehab. Monday he is "released". and I am picking him up at 10. I wanted to write on his forum about what is happening but I felt nervous about everything. Honestly i am scared for Monday, i worry that my expectation are to high or to low, or to have expectations at all. I am afraid of failure. And the biggest worry is relapse as I know we are in the last chance saloon, and that if this doesnt work, I would send him away permanently even though I have a lot of love for him. Lets hope for the best and thank you for listening. Reading your stories makes me feel less alone although I wish none of us have to live with this horrible addiction.

Hi Annie. It's a huge step forward that tour husband is open to recovery and reaching some sort of resolution with you. Given what you have said about him previously lying his way through AA, this change is massive. Speaking as someone who's person did 9 months in detox and rehab, when they were released we were all very cautious. I think you go from having so much intense support , to being back in the real world and its obviously a shock to the system. Hopefully, your husband comes out with the tools he needs to manage, mentally and physically and also perhaps medically.
I won't lie, its a difficult period still, adjusting to them being back in your life and even now 18 months on I am super cautious every time I see my person. I look for signs that perhaps aren't there or clues that they may have drunk.

My person relapsed three times. Twice within a few months of coming out and the last time was almost 12 months ago. I think the rate of people relapsing is high, but, they should have the tools to know how to acknowledge this and address it. The key thing is making sure they continue to access the groups and support networks and talk about things with other like minded people.

My person has been clean for 12 months almost and is convinced they will never use alcohol to deal with a problem again. They know that they cannot 100% commit to that, but they seem more focused that i have ever seen them. I still have my doubts and I go through phases of being anxious and worried and remembering the horrendous pain and heartbreak they caused us. As close family members or friends, I think the effect this leaves on us is so underrated.

I wish you all the luck and positivity in the world, I hope this is your turning point xx

 

[Definitelyme]

@Annie101 glad to hear from you. It’s wonderful that your husband made the choice to go to rehab himself. As said above, I hope it gives him all the tools he needs to deal with his reintegration back to normal life, and any temptations and relapses which are in his road ahead.

 

[gmf21]

My partner has a massive drink problem (all day every day but functioning). I haven’t left because our relationship is still good, but I feel like if he doesn’t change I will need to soon.
It’s so sad and frustrating. I’ve tried AlAnon but felt like I didn’t belong there as he’s not abusive and I don’t have kids with him so could walk away any time.
I realise I should but the good/bad ratio is still in his favour. For now. I dream about his death sometimes which is horrible.
he got referred but they basically weren’t interested as he has a job etc and just check his bloods and tell him to reduce but don’t seem to have offered any actual support.
Have read about detaching with love and try hard not to enable but suppose the fact I am still there is probably enabling in itself.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

My partner has a massive drink problem (all day every day but functioning). I haven’t left because our relationship is still good, but I feel like if he doesn’t change I will need to soon.
It’s so sad and frustrating. I’ve tried AlAnon but felt like I didn’t belong there as he’s not abusive and I don’t have kids with him so could walk away any time.
I realise I should but the good/bad ratio is still in his favour. For now. I dream about his death sometimes which is horrible.
he got referred but they basically weren’t interested as he has a job etc and just check his bloods and tell him to reduce but don’t seem to have offered any actual support.
Have read about detaching with love and try hard not to enable but suppose the fact I am still there is probably enabling in itself.

Does he recognise that he is an alcoholic? Does he accept that he needs help? Does he know how you feel and how close you are to leaving?