Yeah, she got back yesterday night. I have yet to talk face to face with her because I’m so angry with her and her boyfriend is like “you have to be kind she is super sensitive” even though I am the one hurt by her actions, and he fails to comprehend why I am so angry, and hurt by this, he didn’t have to put up with decades of this tit before she got sober like I did, and I know for a fact if I see her I will just want to her into the face for pulling this tit again.
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Jessica Taylor Exposed - Her company WhatsApp group spoke about posting poo to a CSA survivor and threatened employees with taking their entire assets if they whistleblew. The not-a-medical-doctor refused to give any evidence for any of her claims and has an extensive history of falsely reporting vulnerable women that speak up to the police for stalking and harassment. Listen now!
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Sounds like her boyfriend is quite the enabler. Making excuses for her to you is ridiculous, saying she’s the one who is sensitive and you have to be kind is a slap in the face. That’s the sort of thing I wouldn’t be at all surprised to hear from an alcoholic (because of course they are NEVER in the wrong) but to hear it from him makes you wonder if he’s actually giving her support or just sitting back and letting it happen?
Totally get why you haven't spoken to her and why you are so angry. Really out of order for the boyfriend to be telling you how to act and feel. Is he also a drinker? Sounds like he cannot see how her actions are affecting other people, and that he sees no issue with this behaviour.
Has she been in a relationship with this person for a while? He sounds like he isn't good for her. Did her relapse come since she has been with him?
I needed to read this tonight.
Partner is an alcoholic. Will easily sink 3 bottles of wine, plus beers. He moved in with my and my kids 5 years ago and it has got better (I only allow him 1 bottle of wine & 4 beers a night, which keeps him happy enough but Im still not pleased about that) but he will have a massive blow out every few months if Im not there. He had one on Saturday. Kids were away and we made plans to go out for food when I finished work. He turns up 30 minutes late, smashed. Cant string a sentence together. Is insistant we go to every pub we pass for 'a quick one' but we had a reservation at a burger place. Worth mentioning here that I dont drink and was driving us home.
Ruined our whole night. Our first night out in 18 months and i was so excited about it all week. He was vile during dinner, almost started a fight, when he drinks he will argue that the sky is purple even if you were just talking about cats, because he cant follow a conversation. It upset me so much that we left at 9pm and he passed out on the sofa 2 minutes after getting home.
Its now Monday and we have barely spoken. He hasnt had a drink since (that i know of, his hidding place is empty and ive found no bottles anywhere else) but he knows Im upset, hes just too ashamed to apologise. I have a job interveiw in the morning and hes gone to bed without saying goodnight or good luck, nothing. Hes made me feel like its me in the wrong (i know thats not true but it doesnt hurt any less)
Sorry, just needed to vent. A few friends know the issues but their answer is to leave him. Family dont know the extent. Hes a fantastic step dad, i just wish he could stop drinking.
Why do you stay with him? Genuinely asking, not trying to be rude. He doesn’t sound like he has any interest in how you feel at all and frankly he used your night out as another excuse to get blind drunk.
does he acknowledge that he has a problem? Would he be open to getting help?
I know you love him but ask yourself, are you willing to live the rest of your life like this? Seriously? I also wonder how he can possibly be such a great step father when he behaves like this? It’s not right for your kids to have to live with a man who has a drinking problem.
He never drinks around the kids. Between the hours of 7pm/until he passes out about 10pm he is disgusting. Next day he says he will quit. Rinse and repeat. But the rest of the time, hes funny, smart, loving. Like I said, he has got better since moving in with us, when he lived alone he was weeks away from killing himself, and Im very proud of how far hes come. Its just that final step of actually stopping. I just dont *get* drinking. I used to like a drink but havent touched it in months because I dont *need* it iykwim? I wish i could put my brain into his and vice versa so we could both understand better.
How old are the children? They WILL be aware of what’s going on, I can assure you.
Does he acknowledge that he is an alcoholic? Would he seek professional help?
Have you sought out professional support & help for yourself??
That was utterly tit of him to do. But alcoholics can not control themselves. I am in no way making excuses (far from it, the excuses make me so angry) but rather it’s just a fact of life with them. And that refusal to admit he is in the wrong, and treat you so badly, that is just such classic alcoholic behaviour. Have you ever broached this with him? How it impacts you? How his drinking is not normal?
Best of luck for your interview tomorrow
@Kmacg Sorry you've had such a rubbish first night out. I know when you've been so looking forward to something and the behaviour of an alcoholic can ruin it. I've been there with birthdays, nights out and my wedding anniversary which have all been ruined by my person, who is my sibling.
My experience has been that whilst you might get some half hearted apology when they're sober, its worthless because until they seek help to address the problem the same cycle will happen time and time again.
Its relentless and exhausting. Its easy to say leave him, but in reality that's a really difficult thing to do. I was able to cut my person out of my life for a while, but the worry and anxiety was still there because deep down its natural to worry and care even if we tell ourselves we don't.
I think an honest and open conversation needs to take place between you, explain how the weekends antics caused you to feel and ask whether he is open to addressing the drinking. If he flat out refuses then you may need to consider whether ending your relationship is the answer. You don't deserve to be treated like this.
Good luck for your interview and let us know how you get on x
My experience has been that whilst you might get some half hearted apology when they're sober, its worthless because until they seek help to address the problem the same cycle will happen time and time again.
Its relentless and exhausting. Its easy to say leave him, but in reality that's a really difficult thing to do. I was able to cut my person out of my life for a while, but the worry and anxiety was still there because deep down its natural to worry and care even if we tell ourselves we don't.
I think an honest and open conversation needs to take place between you, explain how the weekends antics caused you to feel and ask whether he is open to addressing the drinking. If he flat out refuses then you may need to consider whether ending your relationship is the answer. You don't deserve to be treated like this.
Good luck for your interview and let us know how you get on x
@37BBL I got the job, thank you for asking 
Briefly spoke to partner this morning, he said hes been feeling down and its because Im moving on with my life (we work for the same place) and hes being left behind.
We often talk about his drinking, the physical/health side for him and the emotional side for me and he gets better for a few days before slipping into old habits. Hes 41 years old and has drank heavily since he was 16 (both his parents and his brothers are all big drinkers too) where I come from a family who dont drink. Also the financial side as we are buying a house, i earn less but have saved 6k while hes saved....300. And thats not because he doesnt want to, but because he spends so much on alcohol he has nothing left by the end of the month!
Briefly spoke to partner this morning, he said hes been feeling down and its because Im moving on with my life (we work for the same place) and hes being left behind.
We often talk about his drinking, the physical/health side for him and the emotional side for me and he gets better for a few days before slipping into old habits. Hes 41 years old and has drank heavily since he was 16 (both his parents and his brothers are all big drinkers too) where I come from a family who dont drink. Also the financial side as we are buying a house, i earn less but have saved 6k while hes saved....300. And thats not because he doesnt want to, but because he spends so much on alcohol he has nothing left by the end of the month!
You can’t seriously carry on as you are with this man. The red flags are all over it. Do not get into a financial commitment of a mortgage with a man who cannot control himself, who is drunk everyday and who clearly doesn’t care about you or your relationship. It’s madness. Does he have a car/drive on a daily basis? If so then he really shouldn’t be. Don’t willingly set yourself and your children up For a lifetime of hell & heartbreak at the hands of a man with a huge alcohol problem.@37BBL I got the job, thank you for asking
Briefly spoke to partner this morning, he said hes been feeling down and its because Im moving on with my life (we work for the same place) and hes being left behind.
We often talk about his drinking, the physical/health side for him and the emotional side for me and he gets better for a few days before slipping into old habits. Hes 41 years old and has drank heavily since he was 16 (both his parents and his brothers are all big drinkers too) where I come from a family who dont drink. Also the financial side as we are buying a house, i earn less but have saved 6k while hes saved....300. And thats not because he doesnt want to, but because he spends so much on alcohol he has nothing left by the end of the month!
What are you doing? you are wasting your time here with him.@37BBL I got the job, thank you for asking
Briefly spoke to partner this morning, he said hes been feeling down and its because Im moving on with my life (we work for the same place) and hes being left behind.
We often talk about his drinking, the physical/health side for him and the emotional side for me and he gets better for a few days before slipping into old habits. Hes 41 years old and has drank heavily since he was 16 (both his parents and his brothers are all big drinkers too) where I come from a family who dont drink. Also the financial side as we are buying a house, i earn less but have saved 6k while hes saved....300. And thats not because he doesnt want to, but because he spends so much on alcohol he has nothing left by the end of the month!
I disagree people can go and get themselves help regarding their drinking/ drug taking etc if they wish. Some people do manage to change and stay sober or clean. There is hope but they have to want to do it really badly.
My partner was an alcoholic and my life was dreadful, I always liked a drink but started drinking more in the meantime I left my husband because every promise was broken. my life moved on and I carried on drinking ( I lived on my own) I would drink round the clock. this went on for years but I never forgot anything I did and was always happy and funny with my friends and family. Then one morning after a family do, I could not remember the whole night and it worried me, the same thing happened a while later. I asked my family had I done anything or said anything nasty or done anything stupid or offensive and they laughed and said I could not hurt anyone if I tried and was always just so relaxed and happy. But I could not shake off this feeling that I would do or say something awful and hurt my loved ones. So just like that, I stopped drinking (stopped smoking too) , because no way would I do anything to hurt any of them, even the ones I don't like.@37BBL I got the job, thank you for asking
Briefly spoke to partner this morning, he said hes been feeling down and its because Im moving on with my life (we work for the same place) and hes being left behind.
We often talk about his drinking, the physical/health side for him and the emotional side for me and he gets better for a few days before slipping into old habits. Hes 41 years old and has drank heavily since he was 16 (both his parents and his brothers are all big drinkers too) where I come from a family who dont drink. Also the financial side as we are buying a house, i earn less but have saved 6k while hes saved....300. And thats not because he doesnt want to, but because he spends so much on alcohol he has nothing left by the end of the month!
Like you, I made excuse after excuse about my husband's behaviour "oh he really wants to stop," on and on and on.. But the truth is, if they wanted too they would, if they loved you more than the feeling the booze gives them, they would. While you still make excuses for him he will just carry on. Your husband knows how much he hurts you and still does it.
I would get angry inside at people trying to tell me to leave, trying to tell me my husband loves the drink more than he loves me, BS he loves me deeply he just can't help himself. But I was lying to myself. If he cant stop he would move out would not be doing this to you. But he does. but he does it knowing you will forgive him again.
Sorry not trying to be offensive, but just letting you glimpse how I wasted 17 years of my life waiting for someone to love me as much as he said he did. Don't waste your life. separate and if he loves you enough, he will get help to stop permanently,
.
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I believe that post is about the non-drinker. ( I might be wrong though )
the non-drinker needs to remember
you didn't cause it
you cannot control it
you cannot cure it
The post was about those affected by a loved ones alcoholism.
It sounds as though he may be willing to accept some more help, if he talks openly and tries to change. I don’t think it’s easy for all alcoholics to go it alone, many need great support to change. Would he consider AA?@37BBL I got the job, thank you for asking
Briefly spoke to partner this morning, he said hes been feeling down and its because Im moving on with my life (we work for the same place) and hes being left behind.
We often talk about his drinking, the physical/health side for him and the emotional side for me and he gets better for a few days before slipping into old habits. Hes 41 years old and has drank heavily since he was 16 (both his parents and his brothers are all big drinkers too) where I come from a family who dont drink. Also the financial side as we are buying a house, i earn less but have saved 6k while hes saved....300. And thats not because he doesnt want to, but because he spends so much on alcohol he has nothing left by the end of the month!
Thanks for that. My mistake.x
That's great news you got the job! I hope thats perked you up a bit.
Have to agree that you do need to question the mortgage side of things. Will you be left paying the majority each month if he has a slip up? I think its a hard one to say they can stop if they choose to, my person certainly couldn't stop without professional help. Now they are sober, I believe if they started again they could stop because they have the tools and support to know what to do. Back in the very bad times, there was absolutely no stopping them.
I think you probably need to give an ultimatum. Cards on the table and all, that you know he will not stop overnight but you need some assurances that he is addressing the issues and taking steps to change. X
Have to agree that you do need to question the mortgage side of things. Will you be left paying the majority each month if he has a slip up? I think its a hard one to say they can stop if they choose to, my person certainly couldn't stop without professional help. Now they are sober, I believe if they started again they could stop because they have the tools and support to know what to do. Back in the very bad times, there was absolutely no stopping them.
I think you probably need to give an ultimatum. Cards on the table and all, that you know he will not stop overnight but you need some assurances that he is addressing the issues and taking steps to change. X
Hi all
I am glad I have found this thread. I have a family member who has had alcohol and drug addiction for as long as I can remember, since I was a child.
I am not sure what they would be classed as? They can go through phases of being sober but then binge for weeks at a time. This person's parents spent a lot of money on rehab for them, plus dealing with having to collect them from the police station, hospital, etc. They are very nasty when drunk.
This year this person spiralled again to breaking point. They ended up in hospital and then rehab for a few weeks. Once out of rehab, they had a councillor that would come by and they were meant to attend AA meetings. They are currently going through a divorce and their child has told them they don't want to be in contact. Well, only a couple of months later and they are drinking again. The parent that is still alive is devastated but exhausted. They've been through a lot with this person who's now in their 50s.
I agree with others that someone with addiction has to decide to get help and stay clean but it's sad seeing other family members so affected by this too.
I actually live abroad and it's crossed my mind that should something happen (they die) would I go back home for the funeral. It's something I really have to think about as with covid, travel seems so stressful and unpredictable.
I am glad I have found this thread. I have a family member who has had alcohol and drug addiction for as long as I can remember, since I was a child.
I am not sure what they would be classed as? They can go through phases of being sober but then binge for weeks at a time. This person's parents spent a lot of money on rehab for them, plus dealing with having to collect them from the police station, hospital, etc. They are very nasty when drunk.
This year this person spiralled again to breaking point. They ended up in hospital and then rehab for a few weeks. Once out of rehab, they had a councillor that would come by and they were meant to attend AA meetings. They are currently going through a divorce and their child has told them they don't want to be in contact. Well, only a couple of months later and they are drinking again. The parent that is still alive is devastated but exhausted. They've been through a lot with this person who's now in their 50s.
I agree with others that someone with addiction has to decide to get help and stay clean but it's sad seeing other family members so affected by this too.
I actually live abroad and it's crossed my mind that should something happen (they die) would I go back home for the funeral. It's something I really have to think about as with covid, travel seems so stressful and unpredictable.
I don't know if your relative/s know but in the UK there is Al Anon which gives support to family and friends of drinkers. Also just do what you want re the funeral, attendance or not is not a reflection of how much you did or didn't care for the person.
I forwarded info onto them about that! Thanks. I didn't know about it until I read it on here.