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I think I have done a bit of maturing financially thanks to this thread. I have always had an aversion to financial planning stuff, probably because I am from a background where that just wasn't the reality for anyone beyond making ends meet day to day.

Anyway, I have cut down on my emotional and impulse purchasing and sorted out a rainy day/three month emergency fund. I have considered a variety of savings options (I am absolute risk averse and won't entertain any kind of investmenty thing) and now have decided to, most unexpectedly, work towards overpaying my mortgage. I am on a variable rate with high interest and and money paid off my capital amount will save me far more in mortgage interest payments than any of the savings methods I was comfortable with. I will still be saving funds separately but spare money will now be split between my savings and overpaying my mortgage.

I am feeling quite excited about this and can track my development quite clearly via the various comments, videos and articles posted on this thread. thank you all so much!

On the negative side, I am having a few narrow misses with impulse clothes purchases, only saved by glitches with the online payment process and am doing a bit more aimless browsing online, eek!

Does anyone want to share mundane things that sparked joy this week or things to look forward to that are joyful/free/normal?

Am loving traitors being back on (bbc iplayer, appreciate this might not be classed as free due to tv license tho?), today felt brighter/sunnier than normal, and a satisfying clean of my vacuum’s very dusty filter 🤌

I've just read this whole thread while my partner snores and I love it.

It's only partly related but as some people have mentioned decluttering my favourite thing is the 5 thing. I read about it somewhere and I do it a lot, I challenge my family now too. So basically everything is find in 5s. So when you get in from work, or in the adverts, or before bed, even while the kettle is boiling - you do 5 things. Put 5 things away, put 5 in the bin, find 5 things to recycle, 5 to put in the jumble etc. If 5 is super easy extend it to 10 but always multiples of 5. I will say to myself 'throw away 5 pairs of knickers' or 'find 5 things in the kitchen to go in the bin'. Other things could be 'list 5 things on Vinted', throw away 5 things from that stupid drawer with the cables, cracker gifts and old currency etc etc.

It's incredibly satisfying because you always meet your goal but it isn't overwhelming, so easily done. It also works whether you have heaps to declutter or just bits as you set the challenge accordingly.

I’m finding that being mindful of my spending is really life-changing- it’s helping me refocus and get on a positive path. Rather than endlessly scrolling online looking at buying stuff I’m instead enjoying slowing down. In the evenings I’ve been getting back to art again and I’m loving drawing while something gentle like Pride and prejudice is on in the background.

I’m also refocusing on what’s important in life- those little lovely moments of quiet when you can hear the birds singing or the air feels really lovely and cool. It’s amazing how much mental space I’ve allowed consuming and feeling like I don’t have enough to take up.

Buying stuff is such a double edged sword- it feels great but after a while that item can become a burden- maybe it doesn’t get worn enough, or it’s disappointing, or no longer fits your life. Personally I always feel both excited and anxious when shopping because I’m worried I’m making mistakes. Removing the constant shopping has therefore removed a lot of anxiety.

Husband and I both received money from our dads this Xmas. I’ve used mine to pay off some of my credit card. I’m very pleased with myself.

Ilaariaa said:

Point 3. is really crucial for me too. I feel like nowadays we are constantly led to think that we need to consume in order to be happy and fulfilled. Maybe that's part of why so many of us actually feel frustrated and unhappy: you keep buying stuff that promises to make you happy and you are let down everytime

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Slightly off topic: my mum has very narcissistic tendancies. I truly believe she has NPD but I tend to get scoffed at when I say I think she’s a covert narcissist, and dismissed as an armchair psychologist. So I caveat it with her behaviour is very narcissistic.

Anyway, growing up I knew there was something not right with her. I couldn’t verbalise it, but I was always shocked at her utter lack of empathy to her own children (among other things.)

one pattern of behaviour that always baffled me, was her pathological need to buy. It didn’t make sense. She constantly needed to buy stuff. New clothes, tat for the house. It was bizarre. She’d buy something, only to be bored of it within weeks or months.

She got herself into debt, it contributed to the breakdown of two of her marriages and she even set up credit accounts under my siblings names to buy stuff. Just buying crap. It wasn’t the only thing she was obsessive about, but it’s the only relevant to this thread.

as I got older, I began to theorise that she was deeply happy and unfulfilled. She’d been traumatised herself with an unhappy childhood and what I believe to be a personality disorder, was basically her brain shutting off her empathy and humanity just to survive. I think her buying useless rubbish was something of a trauma response. A distraction from the pain, a temporary dopamine hit.

I picked up on the same habits - until I started to get them under control. I’d never, ever get into debt the way she did but I can’t deny, she instilled the same chasing a high through newness in me as a kid, and I struggled to break away from it as an adult.

I do think you’re right - we do consume as a distraction and as a temporary high and it just isn’t a way to feel fulfilled at all. I think noticing it for what it is is the first step to addressing and controlling it.

i honestly think shopping can be just as addictive for some people as the likes of gambling, or substance abuse. But I guess because it’s a very female oriented way of coping, and I guess because we are capitalist society? It’s never really spoken about in those terms. A “shopping addiction” is just a cute little soundbite. it doesn’t help that traditionally, women (specifically older women) are the demographic with the poorest financial literacy in the U.K.

Anyway, I went on a ramble. But I think through observing my mums behaviours - I realised I needed to find a healthier avenue to fulfilment. I took up running which was a big thing for me - and the high I get from going out for what is realistically a light jog - is on a level with shopping in all honesty.

one of my friends is big on thrifting and I connect with her over our shared interest in ditching fast fashion.

I also made an Instagram account and share my favourite vintage outfits and stuff I’ve reworn and follow similar accounts. It feels like there’s a growing online community who actively encourage rewearing stuff and thrifting. I do get a kick out of connecting with other people who are trying to kick the spending new habits, and it’s a way to engage in social media without having a ton of influencers show off their latest primark haul.

I've been following this thread and really enjoying everyone sharing their thoughts, ideas and experiences. It's genuinely made me think about purchases and a couple of times I've done some browsing online, even put stuff in my basket but have thought back to this thread and realised I don't need it (clothes mostly - I have plenty and realistically, wear the same few things in rotation).

Anyway I've been moved to post this evening as I'm very annoyed at myself. I read somewhere upthread about takeaways often being a bit disappointing. Well whoever it was, you were so right! I had one tonight (husband was out for drinks, said to order one and he'd have some when he got back), so I did and it was ok, but with the deliveroo delivery charge and a service charge (wtf is that) it was 40 odd quid, such a lot of money! I could easily have had something from the fridge/freezer with very little effort and probably much better for me. Husband has just arrived home at 10.30pm and is having a bit now but I know some of it will go in the bin, so it's not just wasted money it's wasted food as well.

Rant over, just felt the need to share, hopefully I'll remember this next time I think about a takeaway!

Today I ventured into the bathroom cupboard and got all of the half used bottles of shampoo and conditioner out, and I am going to use them all up before I even think to buy any new. Conditioner may take a while but reminding myself of what I have and letting things actually run down to empties is what I’m aiming for. I am luckily fully stocked on pretty much everything, so I will just keep using what I have and refrain from trying any new products or treating myself and once I am LITERALLY out of a product, then I can purchase new.
This may sound very simple but it’s honestly shocking how many new shampoos I’ve been buying when they essentially all do the same thing??

Both paydays since we started this thread I have been able to not be in my overdraft, overpay on what I owe and still save. I feel so much mentally lighter! You guys are such a support and it is so lovely to see how well everyone has been doing.

I think it’s good to also sit with when you did end up spending, because once upon a time you wouldn’t have given it a second thought, so even a few posters who have expressed recognising this, you’re still smashing it having a mindful retrospective and taking learning is still a win in my book.

Hey guys can I join? I had an epiphany yesterday.

I’ve got sucked into the ‘minimalist’ aesthetic by watching too many TikTok’s and Instagram vids and was feeling like I need to replace a lot of my wardrobe with basics. I cleared out some clothes for the charity shop- some of which are too big as I’ve lost weight- and on the top of the bag was a pastel ombré jumper that I previously loved but now felt wasn’t chic or minimalist or whatever.

I went into town and tried a cute polka dot jumper on in cream and was literally on my way to the till to buy it when I thought to myself ‘this jumper is £45. You could save that £45 for your holiday. There is nothing wrong with the pastel jumper. Keep it.’ So I abandoned my purchase and kept the old jumper.

I often shop because I want to cheer myself up or whatever. No more!

Chocolategoggler said:

I was reading an article about decluttering the other day and it had the usual mantras, but one stood out "can I live without it".
I shot upstairs to try it out on decluttering my clothes which I've been struggling with and was amazed at what I could live without.

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Similarly, I’m currently in the process of selling all but one of my designer-y handbags after the stark realisation that my most used and reached for “handbags” are actually:

• A 75p Tesco bag for life
• A cheap canvas tote bag from New Look that I’ve had for close to a decade and probably only cost me ~£4
• A mini Herschel backpack which I bought on sale for £22.50 and feels good for my back

The plan to put the funds from the sales towards something more useful (to me)

I went into Superdrug on Saturday and bought two things I needed, Lip balm and deodorant.
Not a huge deal but prior to this I’d come out with £50 spent on make up and hair products.
Felt very proud of myself to stick to only what I needed.
This thread is definitely doing me good.

Had a win today, ordered 2 bare minerals foundations as they were 25% off (need them as they don’t last long and only thing I can use)
They came and one of them had leaked some power from the bottom of the pot. I emailed the company about it and they said would I be happy with a refund on one of them, I said yes. There’s nothing wrong with it except some powder is missing. Just had my refund and they’ve refunded both . They’re perfectly fine and I’ve re sealed the bottom of the pot now, it had come slightly loose in transit. Glad I complained as I wasn’t going to and am £54 better off

@heretoreaditall2019 and @really_whythough - I appreciate your comments so much! I read @heretoreaditall2019 's comment a couple hours ago and have been mulling it over ever since. And then @really_whythough gave me more to think about.

I have never ever viewed it as a self-care thing, but more of a 'me being lazy and disorganised' thing and a 'why can't I like shopping like normal people' thing. Wow. I have had a huge light-bulb moment, tell you what. You're absolutely right.

I have a shopping centre near me with a whacking great M&S, Uniqlo and John Lewis in it. Next opportunity I get, I will limp there in my latest terrible pair of boots and get myself sorted out . I have a weekend away booked in April and I really would like to be kitted out for that, without panic buying.

Chocolategoggler said:

I'm really strictish with myself now, but do fall off the wagon in an emergency - like when my hair went afro virtually overnight last summer. I eventually solved it with products I already had.
So I suppose I'm learning not to panic buy but instead try and look for solutions with what I've got.

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this makes me think of a phrase used by a decluttering email list I used to be on (yes, I'm email lists old!)

shop at home first

When we identify a need/or want, the idea was to shop at home first - see if you can meet that need with something you already have. Often we might have something similar already but long forgotten about, hidden behind other purchases, or something we hadn't looked at in that light before. If shopping at home didn't work, they then advised to procrastinate before purchasing. Could the purchase be deferred, even briefly? That procrastination gives space to find other solutions, make do with what we have, ride it out past the period of need (e.g. managing the last few weeks of winter with a winter coat with a stain on it, it turning out to be quite mild and the coat was hardly needed), find better priced alternatives (sale) or freebies (stick a badge over the stain!).

It doesn't always work and I loved the post by 50degreesnorth about buying the table that sparked joy and provides better storage than the budget buy - that's thoughtful shopping and we do deserve nice things we want as well as need. But often, the idea of shopping at home - framing it intentionally as this - can be fun and at worst, helps ensure the purchase is well thought out.

Got pickpocketed today (my fault for having £300 headphones in my backpack) and the thought of having to pay to replace them makes me feel sick. The absolute worst kid of spending.
Not sure whether to claim on travel insurance or not as I assume that will put my premiums up more than they’ll pay out (max £200 on valuables). Feels like a lose/lose situation.

Honest to God, the idea of a takeaway is always so much better than the reality!! They always disappoint me.

So proud of everyone who’s smashing it out there!!! I got my annual bonus and immediately started holiday planning. In our household, my bonus = our holiday. So some years it’s a walk in a nearby town and other years it’s a 5* all inclusive. Both are just as fun!

however, I’ve realised I have so much guilt attached to spending that I am trying to penny pinch at every turn, despite having enough to cover a holiday and putting half in savings. I realise what a fortunate position I’m in to have guilt around spending a bonus. I just still feel wracked with guilt about replacing my stolen headphones/booking a holiday even though I have the funds.

growing up poor really fucks you over, doesn’t it?

I was thinking of making a thread on “empties”, where we can post our empty beauty/skincare/anything items and encourage each other to use up things we already own? Instead of buying more x

would anyone be interested in joining?

Silverback said:

I’m glad we are talking about trips away actually. I’ve booked a trip to Paris for August and it’s gnawing away at me. Every year I kick myself that I haven’t gone anywhere but there is a reason we don’t- it’s so fucking expensive these days! 4 nights in Paris at a half decent hotel plus Eurostar and eating out etc is going to come to over 2 grand for us and the kids. Is it worth it? Is it only worth booking a trip if you can comfortably afford it without scrimping for it? I don’t know. Answers on a postcard please.

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You've already booked the trip, I say you come to peace with the amount it'll cost and make the best of your time together in Paris If you're mindful about your spending until then, I see no reason why a few days of break at a pretty city should make you feel guilty. It can also serve as a checkpoint in the year where you can reduce that amount (or come close to it) from any frivolous, unnecessary shopping and go on your holiday with a peace of mind. I hope you have a great time