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Joining.

A little background:
- I had been trying to be sensible and somewhat minimalist about my purchases for the last few years but in 2023, my spending spiraled out of control.
- I have very limited space so whatevet I buy contribute to a cluttered space, even if I actually need what I buy.
- I have become reliant on especially online shopping to pass time but I still consider myself sensible because I buy stuff other than the usual suspects (clothes, cosmetic etc.). Fooling myself really.
- I had a serious book buying problem in the past; buying a Kindle has supressed this issue a bit but I still have tons unread on my shelves.
- I hate clothes shopping because I feel good in pretty much nothing, so finding something I like is an arduous process with a lot of buying/returning and sometimes I just run out of steam and forget/neglect returning stuff I won't use.

I don't have a specific goal for my saving or buying less, I want to be able to buy a flat for myself at some point in the next five years but the housing market here is out of control and well beyond the reach of an average earner. The currency here has lost a lot of value since pandemic and my income, once comfortable, will soon become just enough. Unless I change my frivolous spending habits, I won't be able to budget when I actually need to. So this is sort of a practice round for harder days to come.

I want to:
- Cut down on cab rides. I can walk or take the subway/bus to most places where I live. I need to save cab rides for late nights, when I'm carrying a heavy load or for bad weather. That'll also help me walk more.
- Cut down on takeaway. That is what I have spent most on in 2023, I think. This is a tentative goal because I also want to eat nutritious food and make it convenient for myself until the habit sticks. I'll try to cook morr but if not, I'll go for food that'll actually feed me, rather than give into my emotional eating tendencies for the sake of comfort.
- Stop Amazon and other online shopping time when I'm bored. This is non negotiable, When everything is a click away, it's too convenient.
- Stop buying any more books, at least until I've read half of what I have waiting, and decluttered what I didn't like.
- Get my credit card cancelled and renewed so I won't be able to memorize the number this time. This one did me dirty last year, as I don't even need my purse or card near me. I just type in the info and click buy. I need to make it harder for me to shop randomly.
- Stop buying hobby supplies or clothing for my "fantasy self". I will stay away from stuff I know I won't use or I hope I might use, one day. No more drawing pencils or charcoal or thread or fabric or yarn, I have enough. No more cheap, trendy clothes that I hope will make me look cooler. They won't, they look awful on anyone who isn't 19 and fit. That's not me and that will never be me. Embrace myself as I am.

What's fine with me:
- Dining out once or twice a month, for socialising and good food. If the food will be just junk or snacks, I'll eat before I meet people so I won't spend money on bad fries and questionable chicken at the pubs.
- Having a drink or two, once or twice a month. Alcohol prices are also skyrocketed here and I don't take pleasure in drinking enough to excuse spending loads on it. I won't sweat it if I really want to drink something specific, but if it's just to keep my mouth busy, I'll stick to nonalcoholic beverages.
- Buying clothes when I really need them. I won't berate myself for spending money on a good waterproof coat or good boots or trainers etc if I need it. I have never regretted buying something needed in excellent quality, as I haven't needed to replace it for years and years. But I won't windowshop online or in person, just to see if there is something I can buy.

That's all I can think of. So far I have only purchased some disinfectant wipes to restock my bathroom cupboard, and shampoo as I detested my current one and I can't finish that regardless of my budget. I have logged out of shopping websites, deleted my card info on them and I already don't use the apps. I'm also decluttering slowly, trying to be less sentimental but we have had a loss in family last year and it affected me in a way that makes me anxious about letting go of anything that I've received from my parents. I'm trying to be better. I also have doctor's appointments and some treatments waiting for me in the upcoming month, the medical expenses won't be cheap. Eventually I'd love to see my credit card bill cut in half or more. Wish me luck.

I was reading an article somewhere recently and there was a quote 'it's never been easier to spend money'.
It's all deliberate.
30 years ago we had half as many things to spend our money on, no netflix or other streaming service, no constantly upgrading the phone, no broadband, takeaways were a treat, not a meal plan, and practically nothing we buy now makes us any happier and an awful lot of the spending is done in isolation at home.
I'm pretty sure the vast majority of people would be far happier spending less on stuff and more on actually doing stuff but we don't have the time to do stuff cos we are all too busy working so we can afford to buy stuff.

fishyfishfish said:

Little essay from me about a bit of a realisation…

when I started the ‘do I want it’ thread I referenced social media a lot. I have since gone on to unfollow every influencer I was following which has helped a lot. However, I do still follow some ‘home’ accounts as we live in a project house and I need ideas. One of the things I keep seeing is perfect spice jar organisation - identical jars labelled and stored somewhere visible.

my spice jars are in a drawer and are a mix of brands and sizes, but all have the name on the top so I can find what I need in seconds. I was so close to spending £3/jar (£200 ish) to replace all of these and make it more aesthetically pleasing but honestly…why?? It’s not solving a problem. It’s buying shit for the sake of buying shit.

I feel like it’s not really about the spice jars but an analogy for my purchase habits up til the birth of this thread. I would get sucked in to the idea that I needed this thing to be more efficient/organised/tidy/presentable when actually I dont need it at all.

My new approach is that if I have an actual issue - e.g. need somewhere to store x, buy storage for it - that’s fine! But I have to stop letting shops/socials create issues that lead me to spending.
Rant over.

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It’s realising that the answer isn’t the £200 spice jars isn’t it. That next TikTok buy won’t actually change your life. We are all sucked into this consumerist mentality of buying all these things will improve our lives when actually it’s the total opposite.

We went out yesterday and played Pooh sticks in the woods, my children absolutely loved it. Just a reminder to me that it’s not just stuff they want or need, it’s the little things too.

Hello everyone

I’ve had a really rough few weeks with health and stress, I really felt like I was losing it at one point.

I have felt so overwhelmed and felt a massive need to remove stress and ‘downsize’ everything I’m dealing with. I deleted Reddit and Instagram last night because not only are they a huge time suck but Instagram in particular makes me feel like my house isn’t good enough/ clean enough and like I need new clothes and makeup.

I also unsubscribed from promotional emails and deleted about 500 spam and old emails from my inbox.

plus, I cancelled a trip to Paris. That might seem disappointing but honestly the whole thing was stressing me out like crazy. We have two people with differing food allergies in our house that means food shopping and eating out is a real stress. I just couldn’t mentally get my head around how we would deal with it in France. Plus, paying all the money for the trip was causing me a headache. I’m not ruling out a trip or holiday at all but that one was causing me more stress than excitement to think about.

I’ve sold a few things on Vinted and I’ve got a few more to put on. Planning a trip to ikea in the next week but with a set budget and only buying what will be useful and used a lot.
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Forgot to add that I’m considering lowering my work hours. I got promoted and they offered me longer hours on my working days, which I accepted gleefully thinking of the money.

however I’ve come to realise that those longer hours have robbed me of my balance. I previously had 90 minutes to myself a day to go for a walk, have a breather, sort stuff out in the house and chill before I need to be on mum duty. Now my days are hectic from start to end and I feel suffocated.

I’d feel bad asking for a reversal tho. And I’d be giving up about 3 grand a year.

Silverback said:

I know this isn’t 100% in keeping with the spirit of the thread but thought I’d share that sometimes you have to do things and spend a little money!

I’ve been religiously saving up for a holiday for months now and trying not to go anywhere etc. life has been rough in the last month and today I felt desperate to get out the house so I took myself off for a bit of retail therapy. I hadn’t been around the shops since before Xmas, so I had a nice mooch and bought a couple of well-considered bits. My god it felt so good to do that! I’ve had awful cabin fever being stuck in the house/ our town and doing nothing for ages.

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Going to the actual shops, having a mooch and possibly having a coffee/bit of lunch somewhere is a nice day out though, aimlessly scrolling through websites ordering tat because we're bored is not and really serves no purpose other than to prop up consumerism.

Just sharing here. My head had a visit from the Just Eat demon last night. "Go on" it whispered "you deserve not having to cook, it's been awhile since you had delivery. Go on ...do it, do it, do it".
I was so close but realised I'd deleted the app when I was in a rational money saving period after Christmas.
So I had meatballs in the freezer plus pasta sauce I had made & frozen previously with pasta & mozzarella. It took all of 20 minutes and most importantly it was hot, unlike delivery food. It was a small triumph indeed.

Went shopping yesterday to get some useful basics that would go with everything. Hubby and I both got paid more this month and in the past I’d have been thinking ‘let’s spend it up!’ and bought loads of makeup etc, but I went intending to spend what I made on Vinted on gaps in my wardrobe.
Got a top and a black cardigan in Uniqlo and then found lots of stuff to try on in H&M including a satin maxi skirt. It fit really nicely and I was dithering because where am I actually going to wear it? I wear jogging bottoms on my lower half while working from home all week and jeans when I’m out and about. I’m a mum and clothes need to be practical, so I put it back. Just bought a striped jumper in there.
I love how my thinking has changed and I’m thinking of money as wellbeing rather than something to get rid of as quick as possible on crap I don’t need.

Bought a couple of items on sale but left the full price cardigan I was eyeing as I couldn't justify it. Decided to have a mooch on vinted and the exact same cardigan is there, in my size, brand new with tags, for a quarter of the price!

It's like winning the tight-arse lottery!

I should say (for anyone going through the same) that we are now totally debt free, have sone savings, and have managed to work our way up to better jobs. Just want to give some hope to anyone struggling out there.

Y’all out here saving a grand in a day…

but I bet you didn’t get 2 selection boxes for the price of one today so who’s the real winner.

I think I have done a bit of maturing financially thanks to this thread. I have always had an aversion to financial planning stuff, probably because I am from a background where that just wasn't the reality for anyone beyond making ends meet day to day.

Anyway, I have cut down on my emotional and impulse purchasing and sorted out a rainy day/three month emergency fund. I have considered a variety of savings options (I am absolute risk averse and won't entertain any kind of investmenty thing) and now have decided to, most unexpectedly, work towards overpaying my mortgage. I am on a variable rate with high interest and and money paid off my capital amount will save me far more in mortgage interest payments than any of the savings methods I was comfortable with. I will still be saving funds separately but spare money will now be split between my savings and overpaying my mortgage.

I am feeling quite excited about this and can track my development quite clearly via the various comments, videos and articles posted on this thread. thank you all so much!

On the negative side, I am having a few narrow misses with impulse clothes purchases, only saved by glitches with the online payment process and am doing a bit more aimless browsing online, eek!

This will probably seem mad to some, but my treat to myself for a change of scenery is treating myself to a night in a hotel. I watch the prices of really nice fairly local hotels and when they go low, then I book my night away.
So excited that tomorrow night I'm staying in a gorgeous hotel with beautiful grounds, that boasts a pub and a restaurant.
So for under £90 I'm getting a lovely room and breakfast.
Psychologically it does me so much good. I've really reigned in the tat spending so this is my treat.

Does anyone want to share mundane things that sparked joy this week or things to look forward to that are joyful/free/normal?

Am loving traitors being back on (bbc iplayer, appreciate this might not be classed as free due to tv license tho?), today felt brighter/sunnier than normal, and a satisfying clean of my vacuum’s very dusty filter 🤌

I've just read this whole thread while my partner snores and I love it.

It's only partly related but as some people have mentioned decluttering my favourite thing is the 5 thing. I read about it somewhere and I do it a lot, I challenge my family now too. So basically everything is find in 5s. So when you get in from work, or in the adverts, or before bed, even while the kettle is boiling - you do 5 things. Put 5 things away, put 5 in the bin, find 5 things to recycle, 5 to put in the jumble etc. If 5 is super easy extend it to 10 but always multiples of 5. I will say to myself 'throw away 5 pairs of knickers' or 'find 5 things in the kitchen to go in the bin'. Other things could be 'list 5 things on Vinted', throw away 5 things from that stupid drawer with the cables, cracker gifts and old currency etc etc.

It's incredibly satisfying because you always meet your goal but it isn't overwhelming, so easily done. It also works whether you have heaps to declutter or just bits as you set the challenge accordingly.

I’m finding that being mindful of my spending is really life-changing- it’s helping me refocus and get on a positive path. Rather than endlessly scrolling online looking at buying stuff I’m instead enjoying slowing down. In the evenings I’ve been getting back to art again and I’m loving drawing while something gentle like Pride and prejudice is on in the background.

I’m also refocusing on what’s important in life- those little lovely moments of quiet when you can hear the birds singing or the air feels really lovely and cool. It’s amazing how much mental space I’ve allowed consuming and feeling like I don’t have enough to take up.

Buying stuff is such a double edged sword- it feels great but after a while that item can become a burden- maybe it doesn’t get worn enough, or it’s disappointing, or no longer fits your life. Personally I always feel both excited and anxious when shopping because I’m worried I’m making mistakes. Removing the constant shopping has therefore removed a lot of anxiety.

Husband and I both received money from our dads this Xmas. I’ve used mine to pay off some of my credit card. I’m very pleased with myself.

Ilaariaa said:

Point 3. is really crucial for me too. I feel like nowadays we are constantly led to think that we need to consume in order to be happy and fulfilled. Maybe that's part of why so many of us actually feel frustrated and unhappy: you keep buying stuff that promises to make you happy and you are let down everytime

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Slightly off topic: my mum has very narcissistic tendancies. I truly believe she has NPD but I tend to get scoffed at when I say I think she’s a covert narcissist, and dismissed as an armchair psychologist. So I caveat it with her behaviour is very narcissistic.

Anyway, growing up I knew there was something not right with her. I couldn’t verbalise it, but I was always shocked at her utter lack of empathy to her own children (among other things.)

one pattern of behaviour that always baffled me, was her pathological need to buy. It didn’t make sense. She constantly needed to buy stuff. New clothes, tat for the house. It was bizarre. She’d buy something, only to be bored of it within weeks or months.

She got herself into debt, it contributed to the breakdown of two of her marriages and she even set up credit accounts under my siblings names to buy stuff. Just buying crap. It wasn’t the only thing she was obsessive about, but it’s the only relevant to this thread.

as I got older, I began to theorise that she was deeply happy and unfulfilled. She’d been traumatised herself with an unhappy childhood and what I believe to be a personality disorder, was basically her brain shutting off her empathy and humanity just to survive. I think her buying useless rubbish was something of a trauma response. A distraction from the pain, a temporary dopamine hit.

I picked up on the same habits - until I started to get them under control. I’d never, ever get into debt the way she did but I can’t deny, she instilled the same chasing a high through newness in me as a kid, and I struggled to break away from it as an adult.

I do think you’re right - we do consume as a distraction and as a temporary high and it just isn’t a way to feel fulfilled at all. I think noticing it for what it is is the first step to addressing and controlling it.

i honestly think shopping can be just as addictive for some people as the likes of gambling, or substance abuse. But I guess because it’s a very female oriented way of coping, and I guess because we are capitalist society? It’s never really spoken about in those terms. A “shopping addiction” is just a cute little soundbite. it doesn’t help that traditionally, women (specifically older women) are the demographic with the poorest financial literacy in the U.K.

Anyway, I went on a ramble. But I think through observing my mums behaviours - I realised I needed to find a healthier avenue to fulfilment. I took up running which was a big thing for me - and the high I get from going out for what is realistically a light jog - is on a level with shopping in all honesty.

one of my friends is big on thrifting and I connect with her over our shared interest in ditching fast fashion.

I also made an Instagram account and share my favourite vintage outfits and stuff I’ve reworn and follow similar accounts. It feels like there’s a growing online community who actively encourage rewearing stuff and thrifting. I do get a kick out of connecting with other people who are trying to kick the spending new habits, and it’s a way to engage in social media without having a ton of influencers show off their latest primark haul.

I know this isn’t 100% in keeping with the spirit of the thread but thought I’d share that sometimes you have to do things and spend a little money!

I’ve been religiously saving up for a holiday for months now and trying not to go anywhere etc. life has been rough in the last month and today I felt desperate to get out the house so I took myself off for a bit of retail therapy. I hadn’t been around the shops since before Xmas, so I had a nice mooch and bought a couple of well-considered bits. My god it felt so good to do that! I’ve had awful cabin fever being stuck in the house/ our town and doing nothing for ages.

I've been following this thread and really enjoying everyone sharing their thoughts, ideas and experiences. It's genuinely made me think about purchases and a couple of times I've done some browsing online, even put stuff in my basket but have thought back to this thread and realised I don't need it (clothes mostly - I have plenty and realistically, wear the same few things in rotation).

Anyway I've been moved to post this evening as I'm very annoyed at myself. I read somewhere upthread about takeaways often being a bit disappointing. Well whoever it was, you were so right! I had one tonight (husband was out for drinks, said to order one and he'd have some when he got back), so I did and it was ok, but with the deliveroo delivery charge and a service charge (wtf is that) it was 40 odd quid, such a lot of money! I could easily have had something from the fridge/freezer with very little effort and probably much better for me. Husband has just arrived home at 10.30pm and is having a bit now but I know some of it will go in the bin, so it's not just wasted money it's wasted food as well.

Rant over, just felt the need to share, hopefully I'll remember this next time I think about a takeaway!

Today I ventured into the bathroom cupboard and got all of the half used bottles of shampoo and conditioner out, and I am going to use them all up before I even think to buy any new. Conditioner may take a while but reminding myself of what I have and letting things actually run down to empties is what I’m aiming for. I am luckily fully stocked on pretty much everything, so I will just keep using what I have and refrain from trying any new products or treating myself and once I am LITERALLY out of a product, then I can purchase new.
This may sound very simple but it’s honestly shocking how many new shampoos I’ve been buying when they essentially all do the same thing??