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Had a talk with my therapist this morning about why I always feel my home has to be ‘perfect’ and why I agonise endlessly about the things that need doing. I grew up in an abusive home where my wildly insecure mother would spend every second of her life cleaning and aiming to make our house look good in order to give herself self esteem. She spent money she didn’t have, she got into debt. She was angry and jealous of her sisters who married fairly wealthy men and did their homes up.

My mum wasn’t a good mother to say the least, she allowed me to be abused for years and despite me not talking to her for years now she’s still managed to programme me to be afraid that my life doesn’t look ‘good enough’ in a shallow way. I am worried constantly that our front door is chipped and needs a repaint, that our chest of drawers is old and the skirting boards need repainting too.

Nobody comes to my house to judge me anymore. My friends and husband accept me as I am. But my mum programmed me and I’ve got to somehow unprogramme myself.

I don’t need to spend all our cash to try and measure up. It doesn’t matter if the front door is chipped.

Looking at Instagram makes it worse. All those beautiful houses and renovations.

I’ve got to get a hold of myself somehow and live within my means.

I've got my first £1k saved. My fella thinks it's £150 but that's what 3 separate savings accounts are for.

Just wanted to share that I only have about £200 left to pay off my credit card - it was at £1500 at the end of December as I stupidly was using it throughout October, November, December, and then emptied my bank to spend on last minute christmas pressies thinking I'd get paid early … I did not
Finding more ways to earn a little side income, and using all that clear my credit card so hopefully by the end of January I'll be clear !!

I wasn't feeling good today, I treated myself to a burger after work. Afterwards I stopped by three bookshops, I almost bought a few books that I didn't feel strongly about, because there was a 3 for 2 sale going on. I reconsidered for a few minutes and put them back and walked out Nothing added to my to-read shelf, and no regrets about the burger either, as I've been packing my lunch and eating at home consistently. It was needed today and I enjoyed it

Happy to report that I had the urge to buy a new dress, and new trainers to change into from the heels, and new makeup, and a hairdresser appointment for a friend's wedding last weekend.

Ended up wearing a simple dress I already owned, bearing the pain of the high heels for a couple more hours, using my rarely touched eyeshadow stick and concealer, doing my hair myself and I had a lovely time. It's easy to fall into the pressure of needing to look amazing for every formal occasion but I think I no longer care. My friends know what I look like and while I'm happy to make an effort for a special occasion, that doesn't require a new outfit and expensive treatments. Their day isn't about me, I'm only there to celebrate and support them. Whenever I get stressed about the way I look, my looks end up being the least important part of that event. It was a nice opportunity to remind myself what matters.

Love reading everyone’s thoughts and victories and learning opportunities Sharing this even tho I feel like a freak - mild TW a passing reference to child neglect!

I’ve been thinking about a comment someone made on this thread about thinking why we do things at least once a day since I read it Starting with when I’d opened an expired tin of soup and thought wtaf how old must this be to have expired?! Aren’t tins forever! Then realised I’ve probs had this forever because I’m definitely a food hoarder and it’s something that isn’t serving me/emotionally healthy so something I’ve been slowly working on. It’s definitely because I grew up in a chaotic home & my parents were v neglectful to us so I’ve always seen super full cupboards as imperative to having a good lifestyle/home as an adult, but as others point out having more stuff is just more stuff to manage and inevitably more waste. I also find it hard to eat food I’ve got in stock I’ve gone through and checked expiry dates and there was a fair amount of spices & odds and ends that were out of date, which makes me feel SO wasteful but I can’t internalise that shame because I understand the why. Thankfully fresh food is kept in check by my husband who’d chuck things out 20 minutes past best by, but I know that’s because in the past I have let that get a (little!!) past best. I feel so embarrassed writing this all out as it’s fundamentally rooted in shame and sadness but I’m going to keep this at front of mind. We will always need *some* supplies as we’re in a geography where if an extreme weather event happened we might be stuck here for a day or two, but there’s a total difference between prepping for that versus tying my confidence as a mum/wife to having at least 8 cans of everything stocked at all times.

Ending on a cheerier note - found the perfect size leather pouch when tidying the “household bits” kitchen cupboard that I’ll use for my AirPods and some ear plugs etc, was searching online for the perfect wallet/coin pouch for them but had something all along

Those of you not sticking to low spend due to emergencies, that does not deem you a failure. The point of low spend/being more aware is really to help with those unexpected expenses in the long run. There is ‘always something’ that will crop up, but necessary is very different to the mindless overspending many of us do.

House of Tea said:

I always make a point of not buying stuff that benefits already rich people.

So, no bedsheets from Kylie or Holly W. No saucepans from Jamie Oliver. No wine from Graham Norton. Etc No novels by Shirley Ballas or Michael Ball (they wouldn’t be my cuppa but there is a proliferation of titles by celebrities, particularly kid’s books, which have nothing to do with the celeb who has stuck their name on them).

In a way these celebrity products are just the same as influencers trying to flog us stuff.

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Mine is do not buy anything from Brands which throw hundreds of pounds worth of goods/products to influencers.

I just want to say, it is okay to still have treats/takeaways/bad days! I've seen a few posts where people have said they feel bad or fallen off the wagon etc. but it's not about 1 day. We all have bad days. If we can reduce the OVERALL impact of unnecessary spending then you really won't feel the effects of maybe being a little wasteful.

I know it can feel disappointing if you've been good, but don't let a slip up ruin any good progress you've made

Geranium said:

Please talk me down from buying an oura tracking ring ……

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You don't need an oura tracking ring. I used to work in a sleep clinic and we were wall to wall with people wanting a sleep study because their device said their sleep was shit. Their sleep was fine, always.

What else does it do? Steps. Use your phone. Heart rate. Take your pulse if you can be bothered. Stress? I don't know, just ask yourself if you're stressed?

You do. not. need. this.

2024 is the year of de-influencing and saving our monies honeyzzz <3

I am someone who finds themself living pay check to pay check and I hate it! I am very lucky, and have an above average wage for a 24 year old, but I spend it like I'm a friggin millionaire
2024 will be the year I realise I don't need everything that is advertised online, and to only buy what benefits me/mr mog/our future <3

ishant said:

I genuinely think being off instagram would help a lot. I just saw that someone received a manicure set with little lamp etc for Christmas and off I went to Google it. I’d never ever use it! I do this with books all the time. Someone reads something that looks amazing and off I pop to Amazon.

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I am beginning to think that too. I see stylish people, see them wearing a beautiful jacket, realise it is out of my price range, spend ages trying to find a dupe. End up ordering it, and it is okay at best. Decide to keep or send back, which is invariably not free returns. So not only have I tried to add to my already large jacket collection, I have spent ages mindlessly surfing online, then have to waste more time and money sending it back. It is crazy. I am using jacket, but it could be anything!

Instagram is intended to make you want things, why else would influencers be given so much. It is to advertise to us ninnies, and we fall for it. Instagram also makes you feel a lack, a false lack. You want their home, that skirt, that chair, her hair, that golden retriever. Instead of wanting what they have we should appreciate what we have. Instagram is an edited showreel. It’s not real. Our lives are real and we need to just concentrate on our own style and decisions without being coerced by an algorithm.

Very proud of myself today. Had a few hours free in a shopping centre and tried a few tops on in H&M. Bought a sweatshirt. I was walking along afterwards with the carrier bag and I just didn’t feel convinced about my purchase 100% so I took it back half an hour later! Felt like I’d rather have the money in my account.

On the theme of “use the good stuff” - this morning I started a new £10 bar of soap (only 21 bars to go…) for the shower. What on God’s green earth possessed me to spend £10 on a bar of soap? Will I be cleaner than with the 75p one?

The bad news is my car failed its MOT so the money I'd saved this month was spent on fixing the issue!

The good news is that *because* I've been frugal, I had the money available right away and didn't have to panic or use credit. I havent touched my house deposit and I have a plan, thanks to this thread, to put money aside specifically every month for my MOT and insurance ready for next year!

I’m 50 and it turns out you get wrinkles whether your moisturiser comes from Harvey nicks or Lidl…

I'd value experiences over possessions any day. Who would ever go I wish I'd bought that bag and not gone to the Philippines?

These days I find just knowing a closet is full of stuff a bit stressful. It feels so good knowing things are minimised, even if it's all hidden away.

For travel I think you can downgrade your accommodation as it's just somewhere to sleep, stay a bit further out but somewhere with an express link to the centre. Then avoid the overpriced tourist trap places where breakfast could easily be €20 pp and get a coffee and croissant for €2 on the go. Only eat out at places it's worth it.

furbabies said:

January was going so well for me, I'd only spent £30 on unnecessary purchases and, to be fair, those are products I will use like creatine.

Unfortunately yesterday I went a little crazy and booked someone to paint our hall. It's been an ongoing project since the 6 week holiday last year... We don't have a ladder long enough to paint the stairwell and I just want the project finished. So that's a £180 I didn't have to spend but I'm going to be so glad I did once it's finished.

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But because you didn't make many unnecessary purchases you're now in a position to get something done to improve your house! I think that's a massive win!!

It's important to remember that life should be fun so, unless saving for something particular, you don't want to reduce your spending so much that all you do is work and go home, we are after all social beings
Going for a coffee with friends is cheaper than going for a meal and drinks but buying a takeaway coffee everyday is not really adding value to your life.
Having a takeaway on a Friday night with some wine is perfectly reasonable, ordering off Ubereats or Deliveroo 4 times a week is madness.

I have just been for a walk along the Thames at Hampton Court (free!) saw lots of dogs.

But this sparked joy on way home. Spring is on the way!