He such a dick. He can’t go out on trips and share real time because he’s too safety conscious bless him. He tried to share taking them swimming, but as he couldn’t actually film the pool it had to be the changing room half naked, which he just didn’t realise was extremely poor taste and appreciated by no fucking follower anywhere except the excited paedos who live this guy’s dedication to selling his vulnerable little moppets.
He tried holidays but they’ve stopped being free so no fun, he tried (at least 3 times) good old b&q, the gold standard in filming small children entertainment, but despite his repeated efforts it just hasn’t gone viral. He’s tried supermarkets and the beach. Oh the beach. Up poles, on poles, in puddles, in the air, wet kids, dry kids, Sandy kids. The only activity they do kids. I’d stroll along the beach kids. Kind of pretty but he’s run out of fun similes and metaphors. But he’s focused on the clothes, the shoes, the getting wet. He’s basically exhausted it.
And so he finds himself in grey towers, The house. And he goes from room to room. He gets a semi when he sees the next item. He thinks ‘I am a fucking genius. Women adore me. Today it’s the hairband’ or ‘’yes, a tape measure’ ‘the larder, why didn’t I think of it before’ ‘the mooncup - I’m so on trend’ ‘tampons- I’m just so fucking amazing and in tune with women’
So what do we have left? Tin openers? His crusty sock? whatever Clever Simon spies.
And then locked back up in the Naughty Chamber.