Lunamoon22
VIP Member
No... Helen no. There's lots of us in the same place right now and then there is YOU
You who can work from home
You who's job is online
You who will still have a job after all this
You who will still get paid
You who will still get all your PR shit
You who will still get your PR trips
You who will still beg for free shit
You who will still be clothed by your dream ASOS job
You who can take a day/week/month off when things get too much and it wouldn't affect anything
You who will still have a home
You who will go out every day and claim it's 'because you can'
You who went out for various holidays and trips at every opportunity even though the numbers were rising - right up until lockdown happened again
You who won't be alone because you have and in and out boyfriend
You who has said over and over how the pandemic hasn't actually affected you at all
You who also said that the pandemic hasn't affected your friends and family
You who refuses to stay at home
You who still goes out to see your family and friends because you don't give a shit about the rules
You who doesn't have to shield
You who doesn't have vulnerable people around
You who doesn't have people still recovering from getting covid back in March while working in a hospital
You who has not lost anyone from this awful virus
You who refuses to promote proper hygiene
You who bitches about wearing a mask constantly
You who broke the rules during the first lockdown for your own selfishness to have a party
You who's actions and attitude are a part of the reason why cases are rising and people still dying
You who said this second lock is "total bullshit"
Don't fucking put all of us who have regular horrific panic attacks and dissociation into your bubble. I felt sorry for you until you used your mental health post as an excuse to promote your new shitty music because you got attention.
When you have a wobble you can post and get all the lovely messages of support, but I bet that you soon forget about all those people who are in the same boat when you suddenly feel better and are off out for yet another catch up with yet another mate and your 100th slice of cake.
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Sounds like you've got some internalized fatphobia to work through, friend. Best of luck! To all of you who, like myself, have beautiful chubby arms and refuse to do a triceps dip: we fly at dawn!!!
Shesaidwhat?
VIP Member
We shot a music video 
My band Sunny Bones made a music video this weekend. This is what we got up to.
I start this recap with sad news- KettleVision doesn’t make an appearance in today’s Vlog. Instead we begin with Helen walking to the van. And asking an already half in the van Will if he’s getting in the van
Next Helen gets confused by keys “keys are clumpy” observes Will as she tries to find the correct key to start the engine.
Next shot introduces our 2nd favourite after Fiwl, Ben and he’s brought a friend with him… Kermit the frog. (Neither Will, Ben or Kermit look happy at the prospect of being stuck in a van with Helen)
And they’re off… Well actually not quite as Helen
forgets to take the handbrake off and then fails to put it in the correct gear (the reality that they’re now stuck with Helen for the next god knows how long has just hit Will & Ben)
And they’re off.. No really this time to *drumroll* McDonald’s drive thru for a breakfast, trouble begins to brew when Ben asks if he can chuck his tea
“Don’t you not want it?” “Just hold it don’t chuck it away” Helen shouts
“It’s not even nice do you want it?” Asks Ben
“No”
“Well shut up” (the Tattle Trolls salute you Ben)
*Cue more shots of Ben driving and Helen annoying them boring boring boring*
Next we’re in a carpark with Helen falling out the door and possibly smacking another vehicle with the door ( I bet whoever they lent the van off will be overjoyed when they watch this back)
Helen who doesn’t like cider then goes into a shop and buys scrumpy cider, I apologise for the screenshot it was either this or a fiesta with the numberplate on full display
Next up they’re watching the lightning from inside the van Ben is quietly questioning some life choices as Helen waffles on
We might not have gotten KettleVision but good news gang!! We get treated to an arse shot as she attempts to put up the bell tent in a campsite near Bath
Cut to the next day where Helen regales us with tales from the night before highlights include them going to the pub for burger, chips and a pint (vegan/veggie lifestyle is officially dead then?)
And Ben waking her up and telling her to shut up because she was snoring even though she doesn’t snore
Next they’re back on the road again and Helen has got them stuck in a road and is pinballing between the ditches crashing the van into the hedgerow
We’re in Bath now and Helen is telling the tale of how she’s been beeped at by a man because by the way she describes she cut him up this of course is the man’s fault not Helen’s.
She then films a random girl taking a photo of a sign ( I hope she asked her permission to put her in the vlog considering she zooms in on her and shows her face)
Cut to lunch and Helen is snarling at Ben’s olives (not a euphemism) and trying and failing to do a Scottish accent by repeating “disgusting” à la the Cher Lloyd by Cher Lloyd viral YouTube video
Ben then offers her an Olive which she stuffs in her mouth and complains how awful they are, before proclaiming Will has Sushi for his lunch
“ I don’t like Sushi” says Ben offering Will an olive
“ I fucking love Sushi” hints Helen
Will blanks her keeping his head down and finishes his lunch
Next Helen is in a river- that’s a newly tattooed Elton John being fully submerged in dirty water (Sophie will be delighted when she watches this)
And finally Ben and Will haveescaped gone home
and we’re treated to cinematic shots like this
Cut to the next day and Helen is complaining about unpacking the van
The video ends with her saying the music video will be out at the end of the month and it’s her favourite song so far (will it be another ode to Maff? Time will tell)
Personal message to Helen: Please give Josie her Tattle account back We need @Lunamoon22 recaps back I promise I won’t take the piss out of your new song I’ll have it on repeat on Spotify and everything if you’ll just let her return.
My band Sunny Bones made a music video this weekend. This is what we got up to.
I start this recap with sad news- KettleVision doesn’t make an appearance in today’s Vlog. Instead we begin with Helen walking to the van. And asking an already half in the van Will if he’s getting in the van
Next Helen gets confused by keys “keys are clumpy” observes Will as she tries to find the correct key to start the engine.
Next shot introduces our 2nd favourite after Fiwl, Ben and he’s brought a friend with him… Kermit the frog. (Neither Will, Ben or Kermit look happy at the prospect of being stuck in a van with Helen)
And they’re off… Well actually not quite as Helen
forgets to take the handbrake off and then fails to put it in the correct gear (the reality that they’re now stuck with Helen for the next god knows how long has just hit Will & Ben)
And they’re off.. No really this time to *drumroll* McDonald’s drive thru for a breakfast, trouble begins to brew when Ben asks if he can chuck his tea
“Don’t you not want it?” “Just hold it don’t chuck it away” Helen shouts
“It’s not even nice do you want it?” Asks Ben
“No”
“Well shut up” (the Tattle Trolls salute you Ben)
*Cue more shots of Ben driving and Helen annoying them boring boring boring*
Next we’re in a carpark with Helen falling out the door and possibly smacking another vehicle with the door ( I bet whoever they lent the van off will be overjoyed when they watch this back)
Helen who doesn’t like cider then goes into a shop and buys scrumpy cider, I apologise for the screenshot it was either this or a fiesta with the numberplate on full display
Next up they’re watching the lightning from inside the van Ben is quietly questioning some life choices as Helen waffles on
We might not have gotten KettleVision but good news gang!! We get treated to an arse shot as she attempts to put up the bell tent in a campsite near Bath
Cut to the next day where Helen regales us with tales from the night before highlights include them going to the pub for burger, chips and a pint (vegan/veggie lifestyle is officially dead then?)
And Ben waking her up and telling her to shut up because she was snoring even though she doesn’t snore
Next they’re back on the road again and Helen has got them stuck in a road and is pinballing between the ditches crashing the van into the hedgerow
We’re in Bath now and Helen is telling the tale of how she’s been beeped at by a man because by the way she describes she cut him up this of course is the man’s fault not Helen’s.
She then films a random girl taking a photo of a sign ( I hope she asked her permission to put her in the vlog considering she zooms in on her and shows her face)
Cut to lunch and Helen is snarling at Ben’s olives (not a euphemism) and trying and failing to do a Scottish accent by repeating “disgusting” à la the Cher Lloyd by Cher Lloyd viral YouTube video
Ben then offers her an Olive which she stuffs in her mouth and complains how awful they are, before proclaiming Will has Sushi for his lunch
“ I don’t like Sushi” says Ben offering Will an olive
“ I fucking love Sushi” hints Helen
Will blanks her keeping his head down and finishes his lunch
Next Helen is in a river- that’s a newly tattooed Elton John being fully submerged in dirty water (Sophie will be delighted when she watches this)
And finally Ben and Will have
and we’re treated to cinematic shots like this
Cut to the next day and Helen is complaining about unpacking the van
The video ends with her saying the music video will be out at the end of the month and it’s her favourite song so far (will it be another ode to Maff? Time will tell)
Personal message to Helen: Please give Josie her Tattle account back We need @Lunamoon22 recaps back I promise I won’t take the piss out of your new song I’ll have it on repeat on Spotify and everything if you’ll just let her return.
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h0neybee
Active member
Tea but. . . sober Phil hates Helen too. As always, I can’t say too much, but Helen is letting herself be massively mugged off.Drunk Phil hates Helen
Edited to add (fuck it): Phil isn’t attracted to Helen and when Helen asks for reassurance he shoots her down immediately. If she asks if he minds her weight gain, he says he does and doesn’t like the size she is.
Helen (we all see you), try and trust who you talk to, bin off your fucking leech of a boyfriend and get some self respect and self love. - friend of a friend x
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Cookieantoinette
Active member
What a ridiculous thing to say. If you were "all for curves" there wouldn't be a "but" following the statement. There's no size limit or restriction on crop tops.
I understand people's frustrations with her lying about her dress size/insisting she has been the same for years, but I don't understand why she should be chastised for wearing a crop top to the gym like many other women do.
Albert_Chris
Well-known member
Next thread:
SHE'S DIVORCED, SHE'S A SMOKER, SHE'S READY FOR FIWL TO IMPREG HER WITH HIS POKER
I remembered this was brought up at the start of the tread a few times and I think this beautiful bit of writing by Lunamoon should be the winner!
SHE'S DIVORCED, SHE'S A SMOKER, SHE'S READY FOR FIWL TO IMPREG HER WITH HIS POKER
I remembered this was brought up at the start of the tread a few times and I think this beautiful bit of writing by Lunamoon should be the winner!
Lunamoon22
VIP Member
Loving that nobody has picked up on her saying she currently feels like a slug. Luna - you know what we need!
Lunamoon22
VIP Member
"It'll all be over quicker if YOU guys stay at home and save lives, I just need to go shopping, get my pubes lasered, get my nails done, get my eyelashes done, get my eyebrows done, get my hair done in London they've just gone into tier 3 but it'll be no biggy - just nipping there and back, gotta go to post office first though, then the tip, and get the tube to the salon, then gotta go to McDonald's on the way back, but I really did go straight there and back, shit - I need to go shopping again, gotta go to bootcamp, gotta meet my friends, go out for dinner, go on another holiday, have my family over, go see more friends, have my pubes fried again, better get other beauty treatments done again, gotta go on my 1,500th shopping trip, go on another holiday, go to bootcamp, just need to pop to the shops again, I need to see ma mates, get my nails done, I'm all ready for Christmas, I lied - I need to go out for last minute bits, gotta go to bootcamp, see my mates, I'm going out for dinner again, I just need to nip to the shops and get a bunch of crap for my friends - last minute gifts for Christmas, just need to go meet up with my friends for a few hours. Now I'm all ready for my secret mini break for Fil's birthday and my Christmas party. But you guys stay home, save lives. It will be all over soon, they've just announced a new strain that's rapidly spreading worse than the previous covid strain, that's a good thing right? I dunno I'm so confused. What's a virus? See NO ONE ELSE KNOWS! What does that tell you? You just need to be positive. Just stay home in the grand scheme of things it's not that hard. Shit, I need to go out to Asda again. CYA! (PS. save lives!)"
sorenips
Well-known member
SCENE: THE COUNSELLOR'S OFFICE
HELEN ENTERS, WEARING A GIANT FUR COAT AND A PAIR OF DIRTY CONVERSE. SHE IS WEARING A LOT OF MAKE-UP - HEAVY BLUE EYESHADOW, BRIGHT RED LIPSTICK AND HEAVY ORANGE BLUSHER. THE COUNSELLOR IS SAT IN A CHAIR, OPPOSITE AN EMPTY CHAIR.
Counsellor: Good morning, Helen
Helen: ORWOOOOOIGHT?
Counsellor: Yes, I'm great thank you, come and sit down
Helen: Ooh, I will, give me a second, I've been at boot camp and it was bum and leg day! Kat 'ad me doin' lunges! Me morning coffee was kickin' in and I made a right stench if ya know wot I mean!
Counsellor: That's not a problem, you can stand if you wa-
Helen: It made me laff though, Fil said last night that I've got a rotten bottom! He's so funny! He was playing on COD and I was 'avin a lovely Lush baff, bit of self-care ya know, and I did a little fart in the baff, and Fil 'eard it through 'is headset!
Counsellor: How funny. So how has your week bee-
Helen: Sorry, do ya mind if I 'ave a quick snack? I nipped into Waitrose on the way 'ere, I 'ad to get some kievs. I'm just gonna 'ave some crisps. Wanna get involved?
Counsellor: No thank you, I've just eaten. So how has your week been?
Helen: Orwoight really. I mean I've been 'avin the same problem though
Counsellor: Ok, do you think it's got worse, better or about the same?
HELEN SITS DOWN AND TAKES A TURKEY, STUFFING AND BACON SANDWICH OUT OF HER BAG, TAKES IT OUT OF ITS PACKET AND PUTS THE SANDWICH ON HER LAP. SHE OPENS A LARGE BAG OF SALT AND VINEGAR BALSAMIC KETTLE CHIPS, OPENS THE SANDWICH AND STARTS LAYERING CRISPS ON THE OPEN SANDWICH, BEFORE REASSEMBLING IT. SHE THEN SUCKS THE CRISP RESIDUE OFF EACH OF HER FINGERS BEFORE TUCKING INTO THE SANDWICH. THE COUNSELLOR GLANCES AT HER WATCH.
Helen: I fink it's worse actually. Like Fil says I'm ovafinkin it, but it's affectin' everyfin I do. I fink everyone is finkin it about me, I can tell everyone is judgin' me.
Counsellor: Do you think I'm judging you for it?
Helen: Well, yeah. I mean, everyone does. But I understand. It's hard for people to just see me for me wivout judgin' me.
Counsellor: I want you to know that I'm not judging you, Helen. Not at all.
Helen: Fanks, but like I said, I get it. It's all people see when they look at me. It's like they can't see the person, they just see "it"
HELEN MAKES A
SIGN
Counsellor: So, you feel like you're just a label?
Helen: Yeah. It feels like I'm not a person wiv feelings. I'm not a successful influencer who works so 'ard ev'ry day. I'm not a loving dog owna. I'm not an amazin' best friend and girlfriend. I'm just one fing that people can't see past. I'm just...
HELEN SIGHS
Helen: I'm just alternative
FIN
HELEN ENTERS, WEARING A GIANT FUR COAT AND A PAIR OF DIRTY CONVERSE. SHE IS WEARING A LOT OF MAKE-UP - HEAVY BLUE EYESHADOW, BRIGHT RED LIPSTICK AND HEAVY ORANGE BLUSHER. THE COUNSELLOR IS SAT IN A CHAIR, OPPOSITE AN EMPTY CHAIR.
Counsellor: Good morning, Helen
Helen: ORWOOOOOIGHT?
Counsellor: Yes, I'm great thank you, come and sit down
Helen: Ooh, I will, give me a second, I've been at boot camp and it was bum and leg day! Kat 'ad me doin' lunges! Me morning coffee was kickin' in and I made a right stench if ya know wot I mean!
Counsellor: That's not a problem, you can stand if you wa-
Helen: It made me laff though, Fil said last night that I've got a rotten bottom! He's so funny! He was playing on COD and I was 'avin a lovely Lush baff, bit of self-care ya know, and I did a little fart in the baff, and Fil 'eard it through 'is headset!
Counsellor: How funny. So how has your week bee-
Helen: Sorry, do ya mind if I 'ave a quick snack? I nipped into Waitrose on the way 'ere, I 'ad to get some kievs. I'm just gonna 'ave some crisps. Wanna get involved?
Counsellor: No thank you, I've just eaten. So how has your week been?
Helen: Orwoight really. I mean I've been 'avin the same problem though
Counsellor: Ok, do you think it's got worse, better or about the same?
HELEN SITS DOWN AND TAKES A TURKEY, STUFFING AND BACON SANDWICH OUT OF HER BAG, TAKES IT OUT OF ITS PACKET AND PUTS THE SANDWICH ON HER LAP. SHE OPENS A LARGE BAG OF SALT AND VINEGAR BALSAMIC KETTLE CHIPS, OPENS THE SANDWICH AND STARTS LAYERING CRISPS ON THE OPEN SANDWICH, BEFORE REASSEMBLING IT. SHE THEN SUCKS THE CRISP RESIDUE OFF EACH OF HER FINGERS BEFORE TUCKING INTO THE SANDWICH. THE COUNSELLOR GLANCES AT HER WATCH.
Helen: I fink it's worse actually. Like Fil says I'm ovafinkin it, but it's affectin' everyfin I do. I fink everyone is finkin it about me, I can tell everyone is judgin' me.
Counsellor: Do you think I'm judging you for it?
Helen: Well, yeah. I mean, everyone does. But I understand. It's hard for people to just see me for me wivout judgin' me.
Counsellor: I want you to know that I'm not judging you, Helen. Not at all.
Helen: Fanks, but like I said, I get it. It's all people see when they look at me. It's like they can't see the person, they just see "it"
HELEN MAKES A
SIGNCounsellor: So, you feel like you're just a label?
Helen: Yeah. It feels like I'm not a person wiv feelings. I'm not a successful influencer who works so 'ard ev'ry day. I'm not a loving dog owna. I'm not an amazin' best friend and girlfriend. I'm just one fing that people can't see past. I'm just...
HELEN SIGHS
Helen: I'm just alternative
FIN
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Lunamoon22
VIP Member
OMFG "Please reduce, reuse and recycle the way you have been with your content"
Truthhhhhh!!!
Lunamoon22
VIP Member
Influensters
Well-known member
Lunamoon22
VIP Member
lightningmurray
Member
Nothing says “plant mom” like letting every single very expensive tropical plant you’ve ever planted in your garden die because you couldn’t be bothered to wrap it over winter
