This is what filling a few hours on a plane looks like. Sure, I should have watched a movie, but I didn't. The airplane bathroom didn't get nearly as much use as YITS stateroom bathroom did during a livestream. Whoosh!
It's #32 of your threads but #1 in your heart. The high-minded scholars here chose the very erudite and mature title "Dawnarrhea". And who is the poet who penned a title so classy it could have come from the playground of The Burger School? Oh, koodles to me! I'd like to thank you for this honor. I'd also like to thank my wife and family for disowning me.
And don't forget Dawn and her colon for working overtime. She flushed FOUR times in about five minutes during a livestream from their cruise ship cabin. I'll bet her arms were really flailing. As Will says...those ladies getting ready. What do you mean? We're the ones who needed to get ready. Warn us next time! That hit harder than a Lincoln Navigator at Buc-ee's.
Well, let's recap! Like Will in a rock wall harness, it won't be pretty.
Will and Dawn just celebrated 8 years on YouTube. They should go to Chris Ruth Steakhouse. Nah, gas station pizza is fine. If they ate pizza that is...
Will and Dawn have been home for nearly three weeks, yet the Cruise/Orlando videos just wrapped up. Will loves to make you think that they are still gone while they hide out on their asses at home. I put in more work than they do. Marie Bruzdowski has yet to send me one SuperChat. Dammit.
On Royal Caribbean Uh-venture of the Seas. Will sal-uh-brated his birthday turning 46 on January 4th. Dawn and Will ordered brie but they didn't know what it was. Literally the next word on the menu was cheese. How on earth could they know? They might have liked it had you told them it came from a gas station in France.
The waiter saw Dawn struggling and cut Dawn's meat for her. No big deal. I'm sure he does that all the time for other passengers. Yeah, the ones in high chairs wearing diapers. Open up the hangar! Here's comes the airplane! And don't get me started on steak frites. How is that confusing? It's all right there in the bleeping name!
But Will and Dawn didn't just eat on the cruise. Wait. I mean they did. They ate a lot. Steaks, caesar salads, lots of pork, ice cream and trips to the buffet. Will even burned his one of his big fat mits reaching for food. Will does not like that the Windjammer closes from 3 to 6pm to prepare for dinner. Three hours. The horror!
There were excursions, too!
Going back to NASA! Not the space center - The Bahamas. This is the second time they've been to Nassau and they still can't get it right. They saw some pirate display for content and it sucked.
Will and Dawn think Nassau looks like Haiti. Y'know...brown people. They said there was an incident in Haiti. It was actually Nassau where a man jumped into a circle of dogs to get them to move. Dawn took it upon herself to chastise the man even though she is a guest in his country and it was none of her bleeping business. He was poor, scruffy and - gasp! - wearing two different color shoes! Dawn must freak out if she sees Punky Brewster.
On a livestream afterwards, someone called her out for being insensitive to the underprivileged. To which the always intelligent and thoughtful Dawn said, "You wanna talk about underprivileged? Me!" Someone please throw that grifting witch back in the well and put the cap back on.
Will kept bragging how they went off the beaten path. He's Christopher Columbus, bragging about discovering places where people already lived. You're on a tour bus. People were there yesterday, a year ago and they will be there tomorrow. You wanna talk about off the beaten path, how about the path to the kitchen you never use.
Look out Adam. Dawn said she found her new love. It's something else to ride - a wave runner - even though she was petrified to park the thing. Will was so full of himself. He was riding a wave runner while wearing a button-up Columbia shirt with Santas on it. Oh, yeah! That didn't look stupid at all. He said he was jumping six feet in the air. Will, you barely stand six feet in the air.
Will and Dawn called Labadee the best day ever. Dawn called Haiti her happy place. One of the poorest countries in the world is Dawn's Disneyland. So underprivileged.
There were a few other moments on the cruise. Dawn still can't spell YMCA. The song has only been around almost 50 years. She'll catch on one of these days. I'm sure the YMAC, whatever it is, appreciates the support.
Will played mini-golf like a jackass: playing guitar with his club, swinging it around like a sword. He was so full of himself. The wind blew Dawn's dress up. It was like Marilyn Monroe as a walrus. Can I sue the wind for emotional trauma?
Will climbed the rock wall. He claimed he almost rang the bell. Maybe the dinner bell. He made it maybe half way up and then he gave out. Kinda strange how we never saw how close he got to bell. Wonder why? Will was very sore afterwards for a guy who claims to go to the gym. Maybe that's where Will lost the two pounds he claims he lost stuffing his face on the cruise. Such an amazing diet. Will, sign people up for your diet plan. You'll be able to afford a studio with gold-plated tit on the shelves.
Once again, Will and Dawn slept and ate. They even said waddling to a restaurant to look for a plastic duck was pretty far to walk. They ate ice cream and got up late. They never got a spot by the pool. You need to be out by 10am to get those. They like cruising so they can eat, don't have to cook and someone cleans up after them. Makes sense. Their condo looked like a tornado hit it. Based on their studio, their house probably looks like Hurricane Katrina sublets it.
After the cruise, Will and Dawn needed to relax. Because if there's one thing cruises are known for its being strenuous. Phew! They spent four luxurious days in one of the finest timeshares $125 can rent (not buy - it's a timeshare).
Dawn said she did six loads of laundry. How is that possible? They had two rollaboards for five days. We saw Will's four shirts hanging in on the dining table. They wore the same things twice. What is this? A washer for ants?!?
After three whole times in the Orlando area, Will and Dawn have traditions dontcha know. Traditions like going to Disney Springs. The other tradition is not spending any money. Amazing isn't? How Will and Dawn's "traditions" are always free or cheap and bleeping repetitive. How many times do we have to see this tit? Whenever you are reading this, Disney is being vlogged. Nonstop. But surely we need to know what two ignorant hillbillies think. Why do they go to Disney Springs? They don't watch the movies. They don't know the characters. They can't name the parks and there are only four of them! They do it because everyone else does. Mickey see, moron do.
One of the things they didn't do is see Adam the Woo. Sadly, the sexual fantasy of Will and Dawn was too busy with his new house. Amazing, since he has been vlogging with Jacob the Carpetbagger, Tim Tracker, World of Micah and a bunch of other hipsters who all look the same to me. I think it's funny that Adam uses the same busy excuse on Will that Will uses on subscribers who want to meet YITS. "I LEARNED IT FROM YOU! I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU, OKAY?!?" Such a vicious and tragic cycle.
By popular demand (by Will), it's The Showcase of Citrus! What kind of name is that? Sounds like oranges in a Las Vegas revue. At the 10pm show they expose their navels. Hey yo! Thank you. You're a beautiful audience. This citrus farm is in a different location but the exact same thing they did before right down to the Cuban sandwiches. Only last time Will and Dawn said the sandwich truck was authentic because the people spoke Cuban. That is a thing that really happened. No, really. Go back and see for yourself. I'll wait.
Will and Dawn love to travel and get away from The Smokies. What better way to do that than to do the exact same things that they can do in The Smokies. No, Dawn, you can't go to Disney. We have to spend money on a giant wheel and an aquarium, just like the ones in The Smokies. After that it was a meal at Julio's or as Will pronounces it "jew-lee-oh's". People have to correct him, right? He's gotta be trolling. Someone has to have told him. Anyway, no better place than a Mexican restaurant to have a chef salad and some kind of bowl, a known Mexican delight. So you did activities you can do anywhere and ate food at a Mexican restaurant you can get anywhere. Why are you going to these places?
It doesn't stop there. After days of stupid tit and laundry, it's time for stupid tit with no laundry! Treasure Island, it's like Dirty Myrtle's slightly less slutty sister and place we've been before. There's the cinder block motel, giant chicken wing, gaudy souvenirs and not eating seafood at a seafood restaurant! Dawn ordered chicken. Why are you there? The wind blew Dawn's blouse up to reveal a stomach that was bulbous, a little veiny and pale. Kind of like a bratwurst. If the bratwurst lied about losing 43lbs.
But wait! There's more. They drove to The Sunken Garden. Will says it's a sinkhole. It's not. It a pond the original owner drained and planted trees and flowers around. It's the world's prettiest hole. (No. We're not making any jokes there. No! Stop it! Behave.) It's just a garden. At the end you stand like 16 feet underground. While she was down there, do you think Dawn got any decorating ideas? "Oh, THIS is what I should have done to my well! Flowers would have given it a homey touch!" She probably had flashbacks. Save me, Spritz the goat! Save me!
While Will and Dawn were working their fingers to the bone, The Smokies were getting washed away. It was fairly severe for awhile. Of course Will minimizes the severity, saying it floods in The Smokies a couple times a year. The Smoky Mountain Family got over a million views on a flooding video. Doesn't seem to mild to me. He went even further to say you are guaranteed a viral video if you post flooding in The Smokies. Hey, Will. The Gatlinburg fires say hi. What an asshole.
Will has to belittle other YouTubers for making easy content like filming the floods. Will then interrupts his exciting vacation series to show us how it's barely snowing in The Smokies. Once again: Uploading flooding is bad. Uploading snow is totally different and much more difficult. Got it?
In two weeks Will and Dawn went to Tijuana Flats. It must be named after the tortillas, which according to Dawn, taste flat. Ooookay.
While driving around on a livestream, Will and Dawn got hungry. Have you been to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg? It's not that big. Will and Dawn could have driven home to eat. I mean except for the fact that there's no food there. There are probably things growing in the studio shelves but I doubt you can eat it. Even though there are restaurants a plenty in The Smokies, Will and Dawn decided they wanted Casey's Pizza. Yes, Casey's Pizza. If you're at a gas station, it's gotta be Casey's. They wolfed down the pizza with grease dripping down their arms. What am I saying? Will and Dawn don't eat pizza. Will says they don't even like pizza. They don't even get it very often. Except for on board the cruise ship. Oh, and twice that we know of at the gas station. But who's counting? Not Will. Mainly because he can't count. That and he lies.
Speaking of lying. Guard your cars. Lock up your windshields. Thieves aren't after catalytic converters. They've switched to wiper blades. Will and Dawn say the reason their windshield wipers squeak is not because they are old and need to be replaced. No. It's because someone stole one of their wiper blades and replaced it with an old one. What? So you watched someone approach your vehicle, detatch one wiper blade, replace it with an old one and you just watched and didn't say a thing? What happened to your gatt? Your chainsaw? You didn't even yell? And on top of that they only touched one wiper and then replaced it? You know, I'm pretty sure that story was originally about the Jeep. They were driving The 300. Either way, it's not an excuse. You can still go buy new windshield wipers. Which Will hasn't done. He's probably still traumatized. I think we need to call Fred, Daphne, Shaggy and Scooby to see if they can solve the mystery of The Wiper Swiper.
Now it's time to pause the comedy portion of the show (as if it ever started). I'm a little worried because Will has best friends and relatives who are attorneys. He talked to them and they said that Yankee Mouth is guilty of slander. The videos they recently posted were pretty tame in my opinion. The earlier ones were much more critical of YITS and Denise. First of all, the videos are parody and YITS are public figures. Sorry it gets under your layer of fat, but YouTube isn't all SuperChats and gas station pizza. You're going to get criticism. Instead of taking it in stride, Will was obviously riled up and coached by Watching From the Sidelines, the person who brought it to his attention and is totally not his mother. Will was using big words like "slander". Those attorneys he knows must not be very good if they don't know something basic like the difference between libel and slander. He went off on how a mom and dad making silly little videos with their daughter was child abuse because they were teaching her to hate. Now had he stopped there, it would have just been Will throwing a stupid tantrum. What happened next crossed a line in a big way. He wondered what else they did to the girl and that they should be reported to CPS. Wow. He went there. That's the big insult these days: unsubstantiated claims and accusations of pedophilia. People who do that don't care about kids. They just want to silence people. It's disgusting. Very often the claims are actually a confession. I'm not saying it's the case here. Mainly because I'm not a scumbag who will go to the lowest levels to silence someone.
He claimed to have their real names and location. He implied it was so he could confront them. Really? What exactly do you plan on doing? You're afraid of the wiper swiper. You're not going to get into a fight even with the little girl. All the little girl would have to do to get away from Will is walk fast. She'd lose him after half a block. Dawn might walk fast but what is she going to do? Flail the girl to death with her arms? Take a seat, tough guy. Oh, you're already sitting down eating gas station pizza? That's what I thought.
It was real insight into the real Will and Dawn. We all know they lie. That's a big reason why we're all here. But I thought it was harmless. Will and Dawn are low level carnies who lie to their viewers to get views, gifts and SuperChats. But he's willing to stoop to those levels. He could have just said they were dumb and not funny. He could have said anything. Of all the things to say he went to the lowest of the low. That doesn't reflect at all on Yankee Mouth. That's an indictment on them and their lack of character.
Here we are. Ryan AIOT has over 80,000 subscribers and constantly growing. Meanwhile, YITS are hovering under 95,000 and have been for awhile. Will was supposed to have his big 93,000 sus-cribers contest like two months. I think it was before December. Will has kept pushing back because he's bleeping and he has no clue what to do next. Whatever it is I'm sure it will be cheap, easy and stupid. Looking forward to 94,000 giveaway in March. He'll get his plaque, but give up his Smoky Mountain leadership to Ryan AIOT. Maybe one day YITS will get to Roma Table.
Looking to the future of Yankee in the South, Will has big plans. They're going international, and back to Florida soon, and on another cruise and...huh... what's that? Plans have changed? What do you mean Will and Dawn are going to be home in The Smokies this summer?!? Things are too expensive? How? When? It didn't happen overnight. Things have been expensive for awhile. Will says they're dreamers. I say they make tit up. It's not dreaming when you say your wipers were stolen. It's not dreaming when you make horrible accusations you know are false. It's not dreaming when you lead old people on who think you're friends. Nothing Will and Dawn say ever quite lines up. They've got an excuse or a story for ever
ything. Nobody calls that 'pathological dreaming'. No. It's all lies.
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