Did you hear about the fight down at the fish and chip shop?
The fish got battered and the chips were assaulted.
The fish got battered and the chips were assaulted.
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Jokes about sugar are rare.
Jokes about brown sugar?
Demerara
Jokes about brown sugar?
Demerara
A man was in town and suddenly decided he fancied something to eat. He walked into the bakers and asked for a bum. The baker replied “do you mean a bun?” The man said yes and purchased the bun.
The man then went to the hardware store and asked the shop assistant for a “duck it”. The assistant said “do you mean a bucket?” the man said yes and purchased the bucket.
Finally the man popped into a homeware shop and asked the shop assistant there if they sell roosters. “Do you mean clocks?” the assistant replied. The man said yes and purchased a clock.
On his way home a stranger stopped him in the street and asked him if he knew the time. “Yes” the man replied “hold my bum and duck it and I’ll get my rooster out.”
The man then went to the hardware store and asked the shop assistant for a “duck it”. The assistant said “do you mean a bucket?” the man said yes and purchased the bucket.
Finally the man popped into a homeware shop and asked the shop assistant there if they sell roosters. “Do you mean clocks?” the assistant replied. The man said yes and purchased a clock.
On his way home a stranger stopped him in the street and asked him if he knew the time. “Yes” the man replied “hold my bum and duck it and I’ll get my rooster out.”
My favourite joke. I even laugh when I think about it!
What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
Doug.
What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
Doug.
What do you call a man without a spade in his head?
Douglas
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head - Cliff
What did the sanitary towel say to the fart?
You are the wind beneath my wings.
You are the wind beneath my wings.
Did you hear about the Italian chef? He pasta way!
He'll be a pizza history forever!
He'll be a pizza history forever!
What do you call a midget who's escaped from Prison?
A small medium at large
A small medium at large
A man walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre.
"Certainly" says the barman,
"Would you like a large one?"
"Certainly" says the barman,
"Would you like a large one?"
A reception class teacher asks the kids what they did at the weekend. One child says "I went on a choo-choo."
"No, you went on a train," says the teacher. "We use grown-up words in this class."
Another child says "I went to see my Grandpa"
The teacher says "No, you went to see your grandfather. Use the grown-up word."
"I read a book," says another child.
"That's lovely. What was it called?" says the teacher.
The child thinks and then answers "Winnie the tit"
"No, you went on a train," says the teacher. "We use grown-up words in this class."
Another child says "I went to see my Grandpa"
The teacher says "No, you went to see your grandfather. Use the grown-up word."
"I read a book," says another child.
"That's lovely. What was it called?" says the teacher.
The child thinks and then answers "Winnie the tit"
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
A gummy bear.
What did the cop say to his belly button?
You’re under a vest!
Why did the barber win the marathon?
Because he took a short cut.
What do you call a fish without an eye?
Fsh.
I'll get my coat
You’re under a vest!
Why did the barber win the marathon?
Because he took a short cut.
What do you call a fish without an eye?
Fsh.
I'll get my coat
The inventor of velcro has died.
RIP.
RIP.
What did the cop say to his belly button?
You’re under a vest!
Why did the barber win the marathon?
Because he took a short cut.
What do you call a fish without an eye?
Fsh.
I'll get my coat
. Brilliant 
My favourite bad joke has always been:
A man visits his GP
"What can I help you with?"
"Doctor, I just can't stop singing What's New Pussycat."
"Oh, yes. That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is that common?"
"Well, It's not unusual."
It's tit, but it always makes me chuckle.
A man visits his GP
"What can I help you with?"
"Doctor, I just can't stop singing What's New Pussycat."
"Oh, yes. That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is that common?"
"Well, It's not unusual."
It's tit, but it always makes me chuckle.
What do you get if you drop a jar of salad dressing into Mexican quicksand ?
Sinko de Mayo !
Sinko de Mayo !
My wife told me to stop singing "I'm a believer" or she'd kill me. I thought she was kidding...
Then I saw her face
Then I saw her face
My wife left me due to her obsession with horoscopes
It Taurus apart!
It Taurus apart!