DCICassieStuart
VIP Member
What the most common type of owl in the British Isles?
A teat
Think about it .....
A teat
Think about it .....
- Notice
bolimepipi
VIP Member
i guess that's why it's so bad
Ceelea
Chatty Member
A magician was working on a cruise ship with his trained parrot with what was a half magic, half comedy act.
He would perform an illusion and the parrot would immediately squawk to the audience things like, " It was up his sleeve ! It was up his sleeve ! " and reveal secret compartments in a trick cabinet for laughs.
They were about halfway through the act when the ships boiler suddenly exploded, destroying the ship completely. As luck would have it they were both thrown clear, dazed, but relatively unharmed. They then managed to make their way onto a floating piece of debris.
After a while the parrot turned and squawked, " OK, I give up... What did you do with the fucking ship !? "
He would perform an illusion and the parrot would immediately squawk to the audience things like, " It was up his sleeve ! It was up his sleeve ! " and reveal secret compartments in a trick cabinet for laughs.
They were about halfway through the act when the ships boiler suddenly exploded, destroying the ship completely. As luck would have it they were both thrown clear, dazed, but relatively unharmed. They then managed to make their way onto a floating piece of debris.
After a while the parrot turned and squawked, " OK, I give up... What did you do with the fucking ship !? "
Definitelyme
VIP Member
These both need said out loud. They make our kids howl every time 
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Europe
Europe who?
NO YOU ARE!
And the equally intellectual:
Knock knock
Who’s there?
iMap
iMap who?
I KNOW YOU ARE!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Europe
Europe who?
NO YOU ARE!
And the equally intellectual:
Knock knock
Who’s there?
iMap
iMap who?
I KNOW YOU ARE!
Mulholland Drive
VIP Member
Why do crabs not give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
Because they’re shellfish.
User name taken
VIP Member
What do you get if you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
A pat on the head.
Ginger drink
Chatty Member
Ceelea
Chatty Member
A lady visited her doctor and complained her husband had lost all interest in sex ever since he'd turned seventy and she missed their intimate times together.
He gave it some thought and wrote a prescription. " I must warn you it's an experimental drug that is supposed to be ten times more effective than Viagra. "
" Oh, he may be too embarrassed by that ! ", she said.
" Tell you what... It can be taken in powder form. Just crush it and mix it into his mashed potatoes. "
She agrees, thanks the doctor and leaves.
One week later she returns with a spring in her step. " Doctor ! I can't thank you enough ! I did what you suggested and less than a minute into the meal my husband leapt to his feet, beat his chest and roared like Tarzan before clearing the table and made wild, unbridled love to me right there and then for TEN MINUTES and only stopped when the table collapsed from the strain !! "
The doctor smiled before saying, " Well, as it was an experimental drug the Medical Foundation will be happy to compensate you for any damages. "
" Oh, that's alright, dear ", she replied. " We weren't planning on going back to that restaurant anyway ! "
He gave it some thought and wrote a prescription. " I must warn you it's an experimental drug that is supposed to be ten times more effective than Viagra. "
" Oh, he may be too embarrassed by that ! ", she said.
" Tell you what... It can be taken in powder form. Just crush it and mix it into his mashed potatoes. "
She agrees, thanks the doctor and leaves.
One week later she returns with a spring in her step. " Doctor ! I can't thank you enough ! I did what you suggested and less than a minute into the meal my husband leapt to his feet, beat his chest and roared like Tarzan before clearing the table and made wild, unbridled love to me right there and then for TEN MINUTES and only stopped when the table collapsed from the strain !! "
The doctor smiled before saying, " Well, as it was an experimental drug the Medical Foundation will be happy to compensate you for any damages. "
" Oh, that's alright, dear ", she replied. " We weren't planning on going back to that restaurant anyway ! "
watermelon sugar
VIP Member
What's blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint
Blue paint
Gilmoregirl18
Chatty Member
What flavour crisps are a pilot's favourite?
Plain.
Plain.
Cáca_Milis
VIP Member
What do ya call a donkey with 3 legs?
A wonky donkey.
What do ye call a 3 legged donkey with one eye?
A winky winky donkey.
What do ye call a one-eyed,3 legged donkey who loves country and western music?
A honky tonky winky wonky donkey
A wonky donkey.
What do ye call a 3 legged donkey with one eye?
A winky winky donkey.
What do ye call a one-eyed,3 legged donkey who loves country and western music?
A honky tonky winky wonky donkey