Worst Jokes Ever....

[ProphecyGirl]

What do you call a midget who's escaped from Prison?

A small medium at large

 

[Ceelea]

An inflatable boy attended an inflatable school that had inflatable students, inflatable teachers and inflatable furniture.

One day he brought a pin and after ten minutes he was in deep trouble. The principal looked at him sternly and said, " You've let your teachers down, your fellow students down, yourself down and the whole school down... "

 

[bolimepipi]

how many penguins fit into a phone booth?


two

 

[mcfeez]

I fucking love this one and say it to all who'll listen every Paddy's Day!

I know, I actually love it too haha.

 

[LM1]

Would you rather eat a lamb or a mattababy?
What's a mattababy?
Nothing, whats the matter with you?


Very frustrating when people just say a lamb, or what's that

 

[Mulholland Drive]

Why was the young strawberry crying?

His mother was in a jam.

 

[Pinkblush]

What do your call a bear with no ears?

B

 

[Ceelea]

What was the snowman doing looking at carrots ?

Picking his nose !

 

[GlitteryKitten]

Did you hear about the Italian chef? He pasta way!
He'll be a pizza history forever!

 

[ClockworkDolly]

A wealthy man met a beautiful woman and knew straight away that he wanted to marry her. He proposed on their second date.

”But we don’t know anything about each other.” she said.

”No matter, we will learn about each other as we go along. That’ll be part of the fun.”

So she agreed and they got married. After the ceremony, they went on an expensive honeymoon to the finest hotel in Mauritius. On their first morning they went to the hotel pool. He climbed to the top of the diving board and with an elaborate double somersault, plunged into the water. As he surfaced, he said to his new bride: “Impressive huh? You see I used to be an Olympic diving champion. I told you we would learn things about each other as we went along.”

Then she jumped into the water and proceeded to complete 25 lengths of the pool without breaking sweat. As she climbed out, he said: “Wow! That was fantastic. We’re you an Olympic endurance swimmer?”

”No” she said, “I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal.”

 

[Matricks]

Former pop star Elvis Costello is now working in quality control for Mcvities biscuits.

Apparently he is watching the digestives!

 

[Mulholland Drive]

Apparently Arsenal football club have signed Father Christmas on a free transfer

His best position is Santa forward

 

[watermelon sugar]

What do you call a horny square?
An erectangle!

 

[Mulholland Drive]

Why are lesbians bad at home cooking?


Because they love to eat out!

 

[DCICassieStuart]

My favourite joke. I even laugh when I think about it!

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
Doug.

What do you call a man without a spade in his head?
Douglas

 

[Ceelea]

A boy came home from school when his father noticed he looked a bit upset.

" What's the matter, son ? ", he asked.

" Oh, some guy in my class said I was gay ", he replied.

The father was livid. He got up out of his chair with his fists clenched and said with a growl, " Right, son... Tomorrow you march straight up to that shit and give him a belt in the jaw ! "

" But, Daddy... He's really CUUUUUTE ! "

 

[Pinkblush]

What's the most common time people book dentist appointments?

Tooth hurtie

 

[Ceelea]

What is " Shish, boom, baa ? "

The sound an exploding sheep makes.

 

[Kim Mild]

Why was the ship called 3.14?

Because it was a pi -rate ship.

 

[ClockworkDolly]

This thread should come with a trigger warning! I choked on my tea when reading your post

Glad it made you laugh. Hope you’ve stopped coughing and spluttering now.