Why are there so many single parents?

[Ellsbells123]

I was a single parent, we split when our daughter was 2.5yrs. He was self employed, spent all his money on him and when he didn’t get work, used my wage to go to the pub. He usually finished work at 2pm, me at 5pm. Our daughter was in nursery or with my parents. I would have to collect her on my way home. She woke 3/4 times every night until she was 4 years old, he never once got up to her! I could go on, but this is the reason I ended our relationship, I couldn’t hack his selfishness. She turns 13 next week and hasn’t seen him since she was 4 (his choice). I think that says it all. I would have liked it to be different, I am now with somebody else and we are all happy.

 

[Chocolate Caramel Brownie]

I’m a single mum of a newborn, wasn’t planned this way...I’m currently adjusting and back at my parents with a newborn baby. He couldn’t handle our newborn daughter so I left a few days after I came home from hospital. I’m absolutely devastated but I had to leave for my own mental state as he wouldn’t speak or be in the same room as me. I don’t have any answers and so far he’s never asked for me back. I wouldn’t have had a baby if this was the situation I could see myself in. Sometimes situations are out of our hands and we have to act on the cards we have been dealt.

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

It’s more socially acceptable now to leave a relationship that isn’t working. It would not have been the norm 30-40 years ago.

Typically both parents will be working now, compared to days gone by when only one parent would be making it difficult to survive financially. Also more government help now too.

 

[Casperron]

I’m a single mum, left due to domestic violence. I know of at least 5 other mums who have too

 

[Tiredbones]

I think women, including myself, are no longer willing to settle for an arsehole rather than go it alone. Nobody can predict how parenthood changes you both, in my case it didn't change my ex's behaviour in that he still prioritised his own interests over those of me and my child.
I changed in that my child came first in every thought I had and I was unwilling to compromise on this so I knew there was no point in staying with him as it was making everyone unhappy. I knew it would be hard to go it alone but at least my child would always be the priority rather than an afterthought
My child has 100% had a better life than if I had stayed with my ex, even though we've had challenges to face being a one parent family so I have never once regretted my decision to leave.
I don't think many people become pregnant and hope they'll end up a single parent but at least the stigma is no longer there so we have the ability to make a choice for our children's best interests whichever way that may be

 

[eyeballs]

My ex husband was having an affair and he left. I would not have had children if I’d known this would happen. I love them lots obviously but they don’t deserve this.

 

[Princesspinky]

I was married 11 years , 5 before we had our son and 6 years after.... Those 6 years were the best because of my son , and worst because I tried my best to carry on with a man I knew I didn't love nor respect anymore. My ex was a prize twat in too many ways to go into . When we had our son , I think the new sense of responsibility I had made me see him in a new light , I couldn't let his irresponsibilities go anymore , I was the responsible one and the pressure having all that made me resent him , how he didn't have a care in the world it was all on me. I felt like I had to just get on with it for my son's sake , and I did for 5/6 years , untill one day I realised , truley realised that at 33 I was so deeply unhappy and unfulfilled in my life that it was affecting my son , and would have some kind of impact upon him as he grew and how he thought life should be.
Not looked back since , officially divorced as of 2nd Jan after 12 years , I'm not popping the champagne I feel sad that it didn't work but I'm so much more myself and more importantly I'm living again.
I struggle with all kinds of things , but this last 18 months he's been gone , I'm free , I'm happy , me and my son enjoy our home together , there's no atmosphere.
It is 100% right that people don't stay together if they're truly unhappy , weather it's been 2 years or 20 .

 

[Casperron]

Nah not someone specifically, but myself and a few friends have been in that position.
Using an example of cheating kinda ties in to what I said previously too...it’s also easier to cheat these days in comparison to 20 years ago.
We now have social media, dating apps, mobile phones...that was never an issue before.
Now it’s a HUGE issue in relationships and makes it so much easier for someone to do the dirty.
I think it all ties in together tbh.

People that want to cheat, would cheat regardless of socisk media dating apps etc.

 

[Orange Creme]

I think years ago there were probably more unhappy marriages. It was also harder for a woman to leave. If I wanted to leave my husband it wouldn't be easy but it would be a choice I could make, unlike back in the 50s where I'd risk losing my children and being homeless or even ending up in a workhouse which was probably worse than the streets.

 

[katbarham85]

Me and my partner have nearly split on a few occasions since having our much loved / wanted daughter. It puts a strain on the relationship. I went through rage after having her and always aimed at him. He took the brunt. We manage to make it work. It's not the same. I would walk away if it interfered and upset our daughter because I promise you it's better to have 2 separate parents than together unhappy. It is sad though.

 

[KateESJ]

My ex husband was having an affair and he left. I would not have had children if I’d known this would happen. I love them lots obviously but they don’t deserve this.

Could’ve written this myself ^

still figuring out this single Mum thing and it’s hard.

 

[chocolate choux]

I think it’s really easy to draw inaccurate conclusions about people’s relationships. Someone else mentioned that people usually only show the good stuff on social media, which is true. Even if you know someone personally, they can hide the bad stuff out of shame.

I get judged a lot when I say I left my child’s father due to emotional abuse. Many people have little sympathy for women who are beaten close to death (or worse), so why would they have empathy for me? I hid the abuse from almost everyone because I was ashamed. Growing up being subject to and witnessing abuse, I half felt this treatment was normal, and half was embarrassed for making the same mistakes. I was having mental breakdowns over the stupidest things on an almost daily basis because I had been mentally destroyed. That’s what being repeatedly screamed at and called a c*nt for 8 hours straight for saying “okay” does to you.

I did try to fix it both before and after having the baby (unplanned). I tried everything, from changing myself, to giving him a free pass to cheat, to telling him he didn’t have to financially or physically contribute to the baby at all and I’d work my minimum wage job and earn pennies after paying for childcare and then come home and look after the baby all evening while he messed about on his laptop. My birth was traumatic and hours later, while I was exhausted and recovering from surgery, he was already back to verbally abusing and gaslighting me

It took becoming a mother for me to value myself enough to leave. My daughter looked exactly like me as a newborn and the thought of this little baby growing up and being treated like that broke my heart. So I left

Only a couple of people know the whole story. My exes family think I just can’t be bothered to work on the relationship. I don’t want any more drama so I let them think that. People are so proud and private that you’ll rarely get 100% of the story of why they split

 

[carebear123]

I'm a single parent not out of choice if I could find my mr right I would but I just tend to meet arseholes.
my oldest childs dad I met really young I got pregnant at 16 thought he was the bees knees he was in his 20s basically he was cheating and got another women pregnant at the same time,I stayed with him whilst i was pregnant until i got to a few months near my due date and i made the decision to walk away as i was unhappy and didnt want my baby growing up in a family where the dad walked out when he wanted to go cheat (every few weeks he would disappear).I was sick of his lies hes still not changed 17 years on and God I've tried with this man over the years finally made the decision at Christmas I cant be friends with him.

My other childs dad was violent towards me, I stayed in this relationship hoping he would change for 6 years then one day as I was coming home with the kids,he decided to tell me he was leaving me for another women (looking back this was the best thing that could of happened). I was devastated even though he put me threw hell I tried so hard to keep my family together. lucky escape I had.

I've dated a few other men briefly but nothing serious as they all turned out they were arseholes.
I'm happy single and bringing my kids up less complications and I dont have to pick up after a man...if mr right came along and my kids liked him then that would be another story.

 

[Scvee13]

I think it's easier to catch a cheat these days. Phones, social media and email catch a lot of people out.

 

[mummy2under2]

Thank you so much for all your replies. Aside from the women who left due to violence or the threat of, the general consensus seems to be that it’s more then men who have fucked up and ruin the relationship or they just walk away from the relationship.

I guess my next question would be, why are there so many men who cheat/lie/give up caring? I know women can be just as despicable as men, but it seems that men deem it more acceptable to be the bad guy? Thoughts?

Women get more emotionally attached so dont tend to cheat as often as men. Women cheat with their hearts and men cheat with their dick.
I think a lot of people cheat to end their relationship tbh...I know a few people that have cheated in the hope their partner will find out and end the relationship. Cowardly but effective.

 

[tskiry56]

I ended up a single parent after finding the courage to leave my ex partner after 4 years of emotional and mental abuse, which resulted in very subtle physical abuse where I ended up blaming myself for his actions. He then ended up splitting my forehead open in front of our 3 year old child and it was that final act of violence which made me escape. I was always scared to be a single parent because he made me feel like I needed him and no one would love me.
Being a single parent was the best thing that happened to me as I became the mum I didnt have the confidence to be.
3 years later and my little boy is 6 and after a lot of counselling I'm happier than I ever thought I could be and I have a partner who didnt run a mile when I said I had a child he accepted that we come together.

 

[Dizzy]

It’s more socially acceptable now to leave a relationship that isn’t working. It would not have been the norm 30-40 years ago.

Typically both parents will be working now, compared to days gone by when only one parent would be making it difficult to survive financially. Also more government help now too.

This completely. There have always been unhappy relationships but people are much less prepared to put up with one these days as there are more options available to them as single parents. My parents are still married after nearly 60 years - if my mum had the choices I have there’s no way she would have remained married to my dad but she had neither the finances or support so she put up and shut up.

 

[Itsallaboutmememe]

The thing is even in this day and age there is a stigma about being a single parent
i have six and I’ve heard it all
dont you have a tv?yes two
where they planned?its nothing to do with you
you had them for benefits-yes because I didn’t work my arse off at all to provide for them (I do)
you’ll do owt for the extra money you get from tax credits-they don’t pay for everything-I work and them come home to start again-and that bit for free-I get no holiday/sick pay or time off 24/7
they are clean/well mannered/well fed/looked after-how do you do it?er no idea-you just do it and pray your doing it right
dont you feel bad they don’t have a dad?i tried love-he walked and doesn’t wanna know/pay

and if one more person looks at us like we are the freak show at the circus I will knock their heads off

i didn’t set off to be a single mum-it’s not like anyone wakes up and thinks it know what I’ll do for fun today-I’ll become a single parent’

fams come in all shapes and sizes-it’s fuck all to do with anyone else

 

[Itsallaboutmememe]

Dv
I couldn’t take anymore of the gaslighting beatings abuse so I walked away
hardest thing I ever did
and got judged for ‘making him do it’ and ‘should have tried harder’
nobody could have tried as hard as I did-he refused to change so I took the kids and ran

 

[Itsallaboutmememe]

My ex's parents did the same and made me think it was me with the problem and not him. They even told me to say I hit my head on the kitchen cupboard to cover up the fact he had head butted me with that much force he split my forehead open.
You did the right thing in the end and it must of took so much courage for you to do it. Its amazing how you take so much but then from somewhere you find the strength to leave. Well done you!!

My ex’s mother did the same
i was told I ‘drove him to it’
my own mother agreed
if anyone did the same to either of my daughters their heads would bounce-and same if anyone with my lads