Why are there so many single parents?

[Youngmum29]

Out the gate I just want to say that I’m curious, not judgmental about this subject.

I was thinking to my self about why these days (late 2000’s and beyond) there are so many failed (sorry, shit word but my mind’s drawn a blank) relationships with children at the heart of the matter?

I understand children can put a strain on a relationship, I’ve got 2 daughters myself and it’s tested my marriage on a fair few occasions, but so many people I know have children and split up..... I’m curious as to why. Any answers appreciated!

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

It’s more socially acceptable now to leave a relationship that isn’t working. It would not have been the norm 30-40 years ago.

Typically both parents will be working now, compared to days gone by when only one parent would be making it difficult to survive financially. Also more government help now too.

 

[Youngmum29]

It’s more socially acceptable now to leave a relationship that isn’t working. It would not have been the norm 30-40 years ago.

Typically both parents will be working now, compared to days gone by when only one parent would be making it difficult to survive financially. Also more government help now too.

I understand that, but I find it strange that people seem to rush into having a family and split so soon after. Having children changes a lot of things but I get the impression that some people (again no judgment, just opinion) seem to find it easier to walk away, then put in the effort to have a good relationship.

I also know that if you’re genuinely unhappy then nothing should keep you tied to another person, as long as you can both be a part of the child’s life in a positive way.

 

[mummy2under2]

I think a lot of it is how easy it is to find someone new.
30/40 years ago the only way you’d meet someone new is going out and actually meeting face to face on the rare occasion you would go out.
I think the concept of finding someone new was too difficult back then so people stayed together for the fear of being alone.
Nowadays you have every available source possible to find someone new, it’s not a scary concept anymore and it’s 2020...single parenthood is the norm, so it isn’t seen as a barrier. People aren’t as committed to working things out because it’s not as scary to move on if you’re unhappy.

 

[Ellsbells123]

I was a single parent, we split when our daughter was 2.5yrs. He was self employed, spent all his money on him and when he didn’t get work, used my wage to go to the pub. He usually finished work at 2pm, me at 5pm. Our daughter was in nursery or with my parents. I would have to collect her on my way home. She woke 3/4 times every night until she was 4 years old, he never once got up to her! I could go on, but this is the reason I ended our relationship, I couldn’t hack his selfishness. She turns 13 next week and hasn’t seen him since she was 4 (his choice). I think that says it all. I would have liked it to be different, I am now with somebody else and we are all happy.

 

[Scvee13]

Are you referring to someone when you say some people seem to find it easier to walk away than put effort in? Not everyone shares if they have relationship issues so people may have tried things and others wouldn't know. Speaking from personal experience I didn't find it easy to meet someone being a single parent but that doesn't mean I'd stay in an unhappy relationship. It would depend on what the issues are causing the relationship breakdown if you would want to save it.. Example cheating.

 

[Youngmum29]

Are you referring to someone when you say some people seem to find it easier to walk away than put effort in? Not everyone shares if they have relationship issues so people may have tried things and others wouldn't know. Speaking from personal experience I didn't find it easy to meet someone being a single parent but that doesn't mean I'd stay in an unhappy relationship. It would depend on what the issues are causing the relationship breakdown if you would want to save it.. Example cheating.

No, no one in particular, I just see it quite often on my social media, a lot of people my age (30) and younger, seem to have a “happy” relationship with the mother/father of their child(ren) and then it seems like 5 minutes have passed and they’ve split up. I know I can never really know what goes on behind closed doors, it just comes across like so many people aren’t really committed to their family.

 

[Casperron]

I’m a single mum, left due to domestic violence. I know of at least 5 other mums who have too

 

[eyeballs]

My ex husband was having an affair and he left. I would not have had children if I’d known this would happen. I love them lots obviously but they don’t deserve this.

 

[mummy2under2]

Are you referring to someone when you say some people seem to find it easier to walk away than put effort in? Not everyone shares if they have relationship issues so people may have tried things and others wouldn't know. Speaking from personal experience I didn't find it easy to meet someone being a single parent but that doesn't mean I'd stay in an unhappy relationship. It would depend on what the issues are causing the relationship breakdown if you would want to save it.. Example cheating.

Nah not someone specifically, but myself and a few friends have been in that position.
Using an example of cheating kinda ties in to what I said previously too...it’s also easier to cheat these days in comparison to 20 years ago.
We now have social media, dating apps, mobile phones...that was never an issue before.
Now it’s a HUGE issue in relationships and makes it so much easier for someone to do the dirty.
I think it all ties in together tbh.

 

[Casperron]

Nah not someone specifically, but myself and a few friends have been in that position.
Using an example of cheating kinda ties in to what I said previously too...it’s also easier to cheat these days in comparison to 20 years ago.
We now have social media, dating apps, mobile phones...that was never an issue before.
Now it’s a HUGE issue in relationships and makes it so much easier for someone to do the dirty.
I think it all ties in together tbh.

People that want to cheat, would cheat regardless of socisk media dating apps etc.

 

[Scvee13]

No, no one in particular, I just see it quite often on my social media, a lot of people my age (30) and younger, seem to have a “happy” relationship with the mother/father of their child(ren) and then it seems like 5 minutes have passed and they’ve split up. I know I can never really know what goes on behind closed doors, it just comes across like so many people aren’t really committed to their family.

I think the issue with social media is no one posts the bad stuff. I think to say people aren't committed to their family because they end their relationship is judgemental and it seems to be based on what you see on social media so how do you know they aren't committed? As long as the children are happy and well cared for that's all that matters to me. Have you saw children affected by their parents being in a relationship that isn't working but not walking away from each other because of their children? My cousin stayed with an abusive partner for the sake of her child for far too long and the damage it caused will take years to fix psychologically for her son and her.

 

[mummy2under2]

People that want to cheat, would cheat regardless of socisk media dating apps etc.

No I agree completely.
However it’s a thousand times easier for someone to cheat these days than it was 20/30 years ago.
No denying that!

 

[Scvee13]

I think it's easier to catch a cheat these days. Phones, social media and email catch a lot of people out.

 

[katbarham85]

Me and my partner have nearly split on a few occasions since having our much loved / wanted daughter. It puts a strain on the relationship. I went through rage after having her and always aimed at him. He took the brunt. We manage to make it work. It's not the same. I would walk away if it interfered and upset our daughter because I promise you it's better to have 2 separate parents than together unhappy. It is sad though.

 

[KateESJ]

My ex husband was having an affair and he left. I would not have had children if I’d known this would happen. I love them lots obviously but they don’t deserve this.

Could’ve written this myself ^

still figuring out this single Mum thing and it’s hard.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I think a lot of people are not willing to put in the hard work anymore. Obvs things like violence is never acceptable. But I do think people just give up, especially because it is now socially acceptable to be difforced.

We went throught a rough path about 7 years into the relationship and it was bad for at least a year but once that was out of the way our relationship only got stronger. Together 16 years now

 

[Princesspinky]

I was married 11 years , 5 before we had our son and 6 years after.... Those 6 years were the best because of my son , and worst because I tried my best to carry on with a man I knew I didn't love nor respect anymore. My ex was a prize twat in too many ways to go into . When we had our son , I think the new sense of responsibility I had made me see him in a new light , I couldn't let his irresponsibilities go anymore , I was the responsible one and the pressure having all that made me resent him , how he didn't have a care in the world it was all on me. I felt like I had to just get on with it for my son's sake , and I did for 5/6 years , untill one day I realised , truley realised that at 33 I was so deeply unhappy and unfulfilled in my life that it was affecting my son , and would have some kind of impact upon him as he grew and how he thought life should be.
Not looked back since , officially divorced as of 2nd Jan after 12 years , I'm not popping the champagne I feel sad that it didn't work but I'm so much more myself and more importantly I'm living again.
I struggle with all kinds of things , but this last 18 months he's been gone , I'm free , I'm happy , me and my son enjoy our home together , there's no atmosphere.
It is 100% right that people don't stay together if they're truly unhappy , weather it's been 2 years or 20 .

 

[bubbletea123]

My mum was a single parent 20 years ago. My dad was a piece of shit and walked out, never paying child support and threatened to harm us.

 

[Chocolate Caramel Brownie]

I’m a single mum of a newborn, wasn’t planned this way...I’m currently adjusting and back at my parents with a newborn baby. He couldn’t handle our newborn daughter so I left a few days after I came home from hospital. I’m absolutely devastated but I had to leave for my own mental state as he wouldn’t speak or be in the same room as me. I don’t have any answers and so far he’s never asked for me back. I wouldn’t have had a baby if this was the situation I could see myself in. Sometimes situations are out of our hands and we have to act on the cards we have been dealt.