Why are there so many single parents?

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I’m a single mum of a newborn, wasn’t planned this way...I’m currently adjusting and back at my parents with a newborn baby. He couldn’t handle our newborn daughter so I left a few days after I came home from hospital. I’m absolutely devastated but I had to leave for my own mental state as he wouldn’t speak or be in the same room as me. I don’t have any answers and so far he’s never asked for me back. I wouldn’t have had a baby if this was the situation I could see myself in. Sometimes situations are out of our hands and we have to act on the cards we have been dealt.

Agreed, my brother was married for 5 years and his wife pestered him to have a baby. But as soon as the baby was born she totally changed and left them.
It was very sad to begin with but at the end of the day my brother is super happy got married again last year

 

[Louisej3]

My mum has been single mum all mine and my siblings life 39,30,21,19.
21 and 19 yr old are adopted
39 and 30 are biological

 

[carebear123]

I'm a single parent not out of choice if I could find my mr right I would but I just tend to meet arseholes.
my oldest childs dad I met really young I got pregnant at 16 thought he was the bees knees he was in his 20s basically he was cheating and got another women pregnant at the same time,I stayed with him whilst i was pregnant until i got to a few months near my due date and i made the decision to walk away as i was unhappy and didnt want my baby growing up in a family where the dad walked out when he wanted to go cheat (every few weeks he would disappear).I was sick of his lies hes still not changed 17 years on and God I've tried with this man over the years finally made the decision at Christmas I cant be friends with him.

My other childs dad was violent towards me, I stayed in this relationship hoping he would change for 6 years then one day as I was coming home with the kids,he decided to tell me he was leaving me for another women (looking back this was the best thing that could of happened). I was devastated even though he put me threw hell I tried so hard to keep my family together. lucky escape I had.

I've dated a few other men briefly but nothing serious as they all turned out they were arseholes.
I'm happy single and bringing my kids up less complications and I dont have to pick up after a man...if mr right came along and my kids liked him then that would be another story.

 

[Youngmum29]

Thank you so much for all your replies. Aside from the women who left due to violence or the threat of, the general consensus seems to be that it’s more then men who have fucked up and ruin the relationship or they just walk away from the relationship.

I guess my next question would be, why are there so many men who cheat/lie/give up caring? I know women can be just as despicable as men, but it seems that men deem it more acceptable to be the bad guy? Thoughts?

 

[mummy2under2]

Thank you so much for all your replies. Aside from the women who left due to violence or the threat of, the general consensus seems to be that it’s more then men who have fucked up and ruin the relationship or they just walk away from the relationship.

I guess my next question would be, why are there so many men who cheat/lie/give up caring? I know women can be just as despicable as men, but it seems that men deem it more acceptable to be the bad guy? Thoughts?

Women get more emotionally attached so dont tend to cheat as often as men. Women cheat with their hearts and men cheat with their dick.
I think a lot of people cheat to end their relationship tbh...I know a few people that have cheated in the hope their partner will find out and end the relationship. Cowardly but effective.

 

[Ellsbells123]

I think it’s definitely emotional, both on the grounds (as above) that women are more likely to become attached, but also that when you fall pregnant you are instantly a mum! Your way of thinking and behaviour changes. My ex could never understand why I didn’t want to spend hours in the pub, watching him get slowly drunk . It just became no fun for me, so he eventually started to go alone, even after our daughter was born! I felt he never really wanted to “grow up” and deal with the responsibilities. It happens the other way around too, I know a woman that walked out on her children and never went back.

 

[Tiredbones]

I think women, including myself, are no longer willing to settle for an hole rather than go it alone. Nobody can predict how parenthood changes you both, in my case it didn't change my ex's behaviour in that he still prioritised his own interests over those of me and my child.
I changed in that my child came first in every thought I had and I was unwilling to compromise on this so I knew there was no point in staying with him as it was making everyone unhappy. I knew it would be hard to go it alone but at least my child would always be the priority rather than an afterthought
My child has 100% had a better life than if I had stayed with my ex, even though we've had challenges to face being a one parent family so I have never once regretted my decision to leave.
I don't think many people become pregnant and hope they'll end up a single parent but at least the stigma is no longer there so we have the ability to make a choice for our children's best interests whichever way that may be

 

[Dizzy]

It’s more socially acceptable now to leave a relationship that isn’t working. It would not have been the norm 30-40 years ago.

Typically both parents will be working now, compared to days gone by when only one parent would be making it difficult to survive financially. Also more government help now too.

This completely. There have always been unhappy relationships but people are much less prepared to put up with one these days as there are more options available to them as single parents. My parents are still married after nearly 60 years - if my mum had the choices I have there’s no way she would have remained married to my dad but she had neither the finances or support so she put up and shut up.

 

[Orange Creme]

I think years ago there were probably more unhappy marriages. It was also harder for a woman to leave. If I wanted to leave my husband it wouldn't be easy but it would be a choice I could make, unlike back in the 50s where I'd risk losing my children and being homeless or even ending up in a workhouse which was probably worse than the streets.

 

[Titntat]

I’m a single mum of a newborn, wasn’t planned this way...I’m currently adjusting and back at my parents with a newborn baby. He couldn’t handle our newborn daughter so I left a few days after I came home from hospital. I’m absolutely devastated but I had to leave for my own mental state as he wouldn’t speak or be in the same room as me. I don’t have any answers and so far he’s never asked for me back. I wouldn’t have had a baby if this was the situation I could see myself in. Sometimes situations are out of our hands and we have to act on the cards we have been dealt.

Bless you. Keep slaying it. It will get easier and better

 

[Itsallaboutmememe]

Dv
I couldn’t take anymore of the gaslighting beatings abuse so I walked away
hardest thing I ever did
and got judged for ‘making him do it’ and ‘should have tried harder’
nobody could have tried as hard as I did-he refused to change so I took the kids and ran

 

[petitspois]

plus men and women mix far, far more than they would have done in my grandparents era as women generally didn't go out to work. Affairs became more common. I also see people who have a baby as a sticking plaster sometimes on a poor relationship.
In my experience, the couples I mix with that have split, the man has had an affair (which happened to me).

 

[Lovelylavenderface]

Dv
I couldn’t take anymore of the gaslighting beatings abuse so I walked away
hardest thing I ever did
and got judged for ‘making him do it’ and ‘should have tried harder’
nobody could have tried as hard as I did-he refused to change so I took the kids and ran

It wasn’t your fault. Don’t ever think that! That’s what my dad was like!

 

[Chronically_knackered]

My ex husband had an affair and walked out, leaving me with 4 children to look after. I think people’s mindset has changed compared to how it was in the past. People see relationships as disposable and easy to move on from.

 

[chocolate choux]

I think it’s really easy to draw inaccurate conclusions about people’s relationships. Someone else mentioned that people usually only show the good stuff on social media, which is true. Even if you know someone personally, they can hide the bad stuff out of shame.

I get judged a lot when I say I left my child’s father due to emotional abuse. Many people have little sympathy for women who are beaten close to death (or worse), so why would they have empathy for me? I hid the abuse from almost everyone because I was ashamed. Growing up being subject to and witnessing abuse, I half felt this treatment was normal, and half was embarrassed for making the same mistakes. I was having mental breakdowns over the stupidest things on an almost daily basis because I had been mentally destroyed. That’s what being repeatedly screamed at and called a c*nt for 8 hours straight for saying “okay” does to you.

I did try to fix it both before and after having the baby (unplanned). I tried everything, from changing myself, to giving him a free pass to cheat, to telling him he didn’t have to financially or physically contribute to the baby at all and I’d work my minimum wage job and earn pennies after paying for childcare and then come home and look after the baby all evening while he messed about on his laptop. My birth was traumatic and hours later, while I was exhausted and recovering from surgery, he was already back to verbally abusing and gaslighting me

It took becoming a mother for me to value myself enough to leave. My daughter looked exactly like me as a newborn and the thought of this little baby growing up and being treated like that broke my heart. So I left

Only a couple of people know the whole story. My exes family think I just can’t be bothered to work on the relationship. I don’t want any more drama so I let them think that. People are so proud and private that you’ll rarely get 100% of the story of why they split

 

[Orange Creme]

I think it’s really easy to draw inaccurate conclusions about people’s relationships. Someone else mentioned that people usually only show the good stuff on social media, which is true. Even if you know someone personally, they can hide the bad stuff out of shame.

I get judged a lot when I say I left my child’s father due to emotional abuse. Many people have little sympathy for women who are beaten close to death (or worse), so why would they have empathy for me? I hid the abuse from almost everyone because I was ashamed. Growing up being subject to and witnessing abuse, I half felt this treatment was normal, and half was embarrassed for making the same mistakes. I was having mental breakdowns over the stupidest things on an almost daily basis because I had been mentally destroyed. That’s what being repeatedly screamed at and called a c*nt for 8 hours straight for saying “okay” does to you.

I did try to fix it both before and after having the baby (unplanned). I tried everything, from changing myself, to giving him a free pass to cheat, to telling him he didn’t have to financially or physically contribute to the baby at all and I’d work my minimum wage job and earn pennies after paying for childcare and then come home and look after the baby all evening while he messed about on his laptop. My birth was traumatic and hours later, while I was exhausted and recovering from surgery, he was already back to verbally abusing and gaslighting me

It took becoming a mother for me to value myself enough to leave. My daughter looked exactly like me as a newborn and the thought of this little baby growing up and being treated like that broke my heart. So I left

Only a couple of people know the whole story. My exes family think I just can’t be bothered to work on the relationship. I don’t want any more drama so I let them think that. People are so proud and private that you’ll rarely get 100% of the story of why they split

I'm sorry that you went through that , I can't imagine being yelled at for 8 hours straight

 

[Death2unicorns]

I think in many cases some people really rush in to having a baby with someone they haven’t been with for that long or getting pregnant even though the relationship is tit and there are clearly issues, of course it’s not likely to work out and they end up as single parents, I’m from a single parent family for the same reason - my mum got pregnant to some idiot after about 5 minutes of knowing him, he wasn’t around at all when I grew up and I always felt a bit embarrassed and inferior to my friends from two-parent families - not saying I should have felt like that btw, just saying that was the impact it had on me when I was young, impressionable, eager to fit in like all children etc, I know some people do genuinely get pregnant accidentally so the situation is just forced upon them btw, but a lot of the time it is women being careless with contraception even though they are in tit relationships

I think it’s really easy to draw inaccurate conclusions about people’s relationships. Someone else mentioned that people usually only show the good stuff on social media, which is true. Even if you know someone personally, they can hide the bad stuff out of shame.

I get judged a lot when I say I left my child’s father due to emotional abuse. Many people have little sympathy for women who are beaten close to death (or worse), so why would they have empathy for me? I hid the abuse from almost everyone because I was ashamed. Growing up being subject to and witnessing abuse, I half felt this treatment was normal, and half was embarrassed for making the same mistakes. I was having mental breakdowns over the stupidest things on an almost daily basis because I had been mentally destroyed. That’s what being repeatedly screamed at and called a c*nt for 8 hours straight for saying “okay” does to you.

I did try to fix it both before and after having the baby (unplanned). I tried everything, from changing myself, to giving him a free pass to cheat, to telling him he didn’t have to financially or physically contribute to the baby at all and I’d work my minimum wage job and earn pennies after paying for childcare and then come home and look after the baby all evening while he messed about on his laptop. My birth was traumatic and hours later, while I was exhausted and recovering from surgery, he was already back to verbally abusing and gaslighting me

It took becoming a mother for me to value myself enough to leave. My daughter looked exactly like me as a newborn and the thought of this little baby growing up and being treated like that broke my heart. So I left

Only a couple of people know the whole story. My exes family think I just can’t be bothered to work on the relationship. I don’t want any more drama so I let them think that. People are so proud and private that you’ll rarely get 100% of the story of why they split

gosh how awful for you, what a horrible experience, there is no way you could have exposed a child to that thank god you are out of it

 

[tskiry56]

I ended up a single parent after finding the courage to leave my ex partner after 4 years of emotional and mental abuse, which resulted in very subtle physical abuse where I ended up blaming myself for his actions. He then ended up splitting my forehead open in front of our 3 year old child and it was that final act of violence which made me escape. I was always scared to be a single parent because he made me feel like I needed him and no one would love me.
Being a single parent was the best thing that happened to me as I became the mum I didnt have the confidence to be.
3 years later and my little boy is 6 and after a lot of counselling I'm happier than I ever thought I could be and I have a partner who didnt run a mile when I said I had a child he accepted that we come together.

 

[Dizzy]

I ended up a single parent after finding the courage to leave my ex partner after 4 years of emotional and mental abuse, which resulted in very subtle physical abuse where I ended up blaming myself for his actions. He then ended up splitting my forehead open in front of our 3 year old child and it was that final act of violence which made me escape. I was always scared to be a single parent because he made me feel like I needed him and no one would love me.
Being a single parent was the best thing that happened to me as I became the mum I didnt have the confidence to be.
3 years later and my little boy is 6 and after a lot of counselling I'm happier than I ever thought I could be and I have a partner who didnt run a mile when I said I had a child he accepted that we come together.

Fabulous, well done you x

 

[Itsallaboutmememe]

The thing is even in this day and age there is a stigma about being a single parent
i have six and I’ve heard it all
dont you have a tv?yes two
where they planned?its nothing to do with you
you had them for benefits-yes because I didn’t work my arse off at all to provide for them (I do)
you’ll do owt for the extra money you get from tax credits-they don’t pay for everything-I work and them come home to start again-and that bit for free-I get no holiday/sick pay or time off 24/7
they are clean/well mannered/well fed/looked after-how do you do it?er no idea-you just do it and pray your doing it right
dont you feel bad they don’t have a dad?i tried love-he walked and doesn’t wanna know/pay

and if one more person looks at us like we are the freak show at the circus I will knock their heads off

i didn’t set off to be a single mum-it’s not like anyone wakes up and thinks it know what I’ll do for fun today-I’ll become a single parent’

fams come in all shapes and sizes-it’s duck all to do with anyone else