Today, twice.
This morning when I read this story about a little 11 year old who set up a small hut to sell potatoes and strawberries with his dad when he got robbed by an ADULT couple who distracted him to steal his €250 from his cash register/jar. I couldn't hold my tears. How on earth as a grown adult steal from a child who is trying to help his dad all whilst learning about how to handle money and business? You have to be a pretty low-level human being. I would have personally even given him a tip!
Then, on the bus, on my way to IKEA as the rain was pouring - perfect scene right there (thank god, no one was around)! I got a an audio text from a friend I had cut-off because she ignored me in public then suddenly decided to text me. She has less experience than I do with less prestigious credentials and is rather insecure (I know for fact because I used to work with her and she bombed an interview I gave her a reference for). Yet, she was approached for an AVP role. It seems literally every single one of my former colleagues has now made it to AVP or Manager for some even with less prestigious credentials/ years of experience and I'm still nowhere near AVP. Every single time I see or hear an update about a former peer, it's either Manager or AVP. I'm still an "analyst" after 7 years and it kills my soul because I got the awards in a previous company, have the Big4 name, I have the big banks names, have the law degrees in two legal systems including the local one, have the 4 languages. I ticked all the "well-rounded" boxes. What else does the market want from me at this point? Sell a kidney? Even when I get approached for roles, it's still for entry-level. I don't understand and I'm seriously starting to think there is some hidden racism somewhere.
I simply cannot comprehend anymore. I'm capable, smart, confident, educated and have a good CV, yet I'm still stuck at entry-level. What is the point of all this? I sacrificed my social life in college to focus on my degrees, I've sacrificed my personal life to climb a corporate ladder that doesn't want me to climb it. I sacrificed my mental and physical health for nothing. What exactly is the purpose of all this? Just go to work, be told I do a great job, get nowhere, then auto-pilot rinse and repeat all day every day, all year every year.
I couldn't even enjoy my IKEA trip because I kept thinking about this on repeat. I love Ireland and Dublin, but I'm seriously contemplating leaving the country because clearly I'm not operating at my full potential and employers aren't seeing the potential either. Or alternatively, switch industries but the way the country is headed, probably not. I don't know what to do with myself anymore
. I'm so confused.
I can only imagine my former manager / peers who disliked me in that company where I got awards, amazing feedbacks from higher managements & clients ... I can only imagine them laughing thinking "
she thought she was going to make it and she's nowhere. Everyone has already surpassed her. Clearly, she thought she was better than she actually is".