HowlingYears ago me and my hubby went out for a meal, as we were about to leave we both popped to the toilets. When I came out I see hubby at the cashpoint machine so I walked over to him, leaned on the cashpoint, staring at the screen I said “ so how much ya got in there then?”
When I looked up it wasn’t my fucking hubby looking back at me but some random bloke I mistook for himHubby was waiting at the door for me!
Please say he was fit at least??!!!I was on holiday with friends. One evening we arrived back to the hotel. We stepped out of the lift and walked straight into our room. The door was unlocked. A guy was standing there naked. I asked what are you doing in our room? He said he was in his room. Then one of my friends said we are on the wrong floor. She had gone outside to check. We were in his room. It was so embarrassing. We spent the rest of the holiday avoiding him
Also on a night out with friends I stepped on the table to get to the other side. The table collapsed because I had stepped on the part that was not joined together. I thought it was a solid table. I landed on my face.
YOU ARE A HERO!Went out with some other Mums- first time drinking after having my son so hadn't drunk in forever. Got steaming but managed the 1000 yrd walk home from the local pub just fine and staggered into bed. All fine eh?! Nope.
I'd inadvertently pressed the power button on my mobile 3 times in quick succession when I was trying to turn my phone off when I got into bed (I never even knew that was a thing...I was just stabbing drunkenly at the button to make it turn off!) and it activated the SOS protocol on my phone. It then sent SOS messages to the emergency contacts in my phone (older step-kids,parents,husband).
My parents had their phones turned off, my step-kids thought I was joking so ignored it, and hubby had his phone on silent. (note to self- must find more reliable emergency contacts)
First we knew was when the local police turned up on our doorstep the next morning to make a welfare check. I shit you not. I was SO hungover and then I had the shame of my husband answering the doorbell and inviting me downstairs to confirm to the police that I was indeed alive and well.
Neighbours were all curtain twitching (cul-de-sac)and my young kids rubbed it in by asking a million questions -" Why were the police here Mummy?" "Are they looking for criminals?"Did you do something naughty Mummy?" (**Mummy can barely stand up straight cherub, and she urgently needs some Lucozade and a KFC so kindly give it a FUCKIN REST with the inquisitive questions eh?**)
I did manage a joke with them that if I'd been in genuine trouble they were about 10 hours too fucking late. Their deadpan faces told me that I may still be drunk, and my ungratefullness was wholly inappropriate.
I was 38 years old and a mother of 3 at the time.
I have attached a screenshot of the button on your phone settings to turn off if you wish to avoid my situation. Honestly, I am happy to run the risk of dying alone without the aid of a final SOS rather than that happening again.
I’ve def done similar to all of what you described aboveWay to many tbh, i used to be terrible for kissing randoms when drunk then dissapering after id had a drink out of them
Main one that jumps out was throwing up in my friends sink then walking home at 5am after a party, took me over 2 hours to get home and had work that day. How anyone didnt realise i was drunk at work ill never know. When she brought the party up i just pretended i had been picked up after everyone had gone to sleep as i didnt want to her to know it was me that had been sick in her house
I miss those days!!!They were probs applauding you because they were terrified of youThis thread is gold
I got drunk at a bar in England, grabbed the karaoke mic from someone and screamed my way through the fields of athenry without the screen with the words on it
In fairness I got a great round of applause
Ed Miliband...Dominic Raab....I am sensing some kind of pattern here....Where do I start...me and my gay best mate went on a last minute night out, I had a fair few vodkas at home before I left for the club and by the time I got there, I was already smashed and it wasn't even midnight. It was only a small club and it wasn't very busy at the time. I noticed a guy standing on his own and convinced myself he looked just like Ed Miliband. I went around telling strangers in the club that Ed Miliband was here and then I went upto the lookalike, told him who he looked like and asked him to come back to mine
Another night I got so drunk with my mate, that we got a taxi back to these guys house which was half an hour away. The embarrassing moment happened when I was very much hungover - I woke up about 8am next to this guy on the floor and was horrified. I didn't wanna wake my mate up but I had work in a few hours. I had no idea where I was so I grabbed my bag and crept out the house and just started walking until I found a main road and a shop. I found a cash point in the shop and got £50 out for a taxi, found a taxi company on google and ordered one. 10 minutes later I saw a silver car pull up outside the shop so I walked over, opened the back door and started getting into the car until the driver turned around all confused and said "oh sorry love I'm not a taxi" - I'd got into some random blokes car and I was absolutely mortified! I went and hid behind the postbox for a good 5 minutes
The last story is fucking hilarious I laughed out loud lol !! How was your fruit?Omg this thread gave me the laugh I needed today!
ok, my go.
so many, many moons ago I went to my first office Christmas party. I drank my weight in spirits and proceeded to confess to EVERYONE, including my senior management and directors, my undying love for the oddball, creepy guy working in another department. you know the one that makes chest contact rather than eye contact
I also went to a concert in a city a few miles away, we ended up grabbing food on the way home but had no cutlery so walked to the nearest building we could find looking for some . Turns out it was the local hospital, they gave us plastic forks, we took selfies with the staff and then they sent us away with a bag full of fruit saying it was much healthier to eat than our kebabs
I’ve got worse as I got olderHaha!! Bet your liver wouldn’t thank you
God I’ve been a dick at times whilst pissedI’ve calmed down (a bit) in my old age fortunately!
He was fit.. He did think we was a bunch of nutters
Farting completelybnakrd after the first performanceMy friend also shit herself on a girls trip away as well in our room. And when I say shit, it was a violent vindaloo poo somehow induced by copious amounts of wine. And when I say shit herself I mean she shat herself including pants and leggings but also a lot mysteriously got onto the carpet and then she got it ALL over the bathroom including the walls, tiles, towels. She was sick as well at the same time but that part pales into insignificance. We all woke really early because the commotion got us up too and my friend was just farting completely naked having thrown all her clothes in the bathroom bin and not bothered to wear a towel or more clothes.
this is also filed under the worst things I’ve ever seen experience. She actually took it like a champ the next day, mostly because she was still drunk so we ended up having to clean the majority as best we could
Just had a coughing fit as laughing so muchI was so drunk I couldn't get my key in the door so climbed through the open kitchen window and went straight to bed . Woke up to 2 women staring at me.
Couldn't get the key in the door because it wasn't my house
Oh and Timmy mallet did an appearance at our local nightclub. I was maybe 18 and very pissed I have no idea why but I started throwing all my 2p coins out of my purse at him because he wouldn't let me on stage to play wackaday. I just remember getting carted out by 2 bouncers kicking and screaming with my skirt round my waist
This actually made me burst out laughingMy problem is, when sober, I give myself a talking to, dont do this, dont do that and definitely dont get your tits out. I usually ended up doing all of the above
On 1 particular day . . Day drinkingI lap danced for a guy and then jokingly ended up piss taking a guy for having a girls name.
Fast forward to the following day, horribly hung over, when I could finally get out of bed, I head to the supermarket. . 1st guy I saw, lap dancing man
Promptly followed by girls named man serving me on the deli counter!!
Cringe . . My day drinking days are thankfully over and I rarely get my tits out either
hahahahahha creasedI once went home with a guy and was stumbling around in the dark to find the bathroom. His housemate thought there was an intruder so was waiting outside with a baseball bat
I may have left it in the taxiThe last story is fucking hilarious I laughed out loud lol !! How was your fruit?
not before peeling a banana and attempting to force feed it to the taxi driver 
Haha!! Bet your liver wouldn’t thank youI’d like to go on a night out with you
I’ve calmed down (a bit) in my old age fortunately!
People think I’m boring now as I don’t drink much. I think it’s because I did so much stupid shit in my 20’s I like an easy drama free life now
