What would you consider a "red flag" in a partner?

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Controlling parents

Blowing hot and cold

Psycho exs

Arranging to meet & up then cancelling more than once

Squeezing you in on their only hour of free time per week

Not getting back to messages for days on end or leaving you on read while clearly online a lot

And one from last night.... Trying to Initiate sex talk on text after only a few messages šŸ™„šŸ‘‹
 
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I think as a single parent, wanting to meet your child or get involved in that way too quickly. Someone Iā€™d been speaking to on Tinder mentioned that he was missing being a hands on Dad (his son is 19 - my child is nearly 3) and just a few other comments made me feel a bit uncomfortable. Weā€™re no longer talking šŸ˜‚

Yes to the lovebombing and the nutty exes too.
Yes this is definitely one for me. I had a guy recently who was just asking too many questions about my kids the final straw was when he asked what colour they were. (Im black for context and he was white) I didnt respond so he messaged asking if I was offended. I said I wasnt offended just didnt see how it was relevant. I then logged off and went to bed He then sent me message after message of acting like he was the victim, he said I was making him out to be racist (I wasnt) I was treating him badly by now not responding (It was past midnight I was asleep) he know knew what kind of woman I was and he didnt like it etc I just blocked him in the morning.

Anyone who shows too much interest in my kids or wants to meet them quickly and doesn't take no for an answer gets blocked.

Other red flags people who do the bare minimum and act like they are giving you the world because they are such a good guy I once had a guy who got me a drink of lemonade then said I spoil you and wanted me to say back to him how he spoils me. I thought it was a joke at first.

I have a whole load of other things that I consider red flags which is probably why ill stay single
 
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Every date/meet up has to involve alcohol consumption. I had an ex who was heavily reliant on the stuff but would vehemently deny he had a drinking problem. He was like ā€œFun Bobbyā€ from Friends. Was the life and soul of the party when drunk but couldnā€™t function without it as it covered up how messed up he really was.

They stand you up a lot in favour of other people.

Accusing you of cheating/flirting without any actual proof/reason (usually trying to deflect from their own guilt as a cheat).

I could go on, these are just some of the things Iā€™ve come across in the past.
 
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Doesnā€™t stick to plans youā€™ve made together or turns up late
Gets funny about you meeting his family
Makes no effort to speak to your friends or family when around them
No manners. (Not having the decency to say please and thank you REALLY bothers me)
Makes no effort on birthdays and christmas
Picky eater... but relies too heavily on other peopleā€™s cooking or pre prepared food to eat
Obsessed with bets, gambling etc
No job or ambition
Obsession with gaming
Only speaks to you on his terms

I could probably add lots more!!
 
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Doesnā€™t stick to plans youā€™ve made together or turns up late
Gets funny about you meeting his family
Makes no effort to speak to your friends or family when around them
No manners. (Not having the decency to say please and thank you REALLY bothers me)
Makes no effort on birthdays and christmas
Picky eater... but relies too heavily on other peopleā€™s cooking or pre prepared food to eat
Obsessed with bets, gambling etc
No job or ambition
Obsession with gaming
Only speaks to you on his terms

I could probably add lots more!!
Omg didnā€™t know you knew my ex šŸ˜‚literally him!
 
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A man with two mobile phones (yes, even a ā€˜work phoneā€™ Is a trigger šŸ¤¦ā€ā™€ļø) sends red flags āŒ
 
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Iā€™ve been lucky with my exes... although guess not that lucky as they are an ex lol

anyway, with dating and men in general I would say

1. guys who talk about sex from the get go
2. guys who only contact you when they are in the mood/ are chatty when they are in the mood and are blunt and quiet when they arenā€™t
3. guys who want to see you as much as possible initially
4. guys who cancel last minute with crap excuses
5. when they get moody when you are busy and canā€™t see them
6. when they talk about their future with you from the get go
 
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One I notice with my friends is when they get involved with someone and thereā€™s hardly any loved up honeymoon period - itā€™s straightaway drama to do with the guys exā€™s or family. I just think if someone really likes you they keep that kind of stuff distanced from you at least for a bit!
 
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Saying they have no social media, at all. (dating website chats)
Tbh I donā€™t have fb and only have a Instagram to follow Celebrities/weight loss people. My husband doesnā€™t have either and a lot of my friends have recently deleted fb as itā€™s full of ads etc. But maybe thatā€™s because we are mid 30sšŸ¤·šŸ¼ā€ā™€ļø
 
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I also don't have any social media accounts lol and im mid 30s too. I think a lot of guys think I'm lying when I say I don't have it but I'm always happy to video call etc
 
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Iā€™d agree with most things on here tbh so no point repeating. What I will say is though, a mention of a crazy ex isnā€™t a red flag to me. I actually had to warn my partner about my ex because the man was MENTAL. He stopped at nothing to make my life hell for 4 years to the point I couldnā€™t leave the house, had severe panic attacks and needed therapy. There was no chance I could go into a new relationship and not mention my psycho exšŸ˜³
 
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I had an ex before that was insecure and controlling, we we're both 15 at the time and I was his first proper girlfriend, he used to get very upset and angry about the fact I had been with other people before! He was very jealous and insecure about it and used to slut shame me and force me to do sexual things I didn't want to.

It was a seriously toxic relationship we broke up when we were 18.

6 years later he still manages to pop into my life somehow, last year I got a new job and he started working there too and got friendly with a guy I was interested in and he helped put him off me. I left the job soon after.
 
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Absolutely this. 100%, and not just a partner, but anyone. Friends. neighbours. colleagues too.
It's something that actually makes me really angry. There's no excuse for it. View attachment 140549View attachment 140549
Spot on!

Also, the way people speak to receptionists in workplaces drives me crazy. Iā€™ve witnessed people (always male) come into my work for interviews and treat the front desk employees worse than tit on their shoes. Then the second the hiring managers come out itā€™s smiles and hand shaking and professionalism. What? You donā€™t think those receptionists are just us much a part of our business and operations as our engineers? šŸ–•šŸ»šŸ–•šŸ»šŸ–•šŸ»
 
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Calling his ex a psycho, or just generally not speaking respectfully of her (unless of course she genuinely was horrible but even then have some respect for the relationship you chose to be in).

Posessive/clingy behaviour, not wanting me to go out without them, constantly texting, asking who Iā€™m with, when Iā€™ll be back etc.

Not treating his parents with respect, expecting his mum to clean up after him like a child.

low key racist/sexist/homophobic comments.

Rude to service staff in restaurants or shops.

Following a bunch of half naked girls on Instagram.

Using snapchat (Iā€™m 31, so doesnā€™t apply to younger guys but at my age...come on!)

Not knowing when to stop when it comes to alcohol or drugs, doing wreckless things like drink driving.



Btw these arenā€™t all from experience! Some are from friendā€™s relationships or just things that would be red flags for me in general!
 
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Doesnā€™t stick to plans youā€™ve made together or turns up late
Gets funny about you meeting his family
Makes no effort to speak to your friends or family when around them
No manners. (Not having the decency to say please and thank you REALLY bothers me)
Makes no effort on birthdays and christmas
Picky eater... but relies too heavily on other peopleā€™s cooking or pre prepared food to eat
Obsessed with bets, gambling etc
No job or ambition
Obsession with gaming
Only speaks to you on his terms

I could probably add lots more!!
Wow sounds like my current partneršŸ˜­
 
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Calling his ex a psycho, or just generally not speaking respectfully of her (unless of course she genuinely was horrible but even then have some respect for the relationship you chose to be in).

Posessive/clingy behaviour, not wanting me to go out without them, constantly texting, asking who Iā€™m with, when Iā€™ll be back etc.

Not treating his parents with respect, expecting his mum to clean up after him like a child.

low key racist/sexist/homophobic comments.

Rude to service staff in restaurants or shops.

Following a bunch of half naked girls on Instagram.

Using snapchat (Iā€™m 31, so doesnā€™t apply to younger guys but at my age...come on!)

Not knowing when to stop when it comes to alcohol or drugs, doing wreckless things like drink driving.



Btw these arenā€™t all from experience! Some are from friendā€™s relationships or just things that would be red flags for me in general!
the following the half naked women on insta... thatā€™s a no go for me. I always have a look at what kind of accounts they follow and if thereā€™s any like that, I start to judge! My friends think Iā€™m stupid and ā€œitā€™s only Instagramā€ šŸ™„ (Iā€™m 35, btw)
 
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Not sticking to plans and cancelling last minute drives me insane. Iā€™ve just split up with a guy I was seeing for 6 months and this was one of the main problems (among other things).

When I first met him, he was like the model boyfriend. We couldnā€™t get enough of each other and he never let me down once. Then the cancelling / rearranging started about 3 months in, always with an excuse that I couldnā€™t really question such as feeling ill or a family problem. Usually when Iā€™d already taken the time to get ready to meet up, or Iā€™d turned down other invites because I had plans with him.

It got to the point where making plans with him was actually stressful because I was never sure what would happen, Iā€™d spend the whole day waiting for my phone to ping with a ā€œBabe Iā€™m so sorry but...ā€ message. Needless to say he has now been blocked!
 
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I would consider some one who lies to be a red flag.
If I look back at my past relationship I would of seen the warning signs of lies and never would of stayed with him as he was then emotionally, mentally,physically abusive and controlling!
 
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