LilacAries
Well-known member
also hate mummy’s boys. i swear my ex wanted to finger his mum
- Notice
ConfusedMango
Active member
The inability to sincerely say sorry and take responsibility for a situation. Look out for a half hearted, sarcastic ‘I apologise...’ or ‘I’m sorry, BUT...’ or just no apology at all.
I spent 6 years apologising on my ex’s behalf because it made life easier. This gave him the ammo to gaslight me and make me out to be in the wrong all the time.
Avoid these types like the plague.
I spent 6 years apologising on my ex’s behalf because it made life easier. This gave him the ammo to gaslight me and make me out to be in the wrong all the time.
Avoid these types like the plague.
Satisfying Click
VIP Member
"You're not like other girls,"
Talking about their ex on a first date (most often in a derogatory way)
Rudeness to waiters/waitresses
Mansplaining my own field of expertise to me
Anyone using tricks and methods from The Game [yes, we're aware of it you negging prick]
Lovebombing
Much as my husband pisses me off at times, I'm glad I don't have to endure the dating field nowadays, before I met my husband I'd given myself permission to stop dating as it was so miserable at times.
Talking about their ex on a first date (most often in a derogatory way)
Rudeness to waiters/waitresses
Mansplaining my own field of expertise to me
Anyone using tricks and methods from The Game [yes, we're aware of it you negging prick]
Lovebombing
Much as my husband pisses me off at times, I'm glad I don't have to endure the dating field nowadays, before I met my husband I'd given myself permission to stop dating as it was so miserable at times.
no-no
VIP Member
I know people say “if they’re rude to reception/waiting staff” etc but I‘ve found the bad eggs are typically overly nice to “the outside” world. They’re really patient with that chatty neighbour but lose their rag with you over nothing. A lot of unpleasant people in relationships will be nice as pie to everyone so no one suspects they’re the issue. They’re typically narcissists too so love feeling like a great guy/woman with minimal effort. People on the outside generally fall for it, unfortunately.
ThreeSteaksPam
Chatty Member
Not sticking to plans and cancelling last minute drives me insane. I’ve just split up with a guy I was seeing for 6 months and this was one of the main problems (among other things).
When I first met him, he was like the model boyfriend. We couldn’t get enough of each other and he never let me down once. Then the cancelling / rearranging started about 3 months in, always with an excuse that I couldn’t really question such as feeling ill or a family problem. Usually when I’d already taken the time to get ready to meet up, or I’d turned down other invites because I had plans with him.
It got to the point where making plans with him was actually stressful because I was never sure what would happen, I’d spend the whole day waiting for my phone to ping with a “Babe I’m so sorry but...” message. Needless to say he has now been blocked!
When I first met him, he was like the model boyfriend. We couldn’t get enough of each other and he never let me down once. Then the cancelling / rearranging started about 3 months in, always with an excuse that I couldn’t really question such as feeling ill or a family problem. Usually when I’d already taken the time to get ready to meet up, or I’d turned down other invites because I had plans with him.
It got to the point where making plans with him was actually stressful because I was never sure what would happen, I’d spend the whole day waiting for my phone to ping with a “Babe I’m so sorry but...” message. Needless to say he has now been blocked!
Spot on!
Also, the way people speak to receptionists in workplaces drives me crazy. I’ve witnessed people (always male) come into my work for interviews and treat the front desk employees worse than shit on their shoes. Then the second the hiring managers come out it’s smiles and hand shaking and professionalism. What? You don’t think those receptionists are just us much a part of our business and operations as our engineers?
30thisyear
Member
A man with two mobile phones (yes, even a ‘work phone’ Is a trigger 
) sends red flags 
) sends red flags 
chocolate choux
VIP Member
Agree with talking about the ex, both in a bad way (if the ex is ‘crazy’, there’s a good chance your date was the reason why) and simply too much (they’re not over it)
Generally being secretive/evasive about odd things
Being too reliant on parents. I understand living at home as an adult due to high rent prices/personal circumstances but living at home with your mum doing all the housework and cooking... at best you’re useless around the house, at worst you‘re lazy and entitled
Not taking contraception seriously / “I hate condoms and you’re on the pill anyway” - self explanatory!
Generally being secretive/evasive about odd things
Being too reliant on parents. I understand living at home as an adult due to high rent prices/personal circumstances but living at home with your mum doing all the housework and cooking... at best you’re useless around the house, at worst you‘re lazy and entitled
Not taking contraception seriously / “I hate condoms and you’re on the pill anyway” - self explanatory!
Theteawithz
Active member
I have a list as long as my arm I was with my ex for over a year, the red flags where there and I chose not to see them but I found some of it awfully weird. I questioned it until it got dangerous.
It started... All his ex’s were psychos - but he continued to sleep with one on the side and she was with another guy
Out the blue I was getting ready for work one morning and he hits out with If you cheat on me, Ul end up in a body bag. And laughed it off. I went to work so bloody confused.
It stopped when he caught an std - which he blamed on me but when I was clean and he wasn’t.
He wanted to take me and my son on holiday (Said no I’m over protective of my son).
He told me he loved me after a week.
3 weeks he bought an engagement ring (said no of course).
When I was sleeping or out the room he would check my phone - I had nothing to hide all he had to do was ask to see my phone and I’d give him it.
He would buy me things out the blue - this was to cover his guilty conscious of cheating.
He was also up to his eyeballs in debt.
Was on a double date, I dress the way I’d dress for a then 27 year old, and by the end of the night he was calling me for everything. All because of this dress. next morning I pulled him for it and threw him out my house.
Over time I realised he had no friends And his family wasn’t very nice to him.
He lived with his gran but spoke to her like shit. I witnessed him actually screaming in her face I felt scared for her and removed him from her house. he ended up staying with me for 8 days and overstayed his welcome when I came home from work and He literally looked through my full house - at letters, my sons iPad, it was like he was trying to find something he couldn’t find. Yeh he had some serious trust issues, I gave him no reason to believe I was cheating. But it was just another way of him cheating if I was.
he ended up in hospital with a hernia for 3 days, I was the only one that visited no one else. he was texting on his phone when I walked in, gave him a cuddle and noticed his ex’s name on the phone. I walked out. apparently I didn’t care about him
he hid my pill I fell pregnant, and I lost the baby.
I couldn’t get “drunk drunk” in front of him.
he made me discard all my friends, he hated the fact I had friends that were guys.
6 months in he permanently scarred me for life.
He scared me to the point we ended up back together - stupid I know. About a week later stories of his history of DV began to surface.
This was a blessing as this made me realise the triggers and made me realise how dangerous he was.
i got accused of cheating numerous times
he did beat me again this time I thought I was going to die.
Everytime I tried to leave him I got the tiny tears and excuses he has no one. Or he Would try to kill himself in the end I had enough of walking on egg shells. The beatings I could take the mental abuse was the worst. He has now had 2 partners who have left him. first one he cheated on me with and that was my queue to leave, honestly never felt so glad. Last I heard she was pregnant with his kid but got an abortion. The latest one that left he was putting marriage on her constantly as she was a business owner and wanted to focus on that.
Consumerism_fatigue
Active member
I am TERRIBLE at picking up on red flags, or I do see them, but choose to ignore them as I keep dating their “potential”, rather than who they are. What I’ve learnt now is that people don’t change. They grow, sure, but don’t fundamentally change.
Sounds obvious but one thing I’m taking forwards is if my friends have question marks or seem concerned, LISTEN
Sounds obvious but one thing I’m taking forwards is if my friends have question marks or seem concerned, LISTEN
DCICassieStuart
VIP Member
Absolutely this. 100%, and not just a partner, but anyone. Friends. neighbours. colleagues too.
It's something that actually makes me really angry. There's no excuse for it.
Raininvain
VIP Member
Any type of tightness, not wanting to pay their way properly or counting things out to the last penny. Calling anyone at all they have fallen out with a lunatic or a nutter etc. Being very boring, not wanting to go out and do things, just wanting to sit in all the time(I know its different at the moment but under normal circumstances).Being unkind or laughing at other peoples serious problems. Talking about themselves continually and showing no interest in others etc. Having drug/alcohol/gambling issues etc. Being unreliable. Any history of domestic violence or verbal abuse etc. Having kids they have nothing to do with and also don't pay for them. That's a few I can think of.
Another is being a liar or bigging themselves up.Why say you came to live in this city to manage a nightclub when you were the cleaner.lol
Another is being a liar or bigging themselves up.Why say you came to live in this city to manage a nightclub when you were the cleaner.lol
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Deepsigh2018
VIP Member
Yes this is definitely one for me. I had a guy recently who was just asking too many questions about my kids the final straw was when he asked what colour they were. (Im black for context and he was white) I didnt respond so he messaged asking if I was offended. I said I wasnt offended just didnt see how it was relevant. I then logged off and went to bed He then sent me message after message of acting like he was the victim, he said I was making him out to be racist (I wasnt) I was treating him badly by now not responding (It was past midnight I was asleep) he know knew what kind of woman I was and he didnt like it etc I just blocked him in the morning.I think as a single parent, wanting to meet your child or get involved in that way too quickly. Someone I’d been speaking to on Tinder mentioned that he was missing being a hands on Dad (his son is 19 - my child is nearly 3) and just a few other comments made me feel a bit uncomfortable. We’re no longer talking
Yes to the lovebombing and the nutty exes too.
Anyone who shows too much interest in my kids or wants to meet them quickly and doesn't take no for an answer gets blocked.
Other red flags people who do the bare minimum and act like they are giving you the world because they are such a good guy I once had a guy who got me a drink of lemonade then said I spoil you and wanted me to say back to him how he spoils me. I thought it was a joke at first.
I have a whole load of other things that I consider red flags which is probably why ill stay single
I know this is oldish but thought I'd revive it:
- Too much of a party animal and spends most of their disposable income on alcohol.
- Overly into gambling/betting.
- Favourite artist is Drake or Eminem. They're always fuckboys.
- Calls women sluts/whores yet admits they've hooked up a lot themselves.
- Says 'you're not like other girls' and thinks its a compliment.
- If they exclusively go for younger women. Obviously its not always the case but I do side-eye men who are in their 30s who only seem to go after women in their early 20s. It feels like a power imbalance thing or a 'I want someone younger and hotter than me' thing.
- Seem to hold a grudge against all of their exes - even when they may have been the problem.
- Won't talk about their feelings.
- Won't introduce you to family/friends or doesn't want to meet yours.
- Won't eat vegetables. (Maybe this one is also petty but I just find it cringey when grown men only eat beige or fast food)
- Too much of a party animal and spends most of their disposable income on alcohol.
- Overly into gambling/betting.
- Favourite artist is Drake or Eminem. They're always fuckboys.
- Calls women sluts/whores yet admits they've hooked up a lot themselves.
- Says 'you're not like other girls' and thinks its a compliment.
- If they exclusively go for younger women. Obviously its not always the case but I do side-eye men who are in their 30s who only seem to go after women in their early 20s. It feels like a power imbalance thing or a 'I want someone younger and hotter than me' thing.
- Seem to hold a grudge against all of their exes - even when they may have been the problem.
- Won't talk about their feelings.
- Won't introduce you to family/friends or doesn't want to meet yours.
- Won't eat vegetables. (Maybe this one is also petty but I just find it cringey when grown men only eat beige or fast food)
I had an ex before that was insecure and controlling, we we're both 15 at the time and I was his first proper girlfriend, he used to get very upset and angry about the fact I had been with other people before! He was very jealous and insecure about it and used to slut shame me and force me to do sexual things I didn't want to.
It was a seriously toxic relationship we broke up when we were 18.
6 years later he still manages to pop into my life somehow, last year I got a new job and he started working there too and got friendly with a guy I was interested in and he helped put him off me. I left the job soon after.
It was a seriously toxic relationship we broke up when we were 18.
6 years later he still manages to pop into my life somehow, last year I got a new job and he started working there too and got friendly with a guy I was interested in and he helped put him off me. I left the job soon after.
Londoncailín
VIP Member
Completely agree about love bombing and ‘my ex is a psycho’
How I wish so much that I knew these were red flags a few years ago, before I was in a controlling and coercive relationship for years.
We live and learn...
How I wish so much that I knew these were red flags a few years ago, before I was in a controlling and coercive relationship for years.
We live and learn...
TruffleTrifle
Well-known member
Doesn’t stick to plans you’ve made together or turns up late
Gets funny about you meeting his family
Makes no effort to speak to your friends or family when around them
No manners. (Not having the decency to say please and thank you REALLY bothers me)
Makes no effort on birthdays and christmas
Picky eater... but relies too heavily on other people’s cooking or pre prepared food to eat
Obsessed with bets, gambling etc
No job or ambition
Obsession with gaming
Only speaks to you on his terms
I could probably add lots more!!
Gets funny about you meeting his family
Makes no effort to speak to your friends or family when around them
No manners. (Not having the decency to say please and thank you REALLY bothers me)
Makes no effort on birthdays and christmas
Picky eater... but relies too heavily on other people’s cooking or pre prepared food to eat
Obsessed with bets, gambling etc
No job or ambition
Obsession with gaming
Only speaks to you on his terms
I could probably add lots more!!
Itsallaboutmememe
Chatty Member
Saying ‘love you’ a few weeks in
blowing hot and cold
only wanting to know you when he wants to
his ex is a ‘nutter’
all his ex’s are ‘nutters’
he openly gawps at other women
rushing everything-I.e wants to meet the kids a few weeks in or talking about marriage after a month
gaslighting
ive dated them all!
blowing hot and cold
only wanting to know you when he wants to
his ex is a ‘nutter’
all his ex’s are ‘nutters’
he openly gawps at other women
rushing everything-I.e wants to meet the kids a few weeks in or talking about marriage after a month
gaslighting
ive dated them all!
LilacAries
Well-known member
doesn’t like me having friends, ignores me during an “argument”, cancels plans 24/7, is racist/homophobic etc etc, is a tory, has bad political views, gets arsey about me going on nights out, accuses me of cheating for no reason, doesn’t have a job or money, leaches off me
defo not listing stuff my ex did HaHa
defo not listing stuff my ex did HaHa