Wedding planning

[Disneylifeonly]

Rant
My MIL keeps implying how I shouldn't be spending a lot of money on my wedding dress and its bothering me
She keeps suggesting renting a dress, buying second hand etc and keeps implying i shouldn't be spending a lot on a dress
Which annoys me for 2 reasons
1- she isn't paying anything towards my dress so how's it her business, and neither is my h2b (even if he was, again its not her business)
And 2- her husband (my h2b stepfather), his daughter that they NEVER see, is getting married and they've paid for her wedding dress which cost £4k!

This isn't the only thing she's offered an opinion on, we've picked a gorgeous venue but before we put the deposit down she was sending us venues that looked so nasty. One looked like an old man's pub. Shes not offered to pay anything towards the wedding so again, I don't know how its her business.

My partner and I are paying the entire wedding ourselves, apart from my dress which my parents have offered to pay.
Since she is contributing to this £4k wedding dress, I think my partner will be very hurt if she doesn't even offer to pay towards the kilt hire or anything.

Trying to decide whether to invite my MIL to be to my hen party.. thoughts anyone?

I'm inviting mine, despite her opinions on the wedding which are annoying me we get along very well.
If you didn't want to invite her to the main hen party you could do something low key for just say your bridal party and mum and mil, like an afternoon tea or something.

 

[fudgebox]

Rant
My MIL keeps implying how I shouldn't be spending a lot of money on my wedding dress and its bothering me
She keeps suggesting renting a dress, buying second hand etc and keeps implying i shouldn't be spending a lot on a dress
Which annoys me for 2 reasons
1- she isn't paying anything towards my dress so how's it her business, and neither is my h2b (even if he was, again its not her business)
And 2- her husband (my h2b stepfather), his daughter that they NEVER see, is getting married and they've paid for her wedding dress which cost £4k!

This isn't the only thing she's offered an opinion on, we've picked a gorgeous venue but before we put the deposit down she was sending us venues that looked so nasty. One looked like an old man's pub. Shes not offered to pay anything towards the wedding so again, I don't know how its her business.

My partner and I are paying the entire wedding ourselves, apart from my dress which my parents have offered to pay.
Since she is contributing to this £4k wedding dress, I think my partner will be very hurt if she doesn't even offer to pay towards the kilt hire or anything.

Tell her to duck off! Just say don’t you worry lovely you’re not paying anything so why does it matter what we decide

 

[Giggling Squid]

Okay I know it's very first world problem but did anyone find it really annoying that all the emails with your new last name are already taken? I don't want to add some random numbers or my year of birth in there so I'm thinking of buying a domain with our last name so I can have email [email protected]

I also feel much more weird about changing my last name than I anticipated. It was my idea, my boyfriend doesn't really care which last name I pick but if we ever have a child I'd like for all of us to have the same last name. And I'm not emotionally attached to it or whatever, but now it just feels like I'm making myself his property by changing my name. So weird

I’ve gone from a very common name to a fairly unique name, so I’ve somehow managed to get (first name)(last name) which I’m amazed about.

The name changing thing is weird for me. I’d always just assumed I’d take his name so that if we’re lucky enough to have children we could have the same name and that would be that until he asked me whether I was going to change my name. I hadn’t even considered not doing it until then.

I have no particularly strong feelings about my old name but it’s still weird, that it’s not my name any more

 

[bellinibobble]

Rant
My MIL keeps implying how I shouldn't be spending a lot of money on my wedding dress and its bothering me
She keeps suggesting renting a dress, buying second hand etc and keeps implying i shouldn't be spending a lot on a dress
Which annoys me for 2 reasons
1- she isn't paying anything towards my dress so how's it her business, and neither is my h2b (even if he was, again its not her business)
And 2- her husband (my h2b stepfather), his daughter that they NEVER see, is getting married and they've paid for her wedding dress which cost £4k!

This isn't the only thing she's offered an opinion on, we've picked a gorgeous venue but before we put the deposit down she was sending us venues that looked so nasty. One looked like an old man's pub. Shes not offered to pay anything towards the wedding so again, I don't know how its her business.

My partner and I are paying the entire wedding ourselves, apart from my dress which my parents have offered to pay.
Since she is contributing to this £4k wedding dress, I think my partner will be very hurt if she doesn't even offer to pay towards the kilt hire or anything.


I'm inviting mine, despite her opinions on the wedding which are annoying me we get along very well.
If you didn't want to invite her to the main hen party you could do something low key for just say your bridal party and mum and mil, like an afternoon tea or something.

Wow that’s rude!! Especially when she’s not offering to pay for anything - but even if she was her opinions wouldn’t be welcome then anyway.

My hen celebration is only a day out at a spa and dinner and drinks in our city, so it couldn’t be any more low key anyway. She just seems to be a bit of a nightmare recently with eating, and I’m not sure if she’d be comfortable with a spa, but my mum will be there and I’ve chosen this weekend as my OH is away with his dad, so it seems mean to exclude her. Ugh

 

[Disneylifeonly]

Wow that’s rude!! Especially when she’s not offering to pay for anything - but even if she was her opinions wouldn’t be welcome then anyway.

My hen celebration is only a day out at a spa and dinner and drinks in our city, so it couldn’t be any more low key anyway. She just seems to be a bit of a nightmare recently with eating, and I’m not sure if she’d be comfortable with a spa, but my mum will be there and I’ve chosen this weekend as my OH is away with his dad, so it seems mean to exclude her. Ugh

Invite her and if she says no for her own personal reasons, then at least you know you've included her and if she does come, there will be people there to be a buffer

 

[Holidaybobs]

Invite her and if she says no for her own personal reasons, then at least you know you've included her and if she does come, there will be people there to be a buffer

I agree, with a spa it’s easy for people to get lost in it so you might not even realise she is there. I’ve been to ‘classic’ hen parties where the MIL is very uptight and the bride is having to do her orgasm face as part of a quiz I would die - I think you’ll be fine!

 

[bellinibobble]

Invite her and if she says no for her own personal reasons, then at least you know you've included her and if she does come, there will be people there to be a buffer

That’s very true, it’s my day to be fair.. my mum can take the brunt sorry mum

I agree, with a spa it’s easy for people to get lost in it so you might not even realise she is there. I’ve been to ‘classic’ hen parties where the MIL is very uptight and the bride is having to do her orgasm face as part of a quiz I would die - I think you’ll be fine!

OMG this would be my worst nightmare luckily my sister and mates know this would go down like a lead balloon so hopefully all should be fine

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Rant
My MIL keeps implying how I shouldn't be spending a lot of money on my wedding dress and its bothering me
She keeps suggesting renting a dress, buying second hand etc and keeps implying i shouldn't be spending a lot on a dress
Which annoys me for 2 reasons
1- she isn't paying anything towards my dress so how's it her business, and neither is my h2b (even if he was, again its not her business)
And 2- her husband (my h2b stepfather), his daughter that they NEVER see, is getting married and they've paid for her wedding dress which cost £4k!

This isn't the only thing she's offered an opinion on, we've picked a gorgeous venue but before we put the deposit down she was sending us venues that looked so nasty. One looked like an old man's pub. Shes not offered to pay anything towards the wedding so again, I don't know how its her business.

My partner and I are paying the entire wedding ourselves, apart from my dress which my parents have offered to pay.
Since she is contributing to this £4k wedding dress, I think my partner will be very hurt if she doesn't even offer to pay towards the kilt hire or anything.

sounds a bit like mine. Mine is always going on about money and trying to get us to do things cheaper and saying things about the cost of stuff ! It’s no one else’s business.

 

[sushimama]

Okay I know it's very first world problem but did anyone find it really annoying that all the emails with your new last name are already taken? I don't want to add some random numbers or my year of birth in there so I'm thinking of buying a domain with our last name so I can have email [email protected]

Update: Future husband has bought it for me as a gift today. AND he still brought me flowers. This is why I’m marrying him.

 

[Rbarb-bkini]

I finally had my wedding on Saturday! I was so worried the week leading up about things going wrong but on the morning I was just so chill for some reason, everyone was surprised how calm I was, and then my nerves only hit me when I got my dress on and had my flowers and came down to all my bridesmaids and my dad!
It was so surreal to go through after all of the planning, but everyone was genuinely so complimentary of the day and I think appreciated all of the work and planning I'd put in
I walked down the aisle to Chasing Cars, had Oasis' Half the World Away for signing the register, and Somewhere Only We Know as our walking out song - which even my grandma highly approved of!
Was such a lovely day and really highlighted that on the day, when all you want to do is marry the love of your life all your worries melt away!

 

[BettyCrockerr]

For anyone unsure about changing their name after their wedding… I can confirm it’s a right ball ache the DVLA need a paper form? In 2022?!

You just fill the form in and send it back to them and they will send you back your updated license. Not a ballache really

 

[Disneylifeonly]

I finally had my wedding on Saturday! I was so worried the week leading up about things going wrong but on the morning I was just so chill for some reason, everyone was surprised how calm I was, and then my nerves only hit me when I got my dress on and had my flowers and came down to all my bridesmaids and my dad!
It was so surreal to go through after all of the planning, but everyone was genuinely so complimentary of the day and I think appreciated all of the work and planning I'd put in
I walked down the aisle to Chasing Cars, had Oasis' Half the World Away for signing the register, and Somewhere Only We Know as our walking out song - which even my grandma highly approved of!
Was such a lovely day and really highlighted that on the day, when all you want to do is marry the love of your life all your worries melt away!

Congratulations!!!

 

[CoffeeMamma]

Trying to decide whether to invite my MIL to be to my hen party.. thoughts anyone?

I’m having a “family only” hen do, an afternoon tea in a posh hotel of my mother’s choosing. We were always going to have one for my mum and MiL because I’d never relax and enjoy it with them around. Then my sister announced she’s missing the wedding because she’s moving to South America, so we decided to just invite my sisters and their children who are too young for the main hen do (one identifies as non-binary but we’ve given them the choice to attend either mine or the male family’s pub lunch!) means everyone is involved then on my hen weekend (which is very chilled- involves a spa and not much else lol) I can just enjoy my friends

Rant
My MIL keeps implying how I shouldn't be spending a lot of money on my wedding dress and its bothering me
She keeps suggesting renting a dress, buying second hand etc and keeps implying i shouldn't be spending a lot on a dress
Which annoys me for 2 reasons
1- she isn't paying anything towards my dress so how's it her business, and neither is my h2b (even if he was, again its not her business)
And 2- her husband (my h2b stepfather), his daughter that they NEVER see, is getting married and they've paid for her wedding dress which cost £4k!

This isn't the only thing she's offered an opinion on, we've picked a gorgeous venue but before we put the deposit down she was sending us venues that looked so nasty. One looked like an old man's pub. Shes not offered to pay anything towards the wedding so again, I don't know how its her business.

My partner and I are paying the entire wedding ourselves, apart from my dress which my parents have offered to pay.
Since she is contributing to this £4k wedding dress, I think my partner will be very hurt if she doesn't even offer to pay towards the kilt hire or anything.


I'm inviting mine, despite her opinions on the wedding which are annoying me we get along very well.
If you didn't want to invite her to the main hen party you could do something low key for just say your bridal party and mum and mil, like an afternoon tea or something.

I’d ignore her, I’ve had this from my MiL about everything she is lovely but she’s a right moaning Minnie so I just let her get on with it. If it’s your money and the dress of YOUR dreams then go for it!

 

[Giggling Squid]

You just fill the form in and send it back to them and they will send you back your updated license. Not a ballache really

I disagree. You have to go to a post office to collect the form in the first place, which when you work full time is a challenge in itself. Also the amount of places you have to do is such a pain. I have to change my name 3x, separately, with just my council and each needs an original copy of my marriage certificate, and have to return it to me to send to the next department.

Having to go in to a bank is also a pain.

 

[Lechat]

Do you think it’s a generational thing re cost of weddings?

I felt like my mum was similar re wedding dress and pestering me to look at cheaper places to buy a dress. In the end I just ordered my dress without further discussion. I (luckily) earn decently and as I will hopefully only get married once I was happy to spend a bit more to get the style of dress I really wanted. I know it’s just one day etc, but there’s a balance isn’t there and sometimes going cheaper on something that you’ll wear all day and be in every photo isnt worth it!
I also thinking wedding dresses have gone up a lot, due to cost of materials and extra import fees and no doubt the designers having to pay more manufacturing costs. My friend got married 5 years ago and her dress was alot cheaper but I honestly researched alot of bridal shops and prices seemed to start around £1000 mark for simple satin shapes. Anything with lace seemed upwards of £1500. I tried on one dress that was £2500 which felt v expensive but it was all lace to be fair.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Do you think it’s a generational thing re cost of weddings?

I felt like my mum was similar re wedding dress and pestering me to look at cheaper places to buy a dress. In the end I just ordered my dress without further discussion. I (luckily) earn decently and as I will hopefully only get married once I was happy to spend a bit more to get the style of dress I really wanted. I know it’s just one day etc, but there’s a balance isn’t there and sometimes going cheaper on something that you’ll wear all day and be in every photo isnt worth it!
I also thinking wedding dresses have gone up a lot, due to cost of materials and extra import fees and no doubt the designers having to pay more manufacturing costs. My friend got married 5 years ago and her dress was alot cheaper but I honestly researched alot of bridal shops and prices seemed to start around £1000 mark for simple satin shapes. Anything with lace seemed upwards of £1500. I tried on one dress that was £2500 which felt v expensive but it was all lace to be fair.

Could be a mix of generational and also just different personalities.

my mum grew up poor (she’s 57) and she’s of the opinion that if you can afford it and you want it then you get it. She sees nothing wrong with me spending over 1k on a dress if it’s the one I want.

whereas MIL (54) had an average upbringing, but is very clingy with money, she doesn’t like to part with it and she doesn’t like to see her children or their partner‘s spend theirs either! She’s always whining about how much money we spend on different things even though we have no debts, own our home etc!

 

[sushimama]

In my country I'd say that 90% of brides rent a dress (I think this is a very Balkan thing to do). The problem is that the selection of dresses is just.. Pretty dated. Salons have large selections of A line and princess style dresses but I wanted something much more simple and when I said I don't want any lace, tulle or glitter they looked at me like I was an alien haha. Rental is not cheap either like most of the dresses would be 600-1000 € just to rent it for a day and some of them are worn multiple times before your day so they can be in a pretty bad condition.

So when I was in London in september I went to Grace Loves Lace just to see what they have and get a better experience, and the first dress I tried on I knew it was the one. I went in alone because I didn't expect to actually buy it from there and it was the first time I was trying on wedding dresses! But spending 2k on a dress seemed insane to me so I wrote it off and went to our salons at home again but nothing could even compare. In the end my mom was so extremely generous and got it for me. She convinced me that it's better to buy a dress I absolutely fell in love with (plus I can cut it shorter and wear like a slip midi dress after) than to pay 1k for renting something that doesn't feel like me.

It's funny because the dress is the most simple dress and yet it was impossible to find anything like it here. It's the most extra thing I've done in my life and my bf was very against it. If my mum wouldn't be so generous I would probably never get it for myself but I'm very grateful to her that I will get to wear it. But like you said - it is one day but it would be a shame to look back and regret not getting what you really wanted if you had that option.

 

[Giggling Squid]

Could be a mix of generational and also just different personalities.

my mum grew up poor (she’s 57) and she’s of the opinion that if you can afford it and you want it then you get it. She sees nothing wrong with me spending over 1k on a dress if it’s the one I want.

whereas MIL (54) had an average upbringing, but is very clingy with money, she doesn’t like to part with it and she doesn’t like to see her children or their partner‘s spend theirs either! She’s always whining about how much money we spend on different things even though we have no debts, own our home etc!

Our parents are the opposite my parents were poor, brought up poor, I was brought up poor and my mum is horrified that I spend money “frivolously” - I don’t. She didn’t see why I needed to buy a wedding dress when ‘any white dress would have done as it’s only a tiny wedding’- I got my dress from a sample shop, I paid less that £1k including veil and shoes but still too much for my dear mother. We also had a disagreement over paying a hotel for the wedding when it would be cheaper to do it all ourselves…. My MIL had similar upbringing, a little better off while my husband was growing up and is of the opinion that we earn our money so we should enjoy it. She’s proud of us and happy that we’re happy

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I disagree. You have to go to a post office to collect the form in the first place, which when you work full time is a challenge in itself. Also the amount of places you have to do is such a pain. I have to change my name 3x, separately, with just my council and each needs an original copy of my marriage certificate, and have to return it to me to send to the next department.

Having to go in to a bank is also a pain.

It’s just what you have to do It really isn’t that big of a deal. Pop into a post office - which are open 6 days a week, get a form. It’s really not that much effort!!

 

[CoffeeMamma]

My wedding dress is costing just under £300 but it’s exactly what I wanted. I’m a plus size bride and even if I didn’t eat anything between now and November I wouldn’t fit into or suit the usual styles. I went hunting on Etsy and found the perfect one. Custom made so I send my measurements to them