Vignettes and Pets

[Oops...]

Right, there is nothing for it…we’ll have to do the operation ourselves! I am just scrubbing up,
I will assist both @MissMidnight and Geranium who will adeptly carry out the complicated procedure.
@Namima will come and get scrubbed up with me and will of course act as official photographer.
Havisham is already in there, scrubbed up and steaming all our theatre scrubs for us.
She has also very kindly offered to keep her eye out in case someone turns green with squeamishness - someone is determined not to pass out and is planning full stoicism. Havisham is also reading out the instructions from the ‘How to Fix a Doubly Broken Wrist’ manual by Freddy Flintoff….
Our now starved and beloved patient is on the table with a cat on her chest, having just been wheeled in by 2 hospital porters who look suspiciously like kindly donated handsome men everyone but me knows about. @MissMidnight and Geranium - ever the calm and consummately skilled professionals switch on the massive round overhead lights and…

Thud…

 

[Milking Keynes]

Right, there is nothing for it…we’ll have to do the operation ourselves! I am just scrubbing up,
I will assist both @MissMidnight and Geranium who will adeptly carry out the complicated procedure.
@Namima will come and get scrubbed up with me and will of course act as official photographer.
Havisham is already in there, scrubbed up and steaming all our theatre scrubs for us.
She has also very kindly offered to keep her eye on me in case I turn green with squeamishness - I am determined not to pass out and am planning full stoicism. Havisham is also reading out the instructions from the ‘How to Fix a Doubly Broken Wrist’ manual by Freddy Flintoff….
Our beloved patient is now on the table with a cat on her chest, having been wheeled in by 2 hospital porters who look suspiciously like kindly donated handsome men everyone but me knows about. @MissMidnight and Geranium - ever the calm and consummately skilled professionals switch on the massive round overhead lights and…

Thud…

Dropcloth!! Quick!! Ah- she’s back! Now, @Oops is extremely focussed - now, I’ll continue reading ‘How to Fix a Doubly Broken Wrist’. Ahem - where are my glasses? I can’t read without my glasses?’ Which one of you misplaced my glasses? Oh, no - someone’s coming - he’s wearing a white coat and stethoscope and..... he introduces himself as @Miscanthus consultant - OMG, he’s Dr. McSteamy-Dreamy.... THUD...

 

[Oops...]

Dropcloth!! Quick!! Ah- she’s back! Now, @Oops is extremely focussed - now, I’ll continue reading ‘How to Fix a Doubly Broken Wrist’. Ahem - where are my glasses? I can’t read without my glasses?’ Which one of you misplaced my glasses? Oh, no - someone’s coming - he’s wearing a white coat and stethoscope and..... he introduces himself as @Miscanthus consultant - OMG, he’s Dr. McSteamy-Dreamy.... THUD...

(As a wonderful aside this has now turned into a TV show called ‘Blind Leading The Blind’. Equity rates will apply…)

Whilst Geranium throws water over Havisham (for revival purposes only of course), the newly revived Oops can’t find her glasses now! Oh gosh! This is wonderful! She can’t see anything so she won’t pass out.

Scalpel!

There you go Mr McDreamy Steamster Sir whoever you are, I’ve never heard of you…will this scalpel do?…

Sister Purity enters theatre door left and begins praying loudly…

 

[Milking Keynes]

Allow me to introduce you to Dr McDreamy.... THUD!

Aaaaaaand, Dr. McSteamy... Double Thud!

 

[Oops...]

DOUBLE THUD..!

…Scalpel?

BIGGER THUD…

 

[Milking Keynes]

DOUBLE THUD..!

I know .... thank God Sister Purity is here - our naughty thoughts require a good Catholic self-flagellation... Anyway, back to the mission at hand. Focus, everyone!

 

[Oops...]

There’s 2 of them!
Where did the second one come from?
Who let him in?

We have a woman on an operating theatre table here…

Oh! Now the cat’s gone missing!

 

[Milking Keynes]

There’s 2 of them!
Where did the second one come from?
Who let him in?

We have a woman on an operating theatre table here…

Oh! Now the cat’s gone missing!

I’m not sure we know what we are doing, @Oops Should we proceed? It’s fraught with difficulties ....no glasses, missing cat, unreadable manual, distractions of the male variety, a hungry patient ...

 

[Oops...]

...chaos and pandemonium, chaos and pandemonium. The cat has gone up to the top floor to the complaints department now!...I dont know what to do for the best...

ohhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmm....
ohhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmm...

 

[Oops...]

Good Monring!

I hardly dare ask...

No, I can’t ask...

I will go away and come back later...

Then I’ll ask...

No…still can’t ask…

Will come back later…

Then I’ll ask…

 

[Milking Keynes]

Good Monring!

I hardly dare ask...

No, I can’t ask...

I will go away and come back later...

Then I’ll ask...

No…still can’t ask…

Will come back later…

Then I’ll ask…

Monring, @Oops - no news is good news... innit?

 

[Geranium]

@Oops... I love you so much!

 

[Oops...]

Monring, @Oops - no news is good news... innit?

I came in at 5am…
I came back at 6.30 am
I’ve now sat in the corridor on that hard bench until 11.30 am and am still no wiser.
I will come back later…just to check…

Just whilst I’m here - I am thinking of releasing my latest single - written whilst I have been waiting - it’s to the tune of ‘Born Free’…it‘s called
‘Grawn Pree’…Whadderyathink?

 

[Milking Keynes]

I came in at 5am…
I came back at 6.30 am
I’ve now sat in the corridor on that hard bench until 11.30 am and am still no wiser.
I will come back later…just to check…

Just whilst I’m here - I am thinking of releasing my latest single - written whilst I have been waiting - it’s to the tune of ‘Born Free’…it‘s called
‘Grawn Pree’…Whadderyathink?

I also have been popping in and out. Oh, I hope our friend is ok. It’s a worry.... I’ll join you on the bench in a mo. I’m picking us up a few coffees wiv a straw each, en route. Your new single is very catchy...Grawn Preeee

 

[Miscanthus]

Girls, it's me.
Just got home.
It's all a blur but thank goodness I have your record of what happened
Eating cake my neighbour made...fortunately not Elsie's burnt undercooked offering.

Oh no, I missed the disco

 

[Milking Keynes]

Girls, it's me.
Just got home.
It's all a blur but thank goodness I have your record of what happened
Eating cake my neighbour made...fortunately not Elsie's burnt undercooked offering.

Oh no, I missed the disco

Oh Thank God!!! So happy to hear from you . You’re finally getting a cup of tea and some cake! We missed you at the disco... I hope you have a restful day and that your hand doesn’t hurt too much. Please don’t feel you need to type today - just relax

 

[Oops...]

Gripping bar on Zimmer frame very tightly…and breathlessly…

Thank Luck For That!

You couldn’t go through that again, being pushed from pillow to toast. Utterly ridiculous!

It’s an important part of your rehabilitation to write as much as you can with your left hand! I suggest you begin developing your ambidexterity immediately. It’s a skill you have always had and it’s just been a bit shy up until now.

Now you must release it on the world and your adoring public…I’ll wait…

It's all a blur but thank goodness I have your record of what happened

Yes! Our dearest @Namima took on the hardest job of all, which was systematically recording the entire process from beginning to end. Her forensic attention to detail is (as you know) world class. She gave up a day of her wonderful holiday in Canada to be with us too. I mean - that’s loyalty, that’s our girl! I rather hope she manages to sell this as a fly on the wall documentary to the networks and then the world can see her work and what you had to go through….

 

[Oops...]

…whistles tunelessly…

…Hmm…wonder if she realises I’m still here waiting? Waiting for some pearl of Captain wisdom…

Tum, tum, tum te tum…Might have to eat soon…la la…la, la de dah…

I see a little silhouette-a of a man…tum te tum, tum te tum, tum te tum… a man’s banjo…big sigh.

 

[Miscanthus]

…whistles tunelessly…

…Hmm…wonder if she realises I’m still here waiting? Waiting for some pearl of Captain wisdom…

Tum, tum, tum te tum…Might have to eat soon…la la…la, la de dah…

I see a little silhouette-a of a man…tum te tum, tum te tum, tum te tum… a man’s banjo…big sigh.

I'm here, sorry, so uncomfortable. This is worse than the fracture

 

[Oops...]

I'm here, sorry, so uncomfortable. This is worse than the fracture

Noooo! That’s awful! How can that be? Do you have anything to take your mind off it?