Vignettes and Pets #6 Three Degrees of Separation

[Oops...]

It's those hands and intense stare
Mmmm....do love a good pot though!

His name dear Captain is Matt Horne (just in case you may have failed to notice…ahem). I call him My Matterhorn but that’s a secret - please don’t tell ANYONE!

thinks..intense stare - those hands! Nah! Haven’t a clue what she’s talking about…
---
Matterhorn Alert…

 

[Milking Keynes]

Good Morning Girls and welcome to today ,

I have news! It’s funny. A certain florist was despatched on Friday to a certain . The florist had been instructed to deliver ‘something elegantly restrained preferably in white with maybe a little pink and or blue…’ The florist was clearly very anxious to please and so pulled all the stops out and delivered bonfire night instead. It was described as (and I quote) purple, yellow, lime-green, orange and blue and looks like a firework display going off!!

In addition to this a poor person unknown to any of us was the recipient of some texts and a voice message which will sound utterly bonkers and make no sense at all…Why I hear you ask, gentle reader? Werrrlll; that’s because one of us can’t do a simple thing like write a telephone number down correctly - that’s why…

Onwards and upwards Troops. I am sitting at my specially bought report reading table today in order to (hopefully) read News on the Move from America ( yes dear Happy we need information please! ). In addition we are hoping for a report on The Wedding in Cavan and/or The Hairy Shower…

In the meantime, here’s a little interlude…





Peace, piece, peas

What is going on with the florist?? I’m reading this and thinking that the flowers were handed over (very pretty by the way) but the point of the transaction was lost in translation somehow? So after all the effort of SS we are none the wiser? @Oops all I can say is you must be exhausted! I am hoping that I’m reading it all wrong and that contact has indeed been established and all is in order......?

 

[Oops...]

What is going on with the florist?? I’m reading this and thinking that the flowers were handed over (very pretty by the way) but the point of the transaction was lost in translation somehow? So after all the effort of SS we are none the wiser? @Oops all I can say is you must be exhausted! I am hoping that I’m reading it all wrong and that contact has indeed been established and all is in order......?

Nooo Dearest - finally it is all sorted. I sent you a text yesterday but OBVIOUSLY my ability to send texts has utterly gone out of the frocking window! I am driving myself mad with it all believe me! I didn’t email since you were at a wedding but thought a text would just quickly let you know had been accomplished in full and ALL relevant details have been shared!

 

[Milking Keynes]

Nooo Dearest - finally it is all sorted. I sent you a text yesterday but OBVIOUSLY my ability to send texts has utterly gone out of the frocking window! I am driving myself mad with it all believe me! I didn’t email since you were at a wedding but thought a text would just quickly let you know had been accomplished in full and ALL relevant details have been shared!

View attachment 2888693

I am a fool, Madam. You must be exasperated with my foolishness. I understand finally - the penny has well and truly dropped - and albeit many brain cells destroyed by a certain cocktail forced upon me yesterday - that contact has been established and all is in order. Operation SS accomplished! Yay!!

Well, the wedding was very fun. It was a beautiful sunny day with not a cloud in the sky....long journey and then straight to the Church so I decided not to have anything to eat or drink before going in case of need of bathroom breaks. Got to the church for 1pm, ceremony ended 3.15pm, headed 18k to the hotel and checked in and arrived to reception at 5pm. Had a gin&tonic and headed into dinner.

I was now very peckish, I must admit. A glass of white wine was poured when everyone sat down and then a most unusual thing - the speeches started. Normally it would be after the meal. I was sitting beside the father of the groom and suddenly the poor man was accosted with a microphone and he had to make his speech straight away. Then we had the best man, the father of the bride, the bride and finally, the groom himself. All these toasts with one glass of wine!

Finally, finally we got served our starters and from then on all was well. Lots of dancing til 3am... I got introduced to a cocktail by the young ones - it’s called Baby Guinness and they couldn’t believe that I’d never heard of it - well, a yummier thing I have never experienced in all my days - it’s Kuhlua and Baileys in a shot glass although Tia Maria and Baileys would work too I’m told. Wow! Delish - I urge you to try one!

My buddy who lives in the States says that they drink Black Velvet which is equal parts Guinness and Champagne. So a layered cocktail of bubbles and stout.. or stoat if you’re Aldi... Boo Font strikes again.

Anyway, back to reality. Home to unload machines and unblock drains.

 

[Miscanthus]

His name dear Captain is Matt Horne (just in case you may have failed to notice…ahem). I call him My Matterhorn but that’s a secret - please don’t tell ANYONE!

thinks..intense stare - those hands! Nah! Haven’t a clue what she’s talking about…
---
Matterhorn Alert…

Let us know when you make a push to the summit!

Matt Horne......er......!!!!!! 🫢

Snigger, snigger!

 

[Oops...]

Little Matt Horne-er…
Lived in a corner
Eating his sausage and mash
Along came a girlie
Who let him in early
After paying him shed loads of cash…

The Matterhorn melted
With bibs braced he belted
And carried her up to his room
Where he threw her a pot
Which like him was quite hot
So she brushed it down well with her broom…

After ten cans of stout they were in and then out
As the cocktails ran wildly and free
She had to go home to write one final poem
That is where it grew too much for me…

I am a fool, Madam. You must be exasperated with my foolishness. I understand finally - the penny has well and truly dropped - and albeit many brain cells destroyed by a certain cocktail forced upon me yesterday - that contact has been established and all is in order. Operation SS accomplished! Yay!!

Well, the wedding was very fun. It was a beautiful sunny day with not a cloud in the sky....long journey and then straight to the Church so I decided not to have anything to eat or drink before going in case of need of bathroom breaks. Got to the church for 1pm, ceremony ended 3.15pm, headed 18k to the hotel and checked in and arrived to reception at 5pm. Had a gin&tonic and headed into dinner.

I was now very peckish, I must admit. A glass of white wine was poured when everyone sat down and then a most unusual thing - the speeches started. Normally it would be after the meal. I was sitting beside the father of the groom and suddenly the poor man was accosted with a microphone and he had to make his speech straight away. Then we had the best man, the father of the bride, the bride and finally, the groom himself. All these toasts with one glass of wine!

Finally, finally we got served our starters and from then on all was well. Lots of dancing til 3am... I got introduced to a cocktail by the young ones - it’s called Baby Guinness and they couldn’t believe that I’d never heard of it - well, a yummier thing I have never experienced in all my days - it’s Kuhlua and Baileys in a shot glass although Tia Maria and Baileys would work too I’m told. Wow! Delish - I urge you to try one!

My buddy who lives in the States says that they drink Black Velvet which is equal parts Guinness and Champagne. So a layered cocktail of bubbles and stout.. or stoat if you’re Aldi... Boo Font strikes again.

Anyway, back to reality. Home to unload machines and unblock drains.

I was thinking of you in the sun yesterday dear Havisham. I didn’t realise Cavan was a bit of a hike to get to. I am envious of your cocktails. You didn’t tell us what you wore - I imagine it was something fabulous as ever. I haven’t been to a good wedding for absolutely ages. I really enjoy weddings. They are becoming few and far between nowadays because not so many people get married anymore. I’d love to get married again but there isn’t a bloke I’ve met I’d give my freedom up for. I never meet blokes anymore …Tips and advice gratefully received!

Any chance your girls might learn how to unblock their hair from their showers do you think? No! Of course. I didn’t think so. You are very good to them you know. 🫣

 

[Milking Keynes]

Little Matt Horne-er…
Lived in a corner
Eating his sausage and mash
Along came a girlie
Who let him in early
After paying him shed loads of cash…

The Matterhorn melted
With bibs braced he belted
And carried her up to his room
Where he threw her a pot
Which like him was quite hot
So she brushed it down well with her broom…

After ten cans of stout they were in and then out
As the cocktails ran wildly and free
She had to go home to write one final poem
That is where it grew too much for me…


I was thinking of you in the sun yesterday dear Havisham. I didn’t realise Cavan was a bit of a hike to get to. I am envious of your cocktails. You didn’t tell us what you wore - I imagine it was something fabulous as ever. I haven’t been to a good wedding for absolutely ages. I really enjoy weddings. They are becoming few and far between nowadays because not so many people get married anymore. I’d love to get married again but there isn’t a bloke I’ve met I’d give my freedom up for. I never meet blokes anymore …Tips and advice gratefully received!

Any chance your girls might learn how to unblock their hair from their showers do you think? No! Of course. I didn’t think so. You are very good to them you know. 🫣

Can I just say the hardest part of drain unblocking is opening the damn bottles - the seals are literally impossible to open: depress fully while twisting the cap.... I did that! .... over and over and it wouldn’t flopping open!! Child-proofing I get but Dwayne The Rock couldn’t open the damn cap.

If you want to meet a man, there is only one way and that’s on a dating app. You could possibly go on one of those exclusive ones that profile and match you to someone with similar interests and income. I know it sounds a little unromantic but if they match you well it could be quite fun. I always loved First Dates - and how well did they match people for the most part?

On no account, should you consider moving in with him, or worse, have him move in with you, God forbid. Absolutely no marrying either. No, the only thing you might want a man for is to go on fun dates - if things get very serious, a week-end away perhaps... but arms length, methinks. We would never forfeit our independence - ever. Hellll, no!

I wore a dress that was plain grey jersey sleeveless on top with attached sequin skirt. I added a belt and wore my long camel Harris Wharf London coat over. I wore my LV Petite Malle clutch and brought - don’t laugh - four pairs of shoes. One pair of court shoes for Church, one pair of mules for dinner, one pair of flats for dancing and runners for the following day! We left so early this morning that I realised I had left the dancing shoes behind. After a day of phone calls back and forth - a bit like our @Oops and The Florist - I finally paid lost property over the phone to post my shoes to me. I would be sad without those shoes.

Hope you are doing good, @Miscanthus and tummy has settled. I know you had nausea before so hopefully, they have tweaked the meds to help you. Also hope @happyforest is ok with that nasty cyst. How is TB with the diet, @Oops - am wondering how the low fat options are going?

I’m looking into buying one of those rotating spongey things - I’m seeing a lot of ads and I really need to give the house a good spring clean too to bottom but the thought of having to scrub manually for hours.... Might this be a help? I’m going to give it a go, I think.

 

[Oops...]

Oh! I could never move in with someone dear Havisham - I wouldn’t like their decor. Unless he had a fabulous country pile with tasteful little vignettes everywhere ( I know he doesn’t exist ). Also, I would worry about someone moving in with me because I don’t leave anything lying about and I hang towels up to dry and don’t hide behind newspapers. A man behind a newspaper is as much use as any plumber I’ve had through my hallowed portals trying to sort my frocking heating out. Had another one last week. He‘s due back in the morning to see if he forgot to put the timer on…I digress…

Sleeveless is not a word in my entire wardrobe. How I envy you your sleevelessness.

I was thinking of a dating app but just cannot be bothered with any of the men on them so it’s a bit pointless really.

Teddy’s food is still coming between me and my sleep/ We went to Pet’s Corner again this morning and everything I brought back was disdainfully refused…
---
I think Emily may have some of those rotating thingies I will go and ask her opinion - BRB
---
---
I am reliably informed that apparently I have a hurricane spin scrubber which is eminently useful for baths, sinks and loos. Apparently I purchased ours last year and they have been in regular use ever since…

I have no reason to doubt the veracity of the above information…🫣

 

[Milking Keynes]

Oh! I could never move in with someone dear Havisham - I wouldn’t like their decor. Unless he had a fabulous country pile with tasteful little vignettes everywhere ( I know he doesn’t exist ). Also, I would worry about someone moving in with me because I don’t leave anything lying about and I hang towels up to dry and don’t hide behind newspapers. A man behind a newspaper is as much use as any plumber I’ve had through my hallowed portals trying to sort my frocking heating out. Had another one last week. He‘s due back in the morning to see if he forgot to put the timer on…I digress…

Sleeveless is not a word in my entire wardrobe. How I envy you your sleevelessness.

I was thinking of a dating app but just cannot be bothered with any of the men on them so it’s a bit pointless really.

Teddy’s food is still coming between me and my sleep/ We went to Pet’s Corner again this morning and everything I brought back was disdainfully refused…
---
I think Emily may have some of those rotating thingies I will go and ask her opinion - BRB
---
---
I am reliably informed that apparently I have a hurricane spin scrubber which is eminently useful for baths, sinks and loos. Apparently I purchased ours last year and they have been in regular use ever since…

I have no reason to doubt the veracity of the above information…🫣

I do think we need to make Emily a fully verified Tattle member with VIP status - she is the source of all information regarding household gadgets. Tell her I am going to get one of the brushes with rotating bristles soonest! She has the hurricane spin scrubber - I am impressed and will follow suit - send her my thanks!

I know exactly what you mean re living with a man. Imagine, in my household, that I am the only female sharing a bathroom with a male? The two - who are above unplugging their own showers - have their own ensuite(s). Jealous, so I am...

Re sleeveless - I really shouldn’t. I have bingos galore that don’t stop moving long after I have. Nevertheless, if the lighting is nice and dark post 8pm, I’m inclined to delude self that I can get away with it.

Our Teddy Bear - you brought him back lots of nice food and he ate none of it? Is he not even craving mackerel paté? What happened with the lamb chop? What is your plan B? My girl is sleeping more and eating less - maybe it’s just age. She does love her little walk around our neighbourhood. It’s quite a modest neighbourhood but filled with such dog lovers it warms the heart. She has lots of friends now to sniff and it’s the highlight of her day. Most of the time, though, she is curled up in a ball.

Maybe TB just has a similarly reduced appetite. At this point, I think the reduced fat sausages... I highly recommend the air fryer, @Oops for taking the oil out and making them tastier and healthier - maybe with turkey bacon and sausages? Air fryers are great for this purpose - the frying pan seems to make everything oilier. Keep us posted and don’t be disheartened.

 

[Miscanthus]

I do think we need to make Emily a fully verified Tattle member with VIP status - she is the source of all information regarding household gadgets. Tell her I am going to get one of the brushes with rotating bristles soonest! She has the hurricane spin scrubber - I am impressed and will follow suit - send her my thanks!

I know exactly what you mean re living with a man. Imagine, in my household, that I am the only female sharing a bathroom with a male? The two - who are above unplugging their own showers - have their own ensuite(s). Jealous, so I am...

Re sleeveless - I really shouldn’t. I have bingos galore that don’t stop moving long after I have. Nevertheless, if the lighting is nice and dark post 8pm, I’m inclined to delude self that I can get away with it.

Our Teddy Bear - you brought him back lots of nice food and he ate none of it? Is he not even craving mackerel paté? What happened with the lamb chop? What is your plan B? My girl is sleeping more and eating less - maybe it’s just age. She does love her little walk around our neighbourhood. It’s quite a modest neighbourhood but filled with such dog lovers it warms the heart. She has lots of friends now to sniff and it’s the highlight of her day. Most of the time, though, she is curled up in a ball.

Maybe TB just has a similarly reduced appetite. At this point, I think the reduced fat sausages... I highly recommend the air fryer, @Oops for taking the oil out and making them tastier and healthier - maybe with turkey bacon and sausages? Air fryers are great for this purpose - the frying pan seems to make everything oilier. Keep us posted and don’t be disheartened.

Girls, if you find something TB enjoys eating let me know, for I have gone from eating everything in sight (thanks steroids) to feeling nauseous at the sight of a biscuit. Maybe what tempts him could tempt me or he could have the three sausages in my fridge that I can no longer face.

As for Emily, of course she is a Tattler for her name features here so much and she is devoted to our darling @Oops... and TB.

If you find one of these rotating, spinning, cleaning devices please advise me of the make dear MK because I need one in my life....

I do love sleeveless but fear my arms didn't get the message. I have been doing weights at the gym for years but they are still flapping and flopping and doing some crêpe thing.

Your girls are spoilt MK. I currently have 2 en suites, neither of which are fit for purpose. I refuse to make a decision on the bathrooms reno until I hear from the structural engineer, who has clearly spent the last month behind a newspaper. The good news is I am going to hear his suggestions on Tuesday afternoon via the kitchen fitter. Woo hoo!

 

[Milking Keynes]

Girls, if you find something TB enjoys eating let me know, for I have gone from eating everything in sight (thanks steroids) to feeling nauseous at the sight of a biscuit. Maybe what tempts him could tempt me or he could have the three sausages in my fridge that I can no longer face.

As for Emily, of course she is a Tattler for her name features here so much and she is devoted to our darling @Oops... and TB.

If you find one of these rotating, spinning, cleaning devices please advise me of the make dear MK because I need one in my life....

I do love sleeveless but fear my arms didn't get the message. I have been doing weights at the gym for years but they are still flapping and flopping and doing some crêpe thing.

Your girls are spoilt MK. I currently have 2 en suites, neither of which are fit for purpose. I refuse to make a decision on the bathrooms reno until I hear from the structural engineer, who has clearly spent the last month behind a newspaper. The good news is I am going to hear his suggestions on Tuesday afternoon via the kitchen fitter. Woo hoo!

Missy Canthus, I was concerned about the nausea - bummer. I wonder if you keep it bland. Chicken noodle soup and crackers, yoghurts with blueberries, Haribo jellies - little and light? I hope you feel better soon. Is it more severe post-treatment on Thursdays?

I am jealous of your two new en suite bathrooms - how luxurious. Make sure no wonky pheasants, mind.


Re - Our New At-Home Help -

Well, I’ve purchased this one at under €40 - I’ve read the reviews and it’s worth a shot. I’ll be damned though - have a look at the two pics below - if you change your choice of colour, the price goes up to above €400?? It might have a few more heads but what the hell?? Anyway, I will certainly review it for you.

I need something powerful that does the job without all the elbow grease. With my nerve root issues, I can’t be bending and scrubbing and this is - according to the reviews I read - fairly powerful. It will also save our hands from abrasive cleaning sprays and yucky rubber gloves.

It also has an extension cord which will also be a godsend.

 

[Oops...]

Hello Girls I am clocking your posts but up to my eyes and will respond as soon as I’m not! Sending love and where is our dearest @happyforest ?

 

[Milking Keynes]

I’m imagining our Happy is Busy so Missy and Oopsy and Havy - we really are the seven dwarves will coax her back in the interim - if you’re dipping in and out, @happyforest best of luck with the move!

In the meantime, ladies, this - I have tried and tested - re upper arm maintenance - and it’s a good ‘un. I know by now you get that I am a bit stingy, or rather, a bargainista, so if something ain’t worth my buck, I ain’t recommending.....I’ve put myself on an every two month subscription with this product. I really like it for the crepiness that we discussed.

Ingredients - Phytosonic, Isocell Slim, Chestnut tree extract, Guarana and Mint extract.

You apply at night - I only apply in two areas - upper arms and under chin. You can apply it to other problem areas but in my case that would require too many tubes.

I rate it. Hence the subscription. I do know that @Miscanthus and @Oops (especially) will not like to buy via Amazon and I totally understand. During Covid especially, I was do not buy from Amazon! - but now - over the last year, I have found it a godsend. For my daughter, doing architecture, the niche products that would be practically impossible to source otherwise for studio work, ie model material, has totally changed my mind.

Anyway, here it is...

 

[Oops...]

D’you know dearest, I was just saying to my friend Attila only the other day that I really could do with some Lipo shock treatment. Who knew it actually existed? I am too far gone for it to even touch the sides…A fascinating serum though. If only they made it a hundred years ago when it might have helped me a bit…
---
If you find one that helps undulating corrugation PLEASE will you let me know.

Sleeveless…she has sleeveless in her wardrobe…I mean what’s that about? It’s soooo unfair is this sleeveless thingy…

 

[Milking Keynes]

D’you know dearest, I was just saying to my friend Attila only the other day that I really could do with some Lipo shock treatment. Who knew it actually existed? I am too far gone for it to even touch the sides…A fascinating serum though. If only they made it a hundred years ago when it might have helped me a bit…
---
If you find one that helps undulating corrugation PLEASE will you let me know.

Sleeveless…she has sleeveless in her wardrobe…I mean what’s that about? It’s soooo unfair is this sleeveless thingy…

Stop it - I’m guffawing here I woke the dog!!

How are we all today?

There might be a small chance that Mr MK is going to the States for a week at the end of May. Can you just imagine what I will get up to when let loose? I will be schlepping, I will be dancing queen, I will be imbibing baby guinnesses, I will be trouble! And I won’t let bingo wings and undulating corrugation get in my way.... . Anyone fancy a week long party, come on over.... bonnets at the ready!

 

[Oops...]

Stop it - I’m guffawing here I woke the dog!!

How are we all today?

There might be a small chance that Mr MK is going to the States for a week at the end of May. Can you just imagine what I will get up to when let loose? I will be schlepping, I will be dancing queen, I will be imbibing baby guinnesses, I will be trouble! And I won’t let bingo wings and undulating corrugation get in my way.... . Anyone fancy a week long party, come on over.... bonnets at the ready!

Better idea dearest - you come here with Gem (Teddy cant travel like he used to sadly!).
We can schlep, dance, imbibe we can be double trouble!!! Fly over and I’ll have you collected at Heathrow or Bristol Airport

 

[Milking Keynes]

Better idea dearest - you come here with Gem (Teddy cant travel like he used to sadly!).
We can schlep, dance, imbibe we can be double trouble!!! Fly over and I’ll have you collected at Heathrow or Bristol Airport

Only problem is I have my nephew’s communion that very week - my sis is coming over on Friday to try on my accessories to go with her outfit. She wants the Chanel wallet on chain and a pair of shoes yet to be decided. The communion falls bang in the middle of his US week....but I will come over to see you for sure another time, I promise. I will even cook for you and Teddy to earn my keep.

I’m trying reverse psychology with Mr MK at the moment ‘don’t even think about going, they don’t deserve you... ‘

 

[Milking Keynes]

Eta - You are fully aware, Madam, that once my bonnet is laid on your chaise longue - there is no getting rid of me.... I will turn to Gem and say - clacking ruby heels - ‘Toto, we’re home!’

 

[Milking Keynes]

Girls, if you find something TB enjoys eating let me know, for I have gone from eating everything in sight (thanks steroids) to feeling nauseous at the sight of a biscuit. Maybe what tempts him could tempt me or he could have the three sausages in my fridge that I can no longer face.

As for Emily, of course she is a Tattler for her name features here so much and she is devoted to our darling @Oops... and TB.

If you find one of these rotating, spinning, cleaning devices please advise me of the make dear MK because I need one in my life....

I do love sleeveless but fear my arms didn't get the message. I have been doing weights at the gym for years but they are still flapping and flopping and doing some crêpe thing.

Your girls are spoilt MK. I currently have 2 en suites, neither of which are fit for purpose. I refuse to make a decision on the bathrooms reno until I hear from the structural engineer, who has clearly spent the last month behind a newspaper. The good news is I am going to hear his suggestions on Tuesday afternoon via the kitchen fitter. Woo hoo!

Hey @Miscanthus - how are things?

Is tomorrow a treatment day or are you getting a week break? How are you - is the nausea any better? Sending love as always, dearest friend. Tell us what you can. XXX

Eta - how was the structural engineers judgement of the en suites yesterday?

 

[Oops...]

Hey @Miscanthus - how are things?

Is tomorrow a treatment day or are you getting a week break? How are you - is the nausea any better? Sending love as always, dearest friend. Tell us what you can. XXX

Eta - how was the structural engineers judgement of the en suites yesterday?

I was going to ask all of the above too Captain. I will be thinking of you again tomorrow. Can’t believe another week has gone by...I really hope this nausea business has passed. Am crossing my fingers for you.

Aunty Happy I am getting really desperate to know how the stay with your mother went. How is the new car now panning out and have you found my log cabin yet? I am still at my specialty bought reading reports table waiting for your updates…

---

Only problem is I have my nephew’s communion that very week - my sis is coming over on Friday to try on my accessories to go with her outfit. She wants the Chanel wallet on chain and a pair of shoes yet to be decided. The communion falls bang in the middle of his US week....but I will come over to see you for sure another time, I promise. I will even cook for you and Teddy to earn my keep.

I’m trying reverse psychology with Mr MK at the moment ‘don’t even think about going, they don’t deserve you... ‘

Yum! Can’t wait! I had my cooker cleaned by Cookerburra yesterday. It’s utterly spotless now…In addition the plumber came back yet again to ascertain why the flopping timer isn’t working and the heat stays on all night nearly murdering us both by morning. The window man also did in and out, all the mirrors and the terrace roof. Emily is coming to the end of our Spring clean and it’s been chaos at work with busyness. I have just walked away from the worst tender docs I have ever seen and they are getting told to foxtrot Oscar in the morning. All in all a busy kinda week so far. I want to sleep, but too afraid Prince Charming will tip up and want to kiss me. Walt Disney is a flopping liar you know…