I would like to add further items to the Memorandum?
The crucial role of the wheelbarrow in adding intrigue and drama in landscaping (and the avoidance of a bad back). Discuss.
Will wheelbarrows replace Darrens in the future? Ponder.
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The crucial role of the wheelbarrow in adding intrigue and drama in landscaping (and the avoidance of a bad back). Discuss.
Will wheelbarrows replace Darrens in the future? Ponder.
Good morning Wheelbarrow Club and welcome to today
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Fleur Chair - and I would like you to vote for me as your candidate for Chair and CEO of Wheelbarrow Club. Why have an imposter when you can have me? I am the real Chair and nothing but the chair. I promise I will serve you well and top of the list in my manifesto is rights for wheelbarrows. For too many years they have been put upon, oppressed and put away wet and dirty by unthinking owners. This will stop if you vote for me. I plan to take wheelbarrowdom into a new era of prosperity and free Ocado vouchers for all. Vote for me!
Peace, piece, peas
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Dear Ladies and Jellyspoons
This is the chair!
I like THIS chair. Vote for Blair Chair in the up-coming Chair of Wheelbarrow Club election .
Erm - has mummy told you we don’t even have a wheelbarrow yet?
I put up with a lot you know!
love Teddy Bear xx
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Agenda Addendum to Memorandum.
Item 7. The crucial role of the wheelbarrow in adding intrigue and drama in landscaping ( and the avoidance of a bad back Discuss.
Item 8. Will wheelbarrows replace Darrens in the future? Ponder.
I am not a Darren (click box when you have marked all the squares with a motor bike correctly).
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Item 9. Why is there no watering can emoji?? We have everything from a shopping trolley to a camogie stick but no watering can. Discuss.
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Re the do’s and don’ts - the books are ott but I remember my mum used to return from her many trips to Medjugorje laden down with holy pictures, souvenirs, holy water, etc. She would wear a pius expression as if she had been personally told the ten secrets. Used to drive us barmy. My dad would take to the garden/greenhouse and wouldn’t come out for a month by which time the stories might have hopefully dried up. Long story short, the blessed virgin was everywhere and you couldn’t enter the house without getting annointed.
When I was preparing the house for sale, the estate agent - similarly to @happyforest - advised all holiness be removed. I imagined, with every object removal, that I would be struck by a bolt of lightening.
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Can’t believe the dolt didn’t complete the fence. What an ass. I am filled with loathing. Aaaarrgh. Revolting shitpuffin of a specimen.
Re the do’s and don’ts - the books are ott but I remember my mum used to return from her many trips to Medjugorje laden down with holy pictures, souvenirs, holy water, etc. She would wear a pius expression as if she had been personally told the ten secrets. Used to drive us barmy. My dad would take to the garden/greenhouse and wouldn’t come out for a month by which time the stories might have hopefully dried up. Long story short, the blessed virgin was everywhere and you couldn’t enter the house without getting annointed.
When I was preparing the house for sale, the estate agent - similarly to @happyforest - advised all holiness be removed. I imagined, with every object removal, that I would be struck by a bolt of lightening.
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Hello viewers, this is Bitsy Whotsits roving reported! You join me here at the 2024 Annual Shitpuffin Awards - presented this year by Dame Judi Dench! Over to you Judi…
Dame Judi Dench - …and the winner is…that twotfencer with the badly behaved dog who can’t do his job properly…come and get your award you plonker fickhead…
Dame Judi Dench - …and the winner is…that twotfencer with the badly behaved dog who can’t do his job properly…come and get your award you plonker fickhead…
I have never had a watering can. I'm feeling inept. No wheelbarrow, no watering can, no knowledge of anything outdoorsy except the unequivocal knowing that I always feel better after a brisk walk outdoors, not on a machine by a window.
@Milking Keynes, the situation is so annoying! We called a couple of fencing contractors and both told us that they'd need sign off from the registered owner of the other house before they even assess the damage since it's not our fence. I don't have the owner's number, only his son-in-law's number. I reached out again via text to the son-in-law, to specifically ask for the owner's direct number, offering to handle it ourselves, only to be told "Thank you so much for the info my FIL has a guy he's going to go over there and check it out or put it back together or something thank you anyway have yourself a blessed day and thank you so much for info". So many words to say NOPE, not giving you the owner's number. And what 'info' is he thanking me for? I was asking questions!
I'm assuming the guy he is referring to is the lazy shitpuffin with the wild dog sidekick. But it's ok, we'll do it ourselves and pray there aren't any repercussions.
The chairs are both gorgeous, I can't vote against either.
@Miscanthus, I hope you're having a full day of fun today. Thinking of you.
@Milking Keynes, the situation is so annoying! We called a couple of fencing contractors and both told us that they'd need sign off from the registered owner of the other house before they even assess the damage since it's not our fence. I don't have the owner's number, only his son-in-law's number. I reached out again via text to the son-in-law, to specifically ask for the owner's direct number, offering to handle it ourselves, only to be told "Thank you so much for the info my FIL has a guy he's going to go over there and check it out or put it back together or something thank you anyway have yourself a blessed day and thank you so much for info". So many words to say NOPE, not giving you the owner's number. And what 'info' is he thanking me for? I was asking questions!
I'm assuming the guy he is referring to is the lazy shitpuffin with the wild dog sidekick. But it's ok, we'll do it ourselves and pray there aren't any repercussions. The chairs are both gorgeous, I can't vote against either.
@Miscanthus, I hope you're having a full day of fun today. Thinking of you.
You have the patience of a saint. Ye gods, but this situation is getting from bad to worse. Well done for having the knowledge and skill for the job and best of luck.I have never had a watering can. I'm feeling inept. No wheelbarrow, no watering can, no knowledge of anything outdoorsy except the unequivocal knowing that I always feel better after a brisk walk outdoors, not on a machine by a window.
@Milking Keynes, the situation is so annoying! We called a couple of fencing contractors and both told us that they'd need sign off from the registered owner of the other house before they even assess the damage since it's not our fence. I don't have the owner's number, only his son-in-law's number. I reached out again via text to the son-in-law, to specifically ask for the owner's direct number, offering to handle it ourselves, only to be told "Thank you so much for the info my FIL has a guy he's going to go over there and check it out or put it back together or something thank you anyway have yourself a blessed day and thank you so much for info". So many words to say NOPE, not giving you the owner's number. And what 'info' is he thanking me for? I was asking questions!
The chairs are both gorgeous, I can't vote against either.
@Miscanthus, I hope you're having a full day of fun today. Thinking of you.
In our last house, all the fencing between the terraced housing came down any time there was a storm. It was an expensive property in the leafy suburb of Foxrock (ie estate agent speak) but had been put in about 1cm deep in the soil. Bloomin travesty. All the properties built during boom time went up way too fast for comfort. You undoubtedly will do a better job than shitpuffin and the rest..
My father was a carpenter, so I have some knowledge. DH knows nothing about building works. But he's big and strong and can take direction from a woman, praise be! I even have a special post hole digger tool thingie that my mother gifted me years ago. Always thinking ahead, that woman. We've repaired storm damage to our fencing in the past. Drives me crazy that fencing in America is usually wood. It always rots! I'd like nice black iron fencing, but won't spend the coin unless it's a forever home. DH is always yapping about the lack of hedges in America. He prefers strong tall lush hedges or stone walls over the flimsy wood that I swear feels like particle board even when new.
Leave a blessed message to he who is blessed and tell him Dame Judi Dench has awarded his FiL’s useless workman the 2024 Shitpuffin Award. ( see post 964) for proof! X
@Miscanthus love of my life and bestie of besties - good luck tomorrow - tell us all - and remember that you are always in our hears, minds and beyond.. we adore you. Xx
Xx
What she said too! 
Well m’dears, the day hath cometh...... if one more person says behave yourself at the reunion I’ll clock them one. What am I? Ronnie flopping Wood? Am I going to throw a piano out the window? I think not. I’m Hellcat Streisand not Metallica. Heavens sake... if I stick to my six drink rule, all will be fine 
I keep popping in and out to see if there is any news!
In the absence of any news I will give you mine. Prepare to be inundated with spell-binding awe.
This morning at 7 am I put a Marks and Spencer organic chicken in the oven and left it to cook for 1 hour and 40 minutes. I curled up on the sofa and implored the dishwasher repair man ( you know the dishwasher I mean, the new one I bought on 19th December which has yet again broken down (swear here)! Then I wrote a poem about Lips and his lip balm ( see elsewhere) then I petted Teddy Bear and fed him some cooled down organic chicken because he’s off his raw venison again and didn’t want the fresh cod I cooked for him yesterday. He’s taken quite a shine to bone broth lately so I’m happy to oblige since I buy quite a lot. He’s also partial to scrambled eggs and wolfs them down but I don’t want to give them too often and they might cause inflammation according to guru Dr Jockers…Then I went shopping on right move with the lottery win I have manifested for tonight. Can’t find anything I’d sell this place for though ( apart from a 750M gem in Denham which comes full furnished and looks like a palace). Ha! As if…So it would seem I am staying put. My downsizing dream is no longer a dream since I could not bear to part with any of my nice furniture. I had a look at Telegraph on line dating and there still ( after 3 years sneaky looking) isn’t anyone I would pay the joining fees for. One bloke is looking for someone to complete him! Urggghhhh! NO!
I think that’s my news. Oh! I had beans on toast for breakfast and ignoring my own mother in my head telling me NOT to take it into the sitting room to eat on the sofa - I duly took my plate into the sitting room, sat down with a bump and had most of it land on my leg (the real one) whilst kindly burning it and making my clean pyjamas dirty! Teddy got very excited and wanted to lick the beans off me but they were too hot. Frocking nightmare. I need a career! No - sorry - a carer!
In the absence of any news I will give you mine. Prepare to be inundated with spell-binding awe.
This morning at 7 am I put a Marks and Spencer organic chicken in the oven and left it to cook for 1 hour and 40 minutes. I curled up on the sofa and implored the dishwasher repair man ( you know the dishwasher I mean, the new one I bought on 19th December which has yet again broken down (swear here)! Then I wrote a poem about Lips and his lip balm ( see elsewhere) then I petted Teddy Bear and fed him some cooled down organic chicken because he’s off his raw venison again and didn’t want the fresh cod I cooked for him yesterday. He’s taken quite a shine to bone broth lately so I’m happy to oblige since I buy quite a lot. He’s also partial to scrambled eggs and wolfs them down but I don’t want to give them too often and they might cause inflammation according to guru Dr Jockers…Then I went shopping on right move with the lottery win I have manifested for tonight. Can’t find anything I’d sell this place for though ( apart from a 750M gem in Denham which comes full furnished and looks like a palace). Ha! As if…So it would seem I am staying put. My downsizing dream is no longer a dream since I could not bear to part with any of my nice furniture. I had a look at Telegraph on line dating and there still ( after 3 years sneaky looking) isn’t anyone I would pay the joining fees for. One bloke is looking for someone to complete him! Urggghhhh! NO!
I think that’s my news. Oh! I had beans on toast for breakfast and ignoring my own mother in my head telling me NOT to take it into the sitting room to eat on the sofa - I duly took my plate into the sitting room, sat down with a bump and had most of it land on my leg (the real one) whilst kindly burning it and making my clean pyjamas dirty! Teddy got very excited and wanted to lick the beans off me but they were too hot. Frocking nightmare. I need a career! No - sorry - a carer!
You don’t want to complete the poor man? You are heartless.
You could cook him scrambled eggs, organic chicken and beans on toast. If that didn’t complete him I don’t know what would. You would satisfy all his cravings indeed.
I am back from The Reunion... what a night! A crazy get together of naughty teens who never grew up. The naughtiest - me and my roomy, hosted the after party in our room until 5am. One of the girls came looking for our room armed with Bacardi and collapsed en route and the security camera picked it up and security had to escort her back to her room. Getting together with girls I hadn’t seen in decades was surreal but so enjoyable. It was a truly joyful, touching and wonderful experience. I was driving my pal back this morning from Wexford and she insisted in taking all the balloons back with her so I had to plant my coat over them in the boot so they wouldn’t escape. Daft.
Any news from our wonderful Capitán... I hope all went well for our girl on Friday.
My evening was a ruckus. Had just settled into the perfect snuggle position with DH on the couch, he had his cocktail, TV was on pause as we chatted, when my phone rang. Eldest sister, in tears that our mother needed emergency services and could I go to mum's right now. That she too was on her way. Eldest sister now lives father away, I'm still about 3 miles away from our mum. So had to pull a bra on, grab a hat because it was a bad bad hair day, and off I went in the rain and wind, thanking the Goddesses that I hadn't poured myself a drink earlier. Arrived to find my mother sans teeth (always a shock I know, but I've never seen her without her full dentures and yikes did it startle me). She was on her recliner, her pup yapping away at me, having what I think is a heart attack. She was able to speak, which is good, but was sweating profusely despite freezing. I took her BP which was 180/96 and checked her sugar (156). Quickly gave her nitroglycerin tablets and some more BP meds and kept checking her pulse. She wanted to go to hospital, yet didn't really want to go. She said horrible pain was reaching upwards towards both sides of her neck towards her jaw from her heart. She just wanted the pain to stop. Not afraid of death but don't want it to hurt, she kept saying. 20 minutes later, Eldest sister still hadn't arrived, and my mum was able to catch her breath better. Her sister, the only aunt whom I despise, chose to walk in at that moment not knowing about what was unfolding, and she took mum's dog home with her after creating a massive drama about finding his dog bowls, beds, blankets, food, treats, etc. etc.
Finally, Eldest sister arrived and we conferred. After an additional nitroglycerin pill, Mum's colour was better. I sent Eldest off to go back home to pack a bag to stay overnight with my mother. She left and I sat with my mum.
My mum was very funny. Laying with her eyes closed, shivering under a massive blanket. She told me to take her posh, ridiculously expensive, refrigerator if she dies. I told her not to worry about that. Then she asked me how many women my DH has been with. I told her less than Julio Iglesias but lots. She said of course, he's so handsome and that British accent, of course. Then she told me she can't talk about my dead sister, or see her photos, that the pain is too great. I agreed, that it's best to not think sad thoughts right now. Then she told me to put her dog to sleep if she dies because he is not adoptable. I had a horrible time putting his harness on, he was so upset, trying to bite me. I told her not to worry that everything would be ok. (I'm not killing that poor dog!) Then she finally napped a bit. Eldest came back and we tidied the house and I left them to it.
Driving home in the rain, a car was driving against traffic, coming straight at me. I managed to pull into the center grass median and stop, and then went on my way soon as it sped past me. Probably should have dialed the police, or tried to get their license plate number, but I just made my way home, with my heart in my mouth. All is well today so far. My mum is weak but ok. Eldest sister reports that my mother claims not to have slept a wink, she she snored ALL night. Moral of the story? I have no idea.
Today is cleaning day for realtor photos on Monday. Off to scrub scrub scrub. Why are toasters so difficult to clean?
Love you all.
So glad the reunion went well @Milking Keynes!
Cannot believe your new dishwasher has broken, @Oops... ! Nothing is made well these days.
Thinking of @Miscanthus.
Finally, Eldest sister arrived and we conferred. After an additional nitroglycerin pill, Mum's colour was better. I sent Eldest off to go back home to pack a bag to stay overnight with my mother. She left and I sat with my mum.
My mum was very funny. Laying with her eyes closed, shivering under a massive blanket. She told me to take her posh, ridiculously expensive, refrigerator if she dies. I told her not to worry about that. Then she asked me how many women my DH has been with.
I told her less than Julio Iglesias but lots. She said of course, he's so handsome and that British accent, of course. Then she told me she can't talk about my dead sister, or see her photos, that the pain is too great. I agreed, that it's best to not think sad thoughts right now. Then she told me to put her dog to sleep if she dies because he is not adoptable. I had a horrible time putting his harness on, he was so upset, trying to bite me. I told her not to worry that everything would be ok. (I'm not killing that poor dog!) Then she finally napped a bit. Eldest came back and we tidied the house and I left them to it. Driving home in the rain, a car was driving against traffic, coming straight at me. I managed to pull into the center grass median and stop, and then went on my way soon as it sped past me. Probably should have dialed the police, or tried to get their license plate number, but I just made my way home, with my heart in my mouth. All is well today so far. My mum is weak but ok. Eldest sister reports that my mother claims not to have slept a wink, she she snored ALL night. Moral of the story? I have no idea.
Today is cleaning day for realtor photos on Monday. Off to scrub scrub scrub. Why are toasters so difficult to clean?
Love you all.
So glad the reunion went well @Milking Keynes!
Cannot believe your new dishwasher has broken, @Oops... ! Nothing is made well these days.
Thinking of @Miscanthus.
No sorry darling Hellcat Streisand I need MUCH more detail than you have given. I have been sooooo excited to hear how you looked compared to them and who told you how fabulous you are! I need all details of where you went, the food, who got drunk first, who was nice at school but horrid now and who ended up nice but needed a slap at school. It sounds too much fun. I remember looking at the clock at 2 am this morning when I let Teddy out and I was thinking I bet she’s just getting going now! I was clearly right. It proves my clairaudience. You must come and have an audience with it…
Oh no Dearest Aunty H. What a frocking nightmare and then you nearly get killed!!!! I mean what was that about? I really hope your mother gets well again. Clearly she thinks she’s going to join the choir. It must be very frightening! Then you have to come back and start at home. All a bit much really. Too much! You really would give Marcus Aurelius a run for his money you are SUCH a stoic! Your mother’s sister sounds like a real bag of spanner’s. Hurling toasters through windows and then buying a new one usually works for me darling. Just sayin’…
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I think Captain will let us know when she’s ready.
x
Oh no Dearest Aunty H. What a frocking nightmare and then you nearly get killed!!!! I mean what was that about? I really hope your mother gets well again. Clearly she thinks she’s going to join the choir. It must be very frightening! Then you have to come back and start at home. All a bit much really. Too much! You really would give Marcus Aurelius a run for his money you are SUCH a stoic! Your mother’s sister sounds like a real bag of spanner’s. Hurling toasters through windows and then buying a new one usually works for me darling. Just sayin’…
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I think Captain will let us know when she’s ready.
xIndeed, @Oops... is correct. Details are LIFE! @Milking Keynes we def need more deets, darling. Did you feel as beautiful as we know you are? Was the food good? How were the men looking? DH recently looked up people from his school days & from his first accountancy firm and was horrified at how they looked. In distress, he asked me if he too looked like that? After laughing so hard I nearly peed, and being sorely tempted to tell him that yes, he too looks haggard, worn, hairless and depleted, I told him that he looks miles younger than that lot of unfortunates.
I'm honestly tempted to hurl toaster, stove, extraction hood, and brand new refrigerator out the window right now. I paid extra for 'fingerprint free stainless steel' finishings, yet it was all lies. ALL LIES! I'm tempted to make everyone wear cotton gloves so I don't have to clean everything again Monday morning.
I'm honestly tempted to hurl toaster, stove, extraction hood, and brand new refrigerator out the window right now. I paid extra for 'fingerprint free stainless steel' finishings, yet it was all lies. ALL LIES! I'm tempted to make everyone wear cotton gloves so I don't have to clean everything again Monday morning.
Oh my goodness, I leave you for a day and look what happens??? Clearly, I can’t leave you again. Poor @happyforest sitting down with Julio 
and then getting the call of nightmares..... @Oops online dating and multiple appliance trouble... I’m back, girls!!
Well, thank the heavens that your mum is alright but perhaps driving in hazardous conditions not advisable. Here’s a tip - call an ambulance and tell them you are on your way (leave a key under the mat for the paramedics to enter) or if she’s conscious get her to call emergency services herself. Any time I was tempted to call an ambulance - I was proved right. Never think you are overreacting - you’re not!
@Oops I know the last thing you want in your life is a man - I concur, believe me
- but the thought of you online dating is tooooo exciting! It’ll be like Rightmove but for hot guys... I want in.. I can be your hot guy guru... I know I let you down with Darren but I can do better, I promise. I see you with a writer: Sebastian Barry-ish, brooding, articulate, caring, gentle, well-dressed, well-maintained, do all your cooking to free up your creative writing, look adoringly at you and Teddy, equally of course, and mend all appliances without fuss or faff.
Hurling toasters, @happyforest - I did just that! I was fuming - got scammed and relieved of €280 on my current account - fool, fool, fool that I am and then the flopping toaster broke and what was left in my measly account was spent on a toaster!
However, the toaster I bought - I’ll post a pic - is the Maserati, the Porsche of the species!
This is priority so Reunion details will follow!
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and then getting the call of nightmares..... @Oops online dating and multiple appliance trouble... I’m back, girls!! Well, thank the heavens that your mum is alright but perhaps driving in hazardous conditions not advisable. Here’s a tip - call an ambulance and tell them you are on your way (leave a key under the mat for the paramedics to enter) or if she’s conscious get her to call emergency services herself. Any time I was tempted to call an ambulance - I was proved right. Never think you are overreacting - you’re not!
@Oops I know the last thing you want in your life is a man - I concur, believe me
- but the thought of you online dating is tooooo exciting! It’ll be like Rightmove but for hot guys... I want in.. I can be your hot guy guru... I know I let you down with Darren but I can do better, I promise. I see you with a writer: Sebastian Barry-ish, brooding, articulate, caring, gentle, well-dressed, well-maintained, do all your cooking to free up your creative writing, look adoringly at you and Teddy, equally of course, and mend all appliances without fuss or faff.Hurling toasters, @happyforest - I did just that! I was fuming - got scammed and relieved of €280 on my current account - fool, fool, fool that I am and then the flopping toaster broke and what was left in my measly account was spent on a toaster!
However, the toaster I bought - I’ll post a pic - is the Maserati, the Porsche of the species!This is priority so Reunion details will follow!
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Girls, I've hesitated to post because #public forum #personal stuff and I didn't want to interrupt MK's reunion report but I know you want to hear how it went. We'll, it didn't really go how I expected it to. I guess I expected it to be a rinse and repeat of last time and I thought I could cope with that. Unfortunately I was told that it's different to last time and to have different types on each side is highly unusual. The op will be in the next month but subsequent treatment is up in the air. I was upset yesterday, angry this morning and now my anxiety is through the roof. I'm so regretting buying a renovation project right now.
Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry - we were so, so concerned for you that any of the superficial stuff like reunions is nothing like the worry we had and have for you - you know that.
@Miscanthus could they be almost trying to worry you by giving you the worst case scenario in order for you to not expect immediate recovery? They do seem to scare the life out of cancer patients to avoid comeback? What are your thoughts.
Don’t regret the renovation project. Right now, it’s too overwhelming but it happened for a reason - you will feel differently tomorrow or next week. You will complete the renovation and you will see it all come together and it will be glorious and a credit and testament to your talent.
You are great, strong, wonderful and bold. You will get through this. You will.
I CANNOT bear the thought of you being anxious dear Captain. What can I do to help?
Sending massive hugs and love for now at least xx
Sending massive hugs and love for now at least xx
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