TTC and feeling jealous of pregnant women ☹️

[Dexy]

I would be keen to try for another, but not sure I can take the months, or longer, of uncertainty again. Got to weigh it up carefully as, like you say, it becomes all I can think about, all consuming. Even though I know I’m so lucky to have the kids I have, very thankful for them

I never want to go through it again. It’s so stressful. Number 2 is my last. I suffered with horrendous morning, noon and night sickness with my son and now this one for the last 10 weeks ( 15weeks pregnant) and guess what we have barely had sex. Oh the irony!

 

[Tui]

Got my period on Friday. Felt a bit disappointed but at least I know where I am now in terms of cycles. Have ordered some OPKs as want to know I am ovulating.

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

What’s lovely about all of you here is that you a) understand the struggle so people don’t feel shamed into not talking about it.

b) that you don’t dismiss anyone’s feelings. It’s ok to feel jealous or sad or bit petulant (it’s not fairrrrrr) but offer another way of viewing things.

 

[Dandylion1]

I felt exactly the same as this! Me and my partner was trying for a baby for a few months and the girl I worked with got pregnant within that time and I was just so jealous and every time I would see baby stuff everywhere I would just constantly stare at prams and baby clothes and just be riddled with jealousy! Of course I was happy for my workmate who got pregnant though! I then got pregnant myself after around six months of trying, it also turned me into a control freak though every month I would be doing 1 million pregnancy test and would be so gutted when it was negative

 

[Tui]

Thanks for all the responses. It’s nice to know I’m not crazy. I know it’s very early days and being pregnant/a mother is a huge emotional rollercoaster of its own. I suppose that’s part of why I’m quite nervous of how I feel now.
I haven’t had a period for 7 years..... I had a mirena coil removed 3 weeks ago so no periods during coil or since. Im told that doesn’t affect fertility. I think I’d feel a lot better to have a period and know where I am in terms of cycle length etc. I don’t use BBT/OPK at present - I find it a bit intimidating...

 

[Whaaaaat]

Being a parent is extremely hard, harder then one could ever imagine. It’s stressful and it brings a life time of worry and uncertainty.

So SO much this!

I was such an easy going person before I had my son. Now I worry about everything - he’s a toddler and if I think about it for long enough I can get myself worked up that he might get bullied at school

And the guilt. Oh the guilt. I’ve never known anything like it. You feel guilty if you do and guilty if you don’t.

I don’t think I could cope with a second. Once is enough for me because being a parent is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

 

[Dexy]

For all of you worrying about your weight, and periods etc, please please do not stress! My GP made it pretty clear that whilst being overweight (I am), unless you have significant health issues from your weight, it won’t affect much. the concern rises more when the child may suffer from it.

We are having treatment because my husband had cancer and doesn’t have sperm so we will be using a donor. I’ve been told my eggs are plentiful and healthy (despite me loving my food a little too much!)

But I totally understand with people getting upset with pregnancy announcements. My mother is the worst for it when she says “I saw so and so and they have a baby bump!”. It’s not a competition! And I have someone on my social media who is pregnant with number 6 and she has done nothing but post comments stating how pissed off is with being pregnant and has now started calling her unborn child “the little fucker”. She moans non stop about how she hates it and she can’t get pissed etc - it baffles me!

That’s seriously vile. Disgusting excuse for a mother.

I’m so glad I found this thread, I’ve been ttc for nearly a year my friend is 4 months pregnant and I am so happy for her I really am but she keeps making comments like I want to do it together, hurry up and get pregnant and also little comments like just you wait etc. I’m finding it so hard to listen to all this she knows my situation and asks every couple of weeks for updates even though I’ve said I don’t want to talk about it

ive been using ovulation sticks for the last 3 months and ovulating a week later than predicted. Just 7 days before period is due, I haven’t gone to a doctor yet giving it 2 more months. My period is due tomorrow and I think it’s coming I feel all hormonal so another failed month. I’m 29 but my partner is 37.
I’ve already got a son, I’m 1 stone heavier than when I fell with him so don’t know if that is a factor in it also with him I fell pregnant first try (Please don’t hate me) so think this is making me worry more this time.

I was slim, healthy and regular with periods. After a miscarriage I was a mental and emotional mess. I know it’s easier said than done to relax ladies but honestly do not underestimate how much stress plays a part in stopping you conceiving. As soon as I gave up boom! I fell with baby number 2. xx

 

[theghosttown]

I know this thread has gone quiet but looking for advice.
I’m currently under the care of a gynae. Really not been overly happy with the care. I’ve been in the ‘system’ for about 2 years but have been ttc for about 3 years. I’ve been diagnosed with pcos, mild endo. Had a laparoscopy and hsg test (tubes are clear) and I’ve now been told that i can have clomid... if I lose 4 stone. Everything has just ground to a halt and they’ve waved me off saying all my dreams will come true when I magically lose all this weight. I’m 1.5 stone down but struggling with the rest. I’ve got a fertility appointment with another hospital on 13th July (phone consultation due to clinic being shut) to hopefully try and make my case to be given clomid. The thing is, I have monthly, regular periods. I didn’t even have a clue I had pcos until I was ttc. Does anyone have any experience with clomid here? Is this drug even relevant for me as apparently I do ovulate!

 

[Heybooboo]

I’m so glad I found this thread, I’ve been ttc for nearly a year my friend is 4 months pregnant and I am so happy for her I really am but she keeps making comments like I want to do it together, hurry up and get pregnant and also little comments like just you wait etc. I’m finding it so hard to listen to all this she knows my situation and asks every couple of weeks for updates even though I’ve said I don’t want to talk about it

ive been using ovulation sticks for the last 3 months and ovulating a week later than predicted. Just 7 days before period is due, I haven’t gone to a doctor yet giving it 2 more months. My period is due tomorrow and I think it’s coming I feel all hormonal so another failed month. I’m 29 but my partner is 37.
I’ve already got a son, I’m 1 stone heavier than when I fell with him so don’t know if that is a factor in it also with him I fell pregnant first try (Please don’t hate me) so think this is making me worry more this time.

 

[Definitelyme]

We have been trying for four years, with no health care professionals taking us seriously because of medical condition. Yesterday we saw a geneticist and discussed the possible passing on of my condition which is 50/50 we then found out our DNA shows we now al have a chance of having a 1 in 4 chance of having a child with cystic fibrosis, we are looking to have IVF with some testing of embryos in the next 6 months where we need to prioritise which condition to test for.

Last night we made the heartbreaking decision to stop TTC Naturally, even though we would love our future child no matter what we just want them to have the best life possible.

however on this same day my friend panics about possibly being pregnant & comes to my house to do tests (unplanned pregnancy scare) all negative tests but then , her sister then announces a pregnancy as does my sister and 2 other people I work with.
im overwhelmed, I am lonely and I’m sad

I am so sorry to hear about the incredibly tough journey you are on. Your strength is amazing, you are one exceptional lady. It’s no wonder you feel lonely and sad today having heard so many announcements at the same time you decide to stop ttc yourselves. That must be very difficult to hear. Sending you all the very best for the next steps in your journey.

 

[Dexy]

Thank you. I also hear mixed reports about when is best to conceive: obviously the day of/immediately before and after ovulation is best, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you ovulate the day of the positive ovulation test, right? I think some of my calculations might be a bit out!
I usually have a 30(ish) day cycle and if I’m going to get a positive ovulation test it’s usually either day 15 or 16. We’ve previously been trying to time sex for days 12/13 and then the day I get the positive test, but would I be better moving forward a day? My partner’s sperm mobility is a little low for where it should be, so as close to actual ovulation is probably our best chance.

That’s exactly right.

I have a 23 day cycle and got caught on day 12. I think I had been missing the time so to speak so many times now because I’d been aiming for day 14 for ages. In the end we just threw out the ovulation test and decided to do it every other day or third day.
The best days are naturally the days leading up to ovulation and it is advised to have sex every other day so maybe day 11, 13 and 15 that would give you three chances then? It only takes once. Good luck!

 

[swimming]

If you’re not trying to get pregnant through standard intercourse then I wouldn’t bother monitoring your temp, it’s a lot of faff and hassle and I don’t think it’s worth your while unless the clinic advises it.

Ah okay, thank you for that. Yes we cant get pregnant because my husband has no sperm whatsoever following cancer. So we are relying on a nice donor from the clinic (when we pick one!). The clinic we have picked has their own in-house sperm bank which im hoping will make things smoother.

 

[Emsie]

Took me 3 years with my first so I can relate! I was an expert in cervical mucus, implation bleeding, eating pineapple, then not eating pineapple, eating 5 Brazil nuts a day and living my life governed by an app in my phone. Nothing I can say will stop you doing what I did so I will keep my fingers crossed for you. I had every test known to mankind and so did hubby. Hubby has a child already so I was convinced it was me!! My 2nd was concieved within 3 months. Sometimes mother nature is just a cow.
Take your time and relax (impossible to do) and if it doesn't happen there are plenty of other options available to you x

 

[Dexy]

I’ve used OPKs a lot, and what I’ve always understood is that you get your positive about 12-24hrs before you release the egg, and it’s then viable for 24hrs more. So from time of the positive the maximum time afterwards to conceive is 48hrs.

In the past I used the “sperm meet egg” plan which I read about years ago. Basically sex every other day after your period ends, and then when you get your positive opk it’s two days in a row. Who knows if that works though! My first was conceived using SMEP but could have been coincidence. With our third we always started daily sex when the opk started to get darker.

should add my cycles are extremely irregular (28 days up to 70 days) so we really haven’t a clue unless we use opk and follow a bit of a plan.

Yes! While the ovulation tests certainly have their value and place I was also told this - have sex every other day as sperm can live in the female body for a few days so don’t rule out several days before ovulation!

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

Sigh. My sister has just told us she’s pregnant with her second child and I’ve just had month 5 of a not pregnant test. I’ve felt queasy for two days so I really thought this was going to be the month.

 

[Definitelyme]

Yes! While the ovulation tests certainly have their value and place I was also told this - have sex every other day as sperm can live in the female body for a few days so days before ovulation!

Which is entirely gross really -they are just in there... wiggling about

Ttc is such an unsexy business when it gets down to all the planning, isn’t it? I remember my husband once saying “again? But I’m so tired!”

 

[Twinmum]

Please, please try not to stress yourself out with it all, I’m a firm believer in stress causing even more problems during TTC. Forget everyone else, this is your time now and anyone who isn’t there for you can quite frankly piss off! X

 

[Tui]

I doubt it, if you’re ovulating monthly why do you need it? You’ll be guaranteed to end up with multiples.

A previous poster mentioned clomid and I did a bit of googling about it, just wondered if anyone had any experience with it?

Is it usually only suggested for women who have been trying for a while and need help conceiving, or can it be used when you start trying to boost your chances of conceiving?

 

[Dexy]

Which is entirely gross really -they are just in there... wiggling about

Ttc is such an unsexy business when it gets down to all the planning, isn’t it? I remember my husband once saying “again? But I’m so tired!”

Same. I couldn’t believe mine was saying that, never thought I’d see the day but joking aside you have to try and make it fun and not just a mission. So so difficult as it’s all you can think about.

 

[SusanBoobson]

So SO much this!

I was such an easy going person before I had my son. Now I worry about everything - he’s a toddler and if I think about it for long enough I can get myself worked up that he might get bullied at school

And the guilt. Oh the guilt. I’ve never known anything like it. You feel guilty if you do and guilty if you don’t.

I don’t think I could cope with a second. Once is enough for me because being a parent is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

It really is. I think a lot of people start a family because of the initial baby phase but that part is over in a flash and then before you know it they’re teenagers.
However I do know an older lady who’s husband recently died and now she’s alone as they decided against a family and I must say that on good days when my teenage daughter is happy, we enjoy shopping trips and long conversations and I’m grateful for that.
I think if you don’t have children having lots of friends is important and even better nieces and nephews.