TTC and feeling jealous of pregnant women ☹️

[Lulabella_Mozzarella2]

Hi all. We started trying for a baby when I was 30 - right time etc etc! No luck despite a lot of trying. Eventually saw the Dr who monitored my periods and did blood tests - all came back as ‘normal’. Hubby had to go for tests; again ‘normal’. I had a laparoscopy to check my ovaries etc and again, nothing flagged up. We were eventually referred to the fertility dept at the local hospital after another episode of me crying to my Dr (not helped by everyone asking when we were going to have a baby, people around me getting pregnant) who basically told me my bmi was too high and If we wanted IVF, wed have to reduce it. Tried to lose weight but were still too high so decided to get married and let nature take its course. Booked the wedding for July 2011 and of course, in October of 2010 I found out I was pregnant Waddled down the aisle at 32wks pregnant, had a beautiful boy and then had another baby after 18m of trying this time, a girl who is now 4. I can’t offer any advice really as we were very lucky that I did fall pregnant eventually, but just wanted to share that it can happen unexpectedly; I really thought we’d have to go down the fertility route or adoption. It was the hardest thing to get my period each month, watch people have babies around me and the ‘when are you having a baby’ questions that made me want to scream!

In an odd twist, I’m clearly only fertile at a certain time as my daughter was due 2 days before my sons birthday - thankfully was a little early so they both have their ‘own’ birthday rather than a combination birthday

 

[Newbie]

I felt the same. We tried for just over 3 years for our first child.

It felt like everyone around me was pregnant at the time, although in reality, no more than usual. I just noticed it more.

Be kind to yourself, it's early days and stress won't help

 

[Belleboo]

It took me 14 years to get my baby, this was after several rounds if IVF, a miscarriage and the break up of my marriage. Try not to let it consume you and be genuinely happy for any loved ones that may conceive in the time you’re trying. TTC is hard and having a baby is hard, either way you will need your friends and families support. I wish you every luck on your journey, I hope it’s a short one and you have your baby soon.

 

[anything at all]

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. It’s a normal feeling. I go through phases of feeling the same but we’ve been ttc for 7 yearsI just have to try distract myself and try hard to shut those feelings out. Doesn’t always work.

I hope that you don’t have to wait to long to fall pregnant. x

 

[Tui]

Hi everyone!

I wrote on here the other day, but deleted it straight after because I got scared. I only usually go on this website to take the piss, but might as well use it as a community now that this thread is here.

My husband had cancer and has no sperm. So we will be going through fertility treatment user a donor sperm as soon as the clinics will re-open. We have decided to pay for private treatment rather than waiting on the NHS.

We will be having (up to) 3 rounds of IUI and then maybe consider IVF if they dont work. The donor we will be picking will have the same features (or as close to) that we both have and only very few friends will know the baby is a donor baby.

But I came on to say that I have suffered horrendously with comments from someone who has been my best best friend for 10 years. We tell each other everything. She is 9 years older than me and well into her 40's and has never gotten married or had children. Which is absolutely normal and perfectly reasonable, as everyone lives a different life.

But when I confided in her and told her I desperately wanted to be a mother (ive never been pregnant before), and told her our plans to go about doing it, I was knocked off my feet with her reaction. She told me that I was "fucking with nature" by using a sperm donor, and then really pushed the boat out and said "having children is disgusting" and "I cant think of anything worse than growing a baby inside of me, makes me feel sick"

WTF!!! I drove home in floods of tears. This clearly isn't someone that I now want to continue a friendship with and I am now almost grieving a 10 year friendship. I could not believe her comments. My husband thinks its a hard hit of jealously and she is reacting in a very defensive way because shes never met someone and had children of her own?... I have no idea, all I know is her comments were very uncalled for, and hurtful.

I wasn't expecting everyone we told to be delighted for us, but for someone who's been my best friend for 10 years, we expected at least a degree of support!!!! But to say to my face that its "disgusting" and "I cant think of anything worse", makes me feel sick and my stomach gets in knots whenever I think about it. To think that I now wont share this exciting journey with a friend hurts me so much. But im not having negativity to that extent in my life - we've been through enough.

Sorry for the massive rant, but I wanted to give my story across as I will be open on this forum and it has shown how supportive people can be

xx Love to you all xx

Sorry to hear about your situation but you sound like you are dealing with it admirably.
I think your partner is right and your friend is probably Incredibly jealous. She might even have been banking on you not having children either and thinking you would have this in common, it may have given her confidence if she had secretly wanted a child and it hadn’t happened. Or she truly does hate children (which is fine) and has secretly harboured these opinions about pregnancy all this time, which is fine but her saying these things at this time is incredibly insensitive. I’m not sure I could be friends with this person. She may come round to the idea if she values your friendship. If not then it sounds like it’s her loss. I wish you all the luck in the world though for your fertility treatments.

 

[Twinmum]

TTC for four years, after two horrendous operations, tubes removed and 4 failed IVF tries, finally healthy twins. Absolutely hated all pregnant people, especially the local druggies that managed to get pregnant every year, oh and the mothers that ditched their kids every weekend to go out! Totally normal for all the feelings, sending love to you all, however it may be, you will get there in the end xx

 

[Tree_]

I'm sorry for the stressful situation you're going through. I had a friend completely ghost me delete me out of her life as she found it hard to cope with the fact I conceived when it was taking her time, which I get. So it's more common than you think as it's such an emotive feeling

 

[CheekyCrackerLover]

Took us 8 years and I remember the feelings well my best friend got pregnant by accident and had 3 children during those 8 years. I never thought I would become a mum but last year we had our little miracle arrive so don’t give up hope but also try not to our pressure on yourself and if you think you might have a problem with TTC start getting things looked in to as it might be a really simple fix wishing you luck and know the feelings are normal I deleted several friends from Facebook after seeing their pregnancy announcements.

 

[theghosttown]

So we had a bloody huge shock two weeks ago. I got referred to a local fertility doctor and he discussed everything with myself and my husband. After two years of being told our issues were down to me and my weight / pcos it actually turns out it is my husband. He had two sperm tests in 2018 and our GP said that whilst the count was lower than average it wasn’t too much of a concern. Turns out they got that very very wrong and actually his count is so bad we would never conceive without IVF!! My husband is being retested in November and is having to make some lifestyle changes so we shall see what happens. We are not eligible for IVF as he had two children from a previous marriage. I feel relieved that by November we will know 100% either way what the situation is!x

 

[Tui]

Found out today that one of my close friends is about to announce she is 3 months pregnant. I’m really so pleased for her and her husband as she had a tough few months for unrelated reasons, but I’m also gutted for me as this means her due date is very close to my due date, before I miscarried. It’s going to be really hard. This friend doesn’t know I had a miscarriage, but I was warned she is going to make an announcement by another friend who I did tell. (I didn’t tell the other friend simply as it didn’t come up). Quite glad I don’t have to see her face to face for a while, which is sad.

 

[swimming]

For all of you worrying about your weight, and periods etc, please please do not stress! My GP made it pretty clear that whilst being overweight (I am), unless you have significant health issues from your weight, it won’t affect much. the concern rises more when the child may suffer from it.

We are having treatment because my husband had cancer and doesn’t have sperm so we will be using a donor. I’ve been told my eggs are plentiful and healthy (despite me loving my food a little too much!)

But I totally understand with people getting upset with pregnancy announcements. My mother is the worst for it when she says “I saw so and so and they have a baby bump!”. It’s not a competition! And I have someone on my social media who is pregnant with number 6 and she has done nothing but post comments stating how pissed off is with being pregnant and has now started calling her unborn child “the little fucker”. She moans non stop about how she hates it and she can’t get pissed etc - it baffles me!

 

[anything at all]

So sorry to hear that @Tui
Miscarriages are tough, make sure you feel 100% ready to go back?
take care x


3 years ago we finally got pregnant (after 4 years trying and 2 failed ivfs), I miscarried at 7 weeks. And 3 years later we are still ttc. 7years of torture.


I had been wondering, are others still trying to get pregnant with covid being around still? I know sadly lots of Ivfs/treatments got cancelled but for anyone that could get pregnant naturally are you still trying anyway? (Hope this isn’t insensitive or offends anyone)

we haven’t stopped preventing but it’s been 3 years since miscarriage anyway so I don’t have exactly have high hopes but not going to lose out on chances..

 

[swimming]

Thank you massively to everyone who has replied to my massive post. I dont expect her to apologise, because I dont think she thinks she has done anything wrong. But you know when you have a little plan in your head about the future and in my dreams, I always saw her as a godmother to my children, and now from her exceptionally bitter and quite frankly, rude remarks about my 'news', it has shattered me. My husband does not want me to be social with her anymore as he has seen how emotional it has made me and the last thing I need to be doing, is getting worked up over something,

But I think its true - she had banked on me being the childless person with her in life and now that I am almost moving on (as such), she has gone on the massive defensive and is saying those hurtful things to maybe try and put me off having a baby.

This whole thing is a journey and I am just happy that clinics will be able to open in a few weeks so hopefully we can get our ball rolling. I am tracking my ovulation and cycle dates at home each month so I can work out some sort of pattern to tell the clinic when we do get our first consultation. And I have also started taking folic acid tablets with added vit D which ive read online wont do me any harm to be taking them on the lead up to the IUI treatment

 

[Tui]

I’ve changed my mind from only a week ago and we are going to keep trying despite COVID. I went back to work last week after the miscarriage and just felt so down. Work is so different, no training is currently happening, it’s all service (I’m a doctor in a training programme). Felt like I had nothing to look forward to as I had mentally set a block on not trying again at least until I got my period and then if lockdown was lifting. Talked to my husband about it and we have decided to keep going. It’s going to be tricky but I feel so much happier that there’s now a possibility I might get pregnant again as I was feeling so empty and useless before. It’s the only thing I really want right now and it probably sounds trite but at the moment I feel like it’s the only way I’ll feel happy again after the miscarriag, is if I have a baby.

 

[Definitelyme]

Thank you. I also hear mixed reports about when is best to conceive: obviously the day of/immediately before and after ovulation is best, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you ovulate the day of the positive ovulation test, right? I think some of my calculations might be a bit out!
I usually have a 30(ish) day cycle and if I’m going to get a positive ovulation test it’s usually either day 15 or 16. We’ve previously been trying to time sex for days 12/13 and then the day I get the positive test, but would I be better moving forward a day? My partner’s sperm mobility is a little low for where it should be, so as close to actual ovulation is probably our best chance.

I’ve used OPKs a lot, and what I’ve always understood is that you get your positive about 12-24hrs before you release the egg, and it’s then viable for 24hrs more. So from time of the positive the maximum time afterwards to conceive is 48hrs.

In the past I used the “sperm meet egg” plan which I read about years ago. Basically sex every other day after your period ends, and then when you get your positive opk it’s two days in a row. Who knows if that works though! My first was conceived using SMEP but could have been coincidence. With our third we always started daily sex when the opk started to get darker.

should add my cycles are extremely irregular (28 days up to 70 days) so we really haven’t a clue unless we use opk and follow a bit of a plan.

 

[Dexy]

Came off the pill late December, been ttc since. No luck as yet, the disappointment every month is the hardest thing. With my first child it took approx 4 months, my second was 1 month.
I’m worried because I’m older now - 38, that I will have problems conceiving. Anyone else “older”?

Yes me. Got pregnant last year at 39. My first was conceived on the second cycle. Second time three months later but I had a MMC. Guess what happened then? Absolutely nothing for six months. I got obsessed with ovulation tests and doing the deed every other day. My husband was stressed and exhausted! I was worrying it wouldn’t happen again/things could go wrong etc etc. My periods had gone from being regular as clockwork to all over the show. When I asked the nurse at my regular smear she said it was almost certainly down to stress. As soon as I ‘gave up’ thinking about getting pregnant I got pregnant. Honestly, it’s cliche but so true. Relax and it will happen xx
I’m now 21 weeks.

 

[Tui]

Thought I'd reactivate this thread. I found out I was pregnant on 24 March. Went off work, stopped my meds, was thrilled. Guilty not to be helping out at work, so many colleagues off sick with COVID. Then my worst fears realised and I had a miscarriage last week and it was fucking awful. I'm doing better that I was earlier in the week, physically things are calming down and I am thinking of going back to work next week. Dreading people asking me how I am feeling and 'glad to see you are better' and all the stuff people say to be nice. No meds + lockdown have made me gain half a stone I could have done without. Good thing about COVID is any visibly pregnant staff won't be on the wards so at least I don't have to deal with that yet...

 

[Rosie878]

Hi everyone!

I wrote on here the other day, but deleted it straight after because I got scared. I only usually go on this website to take the piss, but might as well use it as a community now that this thread is here.

My husband had cancer and has no sperm. So we will be going through fertility treatment user a donor sperm as soon as the clinics will re-open. We have decided to pay for private treatment rather than waiting on the NHS.

We will be having (up to) 3 rounds of IUI and then maybe consider IVF if they dont work. The donor we will be picking will have the same features (or as close to) that we both have and only very few friends will know the baby is a donor baby.

But I came on to say that I have suffered horrendously with comments from someone who has been my best best friend for 10 years. We tell each other everything. She is 9 years older than me and well into her 40's and has never gotten married or had children. Which is absolutely normal and perfectly reasonable, as everyone lives a different life.

But when I confided in her and told her I desperately wanted to be a mother (ive never been pregnant before), and told her our plans to go about doing it, I was knocked off my feet with her reaction. She told me that I was "fucking with nature" by using a sperm donor, and then really pushed the boat out and said "having children is disgusting" and "I cant think of anything worse than growing a baby inside of me, makes me feel sick"

WTF!!! I drove home in floods of tears. This clearly isn't someone that I now want to continue a friendship with and I am now almost grieving a 10 year friendship. I could not believe her comments. My husband thinks its a hard hit of jealously and she is reacting in a very defensive way because shes never met someone and had children of her own?... I have no idea, all I know is her comments were very uncalled for, and hurtful.

I wasn't expecting everyone we told to be delighted for us, but for someone who's been my best friend for 10 years, we expected at least a degree of support!!!! But to say to my face that its "disgusting" and "I cant think of anything worse", makes me feel sick and my stomach gets in knots whenever I think about it. To think that I now wont share this exciting journey with a friend hurts me so much. But im not having negativity to that extent in my life - we've been through enough.

Sorry for the massive rant, but I wanted to give my story across as I will be open on this forum and it has shown how supportive people can be

xx Love to you all xx

I can’t believe a friend would be so judgemental. Especially when it sounds like you and your husband have been through a lot already. I can only conclude that she was banking on you to be childless with her and she is worried about your friendship changing. I think the ball is in her court now to make a big apology. All the best with your fertility treatment xx

 

[swimming]

Thank you @Tui - I dont smoke and hardly drink, so thats good for me. My BMI falls within the obese category because im not very tall (5ft6), but I dont 'look obese' if that makes sense. My ovulation and periods are like clockwork according to the cycle diary ive been keeping, so fingers crossed. I will just keep chipping away at my diet until we get our appointments and see what happens

 

[Definitelyme]

I would be keen to try for another, but not sure I can take the months, or longer, of uncertainty again. Got to weigh it up carefully as, like you say, it becomes all I can think about, all consuming. Even though I know I’m so lucky to have the kids I have, very thankful for them