Toddler advice thread #4

al255 · Mar 17, 2023

So tonight I asked her to pick 5 books, she went to bed at 7:15pn with her books. Out of the 5 we got through 2 cos she was tired, by 7:30pm she said she wanted some raisins.. ok.. then she ate 2 of them, then 7:40pm she’s screaming cos she wants some cereal. NO chance. I said if you’re hungry have your raisins, she’s purposely delaying bedtime. No drama over books, just pretending to be hungry! MORE tears from her and kicking off over pointless stuff, need to rant! I’ve had enough! It’s so hard on my own at times

WhatABore · Mar 17, 2023

al255 said:
So tonight I asked her to pick 5 books, she went to bed at 7:15pn with her books. Out of the 5 we got through 2 cos she was tired, by 7:30pm she said she wanted some raisins.. ok.. then she ate 2 of them, then 7:40pm she’s screaming cos she wants some cereal. NO chance. I said if you’re hungry have your raisins, she’s purposely delaying bedtime. No drama over books, just pretending to be hungry! MORE tears from her and kicking off over pointless stuff, need to rant! I’ve had enough! It’s so hard on my own at times

I agree with previous comments that it's just her fighting for power.
It'll take time but you just have to be firm with the routine.
Stick the the same amount of books every night. Same time for things.
I personally wouldn't have accommodated the raisins either. Especially knowing its a delay tactic.
Once it's bed time, it's bed time, we do the same routine and nothing else

I’mThankyou_ · Mar 17, 2023

al255 said:
So tonight I asked her to pick 5 books, she went to bed at 7:15pn with her books. Out of the 5 we got through 2 cos she was tired, by 7:30pm she said she wanted some raisins.. ok.. then she ate 2 of them, then 7:40pm she’s screaming cos she wants some cereal. NO chance. I said if you’re hungry have your raisins, she’s purposely delaying bedtime. No drama over books, just pretending to be hungry! MORE tears from her and kicking off over pointless stuff, need to rant! I’ve had enough! It’s so hard on my own at times

Sending you massive sympathy.
Honestly I've been there, it used to just be me & my 10yo, and he would always find ways to try and stay in control and push boundaries.

I know its hard but you have to be so firm and after a few bedtimes she'll realise she can't delay the inevitable anymore.

Hairraiser · Mar 17, 2023

al255 said:
So tonight I asked her to pick 5 books, she went to bed at 7:15pn with her books. Out of the 5 we got through 2 cos she was tired, by 7:30pm she said she wanted some raisins.. ok.. then she ate 2 of them, then 7:40pm she’s screaming cos she wants some cereal. NO chance. I said if you’re hungry have your raisins, she’s purposely delaying bedtime. No drama over books, just pretending to be hungry! MORE tears from her and kicking off over pointless stuff, need to rant! I’ve had enough! It’s so hard on my own at times

How did it go having less ipad time?

I’m sorry it didn’t go as well as you’d hoped.
Just know while you may be alone physically, everyone else is or has gone through the same issues. It’ll get better I promise!
Keep strong.
She loves you and you love her, it’s clear to see you want the absolute best for her.

They always push our buttons as we’re too soft as parents. She knows how to get out of going to sleep and it creates a stressful environment around the time that’s meant to be relaxing and calm.
Try not to react too much to the crying, she isn’t hurt in anyway so it’s ok not to react to it, she’ll soon learn it won’t get her far.
validate her feelings by saying ‘I understand you’re frustrated because you want food, but it’s bedtime now, not food time, tomorrow you can have a big bowl of cereal when you wake up’
It works sometimes with my little boy, so might be worth a try.

Jellybean093 · Mar 17, 2023

al255 said:
So tonight I asked her to pick 5 books, she went to bed at 7:15pn with her books. Out of the 5 we got through 2 cos she was tired, by 7:30pm she said she wanted some raisins.. ok.. then she ate 2 of them, then 7:40pm she’s screaming cos she wants some cereal. NO chance. I said if you’re hungry have your raisins, she’s purposely delaying bedtime. No drama over books, just pretending to be hungry! MORE tears from her and kicking off over pointless stuff, need to rant! I’ve had enough! It’s so hard on my own at times

Sorry, I quickly scanned this and I thought you said she ate 2 books

Yer, she’s definitely pushing your buttons. They all do it. It’s ‘I need a wee’ ‘one more sip of water’ ‘I’m hungry’
Tbh, I was a single parent to a 3 yo 10 years ago. I won’t lie to you and say it was all roses, coz it was shit. Hardest time of my life. I’ve never read a book to any of my children to bed, and if I’m honest, I’d they started playing up I’d tell them no, it’s bed time, go to bed, and if shut the door and go downstairs or in the front room. Yes it’s tough listening to the screams and whining, but they eventually get bored.
Maybe try and start a new routine with her. Give her a little snack before bed and tell her 1 book. Then when it’s finished, leave the room. Go back 20x if you have to, but this struggle will not last long

al255 · Mar 17, 2023

Jellybean093 said:
Sorry, I quickly scanned this and I thought you said she ate 2 books

Yer, she’s definitely pushing your buttons. They all do it. It’s ‘I need a wee’ ‘one more sip of water’ ‘I’m hungry’
Tbh, I was a single parent to a 3 yo 10 years ago. I won’t lie to you and say it was all roses, coz it was shit. Hardest time of my life. I’ve never read a book to any of my children to bed, and if I’m honest, I’d they started playing up I’d tell them no, it’s bed time, go to bed, and if shut the door and go downstairs or in the front room. Yes it’s tough listening to the screams and whining, but they eventually get bored.
Maybe try and start a new routine with her. Give her a little snack before bed and tell her 1 book. Then when it’s finished, leave the room. Go back 20x if you have to, but this struggle will not last long

Usually she has cereal whilst watching the iPad after bathtime once in PJs (always has done) and now she doesn’t want cereal that’s fine, but she said raisins and I gave in cos well, I cba with a screaming match over raisins…… then got one over cereal

Tomorrow I’m trying - books in my bedroom and then the book crate stays in my bedroom, once she’s had 2 books it’s bedtime.. I’ll give her the chance to have cereal or a snack after bathtime and that’s it. To be honest, she had SO much for tea there was no way she was hungry 1.5 hours after my fault..!

Bedtime and cuddles in bed and that’s the end!

Bedtime used to be so so easy, no tears, no dramas - nothing! Thanks everyone for your advice and support it means a lot my boyfriend was here and was upstairs and he said he has NO idea how I do it cos he would have no patience

Definitelyme · Mar 17, 2023

al255 said:
Usually she has cereal whilst watching the iPad after bathtime once in PJs (always has done) and now she doesn’t want cereal that’s fine, but she said raisins and I gave in cos well, I cba with a screaming match over raisins…… then got one over cereal

Tomorrow I’m trying - books in my bedroom and then the book crate stays in my bedroom, once she’s had 2 books it’s bedtime.. I’ll give her the chance to have cereal or a snack after bathtime and that’s it. To be honest, she had SO much for tea there was no way she was hungry 1.5 hours after my fault..!

Bedtime and cuddles in bed and that’s the end!

Bedtime used to be so so easy, no tears, no dramas - nothing! Thanks everyone for your advice and support it means a lot my boyfriend was here and was upstairs and he said he has NO idea how I do it cos he would have no patience

Assuming your boyfriend has no kids, as parents have to develop a supreme amount of patience to survive. She is being a typical toddler, which is something that parents know, and tbh I don’t think him being judgemental about that is probably very helpful for you.
It sounds like you are trying lots of things to work out what is best for her. Just be sure that she isn’t getting confused with the changes, which will only lead to further drama. Set your routine, and stick with it. If it’s two books, it’s two books every night. No snack, no snack any night.
Kids can be horrors at bedtime. But they aren’t being purposefully annoying. It’s just their age, and immature brains, and we have to bear the brunt of it which is maddening for us! They dunno how good they have it!

I’mThankyou_ · Mar 17, 2023

al255 said:
Usually she has cereal whilst watching the iPad after bathtime once in PJs (always has done) and now she doesn’t want cereal that’s fine, but she said raisins and I gave in cos well, I cba with a screaming match over raisins…… then got one over cereal

Tomorrow I’m trying - books in my bedroom and then the book crate stays in my bedroom, once she’s had 2 books it’s bedtime.. I’ll give her the chance to have cereal or a snack after bathtime and that’s it. To be honest, she had SO much for tea there was no way she was hungry 1.5 hours after my fault..!

Bedtime and cuddles in bed and that’s the end!

Bedtime used to be so so easy, no tears, no dramas - nothing! Thanks everyone for your advice and support it means a lot my boyfriend was here and was upstairs and he said he has NO idea how I do it cos he would have no patience

I'd say the addition of your boyfriend being around tonight then could definitely be an element of her pushing boundaries this evening.

She knows you'll be with someone else whilst she's asleep, and toddlers hate missing out. So she's trying to capture your attention for as long as she possibly can.

WhatABore · Mar 17, 2023

al255 said:
Usually she has cereal whilst watching the iPad after bathtime once in PJs (always has done) and now she doesn’t want cereal that’s fine, but she said raisins and I gave in cos well, I cba with a screaming match over raisins…… then got one over cereal

Tomorrow I’m trying - books in my bedroom and then the book crate stays in my bedroom, once she’s had 2 books it’s bedtime.. I’ll give her the chance to have cereal or a snack after bathtime and that’s it. To be honest, she had SO much for tea there was no way she was hungry 1.5 hours after my fault..!

Bedtime and cuddles in bed and that’s the end!

Bedtime used to be so so easy, no tears, no dramas - nothing! Thanks everyone for your advice and support it means a lot my boyfriend was here and was upstairs and he said he has NO idea how I do it cos he would have no patience

I know you say you give in because you cba with the screaming ect, but it's also what causes things like this at times too, because they know you'll give in.
As soon as it gets them what they want that 1 time, they know they can work you. Kids are a lot smarter than people think.
They know what boundaries they can push, especially if they've not been set.

I also agree with the others, I saw your other posts that he's quite new around, especially if she knows he's going to be there with you when she's used to having you to herself.

al255 · Mar 17, 2023

Definitelyme said:
Assuming your boyfriend has no kids, as parents have to develop a supreme amount of patience to survive. She is being a typical toddler, which is something that parents know, and tbh I don’t think him being judgemental about that is probably very helpful for you.
It sounds like you are trying lots of things to work out what is best for her. Just be sure that she isn’t getting confused with the changes, which will only lead to further drama. Set your routine, and stick with it. If it’s two books, it’s two books every night. No snack, no snack any night.
Kids can be horrors at bedtime. But they aren’t being purposefully annoying. It’s just their age, and immature brains, and we have to bear the brunt of it which is maddening for us! They dunno how good they have it!

Yeah he has no kids! I said to him it’s hard work and he said it sounds like hard work and he doesn’t know how I do it as he’s no patience at all, I said I’ve learnt to have more patience with mini A, but by 7:30pm some nights it’s wearing thin he knew I was fed up and gave me a huge cuddle.

Tomorrow is a new day…..
---

I’mThankyou_ said:
I'd say the addition of your boyfriend being around tonight then could definitely be an element of her pushing boundaries this evening.

She knows you'll be with someone else whilst she's asleep, and toddlers hate missing out. So she's trying to capture your attention for as long as she possibly can.

This is very interesting point - a few things have been abit different, I left her for 4 nights and she was at her dads cos I went away, her routine was abit muddled. He’s come round more now she’s comfortable around him.. I would take sleepless nights over her being sad at bedtime! Just drives me mental

Definitelyme · Mar 17, 2023

al255 said:
Yeah he has no kids! I said to him it’s hard work and he said it sounds like hard work and he doesn’t know how I do it as he’s no patience at all, I said I’ve learnt to have more patience with mini A, but by 7:30pm some nights it’s wearing thin he knew I was fed up and gave me a huge cuddle.

Tomorrow is a new day…..
---

This is very interesting point - a few things have been abit different, I left her for 4 nights and she was at her dads cos I went away, her routine was abit muddled. He’s come round more now she’s comfortable around him.. I would take sleepless nights over her being sad at bedtime! Just drives me mental

tomorrow is a new day, and little ones are very forgiving. They forget much sooner than their guilt ridden parents do. Stay firm tomorrow night, decide what’s happening and explain to her, and that’s how it is going forward. And remember we all thought we knew everything before we had kids like your bf…Now we realise we know absolutely fuck all

Borntorun · Mar 17, 2023

al255 said:
my boyfriend was here and was upstairs and he said he has NO idea how I do it cos he would have no patience

You clearly have more patience than me then, as if a man said this about my child they’d be going straight in the bin. How bloody rude, especially when him being there is probably what unsettled her in the first place

but yes. As you say, tomorrow is a new day and hopefully tomorrows bedtime is better for you

Neo2021 · Mar 17, 2023

I’ve just seen this and I thought it might help the current conversation x

disillusionedbythegram · Mar 17, 2023

Hi everyone, new to this thread and hoping I can gain some perspective.
I have a 3 (almost 4) yo girl, and she’s very recently started putting things in her mouth and chewing. I wouldn’t normally stop a behaviour that isn’t actually causing anyone any damage as I figure she just needs to get something out of her system but I’ve always been able to trust that she can keep herself safe in her playroom then the other day she came into the kitchen with a pen lid in her mouth and honestly my life flashed before my eyes. I definitely take for granted how (up until this point) reliable and mature she has been, and now I’m worried constantly that she’s going to put something in her mouth that she shouldn’t and choke. She hasn’t done this since the teething days of early toddlerhood, and she has all her teeth so I’m not sure what the reason is. When I point out what she’s doing and remind her not to she almost looks surprised and says sorry, as if she didn’t realise she was doing it.
I’m thinking of getting her a teether again so she knows she has something safe she can chew, but I’m concerned that it’s started so suddenly that there could be an underlying reason I’m not noticing or addressing. Anyone else experienced this?

Definitelyme · Mar 18, 2023

disillusionedbythegram said:
Hi everyone, new to this thread and hoping I can gain some perspective.
I have a 3 (almost 4) yo girl, and she’s very recently started putting things in her mouth and chewing. I wouldn’t normally stop a behaviour that isn’t actually causing anyone any damage as I figure she just needs to get something out of her system but I’ve always been able to trust that she can keep herself safe in her playroom then the other day she came into the kitchen with a pen lid in her mouth and honestly my life flashed before my eyes. I definitely take for granted how (up until this point) reliable and mature she has been, and now I’m worried constantly that she’s going to put something in her mouth that she shouldn’t and choke. She hasn’t done this since the teething days of early toddlerhood, and she has all her teeth so I’m not sure what the reason is. When I point out what she’s doing and remind her not to she almost looks surprised and says sorry, as if she didn’t realise she was doing it.
I’m thinking of getting her a teether again so she knows she has something safe she can chew, but I’m concerned that it’s started so suddenly that there could be an underlying reason I’m not noticing or addressing. Anyone else experienced this?

Both of my older two would have done this. They never would have been mouthers at a young age, but rather at the stage you’re talking about. Even now at 7 and 10 I would still occasionally have to tell them to get stuff (Lego ) out of there. It’s definitely a subconscious thing, they don’t even really know they are doing it. I have no advice, I just kinda leave them to it and remind them to take stuff out.

al255 · Mar 18, 2023

Borntorun said:
You clearly have more patience than me then, as if a man said this about my child they’d be going straight in the bin. How bloody rude, especially when him being there is probably what unsettled her in the first place

but yes. As you say, tomorrow is a new day and hopefully tomorrows bedtime is better for you

Oh no, he didn’t mean it in a bad way, he meant it as I’ve got loads of patience and he doesn’t know how I keep calm cos it was constant for 45 mins! She likes it’s when he’s here as he will sit and play with her for ages which is more than her dad does when he is here mid week to see here, when I took Mini A up for a bath he text me and said he’s tidied the playroom and I said he didn’t need to and he said it’s fine, he wants to help and it’s one less thing for me to do. This is more than her Dad ever did too. When he comes on a Wednesday night he leaves the playroom a tip and stuff all over and I come back to a messy house. Urgh. AND whilst I’m here on my rant that nobody asked for, he was off work yesterday for Cheltenham horse racing but he only went local and he’s not asked about Mini A all day or how she is. A simple text wouldn’t go a miss!

ANYWAY I could go on and on about her dad and how shit he is at times but that’s a rant for another day

back to my post - I do agree she’s playing up this week probably as he’s here more and I’m back from my hols. I’m going to take your comments on board and change the routine and stick to it

Greys1324 · Mar 18, 2023

Hi everyone,
Looking for some advice please! My daughters 21 months and quite chatty, she’s copying everything atm and has picked up a new phrase she’s saying For fucks sake alot! I’ve been ignoring it and recently saying oh dear when she says it to try and get her to replace the phrase but it doesn’t seem to be working. Luckily she’s only been saying it when she’s home usually when she’s pretending on the phone or when she drops something. I feel so embarrassed as she’s obviously copying how we’ve used it.. I didn’t think we swore that much but it seems we must do!

al255 · Mar 18, 2023

Greys1324 said:
Hi everyone,
Looking for some advice please! My daughters 21 months and quite chatty, she’s copying everything atm and has picked up a new phrase she’s saying For fucks sake alot! I’ve been ignoring it and recently saying oh dear when she says it to try and get her to replace the phrase but it doesn’t seem to be working. Luckily she’s only been saying it when she’s home usually when she’s pretending on the phone or when she drops something. I feel so embarrassed as she’s obviously copying how we’ve used it.. I didn’t think we swore that much but it seems we must do!

Oh don’t worry! I swear so much and it’s an awful habit of mine, mini A is 3 and she’s only ever copied “fuck sake” once when I was driving.. I told her it’s a naughty word and mummy was naughty for saying it. She hasn’t said it again… just keep correcting her! I tell myself I need to swear less though or else she will be going to school saying swear words lol

watermelon sugar · Mar 18, 2023

Greys1324 said:
Hi everyone,
Looking for some advice please! My daughters 21 months and quite chatty, she’s copying everything atm and has picked up a new phrase she’s saying For fucks sake alot! I’ve been ignoring it and recently saying oh dear when she says it to try and get her to replace the phrase but it doesn’t seem to be working. Luckily she’s only been saying it when she’s home usually when she’s pretending on the phone or when she drops something. I feel so embarrassed as she’s obviously copying how we’ve used it.. I didn’t think we swore that much but it seems we must do!

My son went through a phase of saying ‘fuckin hell’ When I dropped something in front of him once I said fuckin hell and whenever he was riding his ride on thomas he’d bang into the side of the couch and go ‘Fuckin hell!!!!!’ or if he’d drop something he’d say it. His dad was there first time he said it and he laughed his head off so my son thought it was funny hense why he carried on saying it, he’d say it and swing his head round with a proper smirk on his face. Tbh it was so funny it was proper hard to not laugh But we both just said no you don’t say that, and had to put up with him saying it for a bit and we’d say no, then we just started ignoring it and he did stop. Not said it for ages. There is things they just seem to pick up on, i think just telling them no then ignoring seems to work, did for us lol. Was dead funny though

Has anyone seen that video of that toddler going ‘monkeys on the car- fuck off!’

Greys1324 · Mar 18, 2023

al255 said:
Oh don’t worry! I swear so much and it’s an awful habit of mine, mini A is 3 and she’s only ever copied “fuck sake” once when I was driving.. I told her it’s a naughty word and mummy was naughty for saying it. She hasn’t said it again… just keep correcting her! I tell myself I need to swear less though or else she will be going to school saying swear words lol

watermelon sugar said:
My son went through a phase of saying ‘fuckin hell’ When I dropped something in front of him once I said fuckin hell and whenever he was riding his ride on thomas he’d bang into the side of the couch and go ‘Fuckin hell!!!!!’ or if he’d drop something he’d say it. His dad was there first time he said it and he laughed his head off so my son thought it was funny hense why he carried on saying it, he’d say it and swing his head round with a proper smirk on his face. Tbh it was so funny it was proper hard to not laugh But we both just said no you don’t say that, and had to put up with him saying it for a bit and we’d say no, then we just started ignoring it and he did stop. Not said it for ages. There is things they just seem to pick up on, i think just telling them no then ignoring seems to work, did for us lol. Was dead funny though

Has anyone seen that video of that toddler going ‘monkeys on the car- fuck off!’

Ahh thank you! glad to know I don’t have the only foul mouthed child I’ll carry on correcting her and hope she gets bored of it soon!

Toddler advice thread #4

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