Toddler advice thread #3

[honey&lemon]

Glad to read all the posts here about how full on they are at the minute. I am so exhausted. Since the 20th December I’ve had a total of 2 hours child free. We don’t have any help really so when they’re off school it’s just us

It’s ALL the questions. Not joking I’ve been asked ‘why?’ easily 50 times a day. And the constant talking gibberish. Never sitting still even for 5 minutes. Bedtimes have been awful all this week too so not much downtime in the evenings.

Roll on Tuesday

 

[Jellybean093]

Glad to read all the posts here about how full on they are at the minute. I am so exhausted. Since the 20th December I’ve had a total of 2 hours child free. We don’t have any help really so when they’re off school it’s just us

It’s ALL the questions. Not joking I’ve been asked ‘why?’ easily 50 times a day. And the constant talking gibberish. Never sitting still even for 5 minutes. Bedtimes have been awful all this week too so not much downtime in the evenings.

Roll on Tuesday

I’ve learnt so much about fifa and Erling Haaland the last week, thanks to my 6yo who hasn’t stopped talking football/fifa…
I’m so excited for Tuesday, but not the rush to get out the house I’m going to have to actually get dressed!

 

[Megatron1298]

I think my toddler could happily watch tv all day, it’s a real issue I try snuggle up to him but he bats me away lol

 

[al255]

Happy new year everyone xx

Just wondering if anyone has any advice..

My daughter is 3 soon so she’s becoming more aware of everything. My issue is when I drop her off at her Dads on a Saturday morning she REALLY doesn’t want to go. I tell her she’s going and she gets like the routine of her weeks (she can tell me what day she goes to grandads and what days I’m at work etc) .. she screams and says “come back home with you Mummy” and she will cry, my heart breaks! I know she’s fine there, she’s looked after but she doesn’t want to go.

She was meant to be staying there tonight (as well as last night) and I ended up getting her tonight cos she was literally sobbing and saying “back home mummy”, now, I spend a lot of time with her and it’s usually just us two. I do a lot with her and I wonder if it’s cos she’s bored there and since she only goes once a week it’s not the best for her?? I’m not sure.. she goes to my dads once a week whilst I work and she loves it there and I never have any issues dropping her off

Is it seperation from me going to her dads that she finds hard? I’m just not sure, it breaks my heart leaving her when she clearly doesn’t want to go but I have no choice but to keep sending her..!

Her Dad doesn’t do a great deal with her, she’s got toys and colouring books at his house but I often get the impression she gets bored and that’s why she starts playing up. She never gets taken out anywhere as he doesn’t drive and cba to really go anywhere else on a bus etc..

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Happy new year everyone xx

Just wondering if anyone has any advice..

My daughter is 3 soon so she’s becoming more aware of everything. My issue is when I drop her off at her Dads on a Saturday morning she REALLY doesn’t want to go. I tell her she’s going and she gets like the routine of her weeks (she can tell me what day she goes to grandads and what days I’m at work etc) .. she screams and says “come back home with you Mummy” and she will cry, my heart breaks! I know she’s fine there, she’s looked after but she doesn’t want to go.

She was meant to be staying there tonight (as well as last night) and I ended up getting her tonight cos she was literally sobbing and saying “back home mummy”, now, I spend a lot of time with her and it’s usually just us two. I do a lot with her and I wonder if it’s cos she’s bored there and since she only goes once a week it’s not the best for her?? I’m not sure.. she goes to my dads once a week whilst I work and she loves it there and I never have any issues dropping her off

Is it seperation from me going to her dads that she finds hard? I’m just not sure, it breaks my heart leaving her when she clearly doesn’t want to go but I have no choice but to keep sending her..!

Her Dad doesn’t do a great deal with her, she’s got toys and colouring books at his house but I often get the impression she gets bored and that’s why she starts playing up. She never gets taken out anywhere as he doesn’t drive and cba to really go anywhere else on a bus etc..

Aww no. Can you ask her why she doesn’t want to go can she tell you? Maybe she just doesn’t want to go? Does she have to go? Would he be bothered if she didn’t go? Doesn’t sound like he makes an effort anyway!!

 

[al255]

Aww no. Can you ask her why she doesn’t want to go can she tell you? Maybe she just doesn’t want to go? Does she have to go? Would he be bothered if she didn’t go? Doesn’t sound like he makes an effort anyway!!

so I asked her tonight why she doesn’t want to go and she just said no, stay with mummy maybe in a few more months she can realise why she doesn’t want to go but it’s really clear she doesn’t like going..

 

[Definitelyme]

Happy new year everyone xx

Just wondering if anyone has any advice..

My daughter is 3 soon so she’s becoming more aware of everything. My issue is when I drop her off at her Dads on a Saturday morning she REALLY doesn’t want to go. I tell her she’s going and she gets like the routine of her weeks (she can tell me what day she goes to grandads and what days I’m at work etc) .. she screams and says “come back home with you Mummy” and she will cry, my heart breaks! I know she’s fine there, she’s looked after but she doesn’t want to go.

She was meant to be staying there tonight (as well as last night) and I ended up getting her tonight cos she was literally sobbing and saying “back home mummy”, now, I spend a lot of time with her and it’s usually just us two. I do a lot with her and I wonder if it’s cos she’s bored there and since she only goes once a week it’s not the best for her?? I’m not sure.. she goes to my dads once a week whilst I work and she loves it there and I never have any issues dropping her off

Is it seperation from me going to her dads that she finds hard? I’m just not sure, it breaks my heart leaving her when she clearly doesn’t want to go but I have no choice but to keep sending her..!

Her Dad doesn’t do a great deal with her, she’s got toys and colouring books at his house but I often get the impression she gets bored and that’s why she starts playing up. She never gets taken out anywhere as he doesn’t drive and cba to really go anywhere else on a bus etc..

I don’t have any experience in the area tbh, but I know with my own kids they find it harder if I take them to my parents and leave them (so I walk out) than if my parents come to pick them up, or if we meet eg at the park and my parents take them home. It’s then them going with granny and grandad rather than me leaving them.
I know you say her dad is a lazy one when it comes to transport, but I would say to him “look, this isn’t working right now and we need to try a few things to fix it. Either you make the effort or she won’t be able to come”

Or have you anyone who could do the drop of for you?

Sounds like tit for you and her

 

[al255]

He wouldn’t care if she didn’t go, but I send her cos I want 24 hours break and to get life stuff done/see my friends! But when I take her on hol he isn’t really bothered that he doesn’t see her for 7-10-14 days etc , whereas by 5pm tonight I was dying to see her and I was missing her

 

[WeHadFunRight]

so I asked her tonight why she doesn’t want to go and she just said no, stay with mummy maybe in a few more months she can realise why she doesn’t want to go but it’s really clear she doesn’t like going..

It could be literally that her preference is to stay with you. My daughter’s preference is to be with me 24/7, it’s a very natural urge for kids. She loves her dad but that compulsion to be tucked into my side is much bigger. It also might be an extra part of her routine she hasn’t got capacity for yet. She’s only 3, she will need some time to adjust, it’s really hard, you could maybe ask her dad what he’s got planned for her ahead of drop off so you can get her excited about going?

 

[al255]

I don’t have any experience in the area tbh, but I know with my own kids they find it harder if I take them to my parents and leave them (so I walk out) than if my parents come to pick them up, or if we meet eg at the park and my parents take them home. It’s then them going with granny and grandad rather than me leaving them.
I know you say her dad is a lazy one when it comes to transport, but I would say to him “look, this isn’t working right now and we need to try a few things to fix it. Either you make the effort or she won’t be able to come”

Or have you anyone who could do the drop of for you?

Sounds like tit for you and her

No, I don’t really see the point in getting anyone else to drop her off and it’s their time messing around, if my dad did it she would just get confused thinking she was going there and it shouldn’t be as rubbish as it is for her being sad but I can’t do anything else, she knows she’s going. I feel like I go round in circles sometimes with him cos he doesn’t think of nice things to do inside with her. He could easily take her places but it’s hard with the current rail strikes and he doesn’t drive. But I think eventually she will get bored and won’t go at all

It could be literally that her preference is to stay with you. My daughter’s preference is to be with me 24/7, it’s a very natural urge for kids. She loves her dad but that compulsion to be tucked into my side is much bigger. It also might be an extra part of her routine she hasn’t got capacity for yet. She’s only 3, she will need some time to adjust, it’s really hard, you could maybe ask her dad what he’s got planned for her ahead of drop off so you can get her excited about going?

she’s been going to his house since she was 1 it’s not a new change for her, it’s just got worse since winter has come! He doesn’t do anything with her so I can’t even say he is taking her anywhere cos it doesn’t happen. His mum took her to the park today and he didn’t go which I thought was a shame!

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

It could be literally that her preference is to stay with you. My daughter’s preference is to be with me 24/7, it’s a very natural urge for kids. She loves her dad but that compulsion to be tucked into my side is much bigger. It also might be an extra part of her routine she hasn’t got capacity for yet. She’s only 3, she will need some time to adjust, it’s really hard, you could maybe ask her dad what he’s got planned for her ahead of drop off so you can get her excited about going?

It could be this. My son will literally not leave my side if I’m at home and so is his dad. He ignores his dad if I’m around. Other morning I said can you get up with him I want extra hour in bed. He said yeh sure. 15 mins later little one comes upstairs gets my glasses of my dressing table puts them on my face ( first thing I do is put em on it wakes me up) and pulled the duvet off me and tugging on my leg! Whereas his dad can be in the bath for 40 mins or have a 2 hr nap like he did today!! And he didn’t bat an eye lid.
If I drop him anywhere he’ll cry and get upset whereas when daddy drops him off not arsed

 

[WeHadFunRight]

No, I don’t really see the point in getting anyone else to drop her off and it’s their time messing around, if my dad did it she would just get confused thinking she was going there and it shouldn’t be as rubbish as it is for her being sad but I can’t do anything else, she knows she’s going. I feel like I go round in circles sometimes with him cos he doesn’t think of nice things to do inside with her. He could easily take her places but it’s hard with the current rail strikes and he doesn’t drive. But I think eventually she will get bored and won’t go at all



she’s been going to his house since she was 1 it’s not a new change for her, it’s just got worse since winter has come! He doesn’t do anything with her so I can’t even say he is taking her anywhere cos it doesn’t happen. His mum took her to the park today and he didn’t go which I thought was a shame!

He’s really missing out on her, sounds like he doesn’t see it. She’s at such a special age. What would happen if you had a bit of a come to Jesus talk with him about having something planned at least every other week? It’s one day, it’s not a lot to ask of anyone.

 

[al255]

He’s really missing out on her, sounds like he doesn’t see it. She’s at such a special age. What would happen if you had a bit of a come to Jesus talk with him about having something planned at least every other week? It’s one day, it’s not a lot to ask of anyone.

He won’t though. He will say “it’s raining” or “I can’t get there” etc etc, he’s near enough always skint too. He’s meant to be coming with us for her bday day out and it’ll cost him £30 for his ticket and he hasn’t got it yet, I really don’t think he will come.

I just have to remind myself that I must be doing something right with her as a single mum I guess I just dread it’ll get to the point where she says she really doesn’t want to go..

 

[Jellybean093]

He won’t though. He will say “it’s raining” or “I can’t get there” etc etc, he’s near enough always skint too. He’s meant to be coming with us for her bday day out and it’ll cost him £30 for his ticket and he hasn’t got it yet, I really don’t think he will come.

My eldest was 1 when I split up with her dad, but I’ve blanked about 3 years following of that out because it was the worst time of my life, and I can’t really remember what she was like going to her dads, but I really resonate with needing a break, because having a child 24/7 on your own is a lot. And yes, he is massively going to miss out on her growing up, which is a shame.
One day, he will regret it all. My ex is a bit of a useless dad. Will go on holidays with the lads, but never with our daughter. A few months ago, he said he didn’t want her every other Friday because it takes up every weekend. She’s 13 now, and I’m hoping she realises that he actually isn’t massively bothered with her x

 

[WeHadFunRight]

He won’t though. He will say “it’s raining” or “I can’t get there” etc etc, he’s near enough always skint too. He’s meant to be coming with us for her bday day out and it’ll cost him £30 for his ticket and he hasn’t got it yet, I really don’t think he will come.

You can have a “come to Jesus” talk on the phone - sorry for the confusion, it’s just an expression.

the other thing worth pointing out (to him!) is that people always manage things they want to do, which feels awful to say about a dad - but if he wants to go to her birthday outing he’ll find that £30.

Like you’ve alluded to, you’re probably right, your little girl says she wants to stay with you because she’s probably a bit bored with him if he’s not putting in any effort, and then also a good helping of her just simply wanting to be with you. And if he’s not very forthcoming with activities (free activities do exist), then I guess the only thing to do is to push through this phase, as you get a lot out of them having time together too so it’s very much a mutualistic relationship.

 

[al255]

You can have a “come to Jesus” talk on the phone - sorry for the confusion, it’s just an expression.

the other thing worth pointing out (to him!) is that people always manage things they want to do, which feels awful to say about a dad - but if he wants to go to her birthday outing he’ll find that £30.

Like you’ve alluded to, you’re probably right, your little girl says she wants to stay with you because she’s probably a bit bored with him if he’s not putting in any effort, and then also a good helping of her just simply wanting to be with you. And if he’s not very forthcoming with activities (free activities do exist), then I guess the only thing to do is to push through this phase, as you get a lot out of them having time together too so it’s very much a mutualistic relationship.

I agree so much with you get out what you put in. She doesn’t want to go cos he’s lazy, doesn’t make any effort to make the time they have together fun and he would rather be doing other things one day she will realise this probably when it’s too late for him to have any type of relationship.

My eldest was 1 when I split up with her dad, but I’ve blanked about 3 years following of that out because it was the worst time of my life, and I can’t really remember what she was like going to her dads, but I really resonate with needing a break, because having a child 24/7 on your own is a lot. And yes, he is massively going to miss out on her growing up, which is a shame.
One day, he will regret it all. My ex is a bit of a useless dad. Will go on holidays with the lads, but never with our daughter. A few months ago, he said he didn’t want her every other Friday because it takes up every weekend. She’s 13 now, and I’m hoping she realises that he actually isn’t massively bothered with her x

this is sad! Some people don’t deserve kids do they

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Kids are always happiest with the one who makes the most effort. The one who does fun things. Doesn’t have to be much they just want our time don’t they

 

[al255]

So I spoke to her Dad, he just made excuses up like “there was too many people around”, “it was rubbish weather”, then said she was in such a bad mood cos her belly was off, then I said well she was well enough to go to the park .. then I said I think it’s cos she’s bored. If you’re a 3 year old and you know you’re going somewhere for a night that’s boring, you either stay in or take the dog for a walk round the block you’d be not wanting to go. In 3 years he’s taken her to the woods once. The park a handful of times and I’m not surprised she doesn’t like going to just sit and watch tv all day she’s got toys and stuff there but I don’t think he even makes the effort as when he was here on Christmas Day he didn’t play with her new toys with her, she kept saying “daddy play cars” and he was sat on his phone. I just think it’ll get to a point where she will be telling him she doesn’t want to go and it won’t be my fault. She spends less time a week at my Dads and she loves going, but that’s cos my dad makes the effort with her and to take her out and it’s fun etc .. thanks all for your messages

 

[Okgolightly]

I need some help and I don’t know if this is the best place to post but I don’t know where else to put it. I don’t want to tell my IRL friends at the moment either.

My boyfriend keeps threatening to kill himself/leave me. He goes so far with it until I’m upset then takes it back but this time I think he is really going to go. So far today he’s told me I’m a joke, repulsive and to duck off multiple times; he also references me being aggressive but I don’t think I am? I admit I can sometimes have a quick temper but it’s exacerbated by the stress I’m under- financially, from him, from the fact I do everything for and with the baby whilst he stays in bed if he isn’t working, my job is awful and I have to stay on top of everything in the house. I also have really bad anxiety. He knows all of this but doesn’t seem to care.

My point is that today when he was on about leaving he said he doesn’t want to see our little girl when he goes. At least until he ‘gets himself together’ which I know will probably mean never. My brain can’t comprehend him saying that.

I know that I should just let him go or tell him to leave. And I don’t think I want to be with him anymore. But there is something holding me back. I was emotionally abused by my mum and sexually abused by my stepdad for 16 years so I do think I’m just broken. I also have a tendency to shut off when things like this happen.

I feel like a terrible Mum.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

I need some help and I don’t know if this is the best place to post but I don’t know where else to put it. I don’t want to tell my IRL friends at the moment either.

My boyfriend keeps threatening to kill himself/leave me. He goes so far with it until I’m upset then takes it back but this time I think he is really going to go. So far today he’s told me I’m a joke, repulsive and to duck off multiple times; he also references me being aggressive but I don’t think I am? I admit I can sometimes have a quick temper but it’s exacerbated by the stress I’m under- financially, from him, from the fact I do everything for and with the baby whilst he stays in bed if he isn’t working, my job is awful and I have to stay on top of everything in the house. I also have really bad anxiety. He knows all of this but doesn’t seem to care.

My point is that today when he was on about leaving he said he doesn’t want to see our little girl when he goes. At least until he ‘gets himself together’ which I know will probably mean never. My brain can’t comprehend him saying that.

I know that I should just let him go or tell him to leave. And I don’t think I want to be with him anymore. But there is something holding me back. I was emotionally abused by my mum and sexually abused by my stepdad for 16 years so I do think I’m just broken. I also have a tendency to shut off when things like this happen.

I feel like a terrible Mum.

You’re not a terrible mum.

if you read your post and think about someone telling you this about their current situation think about what you would say to them. Would you tell them to stay?

you don’t deserve being put under all that pressure by someone who sounds a lot like he doesn’t enrich your life. It is difficult especially as you have a child involved but if you can take steps to get him to leave I think ultimately you’ll look back and realise it was the right thing.

And being totally honest without holding back it sounds like you should get a restraining order out on him because his behaviour is abusive.